Markis 2

Over the next eleven years, Cera fought with Zai frequently. It was usually because Cera would beg him for more attention or quality time, and Zai would indifferently brush him off. I haven't met Zai, but it seems like the only things he's interested in are cooking and my brother. I got used to hearing Cera complain about how Zai treated him. Honestly, I was just glad we were talking.

"Zai came home again and didn't even say hi to me. He just hugged Jey, and they went out for drinks… they didn't even think to invite me. And since Valin left, the house is empty a lot— which is all Jey's fault. I might need to track Valin down and talk to him."Cera vented, holding his wineglass of Elixir with both hands.

"Oh... well, you can always come here when you're bored... or lonely. I don't know Valin, but if you want someone to come with you to find him, I will."His cheeks reddened, then he chugged down his drink and sighed afterward.

"I shouldn't be lonely anymore! I left Afaria to be with him, and he doesn't even care. I'm just an annoyance... I wouldn't have to do so much alone if Zai would just... give me a chance..."

I refilled his cup and said, "That's not true. I don't know him, but I'm sure he doesn't think of you like that."It's impossible.

He scoffed.

"You don't know Zai at all. He's all smiles and acts nice, but… I could be on fire right in front of him, and he wouldn't even blink."

Hearing him say that hurt me."Then... why do you like someone like that so much?"

"Even though he can be nonchalant, he does look out for all the other Chosen, even the ones he doesn't like. His potential for speed is amazing. When I see him, I feel like one day... he could succeed the throne. He's really handsome too... especially when he smiles. Sometimes I forget how to breathe when I see him. Also, when he cooks, he considers everyone's preferences— each of our plates tastes different. He saved me... Even though I know I'm not important to him, he stuck his neck out for me. He's just so wonderful. I can't help but admire him."

I didn't expect him to have a paragraph-long reason for liking this guy... I chugged my drink and leaned back until the dizziness passed.

"Oh yeah... he seems great. Nothing like me. I'd never stand up to the King... I can't even disagree with him without having a panic attack."He nudged me.

"You're not that bad... at least you listen to me. I'm kind of a loser among the others. I never managed to tame my element. Power is really important in earning respect among us Chosen— that's why Zai is so popular. Insinz would spend more time in remedial training, but I've seen him and Zai fight, so I know he's strong. The others look up to him… he must have his reasons for acting weak. It would be better if he were actually weak so I wouldn't feel so pathetic. I need to get myself together. Regardless, thank you... I like having someone I can be open with like this."

We sighed in unison. I lit an inspiration cigarette and passed it to him.

"I wish I could help, but water techniques are fundamentally opposite from fire…"

He laughed and took a puff before passing it back.

"No, it's on me to figure this out. I should work harder... maybe after I do, Zai will respect me."

Every time I feel like I'm having a good time, that name ruins it.Is this jealousy?What right does someone like me have to be jealous?

"Hey... this is off subject, but we're friends, right?" I inquired, feigning nonchalance.His eyes widened, then he grinned.

"What else would we be?" His tone was so sweet, and his answer made me so happy that I lost composure and kissed his cheek.He touched the spot I'd kissed and didn't say anything right away. The silence was unbearable. I took a drag on the cigarette just to keep my hands from shaking, but then he pecked my cheek lightly in return and said,

"Friends... huh." He must think I kissed his cheek out of camaraderie. 

He brushed his hair behind his ear. I took a drag on the cigarette, eyes locked on him.

"No one's ever kissed my cheek before... It feels kind of nice. Like getting a compliment." He admitted bashfully.

…Does this mean I have permission to do it again? Or even more?I kept smoking without replying, my thoughts swirling at a million miles per minute.

Later that day, we said goodbye. We kept texting like usual. He eventually found Valin and convinced him to come home. A month later, at the same time as their return, he messaged me saying that Zai had gotten with someone. At first, the news pleased me, but it soon became annoying when all his messages were about Zai or the woman he was with.

Not too long after that, Cera was kicked out for starting a fight with Zai's woman— and losing. Badly. Comically bad.He came to my house injured and sobbing.

"He hates me!" he wailed, rushing into my arms for comfort.

"What happened?" I asked.He shook his head, unwilling to talk.

"You seven have a special bond… he'll forgive you."He sniffled.

"Look up at me," I asked. He obeyed.And this time, I kissed his lips.

Cera jolted, backing away and slamming into the door.

"Why... what... you… You kissed me."

"Yeah... to help get your mind off all that other stuff. You seemed so upset. I just wanted to help."I stepped closer and put my fingers under his chin.

He looked up at me, flustered.

"Well… it worked."

I placed my other hand on the door beside his head and leaned in."Should I kiss you again?"

He swallowed loudly— definitely not immune to me.I've never been rejected, but I'd always assumed he didn't see me that way. But now…

"That... you don't have to… I'm fine now."

I backed away. He sighed with relief.

"Now explain to me exactly what happened."

After that, Cera gave me the full story, not sugarcoating anything. He made it clear he was the one at fault, even though he still had bitter feelings toward the girl, whom he only referred to as that bitch.

"Looks like your Zai moves fast when he loves somebody," I noted....Unlike me.

