A Glimpse into the Past (1)

Mina's POV

Mikasa's hurt, and that is all I can think about.

No joy can be found in my mindless head, even when the hole has finally been sealed and even when I was helping in the clean-up process. I was just… blank. Dull eyes who had just witnessed absolute failure even when it happened right before my useless and nugatory figure.

Yeah.

Where can I hang myself?

I am an absolute failure of a daughter! For the love of Ymir, where in the bloody hell can I drown this stupid, bootless, dud-

"Is something wrong, Mina?" I looked up – halting my self-loathing – and saw Krista's hunched figure, gazing at me, who looked nowhere near okay. "Do you need water?"

It seems that I require such liquid, for when I tried voicing out my thoughts, the hoarseness of my voice almost made the young girl faint from worry. "S-sorry."

"No need to apologize! Here," She immediately pulled out a container from who knows where and placed it on my fatigued hands. "You were amazing out there, Mina. If you hadn't brought Eren back, who knows how many soldiers would have died while waiting for the wall to be sealed up." 

"No…" I drank a certain amount of water before giving the container back to her. "I failed."

"Huh?" Krista tilted her head in confusion as the image of Mikasa's wounded face once again made my whole complexion pale. "What do you mean?"

"What, you got scared after seeing someone get eaten by a titan?" Ymir rudely asks, to which I shake my head and deny such an accusation. "Then why'd you look like shit?" 

"Mikasa…"

"What happened to Mikasa?" Then, it was Jean's turn to interrupt. He was, however, instantly smacked on the head by Connie. "What?! Is she in a critical state? Where is she anyway? Speak you, damn woman!"

"A-A cut," I choked as a dramatic sigh eventually escaped through my chapped lips. "S-she had a small cut-"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Are you dumb?" Ymir laughed as loudly as she could manage after hearing the reason why I wore a gloomy expression. It didn't sound funny, though, I mean, not to me. "You got worried over a damn freaking cut, holy shit, Carolina. You're even worse than her when she's playing mother towards the shitty suicidal maniac!"

"Ymir…"

The tall and freckled trainee eventually placed her head on top of her friend's blonde hair. "Finally, some amusement. Fucking Carolina, what did you eat to become overprotective towards that monster?"

She's the younger version of my mother. Isn't that enough reason for my protectiveness?

But instead of saying those words out loud, I heaved a long and depressive sigh. "Enough about me. How about you guys? How are you all faring?" When no one replied, I looked up from my seated figure and noticed each of their expressions becoming dark. So, I added, "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's," Jean hesitated, making me a bit intrigued by what he had seen to wear such an expression. "It's just that… Marco, Marco's dead."

My eyes widened while the other trainees all began to show their distress and anxiety openly and, most of all, sadness. Connie was the first to ask, "What do you mean he's dead? That's not… That's not possible!"

Oh, it is possible. It's just that… the news of his death spread around a lot faster compared to the second world. Is it because of what I did to quicken our mission of sealing the wall earlier? Darn it, and here I thought I could finally learn about how he died in this world and prevent it if I had the time.

I wanted to despair, like the rest of the trainees, but it seemed my withered soul had already gotten used to these things. Marco Bott was destined to die during the Battle for Trost, and experiencing it for the second time doesn't emotionally affect me anymore. It might have been if I had gotten close to him during our time of training, but that wasn't exactly the case.

How cold-hearted. Ymir would have laughed at me for being so.

With nothing left to do around here, I eventually stood up, earning the trainees' attention. 

"Where are you going?" Jean asks.

But I had no obligation to tell him where I was going. Expanding my energy just to reply seemed tedious and a hassle. Nonetheless, as their supposed 'friend,' I answered, "I need air. See you later."

After bidding my farewell, I finally distanced myself from the group, irritated by how this situation had once again occurred. Was it because I got placed in the elite squad? No… it's not because even if I weren't stationed in the vanguard, I still would have missed that scenario. 

My time as a supporting character in my parents' life only provided me with one piece of information about Marco Bott: that someone illegally used his maneuver gear. I clicked my heels and avoided a group of soldiers that are helping with the clean-up process as I continued to analyze how Marco died. 

