A Night Filled with Worry (2)

Mina's POV

Out of all the revelations I've made in this world, disclosing Annie's current state was more stressful than I had imagined it to be. It's not like I planned to tell anyone about Annie's existence outside of her supposed shell and how I'll use her for other things, but the person I'm trying to persuade right now is the very human I'm trying so hard to protect. 

I'm sure the commander won't mind if I tell this to Eren since he's practically humanity's only hope of survival. Also, knowing the true nature of my father, I'm certain that he won't share this information with our fellow soldiers. 

So, I told him about how I managed to wake Annie before she crystallized herself during their battle in Sina, how she refused to work with our superiors and remained silent after being tortured for hours, and lastly, my proposal for Annie to work with us, specifically with me. All in all, the people who know her true state are the commander, Captain Hange, Captain Levi, Moblit, me, and now, Eren. 

But of course, I still couldn't push myself to tell him about the assumptions I told our superiors, one that led me to the conclusion that somewhere out there, there is another civilization. I suppose that I can give him hints about it in the future, but for now, dealing with his feeling of betrayal is of utmost importance. 

He needs time.

"She refuses to share any information about where she came from and how she attained her ability to shift into the female titan," I continued my explanation while making sure that no one but us would be able to hear what I was about to say, stretching my legs in the process. "So, I proposed an alternative plan to the commander, telling him to use Annie as leverage for negotiations instead of locking her in the dungeon with the risk of being targeted." 

"Targeted by who?" Eren curiously asks, his gaze unwavering and focused. "By the people who wanted to dissect me?" 

While shaking my head, I continued. "It's not just them. I'm sure you remember what happened to Sawney and Bean, right, Eren?" After noticing his expression shifting to that of understanding, I gave him a small smile to alleviate whatever shit I was about to say. "Knowledge is both a blessing and a curse. The armored and colossal titans are still on the loose, and who knows if they're the only ones who have infiltrated our lands. Not only will we keep Annie safe from that cruel fate, but I will also have the chance to make her switch sides." 

"But…" He paused, hesitation apparent in his voice. "She killed hundreds of soldiers in our last expedition. And you want her to become our ally?" 

"Captain Hange also asked me that earlier." While shrugging my shoulders, I knew how inhumane I was currently being. However, this must be done to relieve this world of its cruel fate. "I… wanted to hurt her while I was carrying Petra's body from the forest. I imagined cutting her limbs, tearing her neck, and breaking every bone that she had. But even after all that, in the end, Annie is still a kid who knows nothing of how the world truly works." 

"If I have time to get angry at someone, then I'd rather point my rage towards the creature that started this monstrosity. I'm not asking you to understand where I'm coming from, Eren because all I ever want from you is your trust and faith." 

"Mina…" On rare occasions, his gaze towards me softened slightly before returning to his aggressive and impatient self. It was enough for me to deduce that, somehow, he properly listened to my words. "Is the reason why you're hurt right now related to Reiner?" 

"Uhm… a bit?" Not knowing what to reply, I unconsciously tapped my bandaged neck and hummed. "I provoked her, and knowing who she is, I'm pretty lucky that she only strangled me." 

"Lucky… god, Mina," After hearing his groan, I turned my head and noticed him hunching over. "Firstly, your arm, and now your neck. You're not even healed yet, and you're already joining us. Why are you so aggressive?!" 

It took a while for my brain to register how worried he was about me, but eventually, I chose to respond to his last statement with a pout. "I don't want to hear that from you." 

"But you should." Then he finally lifted his head, his blazing eyes connecting with mine, and a sense of nostalgia ran through my head. "You're not a titan shifter like me who can regenerate torn limbs and heal flesh wounds. You're-" 

"A human like you." There's no way I'll let him finish that sentence. So, with a stare that could fight him head-on, I continued. "Don't treat yourself like that, Eren. Ultimately, titan shifter or not, we're all humans who only want to attain freedom. Don't forget that." 

Please. 

Even if the world comes crashing down and destroys every life in it, it still won't compare to how much I would like to see this man lead a peaceful yet impossible life in the future. Impossible in the sense of being shackled by how cruel destiny is towards him, but seeing as how I'm currently residing in Mina Carolina's body… I might have surpassed that word already. 

So, it's not impossible for me to pull him along with me, right? 

"You…" It took me a while to realize, but upon closer inspection, I saw a tiny hint of redness on his nape. "You are so stubborn!" 

I snorted. "Says the man who practically embodies that word. Now I respect Mikasa even more." 

"W-Why do you," And without the proper warning, his cheeks became tinted, one that completely broke me. "I'm not a kid! Why are you two always-" 

Then, all of a sudden, his voice came to a halt upon noticing my hand moving toward his face. I should have expected him to stop me or to hold my wrist in place at least, but for some unfathomable reason, he allowed me to ruffle his hair, discerning my affection leaking out from that simple yet courageous touch. 

It's too much. 

It's too fucking much. 

With him being like this, how will I even stop myself from interfering in his development? This world, whoever the fuck made it, is harsh and remorseless. But even so, there is some beauty within it, one that my parents had seen in my original world. 

