(8) Happiness hit, like a train on a track

You slept with the window to the bedroom open. Aaron protested, but you insisted. It rained when you went to bed and the sound was too nice to be locked out. And the air…now, in the morning, the most beautiful scent of wet earth and blooming flowers makes its way into the room. Content, you lay there, inhaling deeply. It's peaceful. Truly peaceful.

When you open your eyes, you're surprised to find Aaron sleeping next to you. Usually, he's the one up first. You cannot remember the last time you awoke before him. You take the chance to study his features, all relaxed for once. Even when he's alone with you, he tends to have a frown on his face; or at least a tensed-up posture while he's reading over some report. Sometimes, when you notice it, you walk over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. It makes him look up at you for just a second, smile, and relax at least a bit. It's moments like these that make you very conscious of the bond you developed. Yes, your relationship can be explosive – sexually – and full of tension – especially at work – but what makes it so special to you, is the calmness your two are able to create for each other. The sense of safety, that is so rare in your line of work.

Now that you have the chance to look at Aaron without him knowing about it (he always knows when you're observing him when he's awake), you lie as still as possible to not wake him up. This moment feels so endlessly domestic that it almost makes you laugh. It's kind of absurd that you're even here. Just the adventure of your boss becoming your boyfriend alone is almost overwhelming to think about. On top of that come close calls at work, hostage negotiations, abduction, you literally dying…You finally find the appropriate word for how you're feeling right now: lucky. You're incredibly lucky.

Desperate, to hold on to this moment as long as you can, you keep lying still until you have to reach for your phone to check the time. In just a few minutes your alarm will ring. With a quiet sigh, you lay back down. Aaron still hasn't moved so you return to your former occupation of overserving him as he sleeps.

Suddenly, his face moves. His lips form into a smile and he tells you with his raspy morning voice: "I know you're staring at me."

Surprised, you flinch.

Aaron opens his eyes, grinning when he sees your wide eyes.

"For how long have you been awake?" You ask.

"I don't know. Maybe five minutes."

You shake your head: "Why did you pretend to be asleep?"

"Because I know you like looking at me."

"Pfff." Trying to dismiss him, you shake your head.

With one quick movement, Aaron rolls onto you. His face mere inches away from yours, his voice so deep it makes you shiver, he orders: "Admit it."

You lift your head off the pillow and try to kiss him instead of answering, but he pushes you back down: "I said, admit it."

You stare him down. Without blinking once, he stares back at you. You know that he's better at this than you are. He interrogated suspects hundreds of hours in his life. However, you can pull a move they cannot. Moving your hips upwards, you brush against his crotch. That catches Aaron off guard and his stern expression disappears. You do it again, this time more determined to rub your thigh against his dick. However, he doesn't let you get away with it. He sits up, weight on your hips, pinning you down beneath him. Hand flying to your neck, he grabs you by the throat, squeezing hard. Harder than you expected, and you let out a cough.

"It's to early for this shit." You manage to croak out. Aaron chuckles and lets go, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. Then he whispers: "You started this."

"Fine." You tell him when he leans back up. "I enjoy looking at you. There is nothing wrong about that, is there?"

He lies back down next to you and smiles: "No. It's really sweet."

"Then why do you-"

"No one looks at me like that." Aaron interrupts you.

"Like what?"

"Loving, admiring, and occasionally: horny."

You gulp at the sincerity of his tone, the vulnerability in his eyes. Gone is the playfulness.

"I- I don't know what to say." You answer honestly. "That's simply hard to believe."

"You know…" He shakes his head, apparently not sure if he should continue.

"Tell me."

"The way it was with Haley…I thought that's how relationships are. Requiring a lot of work, compromising…I don't want to talk bad about her. I was just as toxic. What I'm getting at-" He interrupts himself to search your face for a hint about how you feel about him telling you this. It irritated you that he started to talk about his ex-wife while lying in bed with you, telling you about how you're the only one who looks at him, well, like you do. However, then it clicks. You nod to encourage him to continue.

"What I'm trying to say-" Aaron pauses again. "I never knew what love feels like until I met you."

Your heart skips a beat and his confession echoes through your head.

"I'm almost fifty years old, and I realized that I never felt love like this before."

The emotions engulfing you get overwhelming, and you simply start to sob uncontrollably. Snaking your arms around an equally overwhelmed Aaron, you hold him as close to your chest as possible. Your body quivering, you try not to cry loudly. You press kisses to the side of his neck.

"I'm not crying out of pity." You explain yourself, whispering into his ear. "I'm crying because that's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me."

When you lift your head off Aaron's shoulder, you see that his eyes are filled with tears as well. "I didn't mean to make you cry." He looks worried.

