Chapter 15: Nearest to Self Destruction

Even with the reassurance that I heard from Analysia with her shall we say loyalty towards me, that doesn't really mean anything towards my overall mental well-being, still shellshocked by the events of yesterday as I still reminisnce about it as I try to repair my house with money that I have left from 73,000 Yen to 57,000 Yen, it doesn't seems to be promising for me to be honest.

Hours passed when I tried to tidy up my house to the state before it got breached by a random student with a knife whilst covering both of my hands with bandage as Analysia passively healing. As I was picking up the window shards, Analysia noticed something, which is my pale expression.

"Master, did you need some rest? Your face looks kinda pale...", She said with worry and soft tone, like someone asking their friend if they need help.

"Really? I didn't even notice that, don't worry, I'm probably fine, you probably know that I already rested enough today right?", I said as I smiled. After taking that reply from me, she stayed silent for a while, which is probably her habit at this point.

Wasting no time of her saying nothing, I continue on cleaning the house from the fog that the intruder left and open the door to the outside and used the unfreeze, cleaning all the blood and the intruder corpse and also unfreeze all the conditions inside my house.

After that, I can hear Analysia was muttering about something, it's faint and I can only make up the word that'll stuck with me on the rest of the day.

"Your melancholic smile doesn't fool anyone, master".

...I don't know why, that sentence got into my heart like an arrow hitting a bullseye. At that moment, I can felt my heart hurt for a second before I continued to do what I was doing, which was cleaning the house.

Later on after I already cleaned the house and repaired all that was needed, I went through the rest of the day just lying on my back on the chair of the sofa, reading a book whilst hearing music with the chat being the panel and wearing a wireless headset.

As I didn't want to waste my money on food, I skipped lunch and only drink clear water until 4 PM, where I order an omelette where it straightly materialized right infront of me, one eating regulations and thank you later, this is the first meal since I got here where I actually enjoyed the taste of the food.

After I ate dinner, I immediately got straight back to reading a book, this time on my bed. I'm reading and reading until I get tired and sleep with the book still on my face.

If you want to be honest, this is the most peaceful day after the incident this morning...which what I would say if I don't maintain any lingering emotions from the traumatize event with Fuyuki-san or my memory vanished from existence.

...And to be honest, even though Analysia's statement of loyalty calms me a bit, the ripple effect to my mental health that I thought was fine prior to this was now worsen as I now doubting about my very own existence...My own self pride.

I know that it was already shattered by Fuyuki-san's actions, but I can feel it, I can feel it, deep down, Analysia did more damage to me than good with her test earlier, with it trying to not only completely and utterly shattered my pride, but also my own self worth.

𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲,𝟏𝟖𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐀𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥,𝟐𝐗𝐗𝐗

Waking up from bed at 6:30 AM and tidying it up, buying another cup of ramen and making a morning coffee, showering with hot water and changing my clothes into uniform and opening the door of my house. That's all I do until I finally walk out of the house, close the door behind me and stroll the main road as the wind breeze with such a soothing feeling and smelling the aroma of the sakura trees that were planted along the main road.

"K-Kiyoko-san?".Said the voice with a surprised tone that I instantly recognized, and looked around with dead face, to see both Kazuto and Kasumi-san stunned at their place to see that I'm...alive and doing well.

"H-How...are you...still alive?" Kasumi inquired to me whilst Kazuto was still with a shocked expression as his mouth was open.

"H-Hey...How...are you still...alive?", They ask again, I can hear their voice stuttering in both baffled and a faint joy.

"Why didn't you help, Kazuto-san?", I said with a raspy voice, as I was about to cry.

Instantly, I know that this question will hit them like a truck, with their face changing expression to guilt as Kazuto-san tried to answer.

"Because...I'm late on getting the information that you're at-".

"Liar...".

"What...?".

"Liar Liar Liar Liar! You knew that I was going to be attacked! Why didn't you help me!".

"Because...you didn't ask me...to help you".

My body trembles hearing that answer as I walk closer and closer to Kazuto-san with I feeling that my heart is breaking into pieces.

"Hear me out, Kiyoko-san, I thought you wanted to handle this alon-".

"Why didn't you just let me die the first time you met me then! I would be better that way!". Tears rolled down my cheek as I was saying this.

Hearing this, Kazuto instantly paralyzes on words, on what to say, on what responses to give as Kasumi-san just watched dumbfounded. And then Kazuto finally said something:

"You're the one that wants to get yourself in that situatio-".

