Chapter 3:We can't anyway

―And you know why. I've said sorry a thousand times. It's time you let it go,‖ I said. Jack

put his hand on my arm.

―C'mon, Adam, this is your sister's wedding day. Now, if it's your intention to upset her,

then it is best you and Susan leave now and go enjoy your Burger King banquet.‖

Adam never liked Jack, said he was arrogant, but he was wary of him. Talk about calling

the kettle black. I could see how he was struggling to keep from screaming obscenities at

my Prince Charming, like he did at me many times over. Jack looked the kind of man

who could handle himself and, as the future was to prove, Adam was very much aware

that my husband was very smart and likely to be making a lot of money. And he did!

It wasn't long after our marriage when Adam called and asked us to co-sign a loan he

wanted to take out, a very big loan of $125,000.

―No way, Adam, we don't have the money. For God's sake, we don't own our own

property or home yet!‖

I assumed that would be the end of it, but I had no idea of his ability to wear people

down. Yes, he was pushy and aggressive, but this was my first experience at seeing how

pushy he had become.

For the next two and a half months, he called every day, sometimes two and three times a

day. I was at college full time, so by the time I arrived home it would be late afternoon.

That's when he would always call. It got to the point that I did not want to answer the

phone.

―Did you think about it, Amelia? Did you talk to Jack? You know, this isn't what you

would call a traditional co-sign deal. This is different. There's no risk in it for you. I can

make the payments.‖

―C'mon, give me a break! I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday, Adam, there's only

one type of co-sign. You don't pay; I have to pay. It falls on me and Jack.‖

―No, this is different.‖

―Don't try to lay that crap on me. The answer is for the last and final time, no! We can't

anyway. I've told you before, we don't have the money.‖

―You can't or you won't?‖ he screamed.

―Interpret it anyway you want. We are not going to do it, and that's the end of it!‖

He had nerve I had to give him that! Little did I know this was just the beginning? I

should have been more aggressive and not let it go on for 2-1/2 months. Who am I

kidding? I could never be that way with him. Saying no to him this time would turn out to

be a short-lived breakthrough.

‗I could never be that way with him!' Oh! There was the clue, in the language. His power

over me, I could hardly ever say no to him and mean it. The pathology of my behavior

seems obvious now, but it wasn't at the time. Despite a degree in psychology, it would

take years to see how it applied to me.

That was the first time he ever asked for so much, and the first time I said no and meant

it. But, he was always asking. Demanding really, money and help, as if he was entitled to whatever he wanted. He once said he was God, and he was not being flippant. I kept

giving in to the smaller requests and demands.

―He's my brother and that's what families are supposed to do, help,‖ I kept telling

myself.

I was eight when he was born. I loved him a lot, but he was extremely spoiled. We would

take walks, especially in the fall and jump in the leaves together. I really did enjoy those

times. One of the best times I recall was the blizzard of 1978. We walked in snow that

came up to his chest and crossed over the reservoir with me holding his hand and doing

my best to forge a path for him.

As he got older, he became condescending and judgmental. He did not care whose

feelings he hurt. When he was 15, I moved to San Francisco. I didn't see much of him

after that, but when I came home to visit I would occasionally go out to a movie or have

lunch with him. For the most part I had a good time, but not always.

It was my birthday. Adam had won tickets to a Joan Jett concert, so he took me. It was a

beautiful night. I was in a good mood, happy to be hanging out with my brother and

happy to be home with my family and friends. The place was crowded, people

everywhere, excited, waiting for the concert to start. Then it happened. Some guy stepped

on my foot, accidentally.

―Ouch!‖ I yelled and grabbed my foot.

Adam went ballistic. ―What's up with you, buddy! You step on my sister's foot, and do I

hear a sorry, an excuse me, or an ‗are you okay?' No!‖ He screamed, threatening and

taunting the poor guy.

Then I saw Adam had a knife on his belt. I could not believe it! What was he doing with

a knife? That freaked me out! I was really scared then. The guy who stepped on my foot

was clearly ready to take Adam on. I knew that something really bad was going to

happen. I forgot about my foot. I had to act and quickly. I stepped in front of Adam.

―Cut it out, Adam!‖ I yelled. ―I'm not hurt. It's no big deal.‖

Adam was crazed and for a moment I thought he was going to attack me. ―What is the

matter with you? don't you get it? It was an accident. Now, for God's sake cut it out! Adam lowered his eyes and adopted what had become part of his defense, his belligerent

pout. ―I was looking out for you.‖

I apologized to the guy, and he moved on, thank God.

Later, when I asked Adam why he had a knife, he said nothing and told me it was none of

my business.

―You know, Adam, you used to be cute once. I don't know what is going on with you

now, but you've developed a huge chip on your shoulder. You better get over it, or your

life is going nowhere.‖ How prophetic these words would turn out to be.

What I said had as much meaning to him as water running off a duck's back. His

behavior only got worse. He got meaner, nastier and more threatening. I couldn't figure it out.