Ch 12: The End of Love

I had waited for My Lady in Green, hoping she would realize her feelings, but in the meantime, I could see her with other people, especially her male best friend. It was clear that they were getting closer, laughing together, their arms brushing in ways that felt more intimate than just friendship. She had always accused me of being insecure, but seeing them like that, I couldn't help but feel uneasy. The way they talked, the way they held each other—something about it bothered me.

And maybe, in some twisted way, I thought if she could do it, then so could I.

I started searching for someone who resembled her, someone who had a similar appearance, even a similar name. I found her. She wasn't exactly like My Lady in Green, but the resemblance was there—enough to make me feel like I could fill the void that had been left in my heart. I reached out to her, unsure at first, but soon, the connection grew.

What surprised me the most was how easily I slipped into this new relationship. We already had a history together—we knew each other from school days. It felt effortless, natural almost, like picking up an old conversation that had been paused. And as I spent more time with her, I started to realize something. She was genuinely interested in me.

At first, I didn't think much of it. It was a distraction, a way to forget My Lady in Green. But the longer I stayed, the more I began to see the truth. I was playing with her emotions. I wasn't falling for her. I was using her to fill a gap, to get back at someone I had once loved.

And that thought struck me hard. I couldn't do this. I couldn't hurt someone else for the sake of my past. It was unfair, and I was wrong.

So, I decided to confess everything to her. I told her the truth—how I had been trying to get revenge, how I had never truly loved her. I admitted that I was still stuck on My Lady in Green.

Her response was anger, and rightfully so. She cursed at me, her voice filled with hurt and betrayal. I deserved every word, every ounce of her frustration. I had played with her heart, and she had trusted me.

She had confessed her feelings for me before, though indirectly. Looking back, I saw it then for what it was—a love she had quietly nurtured. But I couldn't return it. I didn't love her. I was still holding on to a dream that wasn't mine to keep.

After a long silence, she called it off. There were no more words, just the finality of it all. I couldn't blame her for walking away, for choosing to protect herself from someone who had never truly been invested in her.

And as I sat there, reflecting on everything, I realized something that hurt almost more than the break-up itself: I had said no to love. Not just once, but twice. First with her, and still with My Lady in Green.

The truth was, I wasn't ready for love. Not yet. Maybe I had to let go of both of them to finally understand that.