Chapter 15: Memories

Your POV:

I know this area, Mac and I lived just a few blocks down the road from this house. This area is full of houses that look exactly the same, so I found it a little unnerving.

I tie my horse up and make my way up to the door. I breathe deeply before putting the key in and slowly turning it. I open the door and I'm in the living room...

...

'"I'm sorry it's not much, I know you're used to living in a big fancy mansion." Malcolm said as he came up behind me. "Are you kidding?" I laughed, "This is perfect, I love it!"

I give him a hug which he tentatively returns, probably still a little unsure of how to act around me. Going from being good friends to being married just like that is a little weird. But I've been in love with him for a long time, so this is a dream come true for me. But I'm still not sure if Mac feels the same, or if he is just trying to help out a friend by getting me away from Laurie.'

...

I shake my head as the flashback plays through my head. Peter wouldn't have known I lived in this area before with Mac... This may get weird.

It looks like it came partially furnished, but I did recognize some of the tables and chairs as belonging to Peter and some from Ellen. They are too good to me.

I walk into the kitchen. It also has the exact same layout as the one I shared with Mac...

...

'"The neighbors keep stopping by and are disappointed when it's me answering the door instead of you." Mac laughs as he reads the paper at the kitchen table, while I finish washing dishes in the kitchen.

"I've asked them to come by when you're not around, there is nothing worse than my masters coming here while my husband is home. But I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you... I'm having multiple affairs." I joke, expecting to hear his laugh again, but he falls silent.

I pause from doing the dishes. I make my way over to the table to sit down next to him, "I'm joking, Malcolm." I reassure him with a smile, placing my hand on his arm.

"It's okay if you do." He replied quietly, causing me to frown and pull away from him. "What do you mean?" I ask him, matching his quiet tone.

He puts his paper down and runs his fingers through his short brown hair, avoiding my gaze, "I know I'm probably not exactly the person you had in mind when you got married. But I just wanted to help you and keep you safe. You don't deserve to receive the treatment you endured at that place. So, if you find someone else, it's okay, I'll support you no matter what. You won't be sent to the underground."

I smack him hard on his cheek, and he finally raises his brown eyes to meet my (e/c) ones. I lean out of my chair further and pressed my lips against his. He is shocked by my reaction to his words and doesn't seem to know what to do.

I break away from his lips and start yelling, "How can you be so blind, Malcolm?! How have you never been able to tell that I've been in love with you since I was like 8?! There is no one but you to me!" He stares at me, shocked by my admission.

I'm about to yell at him more when he lifts me from my chair and kisses me. It left me feeling breathless as I welcomed his tongue when he bit my lower lip. Our tongues are locked in a battle for domination. He won in the end, and I let him take control.

We broke apart for air, breathing heavily from the aftermath of our more passionate kiss. "I never thought you could actually feel that way about me, I'm sorry I didn't realize. I love you too."

I hugged him tightly as I feel tears pooling in my eyes. I've never felt so happy.'

...

My fingers grasp one of the chairs to steady myself as that memory slowly fades away, and I return to reality. That was the happiest day I can remember. When Mac confessed that he loved me too, I had hope. I actually wanted to make plans and looked forward to the future for once.

Letting go of the chair, I look up at the front door that I came in from, and I can feel another memory rushing forward.

...

'There was a knock at the door, and I asked Mac to open it. "Yes wife," He teases me as he makes his way over to the door, and greets whoever is on the other side.

"Hello sister defiler," I hear Ben's voice say to Mac as he walked into the house, "And hello defiled sister!" He says to me when he sees me standing by the table. He hasn't been the biggest fan of our marriage, mainly because Mac is his closest friend, and hates the thought of him being with his youngest sister. Little does he know I haven't been 'defiled'. We have come close a few times, but something always stops me. I want to make love to him, but I feel like something is holding me back.

"And you wonder why we never invite you over, Ben," I say to him as Beth walks in and smacks the back of his head.

"Hey, I didn't mind when I found out you were sleeping with Andrea, who happens to be my best friend, Benjamin. Not to mention her being a friend of (y/n)'s as well." Katrina laughed as she followed after Beth.

I was surprised to see Kat, she's been so busy recently. I rushed over and wrap my arms around her, "You're here!"

"Yes," Katrina laughed as she patted my head gently, "I've missed you, little one." I break away from the hug to frown up at her, "I've asked you to stop calling me that." I say to her. "And I didn't listen." She smiles down at me and gives me a gentle kiss on my forehead.

