Chapter 17. February, 1891

"We need to talk, don't we?" Sebastian whispered softly, brushing a damp strand of hair from Ominis' face. Ominis nodded in response, his fair complexion slowly darkening, and his brows furrowing with concern. Once again, he remembered where they were and why, and he wished he could forget it all over again. They both didn't know where to start. After lightly kissing Ominis on the forehead, Sebastian stood up and turned toward the window to collect himself and his thoughts. He heard a quiet rustling behind him; Ominis was hastily putting his clothes back on. Did he need to apologize to him again, or was it pointless? No apologies could ever erase what had happened, but he still wanted to implore his friend for forgiveness. He wanted to hear his friend say in response that he still loved him. Why was it so important? He was about to end up in Azkaban, and nothing would matter anymore. On the contrary, it would be perfect if saying goodbye to Ominis could be like this night. His heart echoed loudly in his temples, and the emptiness inside, briefly filled with boundless love, began to expand once again.

"Sebastian, we need to escape," came the voice behind him, and he flinched. He was both afraid to hear those words and afraid that Ominis would never say them. He wanted to escape, but he knew he couldn't. Not just because of the lack of a plan, time, and other factors, but also because he had been hiding all the details of what had happened from Ominis so far and had a sense of what his friend's reaction would be. Sebastian didn't want to tell him that he was well aware of the sentence that would be passed on him. Uncle Solomon had ensured that nothing would influence the outcome of the trial, and the Veritaserum, under which Sebastian had confessed to the clear intention of killing his uncle, had sealed the last nail in the coffin. It didn't matter if Ominis appeared as a witness or not; it didn't matter what he said. The verdict would not even be mitigated. He grimaced bitterly and decided that he had to tell Ominis the whole truth, even if it shattered his heart before he heard it in court.

"Ominis," Sebastian began, sitting next to him on the bed and running his fingers across Ominis' face, feeling how these touches resonated with pain deep inside, "I'm a murderer."

"I know, but..." Ominis began.

"Hush," Sallow placed his fingers on his lips and gently pressed. He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, "I planned to kill uncle Solomon from the very beginning. To offer him as a sacrifice to the dark relic so that Anne could take his life and lift the curse. Yes, I knew about this condition even before I found out the artifact's location. It was written on almost the first page of Slytherin's manuscripts. At first, I was confused and wanted to tell you, but... I looked at you, I saw your smile, I saw your hope that the relic idea wouldn't work, I saw how our closeness made you happier, and I didn't want to ruin it with another argument. Especially since that argument would surely have driven us apart because I wouldn't have given up on the idea, and you would never have agreed to kill a person. I... just couldn't. I was stalling and thinking about who could be the victim. And this plan came to my mind fairly quickly. Even killing in self-defense wouldn't have cleared my conscience. But, first, uncle wouldn't be around, and no one could influence the judges. Second, I had a faint hope that you and Anne wouldn't turn me in as quickly as Solomon did. Damn, saying it out loud sounds even worse," he bitterly chuckled, looking through Ominis, "but I had to help Anne, even at such a price! It was because of me that she ran away from home and ended up near those damn ruins. Yes, both she and you and uncle say it's nonsense, and I shouldn't blame myself, but I can't. I wondered if one life could be worth more than another. And I decided that in this case, it could. Because Solomon, with all his knowledge and connections, didn't even try to find a cure! So let him become that cure!" his voice broke into a shout but immediately quieted to almost a whisper, "I was angry, I was desperate, but I was sure that's what needed to be done. And I did it. Even in the worst-case scenarios, I couldn't have foreseen that Anne would be between us at the moment of the murder. It hurts so much, Ominis... I've never felt anything like this... She just vanished. In an instant. Moments before I could have given her a normal life. Why didn't I anticipate such a turn of events? Why didn't I plan for it?" he fell silent for a few seconds, pondering questions for which he had no answers, "do I regret resorting to dark magic? No, I don't regret that. I regret not being able to use it as I should have."

