1. Out of my Body…

“Hello...hello… is anybody there?” I asked aloud as I woke up in a very dim-lit room. Something didn’t feel right.

‘Where the hell am I?’ I wondered. This didn’t feel like my bedroom. I looked around, focusing my eyes on the dark reflections. It was hopeless. Cursing the dark, I decided to step out and find someone who could tell me what was going on.

To my utter surprise, I realized I was in a hospital. No wonder I felt awful. What could have I possibly done this time to land in a hospital? Tripped on my heels again?

I looked around and tried to find someone, but no one was in sight. ‘Well, who would be? It is two in the morning’, I thought as my eyes fell on the big clock at the end of the hallway. I started to go but suddenly my eyes fell on a man standing at the other end of the hall. He was staring at me and was unnaturally still.

“Hello! Excuse me, are you are a patient here or a nurse, or someone else…” I trailed off. ‘Did I just call him a nurse? I could have called him a doctor… but… Oh yes, this is what you need to think in the presence of such stunning handsomeness,’ I shushed myself to silence; ‘why is he not moving…?’

“Hello, sir?” I called out again, and this time he moved very swiftly. It didn’t seem very normal for a man.

“Can you see me?” he asked awkwardly.

What a weird question! Of course, I could see him; what did he think of himself, a ghost? I peered at him again and saw he was staring at me in the same curious way. He was either mental or psycho. Instantly, I decided to follow the golden rule of my life - never talk to strangers when alone, even when someone was as divine as this crazy man. I started to go but he quickly came over, “Can you see me?” his tone was full of surprise.

“Err yes, but I don’t think I want to anymore, so I should rather…” I started to turn, but he stopped me by holding my shoulder. “And I can touch you!” He exclaimed with joy. His touch, although gave me good vibes, also sent a trembling chill to my soul. Why was he behaving so weirdly?

“No, no! You can’t touch me, please get away from me,” I ordered angrily, stepping back. I looked at his face again, half-expecting a villainous smile, but instead, he looked inexplicably tortured and morose. His joyful smile vanished suddenly, and I could see the pain of some sudden realization rising up in his eyes. I could not help but ask, “What happened? Are you in pain?” Maybe he was, after all, he too was in a hospital.

I could see his pain was getting intense as he said, “If you can see me and I can touch you, it means you are…” Even though he wasn’t making sense, my heartbeat still sped up at his tone.

“What?” I asked.

“And you don’t even know yet?” The last word almost came out as cry.

“What do I not know? You are crazy… I am leaving,” and I started to walk, but he stopped me again.

“Hey, hey, wait. I am not crazy. You don’t understand what is happening to you. I didn’t understand when it started to happen with me either, so you need to calm down,” he grabbed my shoulders again, but I immediately shrugged him off.

“Don’t touch me, you freak. Nothing is happening to me. I am fine, I feel fine, and I am going to my room to rest,” I yelled, and I started to reach out for the doorknob but I just couldn’t. I tried again, but my hand just passed through it. How?

“What is happening to me?” I shouted, instantly freaking out. I tried catching it again, but I could not touch it. I pushed the door, but instead of pushing it, I passed through it and fell on the floor. He was immediately beside me, trying to help.

Scared to death, I pushed him away and started to crawl backwards, hoping to get away from the scary man and also hoping to find something to rest my back on, but instead of finding something, I crossed the bars of a bed and was now almost in a drawer… I stood up shrieking and started to run everywhere in a haphazard manner when suddenly my eyes fell on a still figure on a hospital bed.

Lying there was a lump of a woman. She was in the worst state possible - bruised everywhere, with a huge bandage on her head. Tubes stuck out from every orifice. She was breathing off a life support system… She was barely alive. She was me.

I stared at myself for an interminably long time, but after a while, two hands wrapped around me. I knew he was a stranger, and ideally, I should shrug him off, but it felt so good, and somehow it felt comforting.

“Am I dreaming?” I asked the first logical question. This was not possible; it must be a dream. I expected a ‘yes’, but he stood quietly. “This is not a dream?” I asked, unable to believe.

“Does this feel like a dream?” His tone was soft, yet pained.

“No,” I whispered, “But how can it be real?”

“I am sorry,” he spoke, caressing my shoulders as a tear rolled down his eyes. I felt a deep urge to comfort him, but I had my own emotions to control, so I turned to my bed as a tear stream rolled down my cheek.

“Am I dead?” I asked between sobs.

“No, you are probably in a coma. But it is just one step before death,” he replied calmly.

