CHAPTER 40: RYAN

Bree finally called back.

I know she hates me, that's the only reason she's been ignoring me since she found out.

But no matter how much of an asshole I was, Bree ignoring me still made my heart ache.

So when Bree finally called me, my heart lightened.

I didn't loose another sibling.

Right now, she's standing by the couch with her arms folded against her chest, staring blankly at me.

Finn's standing beside her looking from her to me back to her.

I'm standing in front of her. Hands shoved in the pockets of my sweats, wrinkled shirt, dark circles around my eyes, hair messed up.

"You look horrible." Bree finally says

I release a shaky breath.

"I know." I say, I hesitate before asking "where's Sarah?"

"We left her with Rose." Bree's voice is cold

"Oh.."

I look down at my feet.

"I'm not keeping her away from you." Bree says, her voice soft

My head snaps up, her face softened.

"Really?" I ask.

For some reason, I expected her to keep Sarah away from me.

"I'm not a monster. Sarah likes you a lot.." she says "I don't know how but you make her happy."

The corner of my mouth curls.

"I left her with Rose because I don't want her to be alone."

I nod.

"I get it."

We both stand in silence.

Finn hasn't said anything either. He's just listening.

After an uncomfortable silence. Bree decides to break it.

"Why did you do it?" She asks.

My chest aches. Rose's hurt expression flashes through my mind.

"I didn't want to.." I say

"You still did. You faked everything with her-"

"No, I didn't."

Bree's expression changes "what?"

"I didn't.. I didn't fake anything- at the start, I thought of being her friend when John suggested such an idea but whatever happened after that.." I take a deep breath "it was not fake. My feelings are not fake for her. I liked spending time with her so much I completely forgot about how it all started." I press my lips together "I'm not an asshole to fake my love for someone just to get some useful information."

"So.. you love her?"

I look at Bree before answering "yes. I love her. I love her so much."

A small smile appears on Bree's lips but it soon fades away.

"But.. she thinks-"

"I know. I'll do anything to get her back."

She frowns "why haven't you?"

"You wouldn't let me enter the house."

She shrugs "true."

Bree sighs, she unfolds her arms and puts her hand on her hips, looking around.

Me and Finn exchange a glance before I look at her again.

She looks at me.

"Is John dead?" Bree asks.

I swallow "yes."

"Oh." She looks away. After a beat she asks "you killed him?"

"Yes."

She nods.

"It didn't bring Jack back."

The ache from earlier increases.

"I know.."

Bree sighs then sits on the couch.

We watch her as she traces on the couch then sits with her knees to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs. She rests her chin on her knees.

I look at Finn who's staring at Bree.

I look back at her.

She turns to Finn.

"Honey, do you mind waiting in the car for me?" She says

"No. I'll go." He says

She smiles at him "thank you."

Finn gives her a small smile before turning away.

We exchange a glance before he walks out of the door.

"Why are you two always glancing at each other?"

I look at Bree, she's staring at me.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

She shrugs "you two look like you're-"

"Do not finish that sentence."

Bree smiles and looks away "okay."

I look away.

We don't say anything for few seconds.

Then.

"Do you miss him?"

I look at her again.

She's not smiling anymore. She's staring at the table.

"Who?"

She hesitates "dad."

I sigh and look down.

I press my lips together before looking at her and answering "not as much as I should."

Her gaze shifts as she hums.

"I miss him." She says "but.. I miss the version he was before his business took off."

"That's the only version we're suppose to miss."

"Do you think he regretted.. not changing?"

"Yeah. I'm sure he did."

Dad was crushed after mom's death. It was obvious that he regretted everything. Not soon after, dad died too.

"You know.." Bree starts, staring at the table "I was scared you might become like him.."

My shoulder tense.

"I thought.. you might become like him after your business took off.. I thought you'd ignore us. I was really scared." A small smile appears on her lips "but you didn't. You didn't change at all. You were same- a little more cold but you cared about us."

I swallow hard.

"You freaked out so much when you found out me and Finn were dating." She chuckles at the memory.

I roll my eyes.

They decided to break the news to me the day of my birthday. I pinned Finn, nearly choking him while I threatened him not to hurt her.

I can still hear Bree's shouts to let him go, Jack's laughs and Rose's voice as she tried to calm Bree.

I knew Finn wouldn't hurt her but that didn't stop me from being overly protective.

Me and Bree look at each other.

"It wasn't a good surprise." I say

"I know. You nearly killed him." She's smiling.

The corner of my mouth curls into a smile. I look away to hide my smile.

"Ryan."

I look at Bree. She's not smiling anymore. Her eyes are filled with unshed tears. My heart skips.

"Yes?"

"It wasn't your fault."

Her words strike my heart.

She doesn't have to explain what she means.

I stare at her.

"None of it was your fault." She says, "I know. Rose knows. Jack knows." She puts a small smile on her lips.

I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

Bree shakes her head.

"Don't blame yourself for anything.. you didn't do anything wrong- you're a great brother." Her voice cracks "you'll hate it but I love you."

She chuckles as a tear escapes her eye.

"Bree-" my voice cracks.

My heart aches at the sight of Bree crying.

I hesitate before sitting beside her as she wipes her tears, stopping the tears to roll down her cheeks.

"Bree-"

Bree throws her arms around my waist, burying her cheek into my chest as sobs release her mouth.

"You're an amazing brother." She sobs "you deserve so much, Ryan."

I sit frozen in place as Bree continues to sob, telling me nothing that went wrong in our lives was my fault, that I should stop blaming myself, that I'm a good brother.

I put my arm around her, gently rubbing her back as her breath steadies.

"You're such a crybaby." I say earning a chuckle from her.

"Shut up."

I smile.

I sooth her hair as she steadies her breath.

"By the way, I love you too." I say

I feel Bree smile as she says "I'm telling Finn."

"You will not."

She laughs before pulling away from me.

She smiles at me.

"You better get Rose back or I will send you to Jack."