Sebastian's voice would ebb into an almost inaudible whisper, then rise to a loud, angry tone, breaking into desperate shouts, trembling and ringing, as if he were on the verge of shattering into tiny pieces. He would impulsively wave his hands, then cradle Ominis' limp, lifeless hand in his palm, then use them to cover his face, trying to hold back the tears threatening to escape. It was as if inch by inch, they were pulling out all his insides, all the nerves stretched to their limits, slowly peeling back his skin, revealing painfully pulsating, bleeding muscles.

He fell silent and slowly raised his somber gaze to Ominis, ready for any reaction from him. Sallow suppressed the desperate urge to kiss him and pull him close, to fill the dreadful chasm inside, to show that everything he had revealed didn't change his feelings for him, to convey that he was still the same, although he no longer believed it himself. He simply clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white, while cautiously keeping his gaze on his friend's face.

Ominis paled as if facing death itself. His lips were parted as if he intended to say something, but his thoughts couldn't coalesce. His eyes widened as if he had just glimpsed his greatest fear. His chest remained still, and his fingers trembled, clutching the fabric of the blanket on his lap. In his ears, he heard only a roaring sound, reminiscent of a turbulent mountain river.

He couldn't believe what Sebastian had just disclosed. He didn't want to believe it. His friend couldn't have gone this far, he just couldn't. He couldn't have planned a murder, not even for his sister. This wasn't Sebastian. None of this felt real. He felt trapped in an endless nightmare, unable to wake up. He took a deep, spasmodic breath, feeling like he was suffocating. His head spun, and his body felt heavy.

He desperately grabbed Sebastian's knee, sitting next to him, squeezing it until his fingers cracked. He turned his face towards Sebastian and shook his head, unable to voice his plea to deny that this was true. His lips quivered, and he bit his lower lip, trying to regain control over his own face. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Sebastian's words played endlessly in his mind, and it seemed like not just minutes had passed, but years, before he fully grasped their meaning.

"How could you..." he whispered, barely audible, recoiling. His face contorted with a grimace of pain and deep disappointment. Sebastian struggled to keep from averting his gaze from these now ugly traits. And it was he who had brought this upon them.

Ominis said nothing more; there was nothing left for him to say. His heart pounded desperately in his chest, torn between yearning for Sebastian and wanting to push him as far away as possible. He had forgiven him everything before this because he believed in the purity of Sebastian's soul. He thought that Sebastian continued down this path only out of ignorance about the true dangers of dark magic. But it turned out that he not only understood it but was willing to use it for his own purposes. He wanted to kill a person with his own hands.

Ominis felt a chasm opening up between them, and it was growing wider with every passing second. He turned away, not wanting Sebastian to see his tears, his weakness, and his sorrow. He knew that sooner or later, he would face this choice, but he hadn't thought it would happen so soon. And he couldn't make that choice right now.

"Ominis, please, say something," Sebastian pleaded after his friend had been sitting in silence, turned away from him and at the other end of the bed, for ten minutes. Sebastian's heart was slowly cracking, and it felt like it would shatter into thousands of painful shards. Confessing his crime to Ominis was a million times harder than committing it.

"I don't know what to say," Ominis murmured in a colorless voice. He understood that he would never see Sebastian again, that he needed to voice his decision now to free both their hearts. But he wasn't ready to push away the only close person in his life so quickly. Why did they have so little time? He touched his lips with his fingers, still feeling the kisses there. His lips twisted and trembled, "I hate you, Sebastian Sallow, for what you've done to me," he hissed through tears, still not turning.

"I still love you, Ominis," Sebastian whispered, feeling everything inside him breaking and plummeting into the chasm that had opened between them. He had never wanted to hold Ominis so tightly as he did right now, when Ominis was slipping away from him so swiftly. Ominis had been his only support, holding him up until now.

