Chapter 9:I'm stuffed
Susan, holding her hands to her chest and throat, her face contorted with the most tragic
countenance she could contrive, tottered coughing and spluttering to the parlor. She was
brilliant. I wanted to shout, ―Cut the crap and get your own damn water,‖ but I was
thinking it would be a relief to have the both of them out of the room.
I know it wasn't right, but when they were out of the kitchen, I scraped some of Cindy's
food onto my plate. Oh, my goodness, I got the biggest surprise of my life. Cindy looked
at me as if I had done the most terrible thing; as if how dare I go against her father's
wishes. I put my finger to my lips. ―Shhh,‖ I hissed quietly.
There was still a lot of food on Cindy's plate when Adam came back into the room and
sat down. Susan followed him, but without so much as a look in my direction, took the
baby out of his highchair and left without saying a word. I didn't get to say goodnight to
Brian, let alone give him a hug. I didn't need to be treated like that. I was wishing I'd
gone straight on home to Syracuse.
―All right, Cindy, finish the rest of it and you can have your cookie.‖ I held my breath,
wondering if she was going to rat on me. For a moment, everything except for the ticking
of the wall clock was absolutely quiet, although each tick sounded like a gun shot to me.
―I'm stuffed, Daddy.‖
―She has done her best for you, Adam and eaten way more than she wanted, or needed.
Give her the cookie. Please.‖
Unbelievably, he handed her the cookie, just gave it to her without a word.
Cindy looked at it. A couple of tears started rolling from the corners of her eyes.
―I'm stuffed. I can't eat it.‖
―Off to bed then.‖
She wiped her eyes and turned to leave. ―Hey, where's my kiss ‗night?‖ I asked.
She paused a moment, and then came to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. As I
kissed her on the cheek, I whispered, ―Thanks.‖ And then I gave her a really big hug.
―Night, Cindy, I love you.‖
It tore at my heart to see her leave, clutching the cookie in her tiny hand. Adam knew she
couldn't eat the cookie. That's why he gave it to her then. The mean bastard.
―Cindy, what are the rules?‖ said Adam. She turned, came back, handed the cookie to her
father and left for the second time.
I shook my head as I watched and thought about how fallacious the food thing was. It
really was all about his control obsession.
―You need to apologize to Susan, Amelia.‖
―You're kidding. I have nothing to apologize for...‖
―You accused Susan of not feeding Brian properly.‖
―I did not accuse her!‖ I said emphatically. ―I asked her a question. A simple question
about why Brian was not eating what we were eating. Now, if she has some kind of guilt
about...‖
I stopped and held up my hands with a kind of back off, calm down gesture. I'd really
had it. I didn't have the energy to get into another argument that would end the same way
with his abuse and name calling.
―Adam, I am tired. I really want the best for you and your family, but...‖
―You keep interfering with how I want to raise my family.‖
―Will you just keep quiet for this one time in your life and listen? I really care what
happens to you and the children. Some things get to me, especially about how important
the right food and enough of it is to a child's future.‖
―There you go, accusing us of...‖
I hammered the table with my fists. ―Shut up! Shut up and listen! If you can't keep quiet,
I'm going home tonight, and I won't visit again. I mean it. I've had it. I'm tired of the
upset every darn time, Adam.‖ I could see that my brother was caught off guard,
strangely threatened by the thought that we may not be there for him if he needed us, I
surmised.
―No. No, I don't want you driving back to Syracuse at night. Stay here and leave in the
morning.‖
I stayed the night. Adam and I managed to continue our conversation without it becoming
a war.
I got up at 5:30AM and couldn't wait to get out of the place. I wanted to leave before
anyone heard me, but I was shocked when Adam came down the stairs at 6:00AM! He
had a bag of Christmas presents for Jack and me. This was April, and he wanted to do
Christmas presents.
―I didn't even get a chance to give you your presents.‖
I was completely taken by surprise and could only think to say quite calmly, ―If you
weren't so busy stressing everyone, we could have done it.‖ None of it made any sense,
but I was too stressed to deal with another of Adam's rants.
―Just take them,‖ he said handing them to me.
We hugged and I left, relieved to be out of there, heading back to Syracuse and my life of
love and normalcy.
• • •
My heart was singing! I had just come from my doctor. I was pregnant! Thank you, God!
I was so happy. For five years Jack and I had been trying to get pregnant. There were
doctors, fertility treatments, pain, miscarriages, uncomfortable surgeries for
endometriosis, and then in the month I transferred to an in vitro specialist, I got pregnant.
I didn't do the in vitro. That was to come, another long and testing process when I
decided to have a second child. A lot of people would try to talk me out of that, but I am
a very determined woman. When I set my mind on something, I won't let anything or
anyone stop me. It might be painful, and it could take a long time. It took me 12 years to
graduate with a degree in psychology, so you can bet on me getting what I want in the
end.