CHAPTER 39

Charlotte knew something was wrong. Different. Very different.

John took over night duty, saying Arthur and Sadiq needed a break, but it was much more than that.

Everything had changed after her mother's visit, and she wasn't sure why.

Alice and the other kids kept her busy as they strove to finish the mural before Sunday. Her zest for the project had dimmed and she tried not to let it show. Sunday morning arrived and she still hadn't had a chance to talk to John. It was clear he was avoiding her.

She'd expected this after their first night together, but not now. Not after she'd given herself to him body and soul.

John was still working when they headed to church. He showed up later.

She set aside her personal grief for the youngsters because they were so excited about the mural. Everyone "oohed" and "aahed" over the painting, and the kids had a surprise for her. They'd titled the work 'Charlotte's Pride' which had been etched on a plaque and hung at the top of the mural. She almost burst into tears.

Afterward they had cake and punch and everyone visited. John stayed a safe distance away. Alice went home with Bethann to play, and John went back to work. Charlotte rode home with Haetel, who changed into her new clothing quickly so she could attend Sharon's poker game.

"Would you mind accompanying me?" Haetel recommended.

No, thank you. I think I'll have a quiet afternoon."

Her sense of loneliness returned when Haetel went. She had everything, and then it was all gone, and she didn't know why. She went for milk and chocolate-chip cookies, intending to stuff herself until there was no room for thoughts of a certain sheriff.

On her fourth cookie, she heard a car and jumped to her feet. Through the window she saw John get out of his vehicle. He carried papers in his hand. He strode toward the house.

He opened the door, and at the set look on his face, her heart drooped like a bloom deprived of life-giving water. She wasn't even sure she was breathing.

Laying the papers on the table, he said, "You've completed your community-service hours. Judge Fitzwater has signed off on it and you're free to go."

"Just like that." The words burned in her throat.

"Yes." His eyes met hers and not one flicker of emotion showed there. Nothing but dogged determination, it seemed to get rid of her.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's changed in the past few days."

He removed his hat and studied it. "I guess I owe you an explanation."

"That would be nice."

"I crossed the line with you and I apologize. I let things go way too far and I regret that. I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Bull. Now tell me the real reason. I deserve that."

He remained quiet, studying his hat as if it suddenly had flecks of gold.

"I's her, isn't it?"

Then he turned to face her.

"Who?"

"Sarah. All that guilt has finally kicked in."

"This has nothing to do with Sarah." His voice rose. "You and I are wrong for each other. Period."

"It felt right to me."

His eyes darkened. "Go home, Charlotte. You don't belong here."

She felt the strike to her heart. "And Sarah does."

"Sarah and I were two of a kind. You and I are different." He waved a hand in the air. "This is all a novelty to you, but it's real to me. It's my life."

"John," she pleaded. "I don't understand."

One hand gripped his hat until the brim creased. "I'm a hillbilly sheriff and I live in a one-horse town. Can you honestly see yourself living here for the rest of your life?"

"Obviously you can't."

His face remained impassive.

"John..." She moved closer and he backed away.

"Go back to your life in Austin. That's where you belong."

"Okay." She licked dry lips.

"I'll go, but first I have something to say."

He groaned with apparent frustration.

"When I first came here, I called you every name in the book, and one of those was 'hillbilly sheriff". I really didn't know you, though. I was just spouting off like I always do when someone gets in my face. I was angry, really angry. But you made me feel guilt and shame and I wanted to be a better person. In your eyes. That's never happened to me before. You taught me about responsibility, respect and right from wrong. Our relationship blossomed into something special. At least it did for me."

"But how long will it last?"

"What?" He'd caught her off guard.

"This is a novelty to you now. It's exciting, but for how long?" As she paused, he added, "What we shared was sex, just sex."

"I know that's harsh, but it's the truth."

She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked squarely at him. "I think you're scared of everything that happened between us. You're scared to admit what it really is."

"Charlotte..."

"It's---"

"Don't say it," he warned, his eyes darker than she'd ever seen them.

She saw the darkness for what it was-fear. But not even that stalled the words in her throat. "Love. I love you."

Without batting an eye, he replied, "It's not love. You only think it is?"

"John..."

Her voice became low and throaty, like it always did when she was wrapped in his arms.

He looked at her. "I don't love you, Charlotte."

Her heart took the second strike, and the blow weakened her resolve.

"Are you still in love with Sarah?" she forced herself to ask.

"Yes. I'm sorry."

The third strike and she was out of strength, out of hope and damn out of luck. But she'd known from the start that loving John Stark was a risk, one she'd willingly taken.

Now it was time to admit defeat and say goodbye.

She dragged a breath from the bottom of her lungs, knowing she couldn't force him to love her.

But it might take a while to accept that. If ever.

"Okay, I'll go, but not before I say goodbye to Alice and Haetel." Giving in was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. She was used to going after what she wanted and in the end always got it.

Until John.

It hurt just as much as bidding her father farewell.

And just as final.

Bubba brought her car to the Stark house, gassed up and ready to go. John hadn't missed a thing.

She hugged Hae until her arms ached. "I'll miss you."

"Me, too. Now you call, you hear?" Hae instructed.

"I will." Charlotte promised.

Then she bent and held on to Alice for all she was worth.

"Why do you have to go?" Alice asked, tears in her voice.

"It's time for me to go home," was all she could say.

"Charlotte has a family waiting for her." John spoke up.

"Oh."

She kissed Alice, hugged Dolittle and ran for her car. John followed.

"I appreciate everything you've done for Alice and I wish you all the best."

She stared at him, not bothering to brush away her tears. "I had the best right here, but you're too pigheaded and scared to see that."

She saw his throat convulse in an effort to swallow. A twinge of hope leaped through her. 'Ask me to stay. Say you love me. Take away this pain.'

He didn't.

"When you get back to your world, you'll forget I ever existed. If not, you know where to find me," was all he said.

And that was it.

He thought she was fickle, her feelings temporary. There was nothing she could say that would change his mind.

From the turmoil on his face, she knew he was hurting, too. That was the only thing that saved her and gave her the strength to get into her car.

Time was on her side. Time to prove him wrong.

She headed for the highway and home. She dared not look in her rearview mirror, because she feared home was everything she was leaving behind.