Chapter 7 Oh Canada

Disclaimer: Canada has an atmosphere of burning sulfur and no gravity . . . really.

"Madame Bones," a breathless Auror rushed into the woman's office. "I have some troubling news."

"What is it?" Bones demanded.

"This," the man said, thrusting a small piece of paper into her hands.

"First annual Death Eater meeting and Reunion?" The Minister's eyes shot up in surprise, "come meet with your old friends, talk about old times, plot the evil plot, and drink a lot of whiskey? Is this a joke?"

"I don't think so," the lacky said quickly. "What should we do?"

"Round up a group of Aurors," Bones said grimly. "We're going to stop this before it begins."

"Right," the flunky agreed.

Bones assembled her team and burst into the room holding the death eater meeting. It was easy to find, what with the sign on the door. Amelia's eyes widened in horror as she realized just how badly outnumbered her team was.

"The striper's here," one of the drunken death eaters pulled Amelia into his arms. "She's a hot one, dressed as an Auror too."

"Sexy," another death eater agreed. "And she brought friends, take off your clothes."

"You're all under arrest," Bones said nervously.

"Woo hoo," one of the death eaters screamed enthusiastically. "Arrest me baby, I won't talk unless you play good cop . . . along with her, she's hot as hell."

"Arrest me next," another death eater demanded.

"Settle down," what appeared to be the head death eater called. "There will be plenty of time for that later, first let's all take off these stupid masks to show who we really are."

"Right on," another death eater said loudly. "Can't wait to see how ugly you really are without that stupid disguise."

"My disguise isn't stupid," the head death eater said with a hurt tone of voice. "Now UNMASK."

Bones watched in horror as the masks came off, half the crowd was composed of men and women that she knew to be unspeakables, Hitwizards, and Aurors.

IIIIIIIIII

"So what'd you do?" Grivner demanded.

"I managed to use my years of training to get out of there alive," Bones replied coldly. "Now about that purge we need to conduct? I was thinking that the two of us should contact Black and ask for his help on this."

"Wonderful idea," the head unspeakable agreed. "I'd just like to get one thing out of the way first."

"What's that?" Bones tensed.

"This," Grivner tossed a large bag of coins on the table. "The men said your dance was quite memorable."

"What?" Bones stared at the bag of coins in shock.

"They want to book you for next year's reunion," the man said with undisguised glee. "They promised to give me several photos showing your . . . performance."

"Hurgle"

"They demanded I bring you this when they found out I knew you," the unspeakable said through bouts of laughter. "They said you must have left it behind by mistake, even added a large tip."

"Murph"

"You tried to raid a reunion of the spies that infiltrated the dark lord's forces, men and women who spent years undercover."

"I did WHAT?" Bone's eyes bugged out.

"And then you showed them your knockers." Grivner pulled out a photo and spent several seconds staring at it with admiration. "Nice ones too."

"If you tell anyone I'll kill you," Bones whispered.

"They're still trying to figure out how you managed to get Madame Bone's hair for the Polyjuice potion."

"Kill you slow," Bones hissed.

"So I guess the only thing left to say is, you busy this Friday?"

IIIIIIIIII

The Portkey dropped Harry off in a small train station. Raising his eyebrows a bit at the steam locomotive, Harry walked to the ticket window and purchased a ticket to the nearest station from his cabin.

"May I ask you something before I get on the train?"

"What is it?" The man in the booth asked calmly.

"Why do you still use a steam locomotive?" Harry asked, "why not switch like everyone else?"

"Look around," the man said with a wave of his hand. "Do you see acres and acres of Diesel?"

"No"

"Trees are cheap around here and they'll run the engine," the man explained. "And a bit of magic will make it run clean."

"Right," Harry agreed with a forced smile.

"Sides," the man continued. "It'd be a shame to junk it, still works just fine."

"I'm sure it does," Harry said with a nod. "Thank you for your time."

"Happy to help."

IIIIIIIIII

"So you've actually met Mr. Black?" Hermione asked with a smile.