I smile at her again, "So tell me, how have you been? What have you been up to?" I ask her as I offer to take her coat.

"I've been well," she replies as she shrugs off her coat and hands it to me, "Actually, I've started dating Helios." I stiffen when she mentions Conrad's work name. What is he up to? Why would he start dating Kat? This doesn't sound good... He only dates people Laurie tells him to... What's his angle?

"You know, you should call him by his real name if you two are dating." I scold her nervously. She frowns at me, "Fine, Conrad and I are dating. What's with that face?" Kat crosses her arms and waits for me to answer.

"Just," I pause, not wanting to piss her off, "Be careful around him, he doesn't always have the best intentions. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Aren't you sweet," Kat says sarcastically as she rolls her eyes at me, "Don't be jealous (y/n)." I don't say anything else about it. Conrad has tried seducing me in the past, but I've never wanted anything to do with him. And now he is with my oldest sister... What's going on here?'

...

I'm standing in front of the closet door, where I hung up Katrina's coat in my memory. This is getting annoying... But I guess I was right about Conrad having bad intentions.

I shake my head, hoping that it would actually help in repressing the onslaught of memories that have been rushing back when I walked through the door. It isn't even the same house, stop it.

As I'm walking away from the front door again, I hear a knock on the door again. I freeze. I have a bad feeling about this, but I can't put my finger on it. I can just feel something is wrong.

...

'I open the door and my stomach drops when I see two soldiers on my doorstep. No. It can't be.

"Good evening ma'am, is this the residence of Malcolm Meyer?" The soldier with short brown hair and dark circles around his eyes asked me.

My throat goes dry, "Yes," I say weakly, "He's my husband."

"I'm Commander Keith Shadis," Said the man, "May I speak to you for a moment?"

"Did he suffer?" I ask him, looking down at the ground. I can feel his eyes on me, "No ma'am, it was quick."

I nod at his response, "Do you have his body?" I ask Shadis, trying to keep my voice calm.

"No ma'am," Shadis admitted. I breathe deeply before responding, "Thank you for coming to tell me, sir. It can't be an easy job for you."

I can feel his worried gaze, "Ma'am, do you need me to go get someone to be with you? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

I shake my head at him, "I don't need anything. I just need Mac." My voice starts to break. Shadis goes to pat my shoulder, to offer me some sort of comfort, but I backed away quickly.

"But he's gone, and I'm here. I'm okay, it's just... hard to accept," I say more to myself than to the men at the door, "Thank you again for telling me, goodbye." I say to them before closing the door on them. As soon as the door was shut I collapse on the floor and held myself in a fetal position, giving into despair.'

...

"(Y/n)," I feel someone shake me. My eyes snap open to see Oluo on his knees, trying to get me to calm down. When I realize I'm back in reality, I push him away and compose myself.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I glare at him as he slowly stands up. "I followed you," he answered, closing the front door behind him.

"So you're stalking me now? Trying to dig up some more dirt? Well there you go, add delusions to your list of flaws for me."

He gives me a concerned look and shakes his head, "I followed you because I saw you leave by yourself. You shouldn't be heading out of HQ by yourself, under the circumstances."

"The circumstances that are only there because of your actions." I snap back at him. He looks at me sadly, "Be mad at me all you want, I'm not leaving you by yourself. Why don't you go lie down, you don't look well?"

"Why don't you mind your own business?" I snarl at him, getting angrier by the second. Or maybe it was more embarrassment on my part, Oluo of all people finding me while I'm re-living one of my most painful memories.

"Sure thing," he says as he sits at the table, "I'll be right here minding my own business." I glare at him but head up the stairs to where I know the bedroom will be.

There was already a bed there, it was the bed I slept in when I was at Peter's. There was a note on the middle of the bed, attached to my official citizenship papers.

'Congrats, you've gone from a miserable person from the underground to a miserable person above ground like the rest of us.

Cheers!

Peter'

I smile at the note from Peter. He's going to go mental when he hears about what happened last night with Laurie. I'm not looking forward to talking to him about it.

I lay down on the bed and close my eyes, rubbing the bridge of my nose. When I open my eyes, I'm not in my bedroom anymore, I'm in a hospital bed.

...

'I'm breathing heavily, even though my broken ribs scream for me to stop. I'm shaking uncontrollably, scared of who may come through the door.

I hear the door to my hospital room open, I scream and cover my head with my hands, "(y/n)! It's okay it's me!" I look up and relief washes over me as I see Katrina walk into the room.

