Prejudice

As he entered the room, he wore an excited, happy grin, which was honestly a relief. It indicated that our upcoming conversation would likely go smoothly. However, I glanced around, looking up and struggling to make eye contact. A lump formed in my throat, but I forced myself to speak:

"Hey, Jacob. How was the game?" I asked, attempting to sound casual.

"Oh, it was pretty good. The Buffalos won. You should have been there, man," he replied, sitting down on his bed and removing his shoes.

"Yeah, about that…" I hesitated for a moment, gathering my courage. "I'm sorry I didn't go with you. I know you were trying to invite me…" I stopped mid-sentence when he interrupted me.

"It's fine, man. I had to leave so abruptly because one of my buddies texted me that the match was about to begin. I guess I must have messed up the time. So sorry if it seemed like I vanished all of a sudden," he said, worry creasing his brow.

"Oh, I see how it is, Jacob. I thought you were upset with me because I picked up a call and you think you can disappear like that," I replied sarcastically, mimicking an angry expression.

I was taken very aback by what happened next: he playfully punched my forearm.

"Yeah, yeah, next time I'm going with ya. What do you say?"

"Sure, bro. No problem. They're playing next Saturday. If you're free, I'll take you with me, even if I have to carry you against your will!" He declared confidently.

"We'll see about that!" I retorted, cheekily. I had no doubts in my mind, that was actually a statement, and that he had the strength and the will to do it.

We fell silent for a while after that, but it left me feeling hopeful. Hopeful for what lay ahead. Hopeful and enthusiastic about how our future interactions with Jacob would unfold. I no longer saw him as just a muscle-bound jock. However, I had yet to see how our dynamics would develop as we continued living together. I found myself curious about his friends, since Jacob had turned out to be so different from what I had initially expected. I just hoped they were just like him as well.

While I lay in my bed pondering everything that had happened during this first day at college—which was certainly better than I had anticipated, having met what seemed like three great people and settling into my dorm—I was interrupted by Jacob:

"Hey bro, I suck at math. Would you mind helping me a bit?" he asked, looking appalled by such a request.

Being academically inclined or well just a plain nerd as Jessica dared to call me, I had completed the pre-activities assigned by the counselors before the semester started, as soon as they were sent to our emails. But I guess not everyone was as prepared as I was, least of all Jacob. I let out a low, amused laugh and said:

"You forgot, didn't you, Jake?" I asked, unable to hide my amusement.

"Oh? Bold move, Levi. Next thing I know, we'll be braiding each other's hair. Should I call you bestie too from now on?"

"Shut up," I muttered, feeling heat creep up my neck. "Let me just bring my desk chair over to your side of the dorm, and we'll get started, before I change my mind."

He had made a good point. We weren't friends already, but without even questioning it, I was naturally beginning to like him as one; and we had a long road of getting to know each other. I went ahead, grabbed my desk chair, moved it next to his, and we got to work. The geometrical equations weren't that difficult. Evidently, this wasn't what I was majoring in, but I knew enough about it to help nudge him in the right direction. I wasn't going to do all his work.

"Wait," Jacob said. "How do you do that? How do you know the square of the hypotenuse?" He inquired, as an expression of unease washed over his face.

"Oh, don't worry so much about it. It's a piece of cake. You gotta use the Pythagorean Theorem." As I said that, he picked up his Starbucks coffee mug, and it slipped right out of his hand, staining both of his shirt and little bit of mine with coffee. A laugh bubbled up from deep within me, and I couldn't help but let it out. He started chortling as well. I supposed my laugh was infectious because suddenly we were both laughing loudly.

"What did you do? Silly, now there's coffee all over the place," I said, as he approached his wardrobe, selected another shirt, and took off his stained one. I remarked that all my previous misconceptions about him were right; he was all muscle. Without exaggerating, his arms, chest, and shoulders were defined, which made me flustered. If you took a fair look at Jacob, you would see a tall young man, no older than 19 (he probably was 18 years old), with dark blond hair and green eyes. Suddenly, I felt the need to avert my eyes, my palms sweating next to my body. I approached and looked out the window.