Ominis jumped to his feet, staggering, and darted behind the curtain. He almost sprinted to the door, nervously knocking on it, urging the nurse to open it and let him out earlier than agreed. He trembled all over from fear, anger, disappointment, and the desire not to be here. At the same time, a compulsive thought pounded in his head, urging him to turn around and rush into Sebastian's arms, forgetting everything he had just revealed. But it was replaced by memories of murdering that Muggle, of how he had renounced even his family because of dark magic, how he had promised himself never to have anything to do with it and those associated with it. The nurse still hadn't come, and he pressed his body against the door, mentally begging for it to finally open. He had never felt so disgusting before, not even when Anne died. Back then, he had experienced only a very specific set of emotions, whereas now, conflicting feelings tore him apart to such an extent that it was astonishing how they could coexist in one person.

Sebastian dropped his face into his hands when Ominis abruptly pushed off and fled. His back began to shudder with soundless sobs, and his chest ached with pain. There was no point in chasing after him because he had already made his choice. All Sebastian could do was accept it. He heard the door swing open, heard Lavinia ask in a frightened voice what had happened, but she didn't hear the response as Ominis' footsteps quickly receded down the corridor. Sebastian collapsed onto the bed, curling up in a ball, trembling from the sudden cold that enveloped him. In just a few minutes, he had lost the last thing that was dear to him.

***

Several days had passed, during which Ominis had remained almost confined to his bed in the "Leaky Cauldron," barely getting up, not leaving his room, and not allowing his thoughts to wander for even a second. He hadn't expected it to be this painful. He couldn't, just couldn't be with a Sebastian who had revealed himself in St. Mungo's Hospital. A Sebastian who could willingly kill a person, not accidentally stumbling upon a Muggle, but his own uncle. A Sebastian who would surely have concealed the true nature of what had happened if his plan had succeeded. Sebastian was only honest now because everything was over for him. But the most dreadful part of all this was that Ominis still felt drawn to Sallow. He missed his closeness, their meaningless conversations, his laughter, and silly jokes, their arguments, and his kisses. He needed to stop this; he needed to think about his own well-being for once in his life. Sebastian would end up in Azkaban anyway; they would never see each other again, and it would be easier for Ominis to live if he left only disappointment in his soul. But for now, nothing seemed to work. His heart ached every time he thought of Sebastian.

Ominis curled up under the damp, musty-smelling blankets when he heard a knock on the door. He could choose not to respond; he knew it was that friendly, talkative barman once again trying to bring him breakfast, concerned about his young guest. Ominis heard him set the tray by the door and then depart; the barman no longer bothered to wish him a good morning or ask what had happened. But today, Ominis would have to get out of bed. He would have to take a shower and get himself together because there was a hearing scheduled for today, one he really didn't want to attend but was legally obligated to.

He forced himself to rise. His head was spinning and splitting in two, the result of several sleepless nights. His stomach was betraying him, rumbling and aching, urging its owner to eat something, so Ominis cautiously peeked out the door and retrieved the tray with still-warm scrambled eggs. The smell alone made his mouth water for a moment, but then he felt so queasy that he rushed to the bathroom. Sitting on the cold, damp floor, he tried to regain his composure, stand on his trembling legs, and turn on the shower. He managed to do so and even started to feel better, though he avoided touching the food and simply drank a glass of orange juice. He briefly considered going down to the pub on the ground floor but quickly dismissed the idea, imagining how the barman would pester him with questions. There were still a couple of hours before the trial, which he had to somehow pass the time, so Ominis decided to take a stroll down Diagon Alley to stretch his legs and clear his mind.

***

Sebastian walked down the corridor on the second level of the Ministry, which housed the Wizengamot, the supreme court of British wizards. An uncomfortable shiver ran down his spine as everything around him seemed to scream that every criminal would be punished. While that might seem like a good thing, it wasn't when you were the criminal. Sebastian grimly smiled to himself at his own dark humor and lifted his gaze from the floor as he and his Ministry-appointed defender stopped in front of the massive, tall door of courtroom number ten, designated for hearings of cases with particularly serious charges. Sebastian hadn't known that his case had been classified under this category, though he could have guessed. Not every day did ordinary school students use dark magic to take someone's life. He could hear muffled voices beyond the door and guessed that he was the last to arrive. He nervously sighed, wiping his sweaty palms on his clothes, trying to mentally prepare himself for what was about to happen.