"Kat," I cry, reaching out to her. She was taken aback by my reaction. She has never seen me so upset and unnerved before, even when Mac died I was able to control myself in front of other people, but not this time.

"Oh my god, (y/n), what happened?" She's giving me a worried look as she studies my face, not wanting to look at the rest of my abused body.

"It's Andrea! They came for her, they're going to kill her! We have to do something before-" I try to explain when Katrina interrupts me with a confused look, "Wait, who's Andrea?" She asks.

Who's Andrea? She's only been her closest friend since they were toddlers! How does she not remember who Andrea is? Oh no... so it is true... I thought it was just a rumor... They really can erase a person from someone's memories.

I start panicking and hyperventilating. Katrina starts rubbing my back, trying to calm me down. But my broken ribs do not like that, causing me to become even more panicked.

"Kat, please! You have to stop him! You have to stop Laurie, please!" I grab her hands hard enough to make her wince, begging her, "You have so much influence on the paper. People will listen to you, please! If this keeps up I won't survive! Please Kat, please!"

"Okay," Katrina said calmly, trying to release my iron grip on her, "I'll see what I can do okay? I won't let them hurt you." She wraps her arms carefully around me and rocks me gently until I calm down.'

...

"(Y/n)," my eyes snap open to see Oluo again, staring at me with a look of concern.

I was curled up on my bed, knees hugged to my face. I unwrap myself and sit quietly on my bed, not looking up or otherwise reacting to Oluo's presence.

Oluo sighs and sits next to me. I tense up at his presence, but I don't reject it.

"I know I'm the last person you want here with you when you're clearly going through a tough time, but you can talk to me." He says quietly.

"Survey says, not a good idea," I say smirking at him, trying to go back to my usual stoic self, but failing.

"What is it about being here that is making you so panicky?" He asks me.

I stayed silent for a moment. Why do I feel like opening up to him? Laurie found me because of him, I should hate him, right?

"My husband and I lived not far from here," I mumble, barely loud enough for him to hear me, "Our house was exactly like this one, same layout and everything. It just brought back memories I suppose, good and bad."

Oluo stays silent and waits to see if I want to continue. I can feel burning behind my eyes as tears build up, demanding to be released, but I wouldn't let them.

"It's just, I had it all planned out you know?" I continue, surprising Oluo, "I didn't make plans before I married Mac, I honestly didn't expect to live that long. But when I was with him, we made so many plans. I was going to be a stay-at-home mom, and he was going to help save the world against titans. We were going to grow old and embarrass our children together. We would retire and buy a big farm somewhere away from everyone else. Maybe even outside the wall one day. But then he died, and reality set in." I finish, looking down at my hands.

"Odd, I didn't peg you as someone who would settle for that kind of life," Oluo says. I just shrug in response.

"Plans almost never work out the way you want them to," Oluo started, now also looking down, deep in thought, "This wasn't the life I planned for myself either. I was an only child, you know?"

"You don't say," I respond sarcastically, I think anyone who knew Oluo could guess he was an only child.

"Shut up," he smirked and continued, "I planned on taking over my father's business when he retired when I became of age. That's what I wanted at the time. I was even in a relationship at the time. I was ready to take on all the responsibilities that were expected of me. But then one of my best friends died fighting the titans." I look up at him as he pauses, my features softening a little.

"I told him not to join the scouts," He continues with a heavy sigh, "But he thought he was invincible. I knew that about him when we were growing up, we always competed with each other. He was like a brother to me." He started smiling, reflecting on the memories he had with his friend.

"When he died, everything changed for me. I didn't want to be the person my parents wanted me to be anymore. I wanted to live for him, and I made his goals my goals. When I said I was joining the scouts, my parents were disappointed and the girl I was with didn't want to be with a soldier. People in the scouts don't have a very high chance of survival, and she couldn't handle that." His smile fades and he looks at me.

"You remind me of him, you know?" Oluo laughs at the face I make, "He was just as talented and motivated as you are. He was better than me at everything and he didn't let me forget it. But it's also that attitude that got him killed." He gives me a serious look. "I think that's why I felt I had to knock you down a few pegs, maybe humbling you would mean you wouldn't be as reckless out in the field."

"My point is," He sighs, "We can plan all we want, but reality always has a way of smacking us back down. But that doesn't mean we give up, so what's the plan now, (y/n)? Since the whole apple pie housewife thing didn't work out. Something better than a relaxing docile life?"

"I just don't know if anything can be better than what I had," I answer honestly.