You shake your head, smiling, wiping the tears off your face: "I love you so much, Aaron." You simply say.

He leans in and kisses your cheek before he replies: "For the first time, I get to say this: I know. I know that you love me. And that's the most wonderful thing about it. About you. You let me know."

You nod enthusiastically, clasping his face with both hands: "That's what I was thinking about while you were asleep. You make me feel loved." You press a kiss to his lips.

Aaron lets out a relived laugh: "I'm proud I finally told you."

"That was really brave of you." You endorse.

"So…what now?"

"Breakfast?"

"I'm in."

- - - - - - - - -

Standing behind the two-way mirror, you observe as Aaron and Prentiss interrogate the suspect. He's a middle-aged man that fits the profile on paper. However, now that you see him in person, he appears too fidgety to you. The crimes where carefully planned and executed meticulously. This man, who cannot stop bouncing his leg, is supposed to go through with that?

Reid is standing next to you. Eventually, he looks at your irritated face and states: "You don't think it's him either."

"Either?"

"He hasn't been able to sit still for a minute since he got here."

You nod in agreement.

Quietly, you watch the rest of the interview. Well, mostly, you watch Aaron's back. The muscles tensing and relaxing when he's moving. His dress shirt stretching over his shoulder blades.

Seemingly following your gaze, Reid says: "I've been meaning to ask you: since when have you and Hotch been together? You told us on the jet, but before that. How long?"

You turn to him, raising an eyebrow: "Why is everyone suddenly asking me this stuff shamelessly?"

"Oh." His cheeks flush and he shifts his weight uncomfortably from one leg to the other. "I'm sorry. I just thought that since you're now openly dating…"

"You thought because we are officially in a relationship you can ask personal questions?"

Reid gulps, obviously nervous.

"I'm kidding." You laugh.

He let's out a relieved sigh, mumbling something about you being mean.

"We've been together since…" You furrow your eyebrows. You're actually not sure when exactly Aaron came to your home and asked you to be his girlfriend. You of course remember the incredible orgasm you had when he ate you out before he asked… "Just before I insisted on negotiating the hostage situation in the supermarket."

"Now his unwillingness about letting you go in there makes even more sense."

"More? I never got the impression that Aaron treated me differently after we got together."

"He treated you differently from the beginning."

"Because he asked for my opinion more often? And let me make decisions?" You remember him letting you decide who you want to take to the first crime scene, and how he admitted later on that he usually doesn't do that.

"No." Reid shakes his head. "It's more the way he holds himself around you."

You look at him confused.

"I noticed on the first day. When he came out of his office to hand you your badge."

You cannot help yourself but chuckle. Aaron told you he was turned on by how you made him hire you. Or did he just say that?

"How was he different?"

Reid's eyes dart over you face: "It took me bit to figure it out myself. His micro expressions, they changed."

"In what way?"

"They softened."

"He was even more serious before I joined the team?"

Reid just laughs at your stunned face.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Remember when we went for a walk while Garcia tried to find Maeve?"

You furrow your eyebrows. A walk? You realize that everything that happened on the day of you basically dying is still difficult for you to access. You already hesitated long enough for Reid to notice, so you just straight away admit: "No."

Apparently, he didn't ask because he actually considered the possibility of you not remembering it, because now he looks shocked.

"You don't?" His voice is high pitched.

You shake your head: "I don't remember much of that day. Why did we go for a walk?"

Before he can answer, the interview next doors is over and you both look up.

You walk past Reid and open the door to the hallway to talk to Aaron and Prentiss. They meet you outside and wait for the suspect to be brought back to holding.

"What do you think?" Aaron looks at Reid, then at you.

"Neither of us think it's him." He replies.

"Why?" Aaron's eyes are on you, but you are too caught up in the task of remembering how you went for a walk with Reid. There are some pictures of a park flashing up.

Again, Reid answers for the both of you: "He's too twitchy."

"We'll meet in the conference room in fifteen minutes." Aaron declares.

You see in his eyes that he wants to ask you what's up with you, but you give him a smile and hurry to follow Reid down the hallway in the opposite direction.

After you turned the corner, you ask: "Can you tell me more about it?"

He stops in front of the coffee machine and pushes some buttons: "You want one?"

"Sure." You cross your arms, impatient. Why is he so hesitant about this?

Finally, after he placed the two coffees on the table next to you, he looks at you.

"Why are you so nervous?" You ask him, almost annoyed.

Reid's eyes dart to his hands and back to your face: "I'm not nervous."

"God damnit, Reid!"

He flinches.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

"Because you died! And it was my fault!"

His outburst surprises you even more than how angry you were with him a second ago for avoiding you.

"Fuck, Spencer! How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not mad at you!?"

"I know!"

"Then what is your problem?"

