A Glimpse Into the Past (4)

Mina's POV

There was a time in my original world when I experienced a similar incident. Fortunately, at the time, my squad was there with me when it happened. And before I knew it, I found myself lying on an infirmary bed with a fuming Cyrus nearby.

"Akachi said that you've been up for four days." He mumbles, eyes never leaving my own. "This is getting out of hand, Yeager. You need to know your limits."

"But no one but me even takes the initiative to save the soldiers at the front line," I remember responding, noticing how his amber-colored eyes shifted. Normally, I would have interpreted it to be his sign of annoyance, but now that I've thought about it, it wasn't. It was very. far. from it. "Are you mad?"

"What does it look like?"

With no energy left to move my body, during those peaceful moments, I recall myself sighing, quite stubborn in wanting nothing more than to contribute to the war. But in reality, I shouldn't have been focusing on that aspect of my life. On the contrary, similar to how I reminisce nowadays, I should have focused on those quiet moments, one where the people I respected and admired had the time to care for someone like me.

Upon looking back, all I can feel right now is regret. Statements like: "I should have treated them better" or "I should have made more memories with them" are phrases that I will forever think about and will never accomplish.

Because they're gone, and I'm still here.

"Please, I beg of you." Cyrus then proceeded to reach forward as he slowly held my left hand. "Don't destroy yourself. Think about us who care about your well-being. We worry about you - I worry about you. That's why…"

"Don't die on me. Take care of yourself." He then pulled my hand towards his eyes, an act that I hadn't thought much about in the first world. But now… now that I have the time to reminisce, something within me illogically and incomprehensively breaks. "What will you do once we're not here to protect you?"

Nothing.

I might have answered like that if I had the energy to spare. Because I knew that they would outlive me. I believed in that, and somehow, it brought me a sense of comfort - dying before someone I care for.

But that isn't the case now, isn't it?

Now that I've been given the chance to save the younger version of my parents in this world, the chance to turn everything else around, even if I wanted to join them in the afterlife, I simply cannot.

I'm still needed here. And I'm not exactly the type to leave my duties behind.

But even after all of those have been said and done, I can't deny the fact that I immensely miss them. It may have been a time of peril and war, slaughter and famine, but the fact remains that I met them during that horrendous period - my family, friends, squad…

And partner.

"You shouldn't have died that way, Cy." I couldn't help but think as memories of the first world slowly passed through my vision. And as torturous as it could be, it slowly blurs as reality quickly sets in, overlapping both scenarios. There, I currently lay inside some sort of infirmary, reminiscing about my time as a soldier in World One. "Someone like you, who cares more than you could, deserves more than I could give."

And unfortunately, due to how unfair the world works, no matter how much I try and desire, there was simply no way for me to do that. Like that of the setting sun, similar to your calm and warm gaze, just as I reach towards it, it fades. 

But the memory doesn't, nor does longing.

How tragic. Even my dreams are now ganging up against me.

"Mina?" Upon hearing the commander's voice just as he opened the door, I eventually took a sharp intake of air, forcing those memories out of my system. It has been a few minutes since I woke up. I already had my time to contemplate and rest. Get a grip, 'Mina'! "You're awake."

"Yes, I'm…" Just as I tried to sit up, the commander instantly placed a few pillows behind my back, prompting me to thank his thoughtfulness. "I apologize for fainting, commander. I should have noticed my physical state."

"You should have," He replies just before taking an unused chair nearby and placing it right beside my bed. "But it's also not your fault for not noticing. Adrenaline does a lot of things to us, may it be in the face of death or not."

Right.

Adrenaline.

But instead of replying, just when I was about to open my mouth, my eyes eventually landed on his right arm - one that was properly and healthily intact to his body. Seeing it brought a sense of relief within me, something that I couldn't correctly show but an act that somehow had been understood by the commander.

"You saved me." Commander Erwin says as his intense gaze connects with my flabbergasted ones. "May it be intentional or not, I ought to give my gratitude."

