An Unsatisfied Hunger

Hope snarled as she shot up in bed, panting for breath. It took her a moment to realize where she was and let her nerves settle again. Taking a deep breath, she stood stiffly from the bed and checked the time. 

Two o'clock in the morning.

Her gums began to ache, and her stomach screamed at her. Oh…she was hungry. No, she was not just hungry; she was starving. The exertion of exploring the castle a few hours ago must have surged her hunger.

Walking across the room, she picked open the always warm pot of porridge Madam Florence kept for her. At this point, she wouldn't doubt if the tonics were in the porridge, so she wouldn't have to take them separately. As long as it worked, she didn't really care.

She heaped herself some into the bowl and took a big, scalding bite. Hope ate until the bowl was empty, but a strange gnawing hunger still hadn't subsided. She looked into the pot of porridge and wrinkled her nose. As appealing as it was earlier, she couldn't bear to eat another spoonful.

As she set her bowl down, Hope wondered if she was ready to eat something more solid. She knocked on the matron's door, where she had her own chamber.

Madam Florence came to the door, holding her bedrobes tight to her body and squinting at the light. "Hope?" she whispered as if she didn't want to wake someone. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm hungry," Hope answered, hearing the snoring of paintings in the room beyond where she stood.

Standing in hesitation for a moment, she nodded. "There's plenty of porridge in the pot…"

"I ate some, but I can't eat anymore of it right now. I want something else."

"Something else?" She frowned and shook her head. "There's porridge for now. We can find a more suitable meal tomorrow, but for now, eat the porridge and try to sleep."

Madam Florence closed the door with a soft click, leaving Hope to her hunger pains alone. Frustrated, she paced back to her bed and sat down. Now, she was wide awake.

Hope glanced at the door's entrance to the hallway and sighed heavily. She didn't want to stir trouble, so she recalled what Albus had said in the Divination classroom. Grinding her teeth, Hope laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Quietly willing herself to fall asleep, hoping the strange hunger signals would disappear by morning.

No such thing happened.

By morning, Hope had the beginnings of a headache that the sunlight streaming through the windows made worse.

"Come on then." Madam Florence said as she bustled around the infirmary, tying her apron behind her. "Let's go down for a spot of breakfast, shall we?"

"Go down?" Hope asked with sudden interest.

"To the Great Hall. It's where most meals are held, especially during the school year. Wash up and dress. I'll have something with plenty of protein made for you. I imagine that hunger is your body's way of saying you're ready for more."

Hope took very little time to get washed and dressed, not wanting to spare a moment when she could be in a place called the Great Hall. Was it as great as it sounded?

Soon, they were walking through the castle, and this time, Hope did her best to remember their route. She wanted to avoid constantly getting lost. Just as she wondered if she could be given a map of the place, they entered the Great Hall, and her jaw dropped. It was a grand spectacle. Her gaze drifted up to the ceiling, which looked like the sky outside and hundreds of candles floating mid-air.

"Hope!" An excited voice reached her. She knew who belonged to immediately.

Newt came over quickly and grinned. "I see you're starting to obtain more liberties."

"Naturally," Madam Florence started, "don't run off with her yet. She needs to eat something. I'll be right back." She said very pointedly at them both.

Hope sat down at one of the polished tables to the far right. There was so much seating she wondered just how many students came here. Looking around, she could see a few other teachers milling about, and she couldn't help but wonder what they taught.

"Hope? Did you hear me?"

"Hm?" Her eyes focused on Newt, a flush creeping up her cheeks as she realized he'd been talking to her. "I'm sorry…"

Newt frowned a little, worry creasing his brow. "Are you feeling alright?"

"My head hurts," she cringed slightly. "I didn't sleep very well. I probably just need something to eat. I was so hungry last night that it woke me up."

Madam Florence, who must have heard her, stepped up to where they were sitting. "This should help. Try the tea; it's helpful for headaches and sinuses." The plate didn't have much but could be quickly eaten and digested. Fresh strawberries, toast with just a thin scrape of butter, and a cup of steaming hot tea. 

