Chapter 10

TW: Drowning

Refreshing water glided across my neck as I waded into the water. The fluorescent green light shined on Tae Woo's body, illuminating him wonderfully underneath the pool. I didn't have time to even think of what I got myself into. I just didn't want Tae to think about whatever made him look that way. This was the first time I used the apartment pool, and I didn't even own a swimsuit. I was wearing the same pink panties and lavender bra with a large high school t-shirt over the top. It had its hold on my body drowning me figuratively and literally. I'm not even a strong swimmer to begin with, but I can manage in the shallow end. It's not that I was afraid of the water or anything, I guess you could just say I was sheltered from it. I was never allowed to swim in pools, the ocean, or lakes, basically any body of water that people enjoyed to swim in. I shut those thoughts out before I allowed them to take hold and averted my eyes to the splashing in the other direction. Tae was like a kid, he was fluttering about going back and forth getting a damn near workout as I stood neck deep in the water.

He was majestic and alluring, I felt called to him like he was a siren. What pulled me to this guy? I could barely form coherent sentences around him and it wasn't just because I knew elementary Korean. I guess, I had never felt someone pursue me, or show genuine interest in me. I'd only had a few friends, and my dad, who tried but… I shook my head making ripples glide away from my head. "Not now" I mumbled under my breath. I still couldn't contain those thoughts about my upbringing, my parents, my mom. After more consideration I realized that I liked how Tae Woo never laughed at any of my flaws. He embraced them and always managed to find the positive sides. He always understood me perfectly when I spoke wrong, almost like he knew what I was going to say without even saying it. I felt a pang in my chest. He is swimming like it's the first day of summer, and I am here wracking my brains. It's no use, he is a flirt and he is leaving. The only truths I can hold onto anymore. I need to let him go. I dunk my head under the water, I see in the distance Tae's legs kicking and my brown hair starts to roll into view. I come up for air. I take in a full breath and let the water trickle down my neck. A faint click and then darkness.

I assumed the pool light burned out and lucky for us it is after hours so there isn't a single light around. Stillness. "Rina are you okay? Where are you?" A whimsical idea pops into my head that I probably should have let pass by. I needed revenge for being down to my bra and panties though. I follow the edge of the pool holding on and shimmying my way towards him. I am silent. He calls again, "Rina this isn't funny, where are you?" I am stalking my prey getting closer to where I last saw him. My instincts have kicked up and my skin is prickly from the excitement. "Rina, do you want to die? Come out now?" I am getting close because I hear his last words closer than the last time he spoke. I wait for him to speak again so that I can attack. I don't hear anything for at least 30 seconds. I don't want him to get the jump on me, and I assumed he is probably planning the same attack. I guesstimate where he last was and push myself off of the wall aiming straight for him. I flail my arms out in desperation grasping for warmth. I get nothing. I start to flail some more and all I can say in a muffled gasp, "Tae."

I am thrashing my arms and legs and it starts working. I feel air on my fingertips but it is so dark that I can't see. What once filled my eyes with beautiful still aqua had turned black. I started to doubt what was up, and I felt something stir inside me. Fear had its hold and it was pulling me down into the depths of the pool. I am so stupid, did I just think I would magically learn to swim? I am so stupid, what an idiot. I tried to yell for Tae again but my mouth was met with water and I choked it down, and I couldn't hold my breath. I thought if I sank to the bottom I could push off, but I couldn't feel the bottom with my feet and I didn't know how to sink. My nose and eyes were burning from the chlorine, and I gave up. Stupid. I felt calm wash over my body in all its horrific glory. I couldn't find the surface or the bottom and I couldn't hold my breath any longer. Regret. Fear. Calm. My body forced me to breathe in the water even though I knew it was not air. I should have been honest with myself for once in my life. Atleast, I wouldn't have any regrets. Flashes of all the times in my life where I put others first and hid my own feelings started to circle in my head. Stupid. Despair ensued as I felt the cold pool floor, and did not have enough energy to reach for the surface.