"What are you doing?" I inquired, without taking my eyes off the window.

"What?" He said, looking nonplussed. "I needed to change my shirt, wouldn't you agree? It's okay, we're dudes."

"Yeah, you're right. Sorry…" I replied, feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"Let me know when you're ready to keep doing your homework," I reaffirmed, still looking out the window.

It was clear that I needed to get used to these types of situations. It made me ponder how things would change if he found out I was gay. It was a painful line of thought. I didn't want for things to change. They have just begun, and everything was going great, but I guessed these events would become more natural with the passing of time. However, I knew one thing for sure; no matter how stereotypically good-looking he was, I did not like Jacob Harrison as more than a possible friend.

"I'm ready, pal," he announced, waking me from my thoughts.

"Coming," I replied, eager to get this done.

After spending a few hours on it and yawning several times, we finished the job. We both agreed to head to sleep after having dinner. My mom had prepared some pizza leftovers in a plastic container. I shared some with Jake since we had both skipped dinner in the restaurant room. And it had been a long day for both of us; I still couldn't fully grasp how good it had been. In this span of hours, as I said earlier, I had met three different people, hung out for a while in the park, and settled into my new dormitory with my new roommate. My day had been splendid, and I hoped the rest to come would be the same. However, before drifting off, I couldn't help but think about my family, especially my little brother, whom I loved very much. I just wished that he wasn't missing me as badly as I was missing him. I felt a lump in my throat and allowed a tear to fall on the pillow, just as I was about to fall asleep.

* * *

 I woke up with a start, feeling exhausted. The sunlight that filtrated through the window curtains was very dim, but it was enough to reveal that it was already daytime. A couple of times during the night, I was awakened by Jacob's loud snoring. My sleep was filled with nightmares. Firstly, I dreamed that my parents were furious with me; they had received a Midnight Sun University letter, informing them I had been expelled because they had discovered my secret. When I tried to explain, my voice didn't come out at all, and I couldn't say a single word. Desperation crept in, tightening around my chest. Then the dream shifted; fumes of darkness swirled around me, and I fell into the abyss. I saw my little brother, Jared, crying his heart out. It broke me into little pieces. I knew that in real life, having to say goodbye to Jared had been difficult, but one thing was certain; we'd see each other again.

I sat up in bed, looked around, and Jacob was still snoring loudly, even though it was 10 am, and we had to go to have breakfast at the resto room. At this rate, we were going to have brunch. My stomach churned; indicating me that I was hungry. I got up, headed to the wardrobe, fetched my clothes, and locked myself in the bathroom. I couldn't't risk waking Jacob up and seeing me get dressed. I chose a blue T-shirt with a crocodile design, dark blue jeans, and stylish trespass leather boots. I looked at myself in the mirror and my black hair was a mess. I tried taming it but didn't have much success. However, my eyes were looking more turquoise than usual, making me feel content and self-assured. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I left the bathroom.

Upon approaching Jake, I noticed he was still sleeping and shirtless. This was clearly going to be a thing, so I tried kneeling and waking him up by shaking his shoulder when he mumbled:

"No, missy. Gotta keep on sleeping." He whispered in his sleep.

"I'm no missy of yours, wake up Jacob!" I replied bluntly, feeling rather disconcerted. This prompted Jacob to open his eyes.

"Oh, Levi," he said groggily, rubbing his eyes. This time, unconsciously, he pronounced my name right, which pleased me. "On it," he added.

"Hurry," I replied. "It's past 10 am, and we still have to go to have breakfast, unless you're going alone," I said, looking at my phone's clock.

"When did we agree to go to have breakfast together?" He replied, with a frown on his brow.

"Oh, you're right. I'm sorry…" I said, feeling appalled because I had just assumed we'd go together last night.