"Thank you, Madam Florence."

"Of course, dear. I dare say it might be almost time for you to have your own accommodations at Hogwarts that aren't in the infirmary."

That caught Hope's attention. Her eyebrows raised, and her lips formed into a smile. "You mean…I can stay here?"

"Albus hasn't told you?" she asked and then nodded. "From what I understand, you can stay here as long as you'd like."

Hope's smile turned into a grin as she looked at Newt, who shared the same expression. To think, she could belong not just anywhere but here, a place where she already felt so at home.

"I trust you'll keep an eye on her today?" Madam Florence asked Newt, who nodded through a mouthful of toast.

"Keep an eye on me?" Hope raised a brow and smiled. "Don't you trust me?"

Scoffing but with light affection, she shook her head. "After yesterday, I think not. No, I'd rather know you're not skipping meals. If you need anything, I'll be about."

With that, Madam Florence left them.

Smiling over at Newt, she took a sip of tea. "Okay, if you're supposed to keep an eye on me, what will we do?"

"Well," Newt dabbed his mouth with a napkin, "I thought you might like to see a friend."

"A friend?" Hope asked in confusion and shook her head. She couldn't remember making friends other than those who squealed and squawked.

"Eat your breakfast, and I'll show you."

The tea really did help Hope's headache. It was nearly gone when they stepped outside the castle doors and into the sun. 

"Where are we going?" She asked as they made their way down the grassy hill, her arm brushing Newt's as she walked.

No sooner had she spoken than the loud flap of wings caught her attention, making her look up into the sky. With a soft thud, Wingedback landed in front of her with a delighted chirp.

"Wingedback!" Hope exclaimed and rushed forward. Holding onto his neck, she pressed her face against his feathers. "I never thought I'd see you again…" she said tremblingly.

"Is that his name?" Newt asked with a smile, just by her elbow.

Pulling away to look at him, she grinned, wiping a stray tear from her cheek as Wingedback nibbled her ear affectionately. 

"I wondered what you meant when you said friend." She laughed lightly, feeling a lightness inside her she hadn't felt since first seeing the castle from the flying carriage. "How did you find him?"

"I didn't," chuckled Newt, "he found me. I think he knew you were here, and he's been waiting around since."

Wingedback pulled away from her and trotted off to the little enclosure he must have been using to sleep in. It could hardly be considered an enclosure since the fence was short enough that Wingedback could practically step over it, let alone fly over. He had a water trough, edible food, and even made a nest out of hay, twigs, and feathers.

Hope waited patiently because it looked like Wingedback was bringing her something. When he did return, she pursed her lips into a thin line as he dropped what looked to be the remnants of a rabbit he must have caught and eaten. In her hands now were a ball of its leftover fur and teeth. 

"Uhm…thank you," Hope forced a smile, "I'll treasure it forever."

Wingedback nudged her shoulder with his beak and started back to the pen. 

Glancing over at Newt, she saw he was close to bursting with laughter.

"Not. One. Word," Hope warned him, "he did his best." 

But she, too, couldn't help but grin that soon bubbled into a laugh. Then they were both laughing.

She and Newt took their time exploring the grounds of Hogwarts. He answered every question she had without hesitation as if every question were a kind gesture—like he enjoyed answering her.

"I should take you to Hogsmeade sometime." Newt offered at one point in the conversation.

"Hogsmeade?" Hope asked, sitting down in the grass and letting the borrowed dress from Madam Florence spread out. Today, it was pale yellow with gold glitter along the bodice. It was much fancier than she'd ever expected to wear, but it suited her nicely. "What's Hogsmeade?"

"It's a little village just that way," Newt pointed in the direction as he sat down next to her, "It's home only to wizards and has some of the best shops to visit, Honeydukes being one of them. Madam Florence might not be pleased with me if you return with arms full of sugar treats."

Hope laughed and shook her head. "I don't remember ever having something with sugar. I saw a lot of children eating different things like that. Some even tried to slip some through the bars, but there was always a sign that said 'don't feed the beasts' and…" A sadness covered her like a blanket, but it wasn't warm and comforting. It was a blanket made of ice.