"If you want to protect her," I whispered, ignoring how my voice cracked from the sudden barrage of emotions. "Then make your choice, Eren. Life is not always about killing titans. It's imperfect, merciless, and a disappointment. However, transcending all of those things is warmth, trust, and love." 

You're not alone in this fight, so stop shouldering everything.  

When I finally retrieved my hand, biting my lip in the process of keeping those words to myself, I glanced at the concrete beneath us, unsure of what to say next. It's been a while since I've felt this kind of vulnerability. Who knew that it only takes one look at a flustered Eren to make me feel this way? In the past, I only saw his tired, aggressive, determined, then hopeless gaze. 

But now, it's beginning to change. 

And I don't think my heart can handle that, even more, if I'll ever see him look… free. 

God, just thinking about it makes my chest tighten. 

"You're saying that even after witnessing hundreds of deaths?" The disbelief in his voice pulled me out of my reverie, connecting our gazes once more. "Even after learning about our comrade's betrayal? How fucked this world is?!" 

"It's because I already met you and Mikasa." Ignoring his astounded look, I continued. "That's enough for me to realize that even though this world is as fucked as you say it is, with the right people to care for, it is still, undeniably, beautiful to live in." 

"…" 

"Hmm?" With a hum, I was about to ask why he looked so shocked when suddenly, it hit me. "Ah… I mean, well," With a stutter and a gut feeling that somewhere out there, Ymir was finally laughing her ass off, I tried to regain the dignity I'd accidentally exposed. "Oh, for the love of- please forget what I said!" 

Isn't that what you do best?! 

Groaning in defeat and shame, I immediately stood and tilted my head to avoid his gaze, wishing for the cool air to sweep any form of redness on my face. However, just when I even got the chance to calm my idiot and restless heart, a rough hand grabbed my shoulder. 

"Mina," 

But before he could even speak, I continued my ramble in an attempt to hide the vulnerability I'd shown. The last time I did this kind of thing, back in my original world, things didn't go well. Why am I always so clumsy when I'm talking to this man?! "I didn't mean anything by that, Eren. Can you just forget about it?" 

"Don't ask for the impossible. When did you start feeling like that?" 

Feeling ridiculed but understanding that he didn't mean it that way, I replied. "E-ever since we became friends." 

"Why?" 

"Well," I chuckled, ignoring the unevenness of my breathing. "It's just… Having friends is nice. They worry about you, talk to you, and laugh together. I, uh, don't have a lot of experience in this kind of thing. So… I guess it just means a lot to me, our friendship, that is." 

And that's not a lie. 

Well, not exactly. I had one friend back in my original world. He was kind, courageous, and much braver than I ever was. 

However, the last scenario that I ever saw about him was his body being stomped on the ground, destroying every bone he had as his blood splashed on my face. 

Recalling how I felt upon seeing him like that, I paled. "I had a friend, and I failed to protect him. You also know what happened to Petra. I don't ever want to experience that kind of pain again." Especially not if it comes to my parent's sake. "Anyways, enough about me. I thought you'd grill me more on Reiner." 

"Huh?" I lifted an eyebrow, confused as to why Eren currently looked surprised that I even went back to our original topic. "I, yeah, but you rarely talk about yourself." 

Ah. 

Flatteringly, I chuckled. "And it's not every day that I try to convince the most stubborn boy about something." 

"Hey!" 

"But seriously, Eren, you need to make your choice." Finally, as my last resort, I looked back at him again, admiring the eyes I've always treasured deeply inside my heart. "You can continue ignoring every sign thrown at you, or believe us, your friends. You may consider Reiner as an older brother, but considering the facts being laid out, it's best to rethink and re-evaluate where he'll stand in your life." 

Whether he might stay as your brother figure or as a traitor who took everything from you, I'll have no other choice but to continue on my path of freeing you; such is the burden I've decided to shoulder. 

"I…" As if he had just been given the task to decide on a major act, he lowered his head to contemplate, forcing me to bear witness to how vulnerable he currently is. I wasn't sure if he noticed, but I knew that my eyes began to moisten as the emotions within me began to complicate. I had no choice but to relent. "I can't-" 

"I know." It was barely a whisper, but those two words prompted him to look up. His eyes marginally widened upon seeing my tormented smile. "Take your time. You have all night to think about it. Just… remember that we're always here for you." 

"Okay…" He visibly gulped while turning away from my gaze. I already spoke too much for today, and honestly, all I want to do right now is to begin our journey to Wall Rose. 

"We should go," Finally, I began to turn around and retrace our steps. "I'm sure Mikasa is worried as hell." 

"Yeah, you're right." 

I hummed. "Then, I'll go first." 

Without waiting for a reply, I eventually left the naïve boy behind, noticing how cold the air had gotten. What a chilly night. 

"You look tired." Ymir abruptly whispers, making me raise my eyebrows. 

"That's because I am." I visibly sighed as the cold air continued to sweep through my tormented state. "But I did everything I could." 

"Did you?" 

Upon hearing the sarcasm in her voice, I decided to look at the moon once more, knowing full well what she meant. "It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" 

She snorted, weirdly calming the forming anxiety within me. "Can't say I share the same sentiment." 

"Ahaha…" Only you, Ymir. 

Only you. 

*****