Please don't freak out

"Tell me about these fantasies you have," a doctor asked as she looked at her patient behind round eyeglasses.

Her caramel brown hair framed her face and wise eyes. She had a sympathetic face even though the patient opposite had just shared about his somewhat violent desires for another human.

"How long have you had them? Is the target always the same person?"

The white-haired man sat awkwardly and his eyes darted around the doctor's office before ultimately settling in his hands. He shifted in his seat, fidgeting with his fingertips while he tried to answer the woman's questions.

"Maybe a couple of months. It's my old bully from school."

Jiro's voice sounded weak and strained because he was embarrassed to bring it up. He didn't want to make eye contact with the woman as he revealed his innermost secrets, so he looked at his nails instead.

His memories of being bullied and humiliated continued to haunt him, so the idea of paying back his tormentor gave him such power that he felt enslaved by it. But still, somewhere deep down, even when his soul was plagued by darkness, something had started to stir - like a spark that made him open up.

Doctor Mayako Hano, the patient's trusted and respected therapist over the years, gave him an encouraging nod despite everything he had told her.

"It's alright. I'm here to help you," she said reassuringly.

(Later that evening)

The tattooed man leaned against the bar as he sipped a beer from the bottle. He expected to feel lighter after finally sharing his hidden thoughts, rather than being weighed down by memories and emotions.

A woman sat next to him. Her fire-red hair flowed down her back like a silken curtain, curled delicately at the ends. Her eyelids were painted with black glitter and her full lips were glossy as they curved into a smile.

"You are so sweet to call me," Izumi said as she lowered her hand on his inner thigh, gently squeezed it, and leaned in.

"You don't have to hide anything from me. It's because of this, right?"

Jiro finished his beer and glanced over at the golden Buddha statue at the end of the bar. He nodded toward it, motioning the other to follow, and stoop up. Izumi stepped carefully on her heels and walked behind him, her smile growing wider with each step.

(Later that night)

The penthouse was almost ghostly silent as Natsuo was there alone, doing sudoku and drinking the first cup of coffee he ever brewed for himself. But then, the first door swung open, catching him off guard.

He watched as his roommate wobbled into the living room, wearing his leather jacket and suit under it - and seemingly drunk as he stumbled a bit, his eyes almost closed.

"I want to... tell you one thing..." the man managed to say before he collapsed onto the couch with a deep sigh.

Natsuo put down his steaming mug and stood up from the dinner table, suddenly feeling anxious about the conversations ahead.

"Come here. Let's sit together," the white-haired man said and tapped the couch.

The brown-haired one settled down cautiously, leaving a small gap between them and keeping a watchful eye on him. The man's features softened as he looked at him back. He moved closer and brushed away strands of hair from his face.

"I want to be honest with you. Please don't freak out, okay?"

Natsuo winced and his face flushed with shyness as the man's gaze lingered over him. Those pale brown eyes were deep and intense, drawing the blue ones towards them.

"But first... I really need to eat something," Jiro muttered, slurring his words slightly as he spoke in a groggy voice.

The brunet quickly stood up.

"I can make you something," he said and headed to the kitchen, which was just across from the living room. He could hear the other mumbling vaguely about not cooking rice, to which he agreed, so he made him a bowl of cornflakes. As he had seen Jiro do before, he added some sliced bananas and maple syrup to top it off.

"Do you want some water or - " Natsuo asked as he lowered the plate on the side table, but suddenly stopped talking when he saw his housemate snuggling up like a puppy.

The restless, unexplainable feeling stirred in his heart as he stared at the other man. He couldn't look away even though he wanted to, and he struggled to understand what was happening to him.

Why was his heart beating so fast? Why did his palms start sweating? When they met in high school, the same thing happened.

He was late from sports practice, so he headed to the locker room to change his uniform, but he wasn't the only one behind schedule - the newly admitted student was already there. His shirt was unbuttoned and half of his back was exposed, letting the sun shine through the window onto his skin.

"Hi, I'm Jiro Takuya. What is your name?" he asked timidly, turning his gaze toward him.

Natsuo found himself completely mesmerized by the other, half-dressed male with the most attractive face he had ever seen. His head was flushed and his stomach felt like it was swarming with butterflies as he kept thinking about how cute the boy looked.

And then, the new student smiled, revealing soft cheek dimples.

Natsuo snapped out of his trance and stepped back, turning red as he looked away.

"It's none of your b-business."

He ran away, embarrassed and unwilling to look at him anymore. It was the first time he had experienced such a powerful reaction from a person that left him feeling so vulnerable - and most of all, scared. No one could ever know how the new boy made his cheeks red or his palms sweaty. He would do whatever he could to keep his secret, no matter what it took.

And it all happened again - the wild butterflies engulfed his stomach, making his pulse race as the fluttering creatures twisted and turned inside him. The only thing he could focus on was how attractive Jiro looked and how captivating his smell was.

He had tried to ignore the way his heart beat faster when the other man was nearby or the way his face burned when he was too close to him.

He had tried to ignore the way his insides flipped when his former classmate laughed or the way his skin tingled when his roommate accidentally brushed his arm while walking past him.

The strange feeling inside him made him curse and clench his teeth. A voice inside his head told him to run away and hide so no one could see him like that. He wanted nothing more than to bury his dark truth in the deepest depths of his mind.

Moving like a machine, Natsuo left the phone and keys next to the cereal bowl. He was still determined to never let anyone find out his secret, so he obeyed the voice and got out of there.