"It won't feel that way forever," Oluo puts his hand on my shoulder, "You just have to find out who you are now. You didn't really feel the pain of the loss you experienced, because you have been too busy running away and hiding from Lawrence and his people. Now that they know where you are, you're less worried about it, and can now really feel the pain that has been numb up until this point."

I give him a surprised look, "Are you really Oluo?" I start pulling on his hair as if he were wearing a mask. "Quit it." He mumbles as he slaps my hands away.

"So, you're not Lawrence's property anymore, you're not a wife anymore, you're not (y/n/n) who hides her identity with a hood, and you're not someone who is hiding behind Dr. Thompson. Who are you (y/n)? Who do you want to be?" I blink slowly at him, he continues to surprise me.

Truth is I never really thought about it. Wherever I was, I just made myself into whoever I needed to be under the circumstances. Whether that was a sneaky seductress, a spy, a loving wife, a strong shoulder to cry on... But who am I outside of all that? What do I do now? I want to know the truth about the titans and the outside world, but is that all?

I smile at Oluo, which seems to catch him off guard, "Thank you, Oluo. But you still have to beat me at something if you want me to forgive you. Life coaching doesn't count."

He laughs, "Alright, how about a drinking contest? Usually, a couple of days before a big expedition outside the walls, we like to go out and have a little fun at one of the bars in town. Whoever pukes or passes out first loses."

I consider his challenge and accept, "Alright, Oluo, but don't let my size fool you, I can hold my liquor. So you better bring your A game."

"Yeah, whatever brat." He held out his hand for me, "Come on, let's head back to HQ."

I roll my eyes but I accept and head back downstairs with him. I take one last look around my house, not knowing when I would be back. I sigh contently as Oluo and I head out. I lock the door behind me and turn my head over to my horse. I see the horse that is tied up next to mine, which must be Oluo's, and notice it doesn't have a saddle.

I start laughing which startles Oluo and he whips around to see what I am laughing at, "What?"

"You didn't put a saddle on the horse? Your balls must be really sore." I laugh even harder at the face he makes.

"Shut up! I didn't have time to, I wouldn't have known where you had gone if I stopped to saddle up. And yeah, they are sore, so can we please stop talking about it and get going?" He huffs as he makes his way over to his horse.

I roll my eyes at him, "Take my horse, it will be more comfortable for you."

Oluo looks at me and smirks as he makes his way over to my horse, "You're right, I'd rather your balls be sore instead of mine."

"Oh, he's got jokes now?" I return his smirk as I go up on his horse while he mounts mine, "Don't be jealous because they're bigger than yours."

We ride in silence for a while, not an awkward one, it was a comfortable silence. But then, of course, Oluo has to ruin it.

"When you were in your bedroom, what were you screaming about?"

I turn to give him a surprised look, "Wow, we had our first amicable interaction and now you think you can ask me all the personal questions?" I tsked him.

"It's just, I thought I heard the name Katrina, and it reminded me of an article the girl at the lounge gave to me." He responded.

I tense up at her name, "I thought someone might have shown it to you." I sigh quietly, turning my back to him.

"She's my oldest sister. You may have caught a glimpse of her as we were leaving Peter's office in Stohess." I explain to him as he urges his horse a little faster so he can ride next to me.

"Your sister wrote that article about you?!" He yelled even though I was right next to him.

"She wrote it after a particularly bad beating I endured, along with another girl, from Laurie," I started to explain, "Katrina visited me in the hospital, and I begged for her to expose Laurie for who he really is. The other girl who got the worst of the beatings, Andrea, was a close friend of my sisters. But her existence was erased from her memories. I am the only one who remembers who she was. I'm guessing so Laurie can make sure I know what he is capable of."

"After I begged for Katrina's help, she agreed. She is one of the main editors of the newspaper in Sina. But she printed lies about me instead," I growled at the memory of that article, "She said I was trying to spread lies about Laurie. That I was just another drunk slut who was glad her husband died so I could go back to my 'whorish' ways."

Oluo remains silent, shocked that a family member would do something like that.

"She was dating a man I used to work with. She had been obsessed with him for years, I'm sure he helped with the article too." I didn't realize that my hands were balling up into fists until my horse shook his head uncomfortably at the added pressure I put on the bit. I loosen the reins immediately and pat his neck as an apology.

"I'm sorry," Oluo says, trying to meet my eyes. "Don't be," I mutter, "I'm glad I found out who she really is."

Thankfully, the rest of the trip to HQ was quiet.