His chest is heaving. The only time you ever saw him this agitated was when you went to save Maeve.

"You might have forgiven me, but Hotch hasn't."

"What?"

His eyes are wide when he looks at you: "Just now, when we talked about how much he changed since he met you, I realized why he is so mad at me. I almost got his girlfriend killed. Because of me-" Reid points at himself, "Because I made you trade your life for Maeve's, he almost lost the only one he ever truly loved."

You're not sure if you should be moved by his words or angry with him for still holding on to this bullshit idea of…

"Wait, did Aaron say that to you?"

"No, not like that."

"Like what then?"

"I- I don't want to come whining to you about it when-"

"Spencer, just tell me."

He takes a deep breath: "When you were in the hospital, he barely looked at me. He didn't talk to me at all. After that, while you weren't here, he constantly gave me shit for anything I did wrong in his eyes."

"Oh no." You mumble. "I had no idea."

"And, you know, I get it. I would be mad too." He shakes his head. "Especially when…"

"When I cannot remember going on a walk with you?"

"Yeah, because it's probably not the only thing you forgot, is it?"

"No." You tell him, your voice way more low and calm now. "It's not."

However, before Reid can reply to that, you pull him into a hug. He's hesitant at first, then he hugs you back.

You grab the back of his head and run your fingers through his hair. You like his curls.

"It. Was. Not. Your. Fault." You whisper.

Eventually, you feel him nod against your shoulder.

Taking a step back, you keep your hands on his arms and tell him: "Say it."

"It was not my fault."

"Good." You smile. "I'll talk to Aaron."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yes." You squeeze his arms. "Now let's go."

- - - - - - - - -

At eight in the evening, Aaron called it a day and sent everyone home. You shot Reid a look and he gave you a thankful smile.

Tonight, you will be sleeping at Aaron's place, so you brought an overnight bag. He is carrying it for you on the way to the car; of course he is. For the last two days, you didn't have to use a cane, which made you proud, Aaron too. To ensure you don't overdo it, he insists on helping you with everything else. Like carrying your back. You let him. Walking on your own is victory enough, for now.

You're quiet in the car. You want to talk to him about Reid. However, doing it in the car feels not really ideal.

"Is something wrong?" Aaron asks.

Goddamn profilers.

"Earlier today you seemed agitated. Was it because of the interview? Or did Reid do something?"

Ah, there it is. Either you didn't notice before that he made such passive aggressive comments or it's the first time he does in front of you.

"Are you mad at Spencer?"

Aaron stops at a red light and looks at you. You know you using Reid's first name alerted him.

"Yes." He admits. You didn't expect him to. However, you like that he is immediately honest with you.

"Why?"

"Because…" He sighs, stepping on the gas a little too hard. "If he didn't…" He interrupts himself again. You patiently wait for him to explain himself.

"I feel like he took it for granted that you agreed to be part of the negotiation for Maeve. He was so focused on saving her, that he paid no heed to the fact that a civilian put herself in harm's way for him."

"You sound like Strauss."

"She wasn't wrong about that."

"You let me negotiate once as well."

"Yeah, and I said I'll never let you do that again. It already was a close call the first time. We pushed our luck too far, and you paid for it."

You're quiet for a minute, looking at Aaron's side profile. He's clenching his jaw and grabbing the steering wheel harder than necessary.

"Reid feels the same way, you know. And it kills him. He seems almost glad that you punish him."

"I'm not punishing him." Aaron disagrees while parking in front of his apartment building.

You don't say anything until he admits: "No, you're right. I'm probably punishing him."

"You know how much he cares about your opinion of him. You're his dad in arms."

Aaron smiles at your wording.

"Can you try to forgive him?" You grab his hand.

There is a lot of pain in his eyes. It makes you sad. This morning you realized how lucky you feel. Right now, you realize how much trauma this whole ordeal inflicted on him.

His voice brittle, he promises: "I'll try."

- - - - - - - - -

You keep turning in bed. It's difficult for you to calm down. Even though Aaron is breathing steadily, you feel that he's awake as well. Pictures of him in the interrogation room flood your mind. Together the wholesome feeling of this morning, it makes an explosive mixture.

The moment you switch on the light on the nightstand, Aaron throws the blanket off the bed. Startled, you blurt out: "What?"

"You want to fuck, don't you?"

You clear your voice, a little embarrassed that your intentions are this obvious.

He scoots over, pulling you into his embrace: "I'll be honest, a few more minutes and I would have been the one to turn the lights back on." His voice is gravelly.

Smiling, you crawl onto him. You kiss the side of his neck. Slowly, you make your way down to his chest, towards his crotch.

"What are you doing?" Obviously, he didn't expect this move.