"I have," the customs agent agreed. "Even saw his first name."

"What is it?" Luna demanded. "Was it Harland? Or maybe Fred?"

"No it started with a P," the man said absently. "Paddy? Pat? Prometheus, I think it was Prometheus."

"Thank you very much," Hermione said evenly, her face pale.

"No problem," the man said with a smile. "Happy to be of service, now what was the purpose of your visit again?"

"We're looking for a friend," Luna replied. "And Hermione wants to see the Red Light District."

"Alright," the man stamped their passports. "On you go then. Next."

"Hermione," Luna asked as they walked off. "Is something the matter?"

"Everything's fine Luna," Hermione said automatically. "Why would you think otherwise?"

"Because you nodded dumbly when I suggested that you were going to visit the Red Light district," Luna replied. "And I was wondering about your lack of reaction . . . or your plans to visit the district. If you're going then why didn't you tell me about it? I'm sure that there are several places that we could go together, I've always wanted to go, you understand. But Father always forbid me from going . . . and he's a much better dueler than I am so I haven't managed to stun him and go myself yet."

"Hwah," Hermione's eyes bugged. "I'm not planning to go to the . . . it's about Mr. Black's first name."

"Pity," Luna said with a sigh. "What was that about Mr. Black's first name?"

"It's the name of the man that is said to have given several bits of technology to humanity including fire which he stole from the gods," Hermione lectured. "Though in some magical versions, he steals magic and gives it to a chosen few . . . pureblood tripe if you ask me."

"I see," Luna nodded. "What do you think?"

"I don't know," Hermione replied. "If I remember right, the story states that as punishment, Prometheus was chained to a mountain where an eagle would try to eat his liver every day and that he would heal every night. It conflicts with a lot of other things we've heard about Mr. Black so I just don't know."

"Legends often contain different or conflicting versions of the same truth," Luna replied. "Take the stories about the fae stealing a child and replacing it with a changeling." Luna said with a huff.

"What about the stories?" Hermione asked.

"What stories?" Luna asked innocently, "Are you feeling sick, Hermione?"

"I'm feeling just fine Luna," Hermione replied. "Let's go get something to eat."

"Ok"

IIIIIIIIII

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Henchgirl asked. "I don't like the idea of lowering the wards."

"It's only for a few minutes," the Professor replied. "And it really is something that needs to be done."

"I know," Henchgirl replied. "We never expected so many people to be using the castle."

"And our septic system is being overloaded," the Professor said quickly. "So we have no choice but to bring this new system online, think of it Henchgirl . . . it may be a small thing, but we could be doing a great service to humanity."

"By building a better way to dispose of our . . . waste?" Henchgirl asked incredulously.

"No Henchgirl," the Professor said quickly. "By insuring that we won't be disturbed by any unpleasant smells."

"And how does that serve humanity?" Henchgirl asked suspiciously.

"Because it will allow us to better focus on our inventions," the Professor explained. "Any one of which could someday save the planet."

"Even your steam powered curling iron?" Henchgirl asked sarcastically.

"Yes," the Professor agreed. "Even that."

"Oh . . . ok," Henchgirl said with a slow nod. "When you put it like that, it makes me ashamed to wish to stand in your way."

"I know it does Henchgirl," the Professor said pompously. "But you'll just have to hope that you manage to forgive yourself someday."

"I still don't like lowering the wards though," Henchgirl said sharply.

"Very well," the Professor said wearily. "The only place we really need to lower the wards is around the overflow tank, it will be difficult but I suppose we could confine it to that spot."

"Good," Henchgirl said with a grin. "Let's do it."

IIIIIIIIII

Elsewhere, a strike team that had been waiting in readiness to strike Black Island go the signal to move. Conveniently enough, the signal was the activation of the portkeys that they'd all been wearing.

"Where are we?" One of the men in the team cast a quick charm to provide a bit of light. "Looks like we're in some sort of stone room."

"A holding cell," the leader spat. "We've fallen into another of Black's traps."

"What's that smell?" Another asked nervously. It was at that moment that the overflow tank began to fill. On the plus side, everyone of the men had managed to acquire through various means the ability to breathe underwater and had the strength to keep it up for several days. On the minus side, everyone of the men had managed to acquire through various means the ability to breathe underwater and had the strength to keep it up for several days. Some things can be both bad and good . . . thought, if you were to ask them, most of the men in the strike force would put this firmly in the bad category.

IIIIIIIIII

"Are you sure this is a good idea sir?"

"Of course it is," Grivner agreed. "And it's funny too, so what's the problem?"

"The problem is that she'll kill us both if she finds out who's responsible for this," the flunky replied nervously.

"She'll never figure out who did it," Grivner waved off his flunky's concerns. "So stop worrying."

"If you say so sir," the man agreed reluctantly. "Ok, I've put the flowers on her desk now what?"

"Now we sign the card Mr. Black and get the hell out of here before she kills us both," Grivner replied. "Let's get moving."

The two unspeakables carefully made their way back to the Department of Mysteries and waited with bated breath until an outraged scream notified them that Bones had found their little gift. "Excellent work sir," the flunky said quickly.

"It was wasn't it?" Grivner said with a smile, "too bad you won't remember it."

"Sir?"

"I may enjoy tormenting her, but Amelia is my friend." Grivner explained, "everything will be fine so long as no one suspects that it wasn't a polyjuiced stripper at that party . . . Obliviate"

IIIIIIIIII

"Well?" One of the shadowed men demanded.

"We've managed to insert a team into Black's island," one of the other men replied.

"What's their progress? What have they done? Do you have any information?" The man demanded.

"They went in and disappeared," the man replied. "We just know that their portkeys must have sensed a break in the wards, we don't know anything else."

"This is troubling," one of the men said slowly.

"It means nothing," another spoke up. "We were all aware that none of these men were likely to survive, so they died quicker then we'd thought they would, so what?"

"But what if they were taken prisoner?"

"They don't know anything," the man replied. "Who cares if they talk. Let's move on."

IIIIIIIIII

"Thank you for seeing me," Albus said with a weak smile. "I only wish that it were under better circumstances."

"As do I Albus," the man at the other side of the table replied. "I can only tell you a bit about Mr. Black, nothing I suspect that you haven't heard before."

"Anything would be helpful," Dumbledore said quickly.

"He spotted every tail we put on him," the man said slowly. "Pointed out every mistake we made, and left when we annoyed him too much."

"What did you do?" Dumbledore prompted.

"We tried to search his rooms," the man replied. "Partially to see if he'd have noticed."

"I see." Dumbledore paused to organise his thoughts, "do you have any information on how I might be able to contact him?"

"No," the man replied. "I know that he's taught a few classes on that island of his, other than that." The man shrugged.

"Thank you," Albus stood. "And you promise . . ."

"That I will contact you or your Deputy if I hear so much as a rumor about Harry Potter," the man interrupted. "Calm yourself Albus, he will be found."

"I hope so," Dumbledore said slowly. "Because if he isn't, then I shall never be able to forgive myself."

AN: It's been a few months since the last time I've been to Canada and I decided to skip my normal commentary on places to go because I couldn't fit it into the story. Let's see, there is a Steam Clock in Victoria BC and a rebuilt wooden fort not far from Victoria. Um . . . don't believe the flight crew if they tell you that the ice cream is made out of moose milk at Gander airport, it's not. They're telling the truth if they mention that the queen has been there, there's even plaque commemorating the occasion. Uh . . . guess it doesn't matter, Harry'll be spending most of his time in the middle of nowhere . . . scratch that, all of his time in the middle of nowhere so I guess it doesn't matter. The train is based on a real train I saw in Canada, though not one in active service.