"I…let them treat me like that," she finally murmured, "I just thought it's how it was. Some people are beasts, and some aren't. That's just how life was." Hope had always done everything as she was told, but no more. She set a firm jaw. "No more," she said out loud now. "No one will control me like that ever again."

Newt nodded, sitting with her in the peaceful breeze as the afternoon rolled around. "You are strong, Hope. You know that, don't you?"

Looking over at him, she smiled softly and nodded. "I'm starting to learn that."

They sat in comfortable silence for the next few minutes. Listening to the trees sway in the forest, Hope was told not to enter alone because hidden dangers were everywhere. 

"Can we go tomorrow?" Hope asked, looking over at Newt, not realizing they were now sitting significantly close to each other. Her shoulder against his.

"To Hogsmeade?" he asked, smiling when she nodded, "I can request your leave from Madam Florence. I imagine she will say yes if you continue your tonics."

"I am, but…" Hope trailed off and frowned.

Newt waited a moment before nudging her knee with his. "Yes?"

Sighing, she met his eyes. "I was so hungry last night, and she just said to keep eating the porridge. I just don't think that's what I want. What I…need. It's like when you're out in the heat all day and know your body craves water; you can practically taste it. I can taste what I need but don't know what it is."

Furrowing his brows, he nodded as he listened intently. "Maybe it's, as Madam Florence mentioned, more protein in your diet? I'm sure she'll move you up to something more—beans, even. Fish. I know it's a lot to ask to be patient, but try to trust her. If you still feel this way when that protein is introduced, we can ask about it."

Hope nodded slowly. She knew it made sense; she just wished the process would hurry. Resting her head on his shoulder, Hope let the sound of the trickling brook nearby lull her into a peaceful, sleepy state. Honestly, she could stay like this forever if the universe allowed it.

The universe has an interesting sense of humor.

"I told Albus about our conversations." Newt's words broke the silence.

Cringing, she sighed and nodded. "I kind of figured." There was a part of her that hoped he hadn't. Some of what she told him had felt so personal it had been difficult to say to him in the first place. After sorting through her recent memories, she realized Albus was the lead here. The headmaster. And she imagined he knew almost everything that happened at Hogwarts.

"I…wish it could have been in confidence." The guilt she could hear in his voice made her turn to look at him, and she was right. She could see it turning his usually shimmery eyes dull with regret. "I do want you to trust me."

"I trust you, Newt. As much as I'm able, I think." Hope sighed then and offered a small smile. "Thank you for being honest with me. I don't think many others would have been." She chewed her lip as she thought it over, and a thought occurred. It soured her stomach. "Did…did he make you come talk to me?" She asked, "To get information?" Her eyes drifted to the grass now. Had his attention been only to gather what she knew?

Newt hesitated before letting out a soft sigh. "Sometimes, he did ask me to ask questions. He thought you might open up to me a little bit, as I'm the one who helped you escape, but Hope…" he moved his head so he was in her line of sight again. "That was only once. Any other visit was of my own accord. Truly. I quite like your company."

Thinking back to his visiting times, she raised an eyebrow at him. "We talk, but normally, it's just silence while doing something else. Reading or playing a game."

Newt nodded and smiled. "A rare gift, indeed. To feel comfortable in someone else's silence."

That couldn't be argued. Talking when she wanted to and having peace when needed was a warm caress to cold limbs.

"Okay, fine, but…" she looked at him thoughtfully, her eyes holding a severe edge, firm but not unkind. "If I say something stays between us, promise me it will. I know he needs to know things to help me, but if he needs to know it. I'll tell him myself. No more spying."

Newt nodded. "I wouldn't call it spying-" Her look cut him off, and he smiled sheepishly with a nod. "No more spying. Understood."

As they started to stand, he held her elbow. She didn't need the support anymore, but it felt nice since he had done so after the carriage ride.

"How about this," he started as they walked toward the castle, "tomorrow I'll make it up to you with a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks."

Hope looked at him with wide eyes as if he had three heads. 

"Did you say butterbeer?"