Chuckling with a low voice, you pull down his boxers. His cock is enchanting. Not wasting another second, you spit on it.

"Oh!" Aaron calls surprised.

With one hand, you spread the saliva on his hardening cock, with the other, you trace his hipbones. He shivers.

You let out a hum, leaning down to take his dick into your mouth. Gently, you suck on the tip. It causes his legs to twitch. Encouraged by his reaction, you lower your mouth further. You bob your head up and down, slowly going further every time. Inch by inch, you work your way down his shaft. As you gently rub the lowest part of his cock with your hand, you cradle his balls simultaneously. Saliva dripping down your chin, and tears forming in your eyes, you ignore your gag reflex as well as the fact that your jaw starts to hurt because you have to open your mouth so far. Instead, you concentrate in Aaron's staggering breath. How the sheets rustle as he claws into them. How his hand flies to your head and grabs your hair, pulling on it. And by God, how wet you are. Relentless, you keep up the steady pace, denying him the satisfactory sensation of more friction. Eventually, he breaks. "Babe…" He breathes out.

You lift your head: "Yeah?"

"Please, sit on it."

With a grin, you order: "Beg for it."

He narrows his eyes. He knows damn well that you mock him for what he said the other night when you had sex the first time since the shooting. However, when you let go off his dick, he immediately gives in and says: "Please, sit on my cock."

You slowly take off your shirt, then you get up and take off your panties, maintaining the eye contact. You get a condom out the nightstand.

Leaning down, you kiss him deeply before whispering: "I said beg."

He props himself up on his elbows, now visibly agitated. You open the condom and raise an eyebrow.

"For Gods sake! Please fuck me!"

"Good boy." You reply in a low-pitched voice and roll the condom over his twitching dick. Falling back into the cushion, Aaron lets out a sigh.

"You're a fucking brat." He curses under his breath. It turns you on even more. With a swift movement, you swing your leg over his lap, and grab his cock to push it into you. The moans that elicits from both of you sound illegally obscene.

Luckily, your legs don't forbid you to ride him. The sensation of being stretched, the lust burning in your chest, absolutely overshadow everything else. Not wasting more time on teasing Aaron, you aggressively start to move your hips.

His hands fly to your waist and his head falls back. The visual alone drives you insane. You lean forward to put your hands on his shoulders to support yourself. Tirelessly, you roll your hips, bouncing up and down in between.

"I- oh!" Aaron groans. You feel him tense. "Go on, cum."

"Fuck, fuck, ohhhh." He breathes out, followed by a series of moans. His hips studder.

You slow down your movements before stopping completely.

Aaron opens his eyes, pupils wide. After inhaling deeply a few times, he pushes you off him. You lay down on your back, stretching your legs. You hear him take off the condom and wiping his cock with his boxers. Then he turns to you, littering your chest and neck with kisses before pressing his lips to yours. As he pushes his tongue into your mouth, his hand wanders down to your sex. He rubs your clit gently, causing your hips to rise, and you moaning into his mouth. Soon, however, he brings his hand further down. Raising his head, he observes your face while pushing his middle finger into you.

"Oh, yes."

"You're still so wet and warm for me."

You whimper when he adds another finger.

Then he starts to move his hand. But not as he usually does, this time, he curls his fingers more. Hitting a spot that first irritates you, almost hurts. After a few seconds, however, you get overwhelmed by the sensation it causes. Aaron speeds up his movements.

"You like it?" He murmurs.

Frantically, you nod.

He keeps going without slowing down. A few times, he uses his thumb to stimulate your clit. But you barely care about that. The unusual sensation builds up a feeling that you never had before. The bundle of nerves he's hitting feel almost raw. You clench harder.

Then you hear it before you feel it. Suddenly, his fingers moving in and out of you, cause an extremely loud noise. You're not just wet anymore, you're gushing, you're…

"Fuck that's so hot."

You moan when you understand what's happening. Without giving you a break, Aaron moves his fingers deeper into you, catapulting you into a violent orgasm.

Your legs twitch. You're an absolute mess. Tears on your face. Saliva on your chin, either from making out or the blowjob or both. And the liquid between your legs.

You just lay there, barely noticing anything else but the warmth engulfing you.

Aaron pulls the blanket back up. You hum thankful when he covers up your sore body.

Playing with your hair, he waits for you to come back to earth.

With glazed eyes, you look at him: "I never squirted before."

A proud smile spreads on his face and he kisses your cheek.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Me too." He grins.

After running to the bathroom to clean yourself up, you return to the bed, letting out a sigh when your head hits the pillow.

"Glad I turned the light on." You mumble, already half asleep.

Aaron kisses you quickly before laying down next to you.

Just before you fall asleep, you hear him whisper: "Dream of us."