Chapter 20: cold heart

"How are things at home?" Yan Changkong inquired with a smile as Lu Bu returned to report his work in the border village.

"Everything is well. Madam has given me another child, but the birth timing was rushed, and I couldn't be there for the birth." Lu Bu responded with a hint of regret.

"When the time comes, I'll give you some more time. You've been keeping peace in the north. You shouldn't miss the birth of your child." Yan Changkong chuckled heartily.

"It's not necessarily a boy." Lu Bu replied, shaking his head with a smile.

"We have plenty of fine young men like you in the Lu family. Why should we fear that Hu Qi in the future?" Yan Changkong's laughter resonated in the camp. Many envied Lu Bu's favor with Yan Changkong, but only the lieutenant who had given Lu Bu advice on his personal life silently understood their connection.

Not long after, Yan Changkong's daughter married into a prominent family in the north, solidifying their ties. Despite guarding the frontier diligently for ten years, it seemed that Lu Bu had reached his limit in terms of promotion. Although he achieved numerous military feats in the following decade, his rewards were primarily monetary, grain, and property. His rank remained stagnant.

Increasingly frustrated, Lu Bu eventually mustered the courage to question Yan Changkong. Yet, every time he asked, the response was the same: "You're still young, and your chance will come. Let others have their turn for now."

Tolerating it once or twice was one thing, but after repeated instances, Lu Bu's resentment grew. He saw less capable individuals receiving promotions while he remained stagnant, and even the lieutenant, once on par with him, had surpassed his position. As Hu Qi's aggression intensified, Lu Bu's disinterest in taking action became apparent. He refused to deploy troops without explicit orders.

"Lu Bu, what's come over you!?" Fed up after numerous instances, Yan Changkong finally exploded, scolding Lu Bu mercilessly in front of his subordinates. "Xu Zheng has been with you for ten years. Can you bear to watch him perish in battle?"

Indifferently, Lu Bu leaned against his Fang Tianhua halberd and responded, "General, I thought Xu Zheng could become my Shangguan, but his exceptional abilities led to his promotion by the court. If I were in his position now, I would have no need for assistance from others."

"Is that so? Are you holding a grudge against me for not promoting you for ten years?" Yan Changkong's voice grew stern.

"I dare not." Lu Bu shrugged.

"Very well!" Yan Changkong's smile vanished as he spoke, "From today onward, you will be in charge of provisioning and will no longer be needed on the battlefield."

"Thank you, General!" Lu Bu saluted, then turned and left without looking back.

A long sigh echoed within the tent, its source and significance lost on Lu Bu.

The conflict between the Hu people and Dagan persisted, mirroring the historical battles between the Huns, Xianbei, and Dahan. Lu Bu, familiar with the grasslands' ways, recognized their cyclical patterns—overpopulation leading to raids southward, irrespective of victories or defeats. Timelessly, he noted the predictability and inevitability of such events.

As the grain officer, Lu Bu faced minimal reprimand, overseeing the transport of provisions and maintaining inventory levels. He negotiated with front-line soldiers to ensure they did not go hungry. Gradually, his days saw a decline in military fervor, leaving him with considerable free time.

Over the years, Lu Bu's eldest son matured into a respectful young man who secured a role in the county government at age fifteen. While the second son lacked ambition, he demonstrated greater wit. Lu Bu, however, held no designs for their futures. As for his own path, he remained disinterested.

Time flowed swiftly, slipping through Lu Bu's grasp. With each passing season, more winters and summers faded into memory. Lu Bu stepped down as provisioning officer, assuming a county official role and returning home to be with his family. Two concubines joined his household, bearing three sons and a daughter. Generations flourished within Lu Zhuang.

However, Lu Bu rarely laughed since his return from the battlefield. Grief marked his fiftieth birthday when he lost his father. Another year passed, and his mother passed away from longing. With time, Lu Bu's adaptability waned, leading him to construct a new Lu Zhuang on these lands. The once-abundant fields were replaced, and a harbor emerged. During lulls in farming, the village men trained under Lu Bu's guidance, practicing combat techniques. A steady stream of defectors swelled Lu Zhuang's ranks, and the area became increasingly unwelcoming to Hu Qi.

More years elapsed, and Lu Bu's children married. He entered his fifties, leading his children in celebrating his birthday.

"What's the use of this celebration? The money spent could buy more arrows for defense. Our position in Lu Zhuang is precarious. We can't afford to slack off!" Lu Bu criticized the festivities.

"Father hasn't smiled in twenty years. We just want to see you happy again," his wife sighed. Lu Bu had suffered several illnesses during his army days. In recent times, they had grown more serious, and there seemed to be no remedy.

"Twenty years..." Lu Bu's eyes glinted with memories. "Time has passed by so quickly."

"Father, a group of soldiers from outside the village has arrived, escorting a woman who wishes to see you." The youngest son entered and informed Lu Bu.

"What do they think? If I wanted a woman, I could bring her home myself. Why hide it?" Lu Bu's wife's expression shifted uneasily.

"I know, but... I'm afraid she's from the military." His wife sighed.

"So what if she is? Do they expect me to return to the battlefield at my age?" Lu Bu snorted disdainfully. "You tend to your mother. I'll go see who it is!"

"Yes!"