SLAP

"I...really thought...at least you would came and help me...", I said after I slapped Kazuto-san as hard as I can on his cheek, with Kasumi-san noticing that my hand was wrapped in bandage but keeping it silence as I said one last thing with disgusted and frowned face before I stormed off running, with tears running and swept by the wind.

"You're...the worst student I've ever met, Kazuto-san".

After I left, Kasumi wanted to pursue but was blocked by Kazuto, shaking his head.

***

As I enter class 1-B, I can see that almost all the white logo student eyes that were previously in 1-A are staring at me while I was walking to my set of chairs and desks, with it, I saw a flower vase on top of my desk...

"𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺", My thought commented to the flower vase before a barrage of insults the size of the mountain that all plan towards me starting as I was force to hear every single one of it. Hearing this after Kazuto-san rejection, I can feel as my heart start to sink into despair as I break into tears again, this time silently weeping as I just sat on my chair hearing every single word all of it meant for me and coincidentally all tackling about my useless existence for thirty minutes straight.

"You're nothing, even a worm doesn't compare to you", "This world would be more brighter if you're gone", "Just kill yourself and do us a favour, bitch", and "your worth is probably less than a yen", Is just the insults over thousand variation of it.

It's like everyone was prepared for this, even the remaining black logo student and the white logo student that did not participate were made speechless by the sheer scale of verbal insults that this group of white logo students have prepared on me.

This waves of insults continue and continue, from the class where every so often they have the opportunity to take a mock on me, on the cafetaria where they throw food at me as everyone just stare in dismay, and finally when the class was resting, they will start to throw mountains of insult and sometimes even pencil and pen across the huge class only for me, in which I can only just stand or sit there, can't even do or respond anything about it just because of the ten sacred rule and also slowly because my will to live is slowly dies out with every mockery they hurled at me.

***

Right as the bell rings and everyone is already outside the school and on the field, I was still sitting on my chair, thinking about anything that they said while still silently weeping, until a hand touch my head and try to pat me whilst saying:

"Just...don't pay attention to th-".

I immediately slap their hand and told someone that pat my head to just go until I saw her, a girl with blonde hair and twintails, and I saw that she's scared and take her bag and immediately ran outside, even when I want to call them, It's no use, my mouth doesn't even want to speak anyway...And with that, I go home, empty handed, and also a slightly dirtier uniform.

Whilst walking, my mind wanders, trying to find a solution to all of this, desperate to search for the right and correct answer as my face is the most dead that it has ever been, until I arrived at one grim conclusion, I instantly rushed to my house, open my door, close it from the inside, and change my clothes to plain oversize white shirt.

Noticing that something bad is going to happen, Analysia asked as serious and worried as she can get:

"What are you doing master?".

"Nothing...Nothing much", As I bought a 1 meter rope, grabbed a chair and attached it to the ceiling of the house. Alarmed by my actions, she continue asking:

"Master...Are you going to…suicide?" Her answer was met in an instant silence as I climbed upon a chair.

"Master...Please...stop...what you are...going to do...", She starts to stutter and it seems that she's going to be the one that cries this time as her voice starts to get raspy.

"Master, you trust their words?? You know that they're insults ri-".

"You don't have the right to speak, Anna!", I heighten my voice, as that immediately send Analysia into the state of shocked for a second until she spoke again, saying:

"Izu-san! Please hear me o-".

"My life...is over...Analysia...all of my friends are leaving me...everyone...I love...I like...is leaving me alone...I'm...I...", I just, without any signs whatsoever...I started crying...and sobbing.

"Izu-san...Please think...about this...You're not worthless or usele-".

"I don't need empty words from someone that's about to leave me!". This couple of words stuns her to the core of her system, after that, her system instantly deactivated. With this, I wrapped my neck with the rope, and with the last breath, I said:

"If anyone hears this...I wish that I don't want...any of my happiness...got taken away from me...ever again.....". I kicked the chair below me and before I knew it.

𝐒𝐑𝐀𝐊

In the second, I fell and I could feel my back instantly in pain from the impact, and confused about what just happened. Initially I thought my rope was cut by my weight, but after slowly checking the area where it was cut, I can see that.

"A smooth...cut...?".

Instantly, I felt a presence in the room, specifically in front of me staring my soul through my eyes while caressing my cheek and saying something that I would never forget in my life.

"𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞, 𝐬𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐦𝐦?" As my expression was still both in confusion and was flabbergasted by the word that was said, immediately that presence disappeared like dust and was replaced by a letter, swaying through the evening winds of spring.

From what should've been my death, someone just like that save me from my radical ways of thinking, processing what just happen, I grab the letter mid air and see a sentence in front of the letter saying:

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞, 𝐡𝐨𝐰'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝?