Chapter 213 - Mind Games
Why ?
He had given them everything : his youth, his power, his life – and now they also took his son.
Why ?
They did not care to discuss it with him. They did not even bother to inform him beforehand.
They fucking killed his firstborn and put him in a box as if he were nothing more than a dog.
He'd given them everything. Everything.
He'd shed sweat and blood for Japan, had suffered so many injuries to save its citizens.
He'd spent years working himself to death, getting home late and on the verge of exhaustion for people who didn't fucking care about him.
How many school events had he missed to work a few more precious hours ? How many times had Shoto eaten alone as a child because they fucking needed him ?
They did not care.
No one did.
He had endured the public onslaught once the hangar's video had been leaked out ; he'd endured being shamed and cursed in public, had endured (déf) people spitting on the floor when he walked by, endured when they'd screamed at him to retire because they did not need a rotten, corrupted Hero like him.
He'd been thrown a bottle square in the face in a room full of a hundred people and yet he'd still held his son back from retaliating.
He'd been humiliated in front of his child and he'd said nothing.
Nothing.
Were they only supposed to take more and more without him saying anything ? Was that what a true Hero was supposed to be : someone who gave again and again and again while no one ever cared ?
Often he'd heard Heroes say how dehumanized they felt.
He'd heard of Heroes being berated for saving full families from a disaster yet not managing to save the goddamn house.
How many whose families had been targeted by villains despite how protected they were supposed to be ?
How many had suffered PTSD from not managing to save just one – only one – person more ?
He'd seen a colleague cry over a dead child's body at a playground because a villain had decided to take it hostage.
He'd let a sobbing mother hit him with her bare fists when he'd brought her the burn plush of her son.
He'd seen his fair share of horror in the military – he'd done his fair share of horrors, too.
When he was offered to become a Hero, he accepted it immediately.
He thought it would be easier – that it would hurt less.
It didn't.
People thought Heroes were gods.
People thought they could not – should not – do any wrong.
They had to save everyone and everything all the time. They had to act as if it was easy, with a dumb-ass smile on their face.
Maybe that was why Enji had started to hate All Might.
He'd made it look so easy while Enji was swimming in a pool of corpses that kept on getting deeper.
He'd endured so much bullshit for the sake of these people.
He'd sacrificed so much.
And the only way they found to thank him was to put his son in a jar.
They didn't even let him hold him one last time.
One last time – that's the only thing he would've asked.
'Let me hold him just one last time'.
And suddenly, Enji felt so tired of his life.
He felt tired at a soul-deep level, tired for he had taken one too many hits and couldn't keep going on.
He felt too tired to go outside, too tired to eat, too tired to get out of his bed.
He could feel the warmth of the sun hitting the black curtains and he hated it.
It was too much.
He just couldn't anymore.
Enji blinked, the covers tucked tightly under his chin. It was too short. His feet were cold.
And then suddenly, his feet were not cold anymore. They were tucked tightly too. He didn't care about the how or why.
He looked intently at a yellow spot on the wall below the window.
And then suddenly, he couldn't see the spot anymore.
Something had come up between him and the spot.
Enji blinked.
He still couldn't see the spot.
The smell of food hit his nose. It disgusted him.
Enji blinked again, gaze blank.
Teka had been right all along.
Being a Hero was giving again and again without getting anything back in exchange.
It was just sad.
He felt he should've been angry.
He couldn't muster up the strength to be.
He was just so, so tired.
He closed his eyes.
The thing between him and the wall stayed a moment longer – he could feel it even when his eyes were closed.
It was as hot and bright as the sun.
Enji just wanted it to leave.
What had his life amounted to ?
Nothing.
People didn't care that he – in particular - had saved them.
Another Hero with a fire Quirk would come out in a few months and everyone would forget about him.
In the grand scheme of things, he was no one.
He'd never been anyone.
The sun left.
*
"Why did you ask me to come here ?"
