Chapter 11
More time had passed. Dean regularly began talking to Scott and he even hung out with his other friends.
Scott didn't tell anyone else about what Dean told him.
Dean didn't mind Scotts other friends much either. There was Jayden, Ray, Isaiah, Jimmy, Henry. They were all pretty cool for the most part, and they provided him with temporary relief.
He felt better though, it wasn't so suffocating all the time. He only felt bad at night, when he was alone, and there was no other distractions to keep him from thinking about her.
It didn't feel like it had been nearly a year since she was gone, to him it felt like seconds, but nowhere near 365 days.
....
Carrie running in a field. Her long brown hair flowing behind her, a gauzy white dress. Laughing as she jumped around wildly, the flowers and grass brushing her legs.
But she ran out too far, to close to the ledge, and she slipped.
"Carrie!"
Dean woke up with a sheen of sweat over his body.
It was a dream, just a dream he told himself.
It was 8:00 in the morning and he had classes at 9:00.
Dean hopped into the shower hoping to wash away the sticky feeling he felt now. He wished the steaming water could wash away his thoughts as well.
After he dressed and headed out for the day, it meshed together as a blur, it was the same schedule. Once he got home for the evening after studying and eating dinner, Scott was there a long with the other guys.
"Dean! Hey man, we were wondering when you'd be back."
Dean smiled as he took off his shoes.
"So hear me out." Scott said. Dean looked at him skeptically.
Scott held his hands up like he was innocent.
"Listening, we were just suggesting, emphasis on suggestions, that we all go out to this party Coral Hill is throwing tonight... You never really come out, everyone has seen you but they have yet to meet you, plus it might be nice for you to loosen up a bit you know, blow off some stress." Scott said those last few words staring directly into his eyes.
Dean knew what he was suggesting, distract himself from his dead ex.
Dean was about to reject, but the voice of this mother floated through his mind.
"Promise me you'll try to make new friends."
He sighed and cringed while he said, "Sure."
They all got the surprised look of little kids when hearing the ice cream truck.
"Oh bet! I'm telling you man we are going to get lit, I know you're gonna have fun, I'm telling you you'll see."
Before he knew it Dean was walking up the steps of Coral Hills packed apartment, following behind Scott, Jayden, Ray, and Jimmy. Isaiah and Henry had to work so they couldn't tag along this time.
The music that boomed once they stepped in was nearly deafening. Dean had never experienced anything like this, he only hung out with.... Of course that's the only person he hung out with.
He hated feeling this way, this pent up anger, at first he didn't know why he was angry, and then it occurred to him over time that he was angry at her. He was angry that she left, angry that he got valedictorian though she worked so hard for it, angry that everyone seemed to be moving on with their lives. No one talked about her back home anymore.
He was angry that she claimed to have thought about him in her last letter... He wondered why he wasn't enough for he to not have done it, she thought about him but she didn't care how it would make him feel.
He was especially angry that she left without letting him say goodbye. He didn't get to hug her, he didn't get to kiss her, he didn't get to see her smile one last time.. he didn't get to tell her he loved her.
He hated himself deep down... Perhaps if he hadn't been so busy that week, if he had been with her, then she would have been able to hang on a bit longer, they would've graduated, and then Dean would have taken her away from her parents and married her with whatever money he could, and they would have been happy. Because they would have been together.
So he walked over to where the bottle of whiskey sat and poured himself a cup, downing it.
He hoped like hell he'd get black out drunk tonight. He needed it.