Flustered, I tried to tell him that it wasn't the case and that he misinterpreted it - even though his observation was right - but was immediately intercepted when he bowed his head. An act that stupified me and an act that solidified the current reality of this world.

A reality where the successful operation of taking Eren back to Paradis did not cause a lot of deaths, a world where Erwin Smith did not lose his right arm, and a society where Ymir decided to stay alongside her dearest friend.

"Thank you."

Oh… 

Blinking, it took me half a minute to even formulate a proper response. Something that the commander had noticed, much to my embarrassment. "I was simply doing my duty, commander."

Humming, Commander Erwin then shifted in his seat, all the while bearing a small smile. "I was expecting that kind of response."

"Ahaha…"

Of course, he did.

After the greetings had been said and done, the commander eventually told me of everything that transpired when I was out of commission. It's a bit embarrassing to hear that directly coming out of his mouth, but I can't blame anyone else for falling ill and overworking myself. 

Apparently, just after I had fainted during our escape, the scout regiment had made it their mission to prioritize getting back to HQ, which made it faster for them to bring me to the nearest doctor they could find. This leads us to another major fact that they had noticed upon arrival.

"Less than ten people died during the mission." Commander Erwin says, his eyes downcast and contemplative, hands held tightly to one another. It was an act that was so uncharacteristic of him, yet so like him as well. After all, in my eyes, he looks nothing but determined as his gaze proclaims an intense desire from within. "It's an unbelievable feat, Mina, something that hasn't been done ever since the expeditions were made. Do you understand how significant this is and how it can be for the future of our land?"

In short, my skills and the weapon that I 'created' lessened the number of deaths outside of the wall. And because of that…

I frowned. "Commander, are you worried about the consequences of my actions?"

And like a proud teacher who received the right answer from his student, Commander Erwin smiled. "It's ironic, isn't it? The 'hero' or 'savior' we have is always being questioned as our superiors contemplate whether or not they'll use you for their benefit and, worse, dispose of you because of your outstanding skills." He scoffs before leaning backward to connect both of our gazes. "As expected, you immediately understood my message."

Shrugging both of my shoulders, I sighed. "It's not like I haven't thought about it, commander. If anything, I already expected this type of reaction. Not that it matters since I only wanted to ensure Eren and Mikasa's safety."

He hums before giving me a plate filled with cut fruits. Involuntarily, I tilted my head and wondered where he kept this upon arrival and why I hadn't noticed it. "You're not going to ask how they're faring?"

"Hmm?" Quickly stuffing my mouth with an apple, I chewed it first before giving him an answer. "It's okay, commander. I know that they're safe."

For now.

Chuckling, he then joked. "Is that a hunch I hear, or is your belief in them so strong that you don't question it?"

It's because I saw it. I thought to myself just as I finished the slice of fruit that Commander Erwin had just given. But it's not like I can tell him those words now, can I? "I'm sure that Reiner and Bertolt won't be coming soon. After all, charging in without a plan in mind is just plain stupidity."

"I agree." The commander replies, all the while offering me a glass of water.

Something that I gratefully accepted, not realizing the hidden intent behind his acts. "And I'm also sure that as of this moment, just after the scout regiment had just returned, Mikasa's there with him. I may have constantly shown my desire to protect him, but even I can realize how much Mikasa is inclined not to leave his side, knowing full well that she had just gotten him back."

"Quite astute of you to say so." Commander Erwin hums before gently patting the bedsheet to get my attention. "Additionally, the person you call Ymir is currently detained in the same dungeon as Annie Leonhart's. I thought that you would want that upon hearing that you're the one who managed to persuade Ymir to stay."

"..."

Okay.

So, two things caught my attention when I heard that statement.

First of all, "Ymir?"

"Yes," Commander replies just as I noticed how a fraction of his gaze had shifted. "The titan shifter."

And second… "The dungeon?" I whispered, knowing full well that the commander had heard it. "She wasn't with the other soldiers? With Historia?"

"She wasn't."

"Huh."

Why?

"It was her wish." He casually replies as if he was reading my mind. As expected, Erwin Smith doesn't let anything pass him by, huh? "She said to take her to the criminal that you've recruited and wait there till you come for them."

"..."

Eyes widening after hearing his reply, I nervously chuckled. "I see."

Baring a more uplifting mood, Commander Erwin smiled. "Good."

"Ahaha…"

That menace!

I didn't need another person that'll give me headaches! Having one near me without any physical body is already more than I can take!

"You're so dramatic, young Yeager."

"..."

And now you decided to comment?!

Groaning while muttering the word 'criminal,' Ymir had left me no choice but to take the bedsheets off of me, all the while swinging my legs to touch the ground.

Which is a stupid act, by the way. Completely oblivious to the fact that my body was still recovering, prompting my whole body to tumble forward.

"Mina!"

And just when I was about to hit the ground, which won't give me any form of pain, an act that is fine for me to experience, it seems that other people don't think similarly.

Exhibit A: A man who was a tad bit taller than 'Mina' wearing casual clothing with a cravat around his neck.

"Do I need to say how stupid you are for doing that? 'Cause that's what it looked like to me."

"Uh," Trying to laugh my way out of it, I tilted my head to look directly at his dark and irritated eyes. "Blunt as ever, captain."

And there he stood, with an arm around my waist, eyes as intense as a hawk, pondering whether or not I truly am as he says… Is what I thought after noticing how deep and calculative his gaze was. Who knew that the mere sight of his grumpiness made me feel… light? Maybe it's because of the kindness he rarely shows, yet unconsciously and involuntarily acts upon, that makes me feel like I can depend on him.

A thought so rare to pass by, something that I have only, and exclusively, thought towards Mikasa and Eren. Initially, Armin may have been a part of it, but after seeing what he has done and said to the younger version of my father…

It has become a bit hard to rely on people at that point.

"Levi." Sighing out of sheer surprise due to my 'stupidity,' as what Captain Levi had dubbed, Commander Erwin once again sat on his chair as the grumpy man pushed me back to sit on the bed. "I didn't notice your arrival."

"That's because the both of you were busy staring at each other with a hidden agenda cramped into those shitty mouths of yours." Grimacing, he then leaned on the window sill. "It's creepy. The next time I'll see that, I'll personally separate the two of you."

"Captain…" I chuckled. "That's rude."

"So?"

So… he says. 

But before I could have the chance to provide a remark, knowing full well the amusement swirling within the commander's gaze, unlike Captain Levi, the next person who opened the door instantly claimed our attention. As her brown-colored hair peeked through the gap and her usual lively expression was gone and devoid, an unsettling realization crawled within me. Even more so after seeing Connie trailing behind her.

If it's what I think it is… I thought, all the while trying not to react suspiciously in my hunch. Then it seems that once again, I have failed.

There was simply nothing I could do about Ragako's village. Even if I wanted to act upon it and warn them, there was simply… nothing.

It was either them or the fate of my beloved family.

And as selfish as I am, I chose what was more important to me.

Fuck this world and its unending consequences!

"Commander Pixis was supposed to be here too, young Yeager." Ymir Fritz whispers on top of me as if she is surveying the whole room from her position. "Erwin Smith should have been in a critical state after your mission to take Eren back. Not that it'll be much of a change. They can just talk about it later."

I see.

The voices of my superiors eventually began to fade as they continued to talk about their analysis in the said village. It wasn't like I needed to hear more about it, considering that it's one of the 'hints' I gave Commander Erwin. Still, it'll be suspicious if I don't act like I was surprised. Captain Levi almost got me back at Ehrmich district. So, instead, as quietly as possible, I continued to plan the next steps needed in this scenario.

The battle won't be on the outside for this round, after all. As of this moment, humanity will see its horrors from within, something that is far more dreadful compared to those humongous man-eating creatures.

It says a lot about how shitty humans are, right?

*****