"I'm just joking; of course, we'll go together," he replied half-smiling.

"Oh, you idiot, you better stop making these jokes. You know what I'm like. I take them seriously." While I said this, he stood up, and he was wearing nothing but his Calvin boxers. So, I shook my head, rolled my eyes and looked away. I knew better than to comment anything about it. He noticed my amusement and said:

"What?" He asked me, looking puzzled.

"Nothing, just go and get dressed," I replied, checking my phone to see if I had any updates from Jess or Aimee.

"Right, on it, bro," he answered, heading to his closet.

When he was dressed and ready, we both headed out of the door and trekked our way up the stairs to the fifth floor. Personally, I felt exhausted, but I was taken aback when I saw that Jacob seemed unaffected.

"How come you aren't tired at all?" I asked him, catching my breath, feeling curious. "These stairs are awful."

"Don't forget, I play football all the time," he replied, giggling. And well, I had to admit he had a point. It must have certain pros, even if it shrinks your brains.

Finally, we reached the resto room entrance; the aroma of warm toasts and freshly brewed coffee, made my mouth water. As soon as we entered, I noticed there were two entrances, and that the cafeteria was filled with both female and male students. "The two Housing Buildings are connected through here!" I said to myself under my breath.

"What?" Jacob said, hearing me mumble.

"Never mind, I just noticed that both buildings are connected here. I could sneak over to Jessica's and Aimee's room, through this place," I replied, feeling excited about the prospect.

"Who's Jessica and Aileen?" Jacob inquired; his brows furrowed in curiosity. 

"It's Aimee, for God's sake. And actually, you're about to meet them," I answered, just as I spotted them both among a crowd of students. They had also just noticed us and were gesturing for us to join them. "Come with me!" I told Jacob, and fortunately, he followed suit, without protesting.

When we reached their table, Jessica and Aimee looked excited that we had all come to have breakfast at the same time without even coordinating it.

"Hi Jess! Hi Aimee! It's so good to see you both here!" I said and hugged them both. "This is Jacob. my roommate. Jacob, meet Jessica and Aimee. Jessica and Aimee, meet Jacob," I introduced them, feeling elated.

"Hi Jacob, aren't you the…," said Jess, a look of disbelief crossed her face as she smiled, but stopped herself mid-sentence, after she caught my furtive glance.

"Hey!" Aimee added, resuming where Jessica left off, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "It's nice meeting you, after what Levi had told us about…" That was when I decided it was time to interrupt. Certainly, I couldn't let them slip out what I had initially thought about my new roommate. I signaled both Aimee and Jessica to stay quiet, while Jacob was looking away and I asked him loudly "Should we go fetch our breakfast, Jake?" "The food trays are over there!" And I pointed in the right direction.

As we stood at the breakfast stands, I chose two apples, some kiwis, plain toasts, freshly brewed coffee (since I'm such a huge coffee lover), and some pancakes with honey on top. After waiting for Jacob, we went and sat next to the girls. We talked about our new experiences, having just arrived at college and settled ourselves. Jessica shared some hilarious experiences she had with their receptionist the previous night. And I told them, without oversharing, the coffee incident Jacob and I had. I spent a really pleasant breakfast with them. It's what you'd call quality time, even though we weren't close friends yet, but I could see it happening in the not-so-distant future. Once we finished, Jacob received a text message as his phone rang.

"Hey Levi, it's time for you to meet my buddies. And this time I'm not running off," he said, laughing as he remembered that he had indeed runoff the day before. "This afternoon, we're going to the cinema, and you're coming with us," he announced, wearing a smug grin on his face.

"I don't think I have much of a choice, girls. I guess I kinda owe it to him, after what happened yesterday," I said, recounting to the girls how he had tried to invite me over to watch the football match.

Personally, I wasn't too excited about this idea. On one hand, I wanted to spend more time with Jacob, getting to know him better, but on the other hand, meeting his friends felt like a daunting task. From what little I had seen of them, they seemed very intimidating. They were mostly, if not all, football players, much like Jake. But I had already made a wrong assumption about Jacob, and I wasn't going to make that same mistake twice.

