Retreat

When she entered her room a few minutes later, Mayra was sitting on her bed, cross legged and grinning.

"Now THAT was a speech. Was it better than Riley's? I don't want to interfere," Her brow furrowed briefly, "I just want to observe."

Mortified that Mayra had been listening in, Finn admitted that she should have expected it. She sighed and sat on her own bed, remembering that she needed to write Riley a letter to send with Roland. Ignoring Mayra for the moment, She took out one of Riley's letters to read before responding to him.

"Dear Finn,

I've never written a letter before; I hope this doesn't come off as completely ridiculous or weird. I miss you. The days and nights are long here, but it's different than it is with farming. I haven't found our families yet, and I'm starting to regret joining this army.

I stupidly thought I could be some sort of hero, helping rescue our village. Instead, it's a lot of marching, and not much sleep. The howling wolves keep us awake at night, and the heat beats down on us during the day.

I miss our time back in the village, or even our time together on the road in that little cart. I wish I'd cherished it more. I'm sorry for every time I teased you or made you uncomfortable. I realize more over time that I have not made myself into the man you deserve.

I cringe to think of the way I behaved and some of the things I said. Although I hate so much about the way things stand now, I will not waste this time wallowing in regret; I will become better. Stronger, braver, kinder, and all the other things a real man should be.

Even if you make a different choice than I would wish you to, my time will be well spent bettering myself. Give my love to Mayra, and thank the Shermans on my behalf for caring for you both.

My heart is yours if you will have it.

Riley"

___________________________________

Finn woke up to Mayra's gentle nudging. "Get up, it'll be sunrise before too long!" She whispered. Mayra quickly left the room once the other girl opened her eyes.

Finn sat up and shook her head, then reached up to brush at something sticking to her face. Paper. She stared at it curiously for a moment before remembering. She'd fallen asleep writing Riley's letter! She finished it hurriedly and sealed it, writing his name on the outside. Then she dressed and ran out, hoping she'd come out in time to catch Roland before he left. Hurrying along, she tripped as she came into the central area of the home and tumbled to the floor.

Or, rather, she fully expected to meet the floor. Instead, she found herself caught by one of Roland's strong arms. He righted her position and chuckled as he recalled the last time he'd seen her stumble. Only back then, it had been into Riley's arms instead of his. He liked this better.

A little disoriented, Finn clung to Roland's forearm as she regained her balance. She must still be a little sleepy. She blinked hard and then looked up into Roland's face. His smile was warm and amused, and she blushed under it.

"I'm glad you're awake, I have to leave soon." Roland said.

"I didn't want to miss you. I, um, have that letter for Riley." She held it out a little awkwardly with her free hand.

Roland released her, taking the letter and putting it in his coat. "I'll make sure he gets it." He knew he'd brought it on himself, and tried to maintain a neutral expression.

"I also wanted to say goodbye, and that I'll miss you," She added a little shyly. Hope lit in Roland's eyes.

"I'll miss you too, Serafina." He replied softly.

"There you are, Roland! Mrs. Sherman has the food almost ready to send with you." Mayra entered the room from the kitchen.

"Wonderful, thank you Mayra. I'll meet her outside in a few minutes, I need to get the horse saddled that I rode here. Would you care to come? He's a beautiful horse." The question was for Finn, and Mayra retreated to the kitchen with a sly grin to help Mrs. Sherman.

"I'd love to," Finn replied. The excuse for more time together seemed a little contrived, but she didn't mind. She followed him out as he resisted the urge to take her hand for the very short distance out there.

Once in the small barn, Roland quickly did the work of brushing and saddling the horse he would ride to the camp. In truth, he would likely choose to walk much of the way since Peter and Ashley would be on foot, but the horse should be taken care of regardless.

Roland kept up a steady stream of calming chatter, mostly directed at the horse he was saddling and preparing. Finn stood to the side, against the wall and out of the way. It was not the largest space since the doctor and his wife only kept a few animals.

Finished with the final strap, Roland turned around to say something more, and realized Finn had retreated into the shadow away from the lantern he used in the pre-dawn. He stepped closer to her like a moth toward a flame, despite the darkness around her. Her eyes caught the dim, flickering light of the lamp and reflected it to him like a far-off star.

She took a half-step back to move out of his way and bumped into the wall. There was nowhere to run to this time. Her hands came up to press against her heart, as if trying to stall its frantic pace. Roland leaned forward, putting his hands on the wall to either side of her shoulders, but did not touch her. If she was truly motivated to escape, she could shove him away, or duck out from under his arms and run.

She was not that motivated.

Roland silently stared into Finn's eyes, searching for something in them. As he searched, her lips parted, drawing his eyes down to them. She seemed about to say something when suddenly his head followed his eyes, dipping down to gently kiss her.

Finn's mind flooded as his lips touched hers, and she was utterly overcome. Her legs buckled beneath her, and Roland's arms caught her, pulling her against him. One arm around her waist supported her weight, the other found the nape of her neck. His fingers wound their way into her hair as he pressed her closer still.

After a searing moment, he pulled back his face to look at her but kept his arms around her, a little afraid she would fall without them. She gasped for breath as her heart raced and her lips tingled. She pressed them together, savoring the feeling as her mind tried to find its way back to words and rational thought. A tear escaped her closed eyes as emotion overflowed, and Roland's thumb was suddenly there to catch it.

Her hands were splayed on his chest, and she opened her eyes and focused her gaze there on the buttons of his uniform. She was surprised to feel beneath her palm that his racing heartbeat was keeping pace with hers. He seemed so much calmer. She looked up into his face to find he was almost as dazed as she was.

"If you can stand, I need to get away for a moment," He said breathlessly.

She nodded and he released her slowly so she could lean against the wall behind her. He reeled away and took a few steps. With his back to her he took several deep breaths before turning to face her and speak again. "That was... overwhelming."

She nodded. That was the primary word for it. She tried concentrating and putting her thoughts back in order. She'd never been kissed before, and the sensation was more than she could take in.

There was some triumph in the fact that she hadn't bolted and fled. It was also somewhat comforting to her that he looked as shaken as she felt. A small smile formed on her lips. Seeing that, Roland swallowed again and looked down.

"I have to go," He still breathed deeply and slowly, as if focusing on it, "I'll keep writing to you, if you'll allow me. I, um... I feel I should apologize for taking advantage of you just now. It was not good form to kiss you without permission, especially without a formal engagement between us. But," He had been looking at the floor but now braved a glance to her face, "I cannot sincerely say that I am sorry for it."

He had to be honest, but he still felt shame over his behavior and the fact that he'd enjoyed it so thoroughly. Hopefully he had not driven her away forever. Not expecting an answer, he took the horse by its bridle and began to lead it out.

"I'm not sorry either," Finn said quietly as he walked away, unsure if she was talking to herself or to him.