Omake: by maxx7652

Black Island:

Henchgirl was not having a good day, in fact this was one of the

worst days she's had in a long time. At first, she thought that the

presence of the Veela on the island would not be a problem. In fact,

she found it quite amusing to watch the males on the island make

fools of themselves. Well... almost all the males, the Professor

seemed to be immune but she couldn't really tell since he was so

engrossed in his latest project.

But, after five ruined experiments and the second emergency trip to

see the Doctor of the day, Henchgirl was quickly reaching her limit.

Having resorted to drastic measures, Henchgirl barricaded herself

inside laboratory, wielding steel plates over the windows and pushing

her largest cabinet against the door.

"There," Henchgirl muttered, satisfied at finally sealing herself off

from the rest of the castle. "No more interruptions from impatient

Veela or any more 'accidents' caused by drooling idiots who can't

watch where they're going. There's no way anyone will be able to

bother me now."

After more than two hours of wonderful uninterrupted peace and quiet,

Henchgirl was close to yet another brilliant breakthrough. "Now all I

have to do is very carefully add this last bit and -"

BOOM "WE FOUND YOU MR. BLACK!" the hopeful Veela yelled after using

one of the Professor's inventions to incinerate the door, as well as

the cabinet and a good bit of the wall.

"NOOOOOO!" a voice cried from the center a newly formed bright blue

dust cloud.

"Um, Mr. Black?" asked a now uncertain voice.

"No! I'm not Mr. Black," Henchgirl yelled. "How many times do I have

to tell you that HE'S NOT HERE! And why are you snickering like

that?"

"Well, you zeem to be a little blue," one of the Veela managed to say

with a somewhat straight face as she looked for a mirror to hand to

the irate potion mistress.

"What, of course I'm blue you just made me ruin another-"

The resounding screech and yells could be heard through most of the

castle and many wondered if the human body was capable of such feats.

The years of Auror training lead say-my-first-name-at-your-own-risk

Tonks to rush toward the source of the explosion. However, instead of

finding an accident scene, Tonks was nearly run over by several

fleeing followed closely behind by a very irate, very blue

Henchgirl. "Yep, it's never dull around here. But that would be a

great color for me though."

Fortunately for the Veela they managed to evade Henchgirl long enough

for them to ask a few gentlemen to help them out. Soon afterwards,

the victims, er men, learned never to get in the way of pissed off

blue woman. One poor bastard who made

"Smurfette" comment wouldn't wake up for another couple of weeks.

Henchgirl now found herself a guest of the Doctor AGAIN. "We have got

to find a way to get rid of those, those-"

"Hey, no need to convince me. I've been so busy treating Veela-charm

related injuries that I've barely been able to do any kind of

research. Hell, less than an hour ago, I had to stop one from going

into the nundu's chamber." At a slightly lower voice, "in hindsight,

I'm beginning to question that decision."

"It's strange, I heard about how Veela can cause disruptions, but I

don't ever remember hearing about Veela being this bad before."

"That's because they aren't normally. Since they are looking forward

to finding Mr. Black so much, their charm is on overdrive."

"Well, can't you give them something to stop it?" Henchgirl whined.

"What do you think I've been trying to research? No one will leave me

alone long enough to do it." The Doctor sighed, "At this point, I'm

definitely willing to consider alternatives, but I can't think of

anything else that would work short of them finding Mr. Black." At

this Henchgirl got a speculative look on her face. "I know that look,

what are you planning?"

"Well, I do kinda have one idea," Henchgirl admitted.

"Don't just sit there, tell me!" the Doctor demanded. "I've had to

deal with them just as much as you have!"

"It's just that lately Mr. Black has seemed a little tense and those

Veela really seem to enjoy his company and he's never said that he

wouldn't want to see them again. Although we can't tell them where he

is, technically it wouldn't be our fault if they somehow found him."

At this, the Doctor got hopeful, but then quickly deflated, "But how

can they find him if we don't tell them anything?"

"That's where the Professor comes in," Henchgirl happily

replied. "He's holed up in his workshop working on a way to connect

tunnels like vanishing cabinets. And when he figures out how-"

"We convince him to set up another tunnel right to Mr. Black and

accidentally let those menaces discover it," the Doctor smirked, "now

the question is how to get him to set it up."