Nezu, paws crossed above his belly, shot Shoto a sharp look, gaze gliding down to the urn.
"What's that ?"
"My brother"
Nezu showed no outward reaction, yet inwardly he was trying to assess if the teen in front of him could be considered as clinically insane.
The kid couldn't be crazy.
It wouldn't do if he were.
Shoto sat more comfortably on the couch, eyes gliding across the room and the various diplomas with feigned nonchalance.
"Why are we here and not somewhere else ?"
"I've been lent this office kindly until his owner comes back from his vacations abroad"
Shoto's eyes snapped to the name written on one of the documents : 'Shigaraki'
"We've been here before, haven't we ?"
"The doctor's kindness shows no bounds, especially as the city is still under lockdown and no place can be rented"
Shoto nodded.
"Why did you bring me here ?"
"I believe you had questions you would like to ask me"
Shoto shot him a sharp glance, considered, then decided that playing mind games with the smartest being on earth would bring him nothing but headaches.
"When you talked to Monoma in the hospital room, you specifically asked him 'what' he had said"
"I did"
Shoto's eyebrows furrowed.
The admission was a tad too fast for his liking.
"You wanted me to notice the way you choose your words"
"Indeed"
The casualness of Nezo puzzled Shoto.
"Why ?"
"Because I know what you'll do with the information once I give it to you and it could be of great help to me"
"Are you trying to use me ?"
"I indeed am"
Shoto stayed silent for a bit.
"Is the person that killed Uraraka someone that would be better off dead in your books ?"
Nezu stirred his tea.
"Well, not necessarily. He's quite useful but some other… questionable people are looking into him and it's bothering me a great deal"
"Why ?"
Nezu smiled enigmatically.
"Has he done something for you that you don't want to see unearthed (déf) ?"
Shoto was a smart kid, but he was also way too smart to attempt blackmailing him.
And he also needed the teen to trust him – at least as much as his paranoid psyche could let him trust anybody else that was not him.
Thus, Nezu conceded.
"Correct. I would be rather bothered if some… unsavory events were to resurface again"
Kai was still in detention.
His refusal to respond to any question directly had started to rub people in the wrong way and some were wondering if he – for some reason - knew about Tsukauchi's Quirk or his possible presence during his interrogations.
Shoto's finger was grazing absentmindedly the lid of the urn as if he were stroking a pet's head.
Nezu glanced at his middle finger, slightly weirded out.
"Who killed her?"
"Kai Chisaki"
Shoto's face was carefully blank.
Great.
At least he wouldn't have to bother finding out who did it - he already had way too much stuff on his plate.
And Katsuki was growing impatient.
"Why ?"
"She nearly killed Neito and he didn't like her putting her hands on his nephew"
Shoto's brain short-circuited.
Chisaki and Monoma were fucking related ?
He did not see that coming.
"Alright. Do you plan on turning me out once I'm done with him ?"
"No"
Shoto's eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"I don't get it. What's in it for you ?"
Nezu admired how fast his mind worked : everyone else would've been way too concerned about killing Chisaki rather than consider the 'why'.
Nezu was a powerful man, and he had plenty of powerful friends too.
He didn't need Shoto to kill Chisaki for him : he could've done so a thousand times already.
A bit of anything slightly dangerous in his food would've taken him out for good long ago.
Yet Nezu wasn't a short-sighted man : he always played two games simultaneously, way too ahead for anyone to really understand what his true goal was.
"Your trust"
Shoto's eyebrows rose so high they nearly touched his hairline.
He scoffed.
"Will that be all ?"
"I believe it is enough already"
Shoto leaned back confidently in his chair, arms crossed
"That's not the way to go if you want my trust"
"I rather I believe it is"
Shoto quirked a disdainful brow.
Nezu leaned forward.