We got up from the table; the girls were going shopping together, which I would have loved to join, but as I said, I had other plans. Jake and I headed back to our dorm. As we left the cafeteria, I asked him "What are your friends like, Jake?" I didn't feel very confident about this.

"Umm, you'll see. They're alright. They can be idiots at times, but usually, they're cool," he replied, but I remained unconvinced.

We reached our dorm, and naturally, I was out of breath. I tried my best to lift up my spirits, hoping to have a good time. As soon as I entered, I felt myself hyperventilating; therefore, I went to the bathroom, closed the door, and took five deep breaths. I already knew how to deal with this. Certainly, it wasn't the first time I had to handle a panic attack. I counted to ten until I heard, "Levi, is everything alright in there? As soon as we came in, you just locked yourself in the bathroom. Got a stomachache, eh?" He sounded a bit worried while laughing quietly, trying to make light of the situation.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need a minute," I answered, still feeling agitated, my breaths still coming in short gasps, until finally, I was able to calm myself.

When I regained my composure, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and told myself, "You can do this; it's just one more step. And everything will be fine." I could see my own worry around the creases of my eyes, but fortunately, I was feeling well enough to exit the bathroom.

Jacob was lying on his bed in his side of the dormitory. It had been two days since we were living together, and already, his side of the room was a total wreck. There were books and pages all over the desk and on his bedside table. His drawers were out of place. His bed was full of clothes. I still didn't fully comprehend how he managed in this short time to be so untidy. The opposite side of the dorm was exactly the contrary. I had already arranged my clothes in the closet. My books were piled one next to the other. My homework was separated to be handed in next Monday. My bed was made.

I sat down on my bed, rested my elbows on my knees, and buried my face in my hands. "I can do this," I reminded myself.

"What time are we supposed to leave?" I asked Jacob.

"Technically, in about 30 minutes, and we'll be having lunch with the guys at the restaurant area in the shopping mall together," he replied, resting his back on the bed, and bouncing a tennis ball up and down in his hand.

"Thanks for letting me know, bro, with so much anticipation," I said sarcastically.

"You know that's no problem, right?" He replied, not seeming to have understood my sarcasm—an understandable response that clearly showed that his brain cavity was empty.

I stood up, hurried myself to choose what I was going to wear. I wanted to, at least, try to look cool. I ended up picking a red polo shirt, a leather jacket, the same dark blue jeans, and the trespass boots. I went ahead, took a shower in the bathtub, and brushed my teeth. Once again, I tried combing my hair, and I almost broke the comb, but it still looked good enough. When I was ready, I left the bathroom, and Jacob was waiting for me.

He looked at my outfit and nodded approvingly. "Nice choice, man. You'll fit right in with the guys."

I smiled and nodded in return, appreciating his words of encouragement. We left the dorm together, trekked down the stairs, made our way to the building's exit, and headed towards the shopping mall. I still didn't know how we were supposed to get there. I didn't know this city very well, but I knew that the closest shopping mall was a long distance away.

"How are we getting to the mall, dude?" I asked Jacob, feeling concerned about it.

"I'll drive us there, obviously," he replied with a smug smile, suppressing a laugh.

I followed him to where he had parked his car. We had to walk a long distance; we crossed the apartments' gate, all the campus parks, until we arrived at the university's main entrance, and finally reached the parking lots. When he approached his car, my jaw dropped. He had just unlocked a BMW M5. I had no inkling that he was this level of rich. It made me wonder if this was actually his parents' car, but he replied, "No, this is my baby." With no further ado, I hopped in. The car's interior was the most luxurious I had ever been in, before. The upholstery was black leather, it had a huge screen in the middle, you could also set your phone charging on a wireless charging station, and the seats had a ventilation option for warm or cold days. It even smelled fancy, as soon as I sat, I sensed a mix of pine and lavender. He hopped in as well, in the driver's seat, pressed a button, and the engine purred to life.