I've known how I felt about Cera for years, but haven't said anything. I don't have the guts. Rejection is something I've never experienced with lovers, but I felt it daily with my family. I'm not eager to feel it again.

"It's hard to believe he was indifferent to everyone before, and now he's married... Maybe they're soulmates."

He hit my chest.

"Shut up."

I scoffed. "No. Since when do I have to do what you say?"

He pouted and looked away.

"Let's drink… are your friends coming over later?"

I sighed. "I'll text them and tell them not to come. You've had a long day."

We drank together, and maybe due to the intoxication, I ended up kissing him again— this time, he kissed me back. His body had recovered by then, so I no longer feared touching him. I know I'm taking advantage of the situation, but… I'm already trash. There's no point trying to be good now.

I kept escalating things since he didn't push me away. Maybe because he's the Chosen of Water, everything with him just flowed. It felt... incredible. When we woke up together the next morning, he talked to me casually, complaining about Zai again like nothing had happened.

I realized then that he either didn't notice how I felt… or it didn't matter to him.

Still, whenever he invited me over after that, I'd listen, respond appropriately, then move on to intimacy if he gave me an opening. I wasn't sure if it affected him, but I became content knowing I'd never be the one he truly wanted.

Unfortunately, sleeping with him opened the door for him to try sex with others... but that bothered me way less than hearing him talk about Zai.

I asked him to move in with me just to see him more often. When he couldn't answer, I dropped it.

I should be happy I got to kiss him. Touch him. But that night, after my suggestion, he kept eye contact for the first time… and moaned my name.

It scared me.Of course, I want him to like me— but that's impossible. There's no way he could. He's seen me do despicable things.This should be what I want, but it feels too much like a trap.

I left before he woke up. Even kept our texts short.

Two months passed. I started calming down… until Tana showed up asking for Raijian— proving that people only visit me to find him.She looked beautiful now. Thinking about how much my father valued her made her seem even more tempting.But she rejected me. Took away the human I was keeping.She's strong now— I didn't realize it because she never fought back when my father would drag her into a closet or even have his way with her out in the open.

My first real rejection. Almost laughable.

Even though I got beaten up, the outcome was good.I wouldn't have said anything if I knew she'd kick my ass that hard.

I called Cera because he's the only one I can talk to.

I wanted to tell him everything— what Tana did, how she looked, how I lost, even apologize for giving out his number.

But he yelled in the middle of my story:

"You... you're pissing me off!"

"Ow— that was my ear." I groaned, pulling the phone away and putting him on speaker.

"You left without saying goodbye, and now all you talk about is some woman you want to screw?!"

"What's your problem?"I was confused... but hopeful.

He's never reacted like this. Even when I slept around.

"You! You're my problem! I don't care who you want to screw or actually f**k, just leave me out of it from now on!"

He hung up.

I tried calling back, but I was either blocked or ignored.

Maybe I'm in denial, but I'm not stupid.He's jealous.I wasn't imagining it.

He wants me... me?!

Warmth filled my chest. I rushed to his apartment and knocked on the door, yelling until he came out.

"What are you, allergic to honesty or something?!" I snapped. He pouted.

"Why the heck are y—"

I cut him off.

"Then why can't you be upfront with me?! You never said you liked me! Never said you liked having me around! Never said I looked good or that you missed me! How am I supposed to know something's wrong if you don't speak up?!"

He stared at me, stunned. Then flushed red.

"I... thought... You wouldn't care." Cera muttered.

I groaned."Thinking isn't your specialty. You're dumb, so ask questions— that way you'll learn something!"

I hugged him tight. I had missed him more than I realized.

Even his cologne was driving my senses crazy.

"You're right… I've been thinking too much. And I… I like having you around, Markis. So… let's move in together… please."

Cera forced the words out stubbornly. It was so cute. I couldn't help muttering,

"Idiot," before kissing him. Then I asked, "Why would you like me? What's wrong with you?"

"Plenty of people like you," he replied.

"Maybe humans who don't know any better— but you know me."He hugged me tighter. Joy swelled in my chest.

"I guess... It's because you were here."

His answer made me laugh— but it made sense.There's no other logical reason to fall for someone like me.

I wanted to be honest, but couldn't look at him. So I let go and faced the door.

"I like a lot of things about you. If I thought you liked me back... I would have treated you better."

I would've stopped doing the things that made him uncomfortable. Visited more. Invited him over more. I wouldn't have restrained myself for so long.

It's not too late to start now.

Cera clung to the back of my shirt and said,

"You've always treated me well..."

I wanted to hear those words for so long.Wanted someone to comfort me for so long...I nearly cried, so I turned and kissed him to bury that feeling.

"No... I need to become someone you can be proud of," I whispered.I stroked his cheek and added,"And I'll keep being here for you. I won't ever abandon you. Promise."

I'm not sure if he heard me, but…

Since then, I stopped feeding on humans— I knew it made Cera anxious about the authorities attacking me.I started cleaning my house bit by bit, with his help.I stopped sleeping with other people.

I wasn't fixing myself for me. I was doing it for him. Because for once… I wanted to be someone worth loving.