Chapter 24:Why $50

While this is not unusual with respect to the youngest children, it is remarkable for five-year old

Keith.

• • •

Two weeks after Adam called asking for the $500.00 he was in jail again, this time

serving 30 days for the contempt of court charge. Cindy, Brian, Becky and Keith were

placed in foster care, while the youngest three, Grace, Lilly and Katherine were given

back to Susan. Because of a home schooling investigation, which did not involve the

three non-school aged children, Susan was able to have them with her.

So, here I was once again fully involved, my life turning inside out because I couldn't

just walk away from those children without making sure they that they were going to be

looked after. I was full of resentment for him for interrupting my wonderful life with my

family and I wanted him to disappear.

I was doing lots of the leg work, making phone calls, talking to key people and lawyers.

At the same time, I would question my own sanity at getting involved in my crazy

brother's life again when I swore a thousand times over that I would not.

Things were chaotic at my house; the phone never stopped ringing, Adam's lawyers, their

assistants, or the judge's office would be calling me back. I was in touch with social

services because the children wanted to see me. Next to my mother, I was the only family

they knew. I didn't always answer the phone, my children came first. If I was doing

something with them, I let the phone ring. Adam would call from the jail and leave rude

messages when I didn't pick up. To this day I screen my phone calls. He called collect,

sometimes several times a day. My bill was ridiculously high. I don't know why, but this

made me extra mad, it was so unnecessary. What an idiot I was for accepting any of his

calls. Quite often, I just let the answer machine pick up. And then of course I had to show

them to Jack, and I knew that would really get to him as well.

Susan was living in different motels paid for by social services, or me and other

organizations like welfare or churches. Ma even sent him money from the small amount

she had! While Susan and later Adam, after he got out of jail, were living on government

handouts and charity, they were always uncooperative and lacking in any gratitude for the

help they received. In fact, it seemed they went out of their way to cause problems.

Here is another extract8 from the Maine Family Court document.

Throughout September, October and November 2005, the family lived at three different

extended stay hotels. In addition to motels, the family was offered shelter care at the local

shelters. The family also stayed for two weekends at the condominium of their lawyer's

assistant. Financial resources for motels and shelters came from the Maine Department of

Health. This assistance for housing was discontinued due to the family's inability to

cooperate with motel staff around room access for housekeeping. Additionally, the family

received food stamps and general assistance. The children received Medicaid.Ma kept calling everyday, crying and begging me to get Adam out of jail. ―He doesn't

deserve to be in there, Amelia. It's terrible for him, wearing those same prison clothes

day after day, locked up with men who are real criminals. I know you and Jack have done

so much for him, but please help him again.‖

The pleas would keep coming, but there was nothing I could do to get him out. Besides, I

was hoping the 30 days in jail might do him some good, change his thinking and realize

that if he wanted a different life for himself and his family he needed to be responsible,

get a job and work hard like the rest of us. Forgive me for my naivety. There is that

saying pigs might fly, isn't there?

I sent him $50 to buy small item necessities the jail authorities told me he needed. And, I

sent money to Susan, so she could take a bus to the jail with the children. There were

days when the social services people would take them. It was approaching fall, so I also

sent her boxes and boxes of warm clothes, along with toys and other items the children

could use for writing and drawing.

Of course, Adam's gratitude for our help was underwhelming, why it would be any

different? I think I mentioned earlier that doing the same things over and over again

without different results was the definition of insanity – wake up Amelia! At some level,

though, I think I eventually accepted that Adam was not going to change and that neither

could I. I would always be the bleeding heart. Helping family was a sacred duty I could

not ignore, fundamental to my being. Oh, the contradictions were there, all right. I hated

Adam with a passion at times, but as I came to know who I was at my core, I knew it

would always be impossible to cut away from family completely, however badly they

behaved, and especially when they needed help.

The collect calls from him were relentless. Ma would get them, too. The conversations

were always of the same tone, demanding, judgmental and abusive.

―Why did you send me $50? It's not going to do anything.‖ ―I was told you needed it to

buy necessities in the jail,‖ I replied. ―If you don't need it, give it to the children. I've

sent them clothing and they could do with more.‖

―They don't need that stuff.‖

―Junk you called it. Ma told me.‖

―Use your head, Amelia. If you'd saved all the money you spent on hotels, clothes, phone

cards, buses or whatever, you would have been able to send the money I need. None of

this would be happening!‖

I laughed. ―So, now it's my fault. You are a piece of work, brother.‖

―The money saved would be enough for a proper lawyer instead of some useless court

appointed one.‖

―If you behaved like a grown man instead of a childish, irresponsible idiot, you wouldn't

be in jail. You'd have a life like mine, living in a nice home with healthy, well educated

children.‖

On the day of Lucas's christening on Sunday, September 14, 2005, we were just walking

out the door when the phone rang, another collect call from the jail. I grabbed the phone.