"Over the years, how many people have tried to get your loyalty by forcing you to do things you didn't want to ? How many will try to lure you in with false promises in exchange for your trust ? I am m not like them. I will always tell you what I expect of you"
The teen's face was blank as if none of the things Nezu had said had phased him.
"And right now you need me"
"I do, for I believe your father has retired" Shoto stiffened "And All Might is on the verge of retiring. My political power is decreasing : I need new strong Heroes on my side to prove that I am still relevant"
"I'm not a Hero"
It was said with a definitive tone.
Nezu's dark eyes gleamed.
He froze for the barest of moments.
Out of everything he had said, Shoto had decided to focus on the Hero tidbit.
He put the information away for further consideration later on.
"Are you not ? You did put yourself at risk to save all of these people a few weeks ago. I believe it was a rather Heroic gesture"
Shoto grunted.
"I just did what had to be done. No need to label me a hero for it"
Nezu looked intently into Shoto's eyes as if he could read his mind.
And he could.
Sort of.
He'd carefully studied all his psychological files, watching again and again recordings of him on Yuei's grounds to get a better understanding of him.
And right now, what he saw in his answer was 'I'm still the vengeful kid carrying around his dead brother's corpse ; of course I can't be a Hero'.
"Heroes are not perfect individuals", said Nezu carefully. "Wearing a costume doesn't make someone flawless. They're still prideful, vengeful and easy to anger. There is nothing wrong with that"
Shoto had no outward reaction – or at least none that Nezu could pick up on.
Most of the time his face stayed blank, though sometimes micro-reactions – split moments when his face instinctively moved before his conscious mind reigned the natural reaction back in – allowed a glimpse into his profound self.
And right now Shoto was considering what he said, trying to see if it aligned with his peculiar moral code.
"You can't ask someone to trust you and expect them to say yes"
Nezu agreed.
He had anticipated the discussion going this way.
"What do you think about the Commission ?"
The sudden 180° took Shoto by surprise ; that's what Nezu had wanted.
He wanted him to be on his toes, to keep wondering what was the point Nezu wanted to make.
He shrugged.
"And the military ?"
This time Shoto sent Nezu an assessing glance.
Nezu allowed himself to smile, showing his sharp teeth the way that Aizawa used to tell him made him look too much like an animal.
After all, weren't humans mammals too ?
"Do you believe that they trust you ? That they're on your side ?"
"Because you, on the contrary, are on my side ?"
Deflecting answers was his favorite way of dealing with questions he didn't want to respond to.
His motto was 'ambiguous enough for no one to understand where my real thoughts lay'.
Nezu found it as adorable as a cute little mouse not eating its cheese for fear of showing everyone how much she was fond of it.
"It seems you believe they are", Nezu answered, amusement clear in his voice
Shoto shrugged, not showing an ounce of reaction toward Nezu's obvious condescending tone.
"You said it yourself : I've saved plenty of people a while back. They must believe I'm not as bad as people say"
"And that's only because you saved these people that they allowed you to see Keigo Takami, right ?"
Shoto tensed.
He'd thought the gift – if not fully harmless – at least mostly won because of his hard work that night.
"If they truly cared about either you or your dad", Nezu crooned "They wouldn't have dared to put your brother in a jar"
Shoto said nothing.
Nezu waited for an answer that didn't come.
Of course it didn't.
Yet he knew his mind was running a thousand miles a second.
All of these were things his psychotic mind should have already considered but hearing them said aloud – by someone else – was like confirming his suspicions.
But it still wasn't enough.
Nezu needed to make him realize that no one was on his side and that no one would ever be.
"Are you free right now ?"
Nezu started gathering the harmless work he'd brought with him ; losing something valuable in this office would bring nothing but complications to his projects.
"Why ?"
Nezu stopped, eyes locking with Shoto.
"Because you're going to get the One for All"
*
A/N : If you like the story, want to support it/read ahead of schedule, go check the story's P@treon, Nar_cisseENG
And see you in the next update everyone !