He drove through the city seamlessly and smoothly; I'm not sure if this was Jacob's driving skills or the car's, I'm more inclined to say it was the car's. I also used this opportunity to see this beautiful mix of new and old looking city that I had never visited before. On one side, there were skyscrapers, and on the other, there were really antique, European-style edifices like our own Housing Buildings, with mostly French architecture, but you could also find some Italian neoclassicism style.

Sooner rather than later, the shopping mall loomed before us. It was also, like most of the city's buildings, an ancient façade belying the modern skyscraper within. I stood in awe, taking in the stark contrast between old and new, once again. After we parked the car, we entered the mall and headed for the restaurant area, where Jacob's friends awaited us. Upon arriving there, I spotted five towering guys, in Midnight Sun University jackets, waving at us. Jacob had decided to dress pretty casually, wearing a plain white shirt, a jean flannel, and some average jeans and shoes. I wasn't small myself, standing at 5'10", but even the shortest of these guys seemed to be at least 6'3". And it wasn't just their height that intimidated me—it was their demeanor. They reminded me so much of my school bullies, a memory I'd hoped to leave behind. Especially when it was my opportunity to give someone else a fair shot, without misconceptions. Before sitting down, Jacob introduced me to the group.

"Levi, these are my friends: Mark, Ethan, Caleb, Scott, and Chase. Guys, this is Levi. And mind it, it's Leh-vee, because it makes him fluster, if you mispronounce it," he said, letting out a nervous laugh.

I blushed all over when he said that because while the statement was true, it also really embarrassed me. I felt like looking down but resisted the urge and forced myself to put on a brave face and make eye contact with them. I let a small smile creep onto my lips, trying to mask my unease.

"Hey everyone! It's cool to meet you all! I guess I don't need to explain how my name's pronounced now," I said, trying to be courageous and lighthearted, while I probably sucked at it. Everyone laughed and shook hands with me.

We chose Pizza Hut for lunch and sat down at a nearby table. At first, they seemed decent enough, but Mark's odd glances put me on edge. To avoid confrontation, I averted my gaze, fearing this would incite him. I read somewhere that with certain animals, it may infuriate them more. I wasn't going to test if it worked on humans as well. Probably, with these apes, it would. The first topic they chatted about was the Buffalos' last match. The conversation flowed naturally until they started talking about girls, something essentially, I'm not interested in. Meanwhile, one of them, Chase, I think, asked me:

"Levi, how many girls have you kissed?" I didn't want to answer; typical straight guy question, but I also didn't want to reveal my sexuality. I wasn't coming out to these people. So, I was honest, but cautious:

"None, yet at least," I replied. And I admit it, I did lie a little bit because I'm not planning on kissing any girls in the near or distant future, but I couldn't risk them second guessing about me. But also, who knows what the future holds?

"None, bro? When are you gonna do it? You're already 18 years old, right? It's about time, dude," Scott chimed in.

"If you don't do it by 20, you should pay some hooker, man. Or are you a coward?" Mark sneered, laughing all the while at me.

At this rate, I couldn't be more uncomfortable. I shifted in my place. Little did I know how things would get, eventually. This was when Jacob interceded on my behalf.

"Leave him alone, guys. Give him a rest!" Jake said loudly and seemingly upset.

"It's just banter, Jacob," Mark replied.

My heart started racing; the situation was escalating. My palms were sweaty, and I was beginning to hyperventilate, but I controlled it on time, as I had been taught to do by my previous therapists.

"I think we should go watch the movie," I said, feeling anxious about it because I couldn't wait for the silence that it involved and to be back home already. We had just arrived, and I couldn't keep standing it.

