Amson, 18, "Birthday Boy"

It was all but calm after that encounter. Lore and I cleaned in silence, as we had before, but this time it had that stagnant, nagging undertone of something akin to betrayal. I could tell from across the room what she was thinking, but it only made me more and more angry with myself.

At the very least, I'm happy I came to my senses before anything more came from it.

I could still feel the warmth of the gun within my nearly clasping palm. I struggled to give it the strength it needed to clench, I was so weak. Between that and her eyes, though, it was nothing. Every once and a while, I'd feel that gaze pass over me, instantly sending a horrible chilling down my spine. All the same, I felt something else beneath it, that guilt I'd sensed before.

I was afraid to look her in the eyes any longer.

My gaming console was intact, with all controllers neatly at its side. I unhooked it from the living room flatscreen, taking it upstairs with me. Lore wouldn't let me out of her sight, her steps tracing mine with near-pinpoint accuracy. Still, she found something to clean as long I was within pouncing distance.

I wasn't willing to try again, but I understood why. Honestly, it was nice having her stick close to me like she did. Being in her presence was a gift of its own, distracting my mind from what'd happened last night, but every attempt I made at bringing myself to conversing with her was scrapped.

As she said, there was nothing to say.

I plugged the console back into my TV, but when I turned to the door, I saw the sheets I'd thrown aside in my mad, fiendish hypersensitivity. I picked them up as Lore stood by the door, having finished whatever she was doing. Tucking it into each corner of my bed, I thought, 'Is it really alright to leave it like that?' What other choice did I have?

I just tried to kill myself, and had it not jammed, I would've in one echoing pop from that warm chamber.

However, it still didn't sit right with me; Once I finished, I was going to break this silence. I needed to get this off my chest, just for some peace of mind.

"Lore..." I started, pushing the final corner underneath the mattress. "I-"

"I don't want to hear a word from you today." She stopped me. "Not a word until Mom and Dad arrive, tomorrow, understand me? You owe it to yourself, Am. I-- I can't believe you."

She started tearing up as she said it but sucked it up just as fast.

I stopped, trying to force myself to look at her.

"I..." I whispered, still adamant. "I just wanted to say I forgive you."

She didn't stop me, as if she'd frozen from my words alone. I continued, determined to get my feelings across to her.

"You couldn't have known." I said, making sure she'd heard me this time. "I was just too selfish to tell you sooner... You just wanted me to have fun."

She didn't speak, only looked at me. As my eyes raised to her, it seemed like she was doing the same as me, struggling to look at me. After that, I kept my mouth shut, as she ordered.

///

For the rest of that day, we made an effort to make the house as spotless as humanly possible, as if it hadn't changed a bit since Mom and Dad left. All trash was gone and in the dumpster, and all remnants outside, in the yard, were purged. Thankfully, it wasn't a lot of hassle.

Lore forced me to sleep in her room for that night, and through the dark, her arms wrapped around my head, holding me close to her body. At first, I was worried that the snake and spider might crawl on us-- me, while we slept, but they didn't move an inch thanks to Lore's proximity. She wouldn't let go, but throughout the night, as I heard her night-terrors haunting her thoroughly, I wished she'd never let go.

Just to give some comfort, any at all, since the pillows seemed to not do shit's worth of anything for her.

Still, it was a hard, breaking night; I couldn't tell if the dreams she was having were because of what I'd done or if she'd always dealt with them, just never told me. Though I was happy to be that rock for her to lie on, I wished she'd never shown me that side of her; I found trouble leaving her when morning finally came.

Just like I'd kept things from her, she did the same for me... I'd failed to realize that possibility, being so absorbed in myself and my own problems. If I'd known that I was neglecting her feelings... I hope I would've done the same she'd done for me, dropping her façade and showing that vulnerable side.

Even then, I found trouble seeing myself in such a situation.

"Happy Birthday, Amson!" My family and friends stood before me, nearly pressing the cake into my face.

My mother, father, sister, Baun, and his father were there, smiles spanning from ear to ear as if nothing had happened. It was heartwarming, but seeing such joy hurt me more than I could've fathomed... and Baun, seeing his face broke me within.

'Don't look at me...' I thought. 'Don't smile!'

After what I'd done, I didn't deserve to be in his presence, anyone's. I'd betrayed everyone in that room; they shouldn't be celebrating. I told myself I wouldn't lie-- I wouldn't put on another face in front the people I loved... but if they saw me, knew me for everything I am and have done... they would kill me.

I was afraid of them, and that fear carried the weight of my face, a face I couldn't identify if I tried. My parents, my only, beloved sister, and my first true friend knew nothing about me, and had I wasted a second's worth of effort, I would be revealed as the nasty, horrible pretender only I knew myself to be.