38. An affair of Honour

It being Christmas Eve, I went to the stables with a Christmas box - a purse actually - for the grooms and the boys of the yard. It was traditional, and I would have sent one via Mr Hopley normally, but I was pleased with the work they had done with the mare, and so I felt they had earned it this year. I decided to take it personally and Mr Adams accompanied me in his capacity as my assistant.

The stable lads all knew Henry from his footman days and made great congratulations on his good fortune.

On the way back to the hall, Henry asked if we could take a turn around the gardens.

I assumed that that meant he wanted a conversation that would not be interrupted.

I was correct.

"Your Grace, may we speak as man to man?"

I looked at him. His tone was strong, assertive, but I could see from his hands that he had gathered himself for this.

"Of course. No style now, just Henry and William."

"Thank you, Your ... William."

He coughed. "As you have observed I am very much in love with your sister and once I am clear in my path regarding my life, I will ask you for her hand in marriage."

"And I will be more than happy to give it to you."

"Thank you." He paused for a moment. "There are things, William, things you learn or hear when you are below stairs, things I need to clarify with you."

By 'below stairs' Henry meant as a servant. I had been waiting for this conversation. "Things?" I asked him.

This was a more serious Henry. In just those few moments his nerves had gone. "May I ask, William, about your relations with your sisters, and Lady Caroline in particular?"

"You may, but I want you to understand I tell you this because I respect you, and I want my sister to be happy. In fact, that is all I have ever wanted, and the reason why I have done what I have done."

"So, it is true then?"

"If you mean, did I sleep with my sisters - and, to be perfectly clear in this, am I sleeping with my mother? Then yes, it is true."

Henry nodded. After some moments to digest what I had said, he replied, "The problem is that I have mixed feelings, William. I will be honest with you, I am in no position to call anyone out for who they have slept with, because of my birth, but I am conflicted, by what you have said. I have such very deep feelings for her."

"And I respect those feelings, Henry, I can think of no one better for my sister." I told him.

"When I returned home," I continued, "I expected to find the girls I had left behind me. Instead, I found grown women, women with their own minds and feelings. I also discovered to my great surprise that they were sexual beings with all sorts of desires and wants."

"So how did you proceed?" He asked.

"I did what I have always done for my sisters, I let them have everything they wanted. When we were children, if I was able to do anything for my sisters I would. Now, that I have the resources that I lacked then, if there is something I can do for them, I will. I always will. If it is in my power to do something for them, no matter what, I shall do it.

"My father had allowed their lives to stagnate," I explained how - but not why (the fact that I was sleeping with Helena was enough at this point) - I had agreed to get them presented at court and that I would settle their dowries, and in general get them prepared for the return to London.

"The question of dowries agreed and the promise of the new Season was easily settled, that's where you come in - you and I will manage the purse for all of this." I told him, "But there were other things my sisters wanted from me." I could have explained all of the circumstances behind what had happened, but did not feel that it was necessary. "Which is why we are having this conversation."

Henry nodded.

"I will tell you this as well, Henry, when I asked my sisters about their desires, Caroline told me that she was not interested in the Season, she told me that she already had someone she liked, though she would not say who it was.

"It is obvious, now, that she meant you and that in her mind at that moment - and subsequently - there was little or no chance that anything would come from it.

"But I shall tell you this in confidence, Henry, and that way you will understand that I mean what I say about giving my sisters whatever it is that they want, if I had known then who it was, I would have sought some way of accommodating you both."

"Truthfully?"

"Aye, I swear." I told him. "Henry, I love them all so much, I always have. If Caroline had told me that she wanted to marry you as you were, I would have tried to make it happen.

"Is what I have said going to change how you feel about Caroline?" I asked, "If so, then you should say so now and we can proceed accordingly, if not then perhaps we may call the matter closed?"

Henry nodded as he considered what I had said, then he said, "Before I say anything ... I need ... I need to know, William... I need ... are you and Lady Caroline done? Is it over between you?"

I looked at him. "The answer is no, it isn't, and yes, it is."

His face was a picture of hope and dismay. "I will never be 'done' with Caroline," I told him, "Because she is my sister and I will stand up for her as long as I live. Just as I will stand up for you if you take her for your wife.