They picked a new horror movie, "Beelzebub's Revenge," and bought popcorn. It was awful and frightening. At one point, I couldn't help but release a muffled scream, and everyone looked at me, drawing their disapproving and condescending glances. I could feel my eyes getting watery; the movie didn't matter anymore. I felt a knot down my throat, and I couldn't release it, or it would make things worse. I had to keep reminding myself, "It's just a while more; it'll be over soon, and you'll be home, safe." I drank some of my Coke, stood up, and headed to the bathroom for air. I washed my hands, splashed water onto my face, and dried it off with some paper towels. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, trying to reassure myself, when Jacob came in:

"Levi, are you in here?" He said, sounding worried.

"I'm here," I answered, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm really sorry for the way my friends are acting. I never thought they'd be such idiots!" He apologized, trying to offer some comfort.

"It's fine, let's just go back, shall we?" I added, my eyes pleading, intending to end the conversation. All I needed was to be lost in my thoughts until I was back home.

We returned, I sat down and closed my eyes. The movie was nearly over. As the credits rolled, I stood up and walked away while hearing them ask Jacob why he had brought along such a "freak". That word almost made me lose control of my emotions. It stung like a slap to the face. I couldn't hold back any longer. So, I stormed back to confront them.

"I was scared to death coming here," I shouted, as I felt myself shaking and my chest tightening. It didn't matter anymore if they were twice my size, but this was embarrassing, and I hoped Jacob would be by my side, at least. "I don't relate to you! Just fucking leave, me alone!" I didn't wait for their response or reaction, I gave them all the middle finger and I simply spun around and walked away from them, seeing their faces drop. As I walked fast towards the car, I felt like everyone's eyes in the shopping mall were on me, until I finally exited it. Once I reached the car, I waited for Jacob to arrive. All this did was leave me incredibly sad. They ruined everything good.

When Jacob arrived, we hopped into the car. He looked distraught. I had no idea what had transpired between him and his friends, but he appeared as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"I just wanted to make you feel okay! I'm so sorry, Levi!" He declared, looking indeed remorseful. "I didn't mean for it to seem like I looked the other way. Even though I just met you and they've been my friends for a really long time, I stood up for you."

"Why did you? Like you said, you just met me," I said, looking out the window, tears streaming down my cheeks. I caught a glimpse of my face in the rearview mirror, and my eyes were a mix of sky-blue red.

"Because it was the right thing to do, Levi, and you're my friend now," he clarified, gently pressing my shoulder to offer comfort.

I didn't notice when we arrived at the Housing Buildings, but as soon as we did, I got out and bolted towards the campus parks. I could already feel the cold gentle breeze and the smell of nature. I couldn't be in our dorm with him again, talking about what had just happened. I needed some alone time, and the only place that could provide that was the campus parks. I believe I heard him shout, "Levi, where are you going?" But it didn't matter anymore; I just kept on running and crying. I ran aimlessly for a long distance until I came to a stop at a Pond surrounding a huge and ancient Tree. This Tree, with its umbrella-like canopy, had leaves that were a mesmerizing blend of gold and silver, emitting a subtle, comforting glow. I crossed the still water, stepping over rocks that rose from the depths to the surface, each etched with intricate patterns. I sat down in its shade, hugging my knees and burying my face in my arms. Gradually, a sense of peace settled over me, until I finally released the knot of emotions within. I started crying uncontrollably, feeling my chest and breathing heave up and down. I didn't want to stop. I could finally be alone and free to express my feelings. The air tingled with an enchanting energy, as if the Tree itself shared in my sorrow. Amidst my crying, I noticed a curious fawn approached me, drawn by my sobs. When I looked up, it ran off, but it was a beautiful sight to behold, and it slightly cheered me up. After a long while of weeping, when I put aside the feelings those idiots had hurt me, I began to notice the beauty surrounding me. The majestic Tree, the rustling bushes, and flowers of every color surrounded the garden, their aroma filling my nostrils. The vast expanses of grass seemed to offer a comforting embrace. It was as though time and decay were unheard of in this Grove.

Only then did I realize I had no idea where I was or how to get back to my dorm. I was lost!