Chapter 7: You have to be crazy

The rain suddenly cleared, and Jack pushed the pedal a little closer to the floor. The

BMW surged forward, and we were soon rushing by smaller towns and quickly closing in

on Syracuse.

Oh, dear, what a phony I was. I couldn't stay away. I just couldn't. I was to go back and

back and get ever more involved. Eventually, the law, social services and the court

systems of Maine were to become part of this tragic story as Adam and Susan grew their

family out to seven children.

• • •

I so badly wanted to have children of my own, but as much as Jack and I tried, pregnancy

eluded me. I couldn't stop the visits to Adam and Susan's place. I had to see the children,

they had two now, Cindy and Brian. Brian was the first born son. Susan was pregnant

with her third child. For the most part, seeing the children helped to lessen the ache I felt

in my heart from not having my own, but there were times my heart ached more.

Nothing changed about Adam. He was as verbally abusive as ever, except when Jack was

with me, and I was very concerned about the way he was raising and treating his children.

I had been visiting my mother in Boston. After I left, I called Adam to tell him I would

drop by their place on the way back to Syracuse and stay the night. They were still living

close to the Eastern Seaboard, Jack was out of town, and I was in a bad place

emotionally. I had learned earlier in the week that despite all the doctor and clinic visits,

injections and drugs and years of doing this, I was still not pregnant.

I arrived outside Adam's apartment, turned off the engine and sat still in the car for a few

minutes, staring through the windshield and across the hood without seeing anything,

wondering whether I had the energy to put up with what I knew was coming, more of the

same old crap. Well I'm here, I thought. Besides, Cindy's birthday was coming up, and I

had brought her some books as gifts.

I walked into the kitchen. Adam was standing at the sideboard preparing what looked like

a cookie mix. He did a lot of the cooking and cleaning, I'll give him that. I hugged him,

anxious, but hoping for the best.

―What are you making?‖

―What does it look like?——chocolate chip cookies. You're late. You said you'd be here

half-an-hour ago.‖

Oh, God. It was all I could do not to break into tears. I took a deep breathe and tried to

ignore his gibe.

―Where's Susan?‖

―She's resting. Taking care of two kids and having a third one on the way, tires her out.

Of course, you wouldn't know any of that, not having kids and all.‖

―Why are you so mean to me, Adam? You know I want my own children more than

anything. Jack and I have been trying really hard for a long time.‖

―Well, there's a lot of fun trying though, isn't there?‖

I could feel my face getting red with embarrassment and anger. I wanted to scream, but I

knew that Cindy and Brian had to be in the house somewhere.

―Where are Cindy and Brian?‖

―In the parlor.‖

That's where I stayed for the next two hours, playing with the children while Adam was

cooking spaghetti and making chocolate chip cookies. Cindy was about to turn five, and

Brian was two. Both were kept in the playpen, confined there for most of their waking

hours. I learned from my previous experiences that taking them out of the playpen only

caused major outbursts from Adam. Oh, to be fair, there were times when he let them out

to play house with me.

Susan would drift in and out of the parlor every so often to see what we were doing,

hardly saying a word to me. It was well past lunch time, and I was feeling hungry. I had

not been offered anything to eat or drink since arriving. I had some snacks, cheese-its and

dried apricots, which I shared with the children, but that was all. Then Adam appeared

out of nowhere and snatched the snacks away. Brian started to cry. Cindy dropped her

chin to her chest and held up her little arms, limp across her chest and throat. It broke my

heart.

―Why did you do that, Adam? That's healthy food. It's good for them.‖

―Look, Amelia, they have breakfast between 8:00 and 9:00 and supper between 5:00 and

6:00. I don't allow any snacks in between.‖

―What time do they have lunch?‖

―There is no lunch. Two good meals a day keeps them healthy. They don't get

overweight, fat and disgusting like a lot of American kids. Teach them this kind of

discipline now, and they'll do well as adults.‖

I was stunned. ―You have to be crazy, Adam! Where the hell am I? Is this some kind of

twilight zone you're living in here? Who told you that crap? For God sake, children need

to eat small amounts of food throughout the day, or they won't develop fully. You can

see that Cindy is small and way too thin for her age. You're a control freak. God save the

children!‖

Susan slunk into the room, picked up Brian and slunk out again.

―This is none of your business, Amelia. What the hell do you know about raising kids,

anyway?‖

―A lot more than you do it seems to me. Let me remind you I have a degree in

psychology, which includes studies in child psychology and what it takes to develop

healthy young minds. Proper nutrition is critical.‖

―I don't want to hear anymore of this crap.‖ Adam stared right through me. He had

lowered his voice, but its tone was cold and menacing. He scared me, and I knew it was

time to shut up.

I regained my composure, turned my attention to Cindy and tickled her under the chin.