I remember that Armin was the one who noticed the illegal use of Marco Bott's ODM gear, but… Who the heck used it? Why didn't I even try to learn who it was? I certainly had a lot of time as someone who had not participated in many activities in my previous world, so why did I ignore it?

"Have you forgotten?" Once again, my sense of hearing has been forcibly compromised, halting me on the spot. However, unlike the first time I had experienced it in this world, I was able to tolerate at least the pain it produced. "Oh, that's right, that information was released during the rumbling, so of course, you can't remember."

"Ymir." I closed my eyes and leaned my body for support on the nearby wall. "Must you contact me like this? Can't you just pull out my soul like what you did in the past?"

"Ahaha, no, it's more fun this way." Her voice is chirpier, annoying me in the process. "I can only do it for a few minutes, so listen up. Stop mulling over why you ignored Marco Bott's death in the second world. You were once naïve, young Yeager. Don't you remember your demise?" 

… My demise?

Oh.

Oh, that.

I grind my teeth and massage the right side of my forehead. "I understand. Now get out of my head." 

"Already?" The sound of her vile laugh only added to the immense pain that my head was receiving. It's contradictory, and I should have stopped analyzing altogether, but I frowned even more and groaned from my stupidity. Of course, it has to be, and it just had to be her!

Annie Leonhart, the female titan. Just when Armin discovered who illegally used Marco's maneuver gear, it was then that they started targeting Annie. That ultimately led to her transforming here inside the walls!

"Oh?" The ringing inside my head increased, making me glare at the poor and faultless ground. "Guess your head isn't just for decoration."

"Marco just died, Ymir, and for fuck's sake, I have no time to amuse you."

She laughed. Does she dare to laugh while torturing me like this?

With a groan, I screamed. "Get the fuck out!"

Then it stopped. One by one, my senses were all coming back to me. The only difference right now is that I never lost my voice in the first place. As usual, the first that returned was my touch, and the second was my sense of hearing. I was ready to slump directly to the ground as fatigue entered every blood vessel that I had, but not until something even more humiliating happened.

"Trainee Carolina?" 

I froze. Somehow, I can even hear Ymir falling to the ground from laughing too hard at my current predicament. This is utterly shameful, embarrassing, and tormenting to experience! 

"Uh," I cleared my throat, trying to think of a way for me to thaw the ice I'd shamefully created. "I was… talking about my headache, sir. 

He nodded his head, unaware of the blush that was forming on my face. "Right."

I am so screwed. How can I fuck this up? Where can I hang myself?!

"Let me start over," Oh, thank the heavens, please! "Trainee Carolina, your presence has been requested." 

To redeem my shameful conduct, I immediately performed a salute and ignored my arising curiosity. "Yes, sir!" 

Upon further observation, my eyes widened at realizing who this man was. He has brown hair and eyes, a common color for most of the citizens here at Paradis, but I will never forget the name of this man: Moblit Berner. He's known to be the assistant and messenger of the woman I had previously decided to form a connection with. 

Hange Zoe. 

Is this luck? But after recalling my previous behavior, maybe I am doomed to suffer. Just why did I say those words? I wanted to cry. 

Although I did want to reflect on my previous conduct, I could only stay silent and followed him from behind, ignoring the looks that my fellow trainees were giving me when we had passed some of them by. 

I wonder who's calling for me. And for what reason are they doing so? 

I clenched the hem of my jacket and tried to be more optimistic, but I successfully failed in doing so.

After walking for a few minutes, Sir Moblit took me to a clean and large room, one that might be used for meetings. It was eerily silent, making me think that the person who called for me might be someone in a high position. 

Probably as high as Commander Pixis; I can't say for sure though. It's both exciting and nerve-racking, as I thought of possible reasons why they would call upon a trainee like me. I'm not like Eren in the first place, so what would they want from an average being like me? 

Sir Moblit eventually left me as well, leaving me alone to ponder in this room. However, it's not like I can reach an answer before they arrive; there are too many variables to consider. So, with nothing left to do, I began to observe the different pieces of furniture that were placed neatly in this place. 

There's one big sofa on the side, a huge table in front of the window, and a few bookshelves in the corner. I stepped back and placed an ear on the door, hearing absolutely nothing from the hallway. 

How long will I have to stay in this place?

I heaved a long and stressful sigh before placing myself on the sofa. I can at least sit here for a few minutes, right? 

***