Just Cause

There was this feeling of calm and serenity that has befallen the two unfortunate souls who remain awake at this particular hour as the moon looms over this sleepy city of neon lights. The LED lights which used to scream now slumber only to wake up later in the evening after the dawn of a new day; Even the cars rarely ever roam the streets for not even the local wildlife of stray cats and dogs are seen prowling for their evening meals for they were too busy resting for another harsh day.

Uneventful and quiet, these are the words she would use to describe this meeting with her new confidant. With the store clerk of the convenience store asking for a small and quick favor, the two of them sat outside of the store as the poor sod ran off—probably to smoke a cigarette or to take a quick piss. With only the low humming of the refrigerators and air-conditioning units inside as white noise and the literal white glow of the interior of the store which serves as a contrast to the dark and bleak background that is the city; All Lyanna could do was lean back at the bench she was seated in and yawn.

Her fingers would trail the edges of uncrumpled papers which contained writings born of fresh ink and frustrations. The contents were—for lack of better terms—insightful. Ah, who was she kidding, she knew that it was messed up; bit something more than she could chew, a difficulty too hard for her to just rush into. Slowly her mind was beginning to fill with anxiety, doubt, flashes of failure, and this bastard's poor and lifeless corpse alongside the riverbank.

Lyanna looked over the man to her side, Ranmaru he called himself—at least that's what he chose to be called—was slouched over with a can of Jack and Coke in his hand and his head was hung low. Seemingly lost in his thoughts as the alcohol mixed into his system, probably the first drink he'd had in ages. 

Lyanna almost bit her tongue, but she knew he was waiting for her response.

Gathering up all her remaining energy she sighed, "Well…"

"I'd say it's a little too nihilistic for me," Lyanna crossed her arms, "not that I hate it or anything."

"I mean, I'd rather see you get hit by a truck and write about that than be," she pauses, "...this."

Josh snorted as he took another sip of his beverage.

"I mean, it's raw."

Lyanna then chuckled at her broken sense of humor.

"I meant, it showcases a raw emotion that few people can describe and—"

Josh placed a hand on her shoulder and just smiled before casually taking the papers from her hand, "It's okay, you don't have to."

"Just reading them is fine by me."

Lyanna frowned a little, "Look, just because I'm sad too means I'll be agreeing with some of your points."

"Like here." Lyanna snatched the papers back and pointed to certain passages and sentences. "How can you claim that happiness is selfishness when you've done nothing wrong in being happy?"

"Do other people have to pay for my happiness when it's my life that I'm living, or maybe they should be the ones respecting how I live my own life."

Lyanna shook her finger at him with a stern look, "You have some fucked up beliefs I'll tell you that."

Josh just chuckled, "I didn't say I wrote this like now." He paused and then pondered for a second, "Well maybe one of them."

Lyanna sighed and placed the papers on his lap, "Ranmaru, you are a fucked up man with a fucked up head."

Josh just nodded, "Lack of head does that to me sometimes."

Lyanna smacked him in the arm as he chuckled, "If I wasn't helping you not kill yourself, I would've called the police on you for sexual harassment."

He pointed at the door of the convenience store, "I'll tell them that you were beating my ass up."

"How?" Lyanna crossed her arms again before shifting in her seat, "I didn't even do shit."

"What if I do this then," Josh flicked her forehead with a finger and gave the dumbest smile imaginable.

Lyanna's face was horrified, "Oh you fucker,"

Before the two could even have an alteration, the store clerk returned carrying what seemed to be a plastic bag. His thin frame and unkempt nature were striking at most, but he looked rather relieved with whatever business he had.

"Sorry you dudes have to watch the store for me," he spoke out as he ran towards the store.

"My boss won't be back for another hour so help yourself with whatever before he comes back."

Lyanna and Josh stopped for a moment and looked at each other.

"Sure."

###

Lyanna looked at the man who was too inebriated to even pick something that does not contain alcohol. For a moment, her eyes dared to see a different man standing in his place; More kept, more positive, more confident, and less drunk—well maybe partially sober. She remembered the night's like these, when she was young and naive and her nativity had coated her with things she never even considered during the time. For only back in those pessimistic years could the seeds of hope be implanted in her just by showing the basic acts of human kindness.