The hearing was likely to last no longer than an hour, and he wasn't particularly worried about it. His defense attorney would do most of the talking, and he would only have to answer a few questions afterward. But what haunted him was the knowledge that Ominis would be there. Every time he thought about it, it felt like his heart might not withstand the shock of seeing him. Sebastian couldn't say that he hadn't expected such a sharp condemnation from his best friend, but it hurt so much that he could barely bear it. He knew he should let Ominis go and hope that he could move on, but it was so difficult, almost impossible.

He sighed once more and followed his defense attorney into the massive courtroom. Along the walls, rows of seats rose like an amphitheater, and they were nearly all occupied. The number of spectators in a wizarding trial was often an indicator of the case's significance. Sebastian hadn't read any newspapers or discussed his situation with anyone during his time in St. Mungo's, so he had no idea if his crime was known beyond those directly involved in the case. It seemed that it was known. Otherwise, the courtroom would have only been filled with judges and law enforcement personnel. He frowned, looking at the panel of judges, which consisted of fifty members. Sebastian couldn't understand why they turned a regular procedure into a spectacle with an audience and a stage. His discontent was written all over his face, and he didn't even try to hide it.

His gaze shifted further, and he felt something inside him break when he saw Ominis sitting in the witness area next to uncle Solomon. Ominis appeared so small and miserable that Sebastian's heart ached with the desire to hug him and take him far away from here. Ominis' face was lowered to the floor; he nervously bit his lip and tried not to make contact with Solomon, who glared at Sebastian with pure hatred. Apparently, Ominis had sensed some subtle movements from his neighbor because he flinched and briefly lifted his head, only to quickly lower it again. At that moment, Sebastian realized that he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off him throughout the hearing.

The defense attorney gently nudged Sebastian towards his seat, which was located at the center of the courtroom, directly across from the Chief Warlock who presided over the proceedings. A mocking smile played on Sallow's face when he noticed the chains hanging from the armrests. When Sebastian first heard about these chains, which were used at the judges' discretion to restrain the accused, during his History of Magic lessons, he thought it was some sort of joke. However, it turned out that the authorities indeed enjoyed this kind of pomp.

A tall, elderly Chief Warlock in a plum-colored robe gestured for Sebastian to sit down. As Sebastian obediently settled into the chair, the Chief Warlock began the hearing, reading out all the charges and articles leveled against the defendant. Sebastian tried to focus on the judge's words and listen attentively, but his gaze involuntarily wandered to Ominis, seated to his left. He attempted to track any changes in Ominis's expression, but Gaunt remained as still as a statue. Sebastian could vividly imagine how tightly his fingers were entwined and clenched in pain, hidden from his view by the partition. He felt a light touch on his shoulder from his defense attorney, causing him to startle, and he quickly redirected his gaze back to the judge.

"I ask you, do you plead guilty, defendant?" the Chief Warlock lowered his head slightly and peered over the small lenses of his glasses with an irritated glance.

"Yes, I plead guilty," mumbled Sebastian without attempting to justify or deny his actions. Under the influence of the Veritaserum, he had confessed to everything, and any attempt to lie would only worsen his situation. He glanced over his shoulder at his defense attorney, who had been assigned to him seemingly for no reason and whom he had only met this morning. All these formalities felt so strange. What could this man, who hadn't even inquired about what had happened, say in Sebastian's defense?

"In that case, Mr. Abrams, I invite you to present the defense for the defendant," the irritation vanished from the judge's face, and he waved his hand, indicating that the defense attorney should step forward.

Sebastian once again allowed his mind to disconnect, and his eyes to continue to gaze at Ominis, trying to etch his image permanently in his memory. He shuddered with horror and began to feel suffocated when he thought that even if he were to ever be released from Azkaban, in two, three, or four decades, he would never see Ominis like this again. Grabbing the glass of water placed on the railing next to him, Sebastian gulped down most of it and choked. He heard that Mr. Abrams fell silent, and from the corner of his eye, he saw that almost everyone had turned their heads in his direction, but he continued to watch Ominis. As if sensing his gaze, Ominis turned his face away. The corners of his lips were downturned, he sniffled, and he quickly wiped his eyes. Sebastian stopped coughing and apologized quietly before refocusing his attention on the trial as his defense attorney resumed his speech, and all heads turned away once more.