“Am I a ghost?” I asked the horrifying question.

“No, you are alive, so you are technically not a ghost,” he replied in an assuring tone.

“Who are you?”

“Well, I too am technically not a ghost,” he replied with a weak smile. I didn’t see it but I did hear it in his words. It made me feel better immediately.

“Do you want to go outside?” He patted my shoulders.

“Going away wouldn’t kill me, right?” I exclaimed, fear making me irrational.

“No, it won’t. Come, let’s go,” and he pushed me gently towards the door.

As we passed the door without even opening it, it made me wonder, “Hey, how come I had opened it earlier?” My voice came out a little calmer than I had expected.

“Well you didn’t, it happens when people, err… you know, just start being ghosts. I mean, I have seen it happen; they don’t realize they didn’t open the door…” he replied casually.

“Oh. Spooky.”

I felt exceptionally comfortable with him. How weird life was… a few hours ago, I didn’t even know this person, and now I shared a life, well after-life, with him.

*

For the next few hours, I tried to get used to the fact that I was a ghost. Not being able to touch anything and just roam about without any matter was weird. It felt kind of strange, but it was also kind of cool. I looked around everywhere and tried to move everything; there was not a single thing I could touch, and I knew it was hopeless, but once I got used to it, I sort of enjoyed it.

“You seem pretty happy for someone who is on her death-bed,” Jai said sarcastically. His words gave me a shock, but it subsided. Although I was partially dead, I still could not resist his charm. He was unbelievably attractive and handsome. He had an interesting face that would fall between oval and triangle. His forehead and jaw perfected every feature, his eyes were a mesmerizing grey with hints of green, and his smile was just heavenly. His mannerism made him seem royal, and the only thought in my head was why I couldn’t have bumped into him when I’d been alive.

“Are you okay?” he asked curiously, and I was glad he couldn’t listen to my thoughts.

“Yes. Well, to be honest, I am not that fine, but I am sort of fine. Oh, I am sorry; I didn’t introduce myself. I am Jia,” I held out my hand. He smilingly shook it and replied, “I am Jai.”

“Jia and Jai! It looks like our names are shuffled for each other,” I replied jokingly.

He looked at me, thoroughly confused by my demeanour, and asked very seriously this time, “Are you really okay?”

“Yes, I am fine. Why did you ask again?” My tone definitely took him by surprise, but I pretended ignorance.

“It’s just that I have never seen any person who is this happy to be dead – oh sorry, almost dead,” he eyed me suspiciously.

“Oh that! I was shocked earlier, but there is nothing I can do to make this right. Can I?” I asked, hopefully.

“Yes, I did see that you were shocked earlier, but you can really pull off extreme emotions,” he replied in a sceptical tone; somehow I felt he was deciding whether I was mentally ill or not. I smiled at his words and expressions, but he didn’t reply to the most important question, so I repeated, “Can I do something? Maybe if I lie down inside me or something…” He definitely knew what I meant, and he didn’t find this humorous; instead, his eyes turned sad, “No, you can’t. I have tried it many times, but it just doesn’t work.”

I could see he was very upset, and somehow I found the courage, “How long have you been stuck…” I kept the word ‘dead’ steer-clear of the way; I was pretty sure he wouldn’t like it any more than I did.

“Three months.” His clipped two-worded answer left me aghast. Oh God! What a tragedy. He answered my unspoken question. “Car crash which resulted in a coma.” His announcement evaporated my excitement instantly.

“Any idea what happened to me?” I asked after a pause.

“No, but hopefully your friends and family would come and visit you today, and the doctor would tell them what happened.” He was right; it was almost morning now – the world was starting again; without caring I wasn’t in it anymore.

“Is it possible for people to wake up from this… err… situation?” I asked glumly.

“Yes, I have seen twenty-six people ever since I have been here, and fifteen made it back.”

Fifty-fifty odds, I thought. He immediately guessed the direction of my thoughts. “Don’t worry, I am sure you will make it back.”

“And I am sure both of us will make it back,” I replied, trying to inject as much confidence in my voice as I could.

*

A while later, I tried to reignite the conversation. “Since we are stuck here, why don’t we talk about something? Some memories to take back when we are both awake again.”

“People don’t remember what happened here when they wake up. I always wish they would, but they just don’t. In any case, why don’t you tell me something – are you always this weirdly enthusiastic?” he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

“No, no… in fact, I am a very boring person; I am a journalist by profession – well, I was until yesterday – and I am just way too much into my job. I don’t talk to other people, apart from work, I don’t party – apart from professional meetings. Actually, I don’t have much time to party, and… well, in a word, you can call me a loner if you like,” I replied in such a heightened tone that he stared at me with shock.

