Chaotic Perfection

Patience. Despite the hassle and waste of time this entire ordeal was, the amount of reasoning required to grasp the absurdity that reality keeps serving on a silver platter is just unexplainable. As the stress of age and time, it seemed that not even the culmination of his entire being was enough to really keep him grounded as life itself flipped the world upside down. A story so bizarre and fictional that as a writer he felt both curiosity and sheer horror at the event of the future scenarios that would entail the different arcs of such a story should it even be posted in a physical medium such as a book.

As the feeling of nicotine entered his system, the woman beside him simply smiled as she too exhaled a large puff of smoke that would probably put him to shame. But shame was out the window, he'd already lost most of himself along with his pride, his ego, his narcissism, utterly nothing was left of value.

It was fairly early, the clock had just struck 9 in the evening, the stars were visible despite the New Moon being obscured by the sporadic occurrence of the evening clouds. The city, despite all its modernity and drive towards development and brilliance, still shines its beautiful natural wonder with the blessing of the earth itself.

Presence is a powerful thing. Without the utterance of a single word, simply making yourself known to another provides solace in knowing that even in their deepest loneliness, they are never truly alone. For being alone is worse than being dead, to spend your precious life away from the company of others seems alluring at first; before it becomes your very own prison. The human mind cannot comprehend the effects of isolation, it actively seeks out company, attention, and validation as proof of survival; Aristotle once said that man is a social animal. Man seeks company in order to learn from others, the feeling of joy in attaining new information alongside people that belong to the same social group. Society exists due to the innate need of man to establish that no man is truly alone.

But as we all delve into a world where the aspect of individuality is being erased, how can we really tell that we are not alone. Is this feeling of isolation born from the misery that our own problems cause or is it because of the world not conforming itself to our will? Standing amidst people that never even meet the gaze of your eyes and easily dismissing you as nothing more than a statistic. A numerical value in a world of logic.

Josh was coming to terms with his truth. No matter how much he could try and hide it away, or run away from the problems that plagued his mind; no amount of isolation could change the fact that he was in fact… lonely.

And to be lonely is nothing short of cruelty.

Josh simply looked at the horizon of the bridge as the sound of cars passing by and the occasional gusts of wind helped him ease the fragments of his broken mind, while also acknowledging the presence of a stubborn yet oddly intriguing woman that was standing beside him. She leaned against the railing with a carefree attitude as she as well seemed to be lost in thought as the flow of blood in her body was laced with the substance known as nicotine; her hair swaying with the gusts of wind as she seemed to exhale every single worry she had over the running waters of the depths down below. A wondrous sight for any lucky man, but all he could see was a broken woman trying to come to terms with her own worries as time moves by.

"Have you thought about it?" she asked.

Her voice was a little deeper than usual, though still having that loose demeanor Josh can sense the exhaustion from the way she composed himself.

"The bet."

Josh nodded his head.

"I'm sorry," the girl sighed and nervously laughed, "I probably had something to drink before talking to you."

"I know it's wrong and very stupid of me to say something like that to a person I have just met."

"It was very insensitive and I could've offended you and—"

Josh chuckled, "It's fine."

He placed his hand on her shoulder and casually tapped it, "don't worry about it that much."

"I for once am even shocked someone said that to me."

"Like, I'm not fucking handsome alright. I'm just an average looking guy."

The girl shook her head, "No… it's just that—"

Josh finished his cigarette and tossed it into the river below, with a small smile on his face he turned and faced the woman with this strange curiosity in his eyes.

"I accept."

Wide-eyed she stared at him, her mouth open from the irrational decision this man had just made.

"No you fucker," she tried to say out in between fits of disbelief and laughter, "i'm trying to help you not make a terrible decision."

"I've made a lot of them in my time," he replied back with his hands in his pockets, "Why not add one more."

"You. are. Insane." she laughed and shook her head in disbelief.

"And you are crazy!" he responded.

"Crazy fucking gorgeous. Like oh my god have I told you how pretty you are?"

The girl laughed, "I should call the police because that is the shittiest thing I have heard all day."

The two of them laughed for a moment.

"Man."

"Wow."

The girl was struggling to find her words, "What's your number?"

"Oh wait," Josh quickly pulled his phone out, "I'll show you."

The girl immediately stopped Josh from showing her his phone, "It's supposed to be a mystery you dumbass!"

Josh's face had this 'oh' look plastered all over before going over his phone to say his number to her.

"Do you go by any alternative name?" she asked.

"Like a pseudonym, or a pen name? Or like one of those gaming usernames that you have never really replaced because you're lazy as fuck?"

Josh chuckled, "I guess mine would be Maru."

"Maru?"

He nodded, "It's short for Ranmaru."

"A perfect orchid, or a circular orchid," Josh shrugged, "It could mean a ton of things.

Josh leaned on the railing with his back, "My favorite interpretation is 'Chaotic Circle'."

"It would change the Kanji, but it'd be a challenge to understand the meaning behind a symbol of stability and order associated with the word 'chaotic'."

"In order to be perfect, you need order. But in order to be human, you need chaos."

The girl giggled, "An oxymoron. Like that feeling of euphoric melancholy, when being super fucking depressed that it actually feels oddly nice."

"Or the taste of something so bittersweet."

Josh nodded, "Wow…"

The girl pointed a finger at him and pouted, "I fucking read you know. I'm not stupid."

"Stupid enough to bet a man with his own life." Josh mumbled.

"Shut the fuck up Ranmaru!"

"How about you? Do you have a name?"

The girl smiled and relaxed her shoulders a tad bit, "Oh me?"

"My name is..."

"Lyanna."

.

.

.

"That is not fucking real."

"Well of course dipshit!"