"Leave that to me!" Henchgirl yelled back as she ran out to find the

Professor.

The Doctor just sat down on the table, folded her hands in her lap,

looked at her watch and waited for the door to open again.

About 30 seconds later, a more subdued but still very blue, Henchgirl

walked back in. "Umm, about that antidote?"

"Here, you go," the Doctor replied. "I've also got a way to help with

the Professor, just tell me when you go to see him."

Now back to normal, Henchgirl vacated the Doctor's office just in

time to see the Doctor receive yet another more slightly injured

idiot with a dazed expression that she was really beginning to get

tired of. Walking into the Professor's workshop with a more than

slightly evil expression on her face that she quickly covered. "Hey,

Professor! Have you finished with that Gringotts project yet?"

Henchgirl asked, as sweet as can be.

"Oh yes, we just finished setting the tunnel up a little while ago

without any problems. Now I can-"

"That's great," the plotting woman interrupted. "Why don't you set up

another tunnel for Mr. Black's cabin?"

"The zeppelin and port keys work fine, why would you set up something

like that?" The Professor questioned. "This wouldn't have anything to

do with those Veela that are bugging everyone?"

Normally, Henchgirl would take the time to outwit him, but she'd

already had to deal with way too much today. Well, drastic times and

that. She no longer bothered to hide that evil look that told the

Professor "You're going to do what I want right now or else." As the

now more than slightly frightened Professor was backed into the wall,

Henchgirl proceeded to convince him. "You know, you've had it easy so

far. I wonder what would happen if those Veela found out that YOU

knew exactly how they could find Mr. Black." Then the evil look got

even worse. "Or maybe that one of you inventions was the key to

reaching him?"

The Professor now wore a look a horror "But, that- you-"

Anything he could have said was interrupted by the Doctor. "Hello,

Professor. I've been looking for you. Henchgirl reminded me how long

it's been since you've been checked out. You're overdue for a

Complete Physical." She then adopted a look similar to

Henchgirl's. "Unfortunately, after so many injuries being caused

lately, I have to save my strength for healing more injuries which

means that this will have to be the non-magic version," the Doctor

finished with an evil grin.

Quickly realizing the many ways these two were going to make him

suffer, the Professor did what any self respecting man would do when

faced with two angry conspiring women - he gave in and pleaded for

mercy. "Okay! Okay! I'll set it up just please don't hurt me!"

"Great! We'll just leave you to it then." Henchgirl and the Doctor

walked out smiling. The Professor could have sworn he heard one whisper

something like "fun" and "too easy."

Nobody was sure how Mr. Black managed to avoid the Veela on his next

trip to the castle but with Mr. Black you could never be sure. The

Doctor was just glad that he was able to avoid Henchgirl's and the

Doctor's wrath by convincing Mr. Black let him set the tunnel to his

cabin.

"I just hope that he doesn't get too mad at us for this," the

Professor stated to the two women.

Henchgirl just smiled and said "What do you mean 'us'? YOU'RE the one

who set everything up and convinced him to set it up, not us."

"But, but" the Professor sputtered. "Evil women!"

Neither one of the women seemed all too put out at this remark, in

fact they seemed more smug than anything else.

After a few moments, the Professor seemed to realize

something. "Well, it's a good thing that he already knew that you put

me up to it then."

"What?"

"What?"

Harry was really enjoying his cabin in Canada. It was full of peace

and quite and most importantly, no crazy adventures or odd

occurrences. "Now THIS is a vacation. Peace, quiet, this is the life.

Nothing could mess this up." Harry said just before he turned in for

the night.

In retrospect, that was probably the wrong thing to say. Harry

realized this when her woke up tied up and not being able to move,

despite all of his enhanced strength. "What the..." was all Harry was

able to say before he realized that her had company in the form of a

group of familiar Veela.

"'ello, 'arry. We've been looking for 'ou."

END OMAKE