“You don’t look like a loner to me,” he replied, pinning his eyebrow to the top of his forehead.

“You know I am surprised too… maybe this almost being… you know… maybe has brought this hidden side of me out in open,” I wondered out loud.

“Maybe you are right. I also feel very different here. My theory is, I am more myself because I have so much time to think, and there is no one I have to pretend or show-off to,” he ended with a wink.

“You are right. I too feel free here. Although I didn’t work to pretend or show-off, I worked because I felt obliged towards work and that I have to do it. But I don’t anymore,” he smiled brilliantly at my words and expressions. His smile was so radiant that I almost skipped a beat – well if I had one!

‘Wow! This guy is incredible; oh, only if we were alive.

Shut-up, we are alive. Just not a hundred percent,’ I scolded myself.

“Such a show-off, huh! Who are you in real life?” I asked, shutting myself up.

“Not someone I am proud of now!” his tone was honest.

“What? Are you some kind of very Richie-Rich guy who just had everything to show off and did everything just to impress girls?” I said, throwing my arms everywhere just to divert the topic from my monologue.

“Yeah, something of that sort,” he bantered easily, and my heart skipped another beat.

“Really, so who are you exactly, Mr. Richie Rich?”

He hesitated a bit. “Heard of J.R. Mehta?”

“J.R. Mehta, of course I know about him, in fact, I know everything about him,” I spoke with some pride. “I am the one who labelled his son as ‘the platinum boy’; I was also supposed to do a cover story on his life this weekend showing his probable plans for the business, considering his son may never come back again.” The look on his face and my own words suddenly made me realize my own huge mistake.

“You know everything about him, and you don’t know his ‘platinum boy’ son?” he asked sadly, air quoting my words.

“Oh, oh I am so sorry, you know I am so crazy here, I didn’t even realize what I was saying,” and I hugged him instinctively, tears surfacing in my eyes too. I didn’t know if hugging him was right or not, but it did feel very good and comforting.

*

I don’t know for how long we stood there like this, but a cry brought me back to my reality, it was my mother.

“Where is she, what has happened to her?” She was crying and shouting at the receptionist.

“Sorry ma’am, but who are you looking for?” asked a nurse.

“Jia… Jia… my daughter. They brought her here last night… Where is she? What happened to her?” My mom cried and shrieked. I wanted to hug her, console her, and comfort her by telling I was standing right next to her, but nothing happened. However hard I tried, I just couldn’t touch her. The hopelessness I felt at that moment threatened to crush me.

The nurse, who immediately understood whom she was referring to, took her to the I.C.U.

The moment she entered and saw me lying like a lump, she went dead quiet. Her expression went blank, and not a single tear moistened her cheek. If I had not known her all my life, I would have voted her the most cold-hearted mother on Earth, but I exactly knew what was happening. For the world, she was extra-strong, completely independent and a self-sufficient woman, but when it came to me, she had a weak spot the size of a crater. She couldn’t even stand to see me get a minor scar, and today I was lying there almost dead.

I was still planning how to comfort my mother, but the nurse started to speak, “They brought her here last night around 8; she had had a road accident, and they said she was hit by a car while crossing the road.”

“What the hell are you doing?” I shouted at the nurse, “Are you trying to kill her? Can’t you see she is in shock?”

“She has no fractures, but she hit her head on the road which induced a coma,” the nurse continued.

“Mom, mom… I am fine. Please say something, Mom…” I tried to touch her, comfort her, but she didn’t hear or move. She stood rooted to the spot, staring at my lifeless body.

Jai tried comforting me, but I was oblivious.

“Look at her, Jai, look at her. I think she is going to pass out. Please, Jai, help her. Please, Jai, please.” I cried in his arms.

“I can’t, I am sorry.” He held on tightly.

After a long time, my best friend Priya entered the room, bringing my mother back to her senses. The moment my mother’s eyes fell on her, and all hell broke loose.

“What… happened… to my baby…” My mother cried like a storm. Despite a violent struggle, Jai dragged me out of the room to the farthest corner where her sobs were not audible.

“She is fine,” he consoled.

“She isn’t, Jai; didn’t you see her?” I almost screamed.

“I know what you are going through. I have been there too,” he reminded me. “My mother still visits me every day and cries over my body, pleading me to wake up.” I realized my selfishness but still couldn’t help the tears.

How would we ever recover from this?