"I suppose," I continued, "That I should also say at this point that if you ever wrong my sister, or hurt her in anyway ..." Not that I thought he would. "Wrath of God, hell and damnation, that sort of thing, just so that we're clear, yes?" He nodded.

"If you mean, will I be an impediment to you and her?" I continued, "Never. It is not 'over' between us, Henry, because it was never begun. I helped my sister to do something that she wanted to do. I hope you can understand that. Ask her about her reasons someday - you may be surprised what she tells you. I was."

Henry considered what I had said for a moment. "My father loved my mother, you know?" He said suddenly, "But his family constrained him. He had to marry someone else, but he never stopped loving her. He had no choice in the matter."

I understood that constraint, the strictures that society puts upon us, I was coming to understand them very well. I was blessed, in that while I had constraints on me, I was very much in charge of my own fate and that of my sisters.

"Well," I told him, "Tonight I will offer a prayer of thanks to your father for your inheritance, it has made the path for you and Caroline that much easier. You will be coming with us to Midnight Service tonight?"

"If I may?"

"Of course! If you do not come as my assistant, then attend as an escort to the Lady Caroline. The Yew Walk to the church is particularly dangerous at night," I said with a laugh. "There are bandits, footpads and brigands, even a dragon that waits to snare unwary travellers, or so I have been told."

Despite his laughter at my joke, I could still see conflict, uncertainty, in his face and said so. "What will it take to resolve your worries? An affair of honour?"

Henry looked at me bleakly, "I am no swordsman and a poor shot, and besides I am not sure how Lady Caroline would feel about me if I accidentally killed her brother on Christmas Eve." He added.

"You seem a handy lad though, Henry." I pointed at his hands. "Let's trade a few punches and then call it quits - whoever wins?"

"Now?" He asked, aghast.

"Can't think of a better time, clear the air between us," I said, as I removed my jacket and waistcoat and placed them on a nearby stone bench. "Come on!"

I'm not bad with my fists, I'm no Barclay, but I am no slouch either. Henry is slim for his height, though still well put together. I thought we would take a few swings at each other and bow and say 'done'.

"Should we not have seconds for this?" He asked.

"Not for this, this is just for our satisfaction. You take the first swing."

I have no idea at all why I do these things.

I had intended for Henry to win, I would take a blow, a tap, I thought, and concede - that sort of thing. But there is obviously more to Mr Henry Adams than it appears. His right hand connected with my face, travelling like a cannon ball.

I was not acting when I rocked back on my heels.

"Your Grace!!" He exclaimed, "Oh God, Your Grace! You're bleeding!" I could feel a trickle down the side of my face.

"Well done Mr Adams," I conceded, "First blood to you, I yield." I reached out my hand to shake his, and felt the world give a small lurch sideways.

"Bloody hell, Henry! That is one splendid right hook you have there."

Henry seemed more concerned for me than he did for congratulations. "Let me get you inside, Your Grace, and someone can attend that cut." He gathered up our coats and waistcoats and we went towards the Hall.

Before we went inside, I stopped him. "You're a proper gentleman now, Henry, you've just fought your first duel over a woman. From the power behind that punch, I believe that your feelings for my sister match those she has for you." I offered him my hand to shake fair on it. "Is this matter squared between us now?"

Henry nodded as we shook. "I believe so, Your Grace. Certainly, no word of it shall ever come from my mouth." And with that we both walked back to the hall.

Where Caroline immediately upbraided both of us quite royally - for fighting like school-boys.

Barclay washed my face to see if the cut needed more attention. It didn't, like many such wounds it bled much from a tiny nick. It was closing even while Barclay cleaned it but he dabbed it with some alum salts - which stung like buggery - to close it anyway. I suspect that Henry suffered worse than I did, as my sister took him off to 'talk' to him.

However, when we assembled later to go to the church, I felt from the way that they behaved with each other, that some things had been said and understandings had been reached. Certainly, Henry looked much less conflicted than he had earlier. I did resolve, however, never to let myself be within reach of the right hand of Mr Adams if he was ever angry at me.