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It had now been a week without Luciano. I had been skipping school once again and drowning myself under a blanket of pure pain. And by that I mean I've just been laying in my bed feeling sorry for myself. I hadn't texted Amara or Luciano because I blocked them, too shy, embarrassed and sad to even text anything. I know that it'd also just end up coming out super rude and mean so I stayed as far away as possible.

Lately though I've been feeling sick and keep throwing up, it just feels like 1 bad thing after another and it has of course started to cross my mind if I could actually end up being pregnant. I mean me and Luciano have been active before and I'm starting to get like this…it wouldn't hurt to try right? The bad thing that keeps circling my mind, what the heck am I going to do with a pregnancy. Right now i can't even take care of me so it's pretty hard to think about how I of all people could deal with a baby all alone. Let's actually do a test first though, before jumping to all of these most likely untrue scenarios right? Yes.

So today I decided to man up and stop behaving like a zombie for a bit and I don't know, go out and buy three pregnancy tests just to be sure, these days you can never be too sure and I can not let 1 pregnancy test destroy everything for me.

Right now I'm sitting down nervously waiting and also nervously hoping for the results to turn out negative. I can't be pregnant and alone and sad because that's awful. That's really frustrating and horrible and if that does end up happening I'm going to cry, I swear. While I sat I thought about Luciano. Should I tell him? Like I actually end up pregnant with his baby of all people how amazing is that and also right after that terrible breakup? Obviously, that's sarcastic. Ugh. That would make things so much worse. I don't think I'm gonna tell him. It's not like he'll want to fly all the way back here to talk to me. So really what's the point? I'll just... I'll decide on the day I have it? Yes exactly that's so smart, I'm so smart! It has been a few minutes and I went to check. To really see if my thoughts and little hopes of faith have been heard. Oh. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm pregnant. Ok, permission to ball my eyes out? Yup, granted! I crawled up back into my bed and began to cry once again. This is happening. A baby is growing inside of me? Lucianos baby in me right now. Let that sink in for a second. A Luciano who yep, left me, his baby is with me. Well! Isn't that just so darn exciting! Im a mother! A crying, lonely, mother…

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Yeah y'all got krissed sorry about that