As Sebastian had suspected, he played a minimal role in the proceedings, only answering a couple of questions posed by the judges. He held his breath, listening to Ominis' brief responses to the judges' inquiries, which were dry and one-worded. Ominis made no effort to defend or accuse anyone. Solomon Sallow's speech, on the other hand, was highly emotional. He recounted the entire history of Sebastian's interaction with dark magic, mentioning his thoughts regarding Ominis's involvement in the matter. However, the Chief Warlock silenced him, stating that it was not relevant to the case. But as he finished speaking, Solomon's voice trembled and grew hoarse, which surprised Sebastian greatly.

A few hours into the trial, all fifty members of the Wizengamot retired for a conference, announcing a recess for the other participants in the trial. Almost everyone left the chamber, except for Sebastian, who couldn't leave even during the break, Ominis, who had no reason to leave, a few spectators deeply engrossed in discussion, and Mr. Abrams, who simply wanted to sit and rest.

Sallow gave his defense attorney a questioning look and pointed toward Ominis. The attorney nodded, indicating that he could approach the witness now. Before the trial, he had asked Mr. Abrams several times if he could meet Ominis, and with increasing irritation with each repetition, Mr. Abrams had replied that it was prohibited until all participants had given their testimony. Now, with the judges gone for deliberation, he could approach Ominis.

He took a deep breath and, on shaky legs, walked toward the witness area. He gripped the railing with both hands, behind which sat his beloved. His heart skipped a beat at this new word that had popped into his head. Why only now, when it was so late, did he dare to call Ominis his beloved, even if only in his thoughts? Sebastian saw how Ominis tensed up and straightened but didn't rush to turn towards him or speak. Another painful pang struck his heart, and he winced, reaching out his hand towards Ominis.

"Ominis, please, take my hand. Let me feel your warmth one more time," he forced out, struggling to say these simple, short words. He felt like he couldn't breathe, as if he didn't have enough air for these words, "hate me, despise me, but please, turn to me."

Ominis trembled and sat still for several minutes. He wanted to clutch his chest and cry. He wanted to hold onto Sebastian and hide in his arms from his own feelings. He wanted to run far away and tear his heavy, pounding heart from his chest. He took a few more breaths and, turning to face Sebastian, placed his hand in his. Inside, everything leaped with joy, only to plummet into a dark abyss. His fingers trembled as Sebastian squeezed them and brought them to his lips. But before he could kiss them, Ominis pulled his hand back and pressed it to his chest. Pain contorted his face, a single tear ran down his cheek, which he quickly wiped away with his sleeve.

"I can't, Sebastian," he whispered with a trembling voice, "I no longer want to love you. I want it all to end here. I... I can't fight for you against dark magic anymore. It hurts me too, Sebastian, and I want these wounds to finally heal. With you, they only get deeper."

His voice trembled more with each word, and Sebastian struggled to make out his last few words. Each one stabbed into him like a rusty spear. He tightened his grip on the receding railing, holding his heavy body upright.

"I still love you, Ominis. You're the only thing I can still love," his words echoed in his overheated mind. He looked at Ominis again, who clutched his hand tightly to his chest, clearly unwilling to say anything more. Sebastian hated himself for how much pain he caused to everyone around him, but most of all, he always hurt himself the most. Maybe he deserved to be rejected. Maybe it was fair. He slowly made his way back to his chair, and just at that moment, the judges returned, announcing the end of the recess.

***

The trial ended as expected: Sebastian was sentenced to thirty years in Azkaban without the possibility of parole. Neither his young age nor the defense attorney's speech could mitigate this verdict. They handcuffed Sebastian and escorted him out of the courtroom. Ominis rushed out the door before the judge could finish reading the verdict. Solomon flashed a sinister, painful grimace as he listened to it to the end. The room began to whisper, debating whether this was fair or not. But Sebastian Sallow didn't care. He was already imprisoned in the most terrifying prison of all — the prison of his own tormented mind.