Chapter 11: I'm your brother

―We got here late because the directions you gave us were wrong, and we got lost. When

we finally get here I'm told we couldn't come up to your room. We had to wait down

here with everybody else. I am your brother, and you treat me like shit.‖

―Keep your voice down, Adam, please. This is Abbey's christening, for God's sake.‖

Adam always wanted to be the most special person around. So, he's upset because he

couldn't come up to my room. I could have let him come up, but he always causes such

stress, and now he was proving I made the right decision. What a pig.

I saw Susan waiting across the room. I couldn't believe what she had on. For our

daughter's christening at one of the finest hotels in Boston, Susan was wearing corduroy

pants, cowboy boots and a sweater! She dressed like she was going to a rodeo.

―Why is Susan dressed that way?‖

―I told her that since she wasn't part of the ceremony, she didn't have to dress up.‖

Adam could be so vindictive.

• • •

I have made mention of some moments of kindness that would come from Adam. I want

to be fair. After all, it was also these positive aspects of his nature that would emerge

from time to time that helped keep alive the flicker of hope I had for his reformation.

It was at the christening that he paid us back the $1200 he borrowed. Oh, it was the first

and last time he would ever do that, but it made for a favorable impression at the time.

There was the beautiful baby album and card he gave Abbey as a christening gift. He

liked giving gifts and would spend outrageous amounts of money on them. For Abbey's

christening and her birthdays, he would spend upwards of five hundred dollars on

presents for her. Money and material things meant everything to him, but he spent money

on things he couldn't afford. And then there was the expectation that we should spend as

much on Susan and him and his children. I remember an occasion when I gave him a very

nice Polo shirt, and Susan a brand name pair of slacks, but it wasn't enough; it was never

enough.

―What's this, Amelia? You know I don't like shirts with logos on them. And those pants,

they just aren't Susan. She'll never wear them, and frankly I wouldn't let her be seen

dead in them.‖

Sadly, he had a way of quickly killing off the goodwill his gifts created. I think family

was important to him, and gift giving was his attempt to prove it.

I guess he gets the spending thing from Ma. She was totally into material stuff. She spent

lavishly on gifts for us as kids. We wanted for nothing, but I could've cared less. I wanted

a home; a really nice house like my cousins that didn't have cockroaches running all

through. I would have given anything, traded everything I had, the record players, the

records, the Barbie stuff and the expensive clothes, just to have a nice, stable home.

As an aside, my sister Margaret was just like Ma and Adam. She had always been

struggling for money since she gave birth to her first child, but she'd spend on things she

couldn't afford, like diamond pendants for her children's graduations!―You have to be crazy, Margaret,‖ I said to her once when we were at Ma's visiting. She

was complaining about not being able to pay her mortgage while showing me a diamond

ring she had just bought for Joanne, her daughter, who had just graduated eighth grade,

for God's sake! ―You don't have enough money to pay the mortgage, but you go to

Costco and spend three hundred dollars instead of going to bank and telling them what

you can pay them. What is that?‖

―I owed the bank $1400, and I only had $900. What's the point?‖

How can you argue that kind of logic?

Another side to Adam that pleased me was his fondness of Abbey; the gifts he gave her

were certainly an expression of that, and she really liked him. He was great with Lucas

when he came along and his other nieces and nephews; Margaret was to have nine

children. So, it was this behavior, these sporadic acts of kindness that kept me thinking

that something good for he and his family was a possibility.

I could be so naive!

• • •

Eighteen months after Abbey's christening, Abbey, Ma and me went to visit Adam and

Susan and their five children, baby Keith was the newest arrival, in the house they had

managed to purchase in Maine. We were happy for them and, of course, our hope was

that this signaled the beginning of new and better possibilities.

We had the occasional contact and visits after the christening despite my usual and

adamant declarations after every visit that it was the last. But, I would always come back

to my concept of family and what it meant to me. As I said before, and I was to say it

again and again, I was always hopeful that Adam might change; revert back to that cute

little boy that was my brother.

We pulled up in the front of the house after a two and a half-hour drive from Boston.

There was a good amount of fresh snow on trees, house roofs and the ground. Everything

looked so pretty. I carried Abbey, who was wrapped up in her winter clothes, into the

house. Ma and Jack followed.

Abbey was surrounded by Cindy, Brian and Becky as soon as I put her down. I picked up

Becky and hugged her.

Adam appeared out from the kitchen yelling, ―Cindy! Brian! Becky!‖ He pointed to the

adjoining room. ―Out of the way until you are called; you can look after Keith.‖

―Adam! We just walked in. I haven't seen my grand children for months, and I want to

give them all a hug,‖ said Ma, chastising the son she spent his lifetime spoiling. ―And

you might be a little more thoughtful and appreciative by first of all giving your ma a hug

and a kiss.‖

Adam gave Ma what could only be described a quick peck on the cheek. ―You know I

love you, Ma.‖ He turned back to the children. ―Now, give your Nana a hug and then

scat.‖ He took Becky from me. ―You too, Becky; you can be in the playpen with Keith,‖

he said pointing.

I looked at Jack who simply returned a ―well, same old crap‖ roll of his eyes.