Lyanna grabbed a bag of corn chips, nacho-looking things with a hint of cheddar and artificial cheese; as airy as the bag might be it was cheap and would rarely really impact the clerk's paycheck considering they were practically stealing from the man. As she turned her back, she couldn't take her mind off the idea of that man.

It occurred to her that she too had an incident similar to Ranmaru. Maybe 8 years back, when she was staring at the end of the happiest moment of her life where all her memories were made and her beliefs established. Though not a godly sort, she returned to believing in a divine despite never really being replied with a sign or gratitude from beyond the heavens. Her old narcissistic and self-loathing were swept away with this newfound drive to just simply be good. The moral good is to do what's right not because of something in exchange but because it's what human beings do.

Lyanna smirked as she carried the bag of chips towards Ranmaru.

"Hurry up!" she walked over and nudged him on the shoulder. "Asshole, don't take too long."

The man pointed at the glass door of the beverage refrigerator and sighed, "It's 20."

She just crossed her arms and tapped the floor while a small wrinkle on her forehead formed, "I don't have a 20."

The man whined, "But I want it…"

Lyanna shook her head and grabbed him by the arm, "Fucking—"

"Hey!" he protested before being dragged away and towards the cash register.

"Get sober! I can't be responsible for being the idiot that got you shanked on the way home." she berated the man.

There was this weird sense of comfort that just emanated from Ranmaru that Lyanna could never really understand. Most men that would approach her always feel as if they have other things to say, many tried to hit on her and even hit her—shanking is one of the most dangerous local random events here—but still…

Maybe he's just weird, maybe defenseless, maybe because of that remnant of the past that she too cannot run past. Like a ghost continuously haunting her for the sins that she had committed was too great to even really consider salvation yet here she stands, redeemed and now the redeemer of this unfortunate bastard whose head and body are in disagreements with whom should take the heel.

"I can walk," Ranmaru stumbled into the wall and almost crashed into a garbage can. "I didn't say it straight though."

Lyanna would attempt to help but for some reason, he got up on his own. Stubborn, brash, inability to move forward, and stupid at love. 'Geez,' she thought to herself, for she knew she'd be a hypocrite if she didn't see herself in his position.

No amount of sympathy would help people like them, she knew because she's one herself. It takes a determined piece of fuck to get through the most fucked up shit, and her way of thinking of just doing things may be truly one of the approaches that could breach this man's way of thinking.

'I shouldn't have betted him his life if I knew he was literally me but with a cock.'

When Ranmaru finally stood up, he walked over to an electrical post and leaned on it for a moment. Catching his breath and laughing as the pain of the ground and the spinning world slowly started to impair not just his mobility but also his vision.

'Can he even get home?'

He started to wave at her and gave her a thumbs up as he finally stood straight using both of his feet—and probably the pole behind him.

Lyanna shook her head and chuckled as she walked over to him, "I think walking around for a moment may get the alcohol in your system down."

"Bitch if I walk I'd run into a wall," he replied.

Lyanna rolled her eyes, "that's why we are walking, dumbass."

"Oh."

"Why though?"

Lyanna looked at him from a distance. That drunkenly smug smile, that tired and weathered look, that stubborn will, and that talent with words. She smiled for a moment before realizing that once again she was seeing phantoms.

'Why indeed…'

Ranmaru felt like him. 

That's why she feels so safe. It's like a man pulled from the depths of her memory just made worse so she can have that gratification to pay the man all her owed debts. But why would she pay, she never asked to be saved. In fact she didn't want to be saved; but despite her own stubbornness, she had met a man more stubborn than herself. She got the love she so desperately sought in the arms of another that she realized love also means loving yourself. And I'm the absence of that external love, only you can truly come to accept for what you are and with that comes peace. Peace to try to fix things that you may have caused at some moment of your life; even if he'd gone and never coming back, Lyanna would walk onwards thanking him every step of the way for the kindness shown to her.

That's the difference between her and Ranmaru.

He clings to the past, while she seeks only the future.

'Maybe one day, when we meet each other again. I'll be able to say thanks for everything. Because, I too loved you, the only difference is that I was too afraid to say it when you finally boarded that bus."

Lyanna shrugged after her mind wandered momentarily.

"Answer me," he insisted and crossed her arms while gathering the energy for his lower body to even resume basic motor functions.

Lyanna shrugged and looked at the convenience store as the L.E.D lights remained on, "dunno…"

"just cause?"