Deals are Made to Be Broken

I did a funny here. The deals of my dreams were broken. Before you go complaining to your cat, don't worry, Valerie didn't bail on me. Where were we? I talked about my dream…the double date…the ac-

That's right. I'm still on this double date.

Pinkie greeted the two. It was like my heart was stuck inside my brain, making it pulse back and forth as it vulged on the verge of an explosion. (What did I just say?) Headaches are the worst. I blamed Tiny Person. He was still trying to break out of jail.

"Val." Julia met my eyes. She nudged her head towards the alley. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure. Ben, why don't you and Alex go get our tickets," she giggled. Her fingers squeeze my hand before tip toeing off. I could hear the engine of misfires. A normal guy might have defended his girlfriend against his wish-was-his-girlfriend, but I was an igloo. Maybe they'd believe me if I said someone had frozen my molecules in an attempt to rearrange them.

No, that's stupid. Who would invest that much time and money into anyone?

The Alexander character raised his bushy eyebrow, then shrugged before entering the movie theater.

"You coming or what?"

I swallowed. My feet followed him into the theater.

Maybe I should tell him off, tell him to stop being so perfect and leave Julia alone, let her escape this fantasy of "better-than-Ben". Maybe I should pretend to be nice or something. How does a nice person carry a conversation?

Nah, I think I'm going to follow him around like an idiot while he calls all the shots.

Alexander pulled out two twenties and slapped them on the ticket-booth thingy. "Four tickets to Indigo is the New Grey."

I never go to the movies. Why would I go here, in this public, crowded, sticky arena to watch a terrible film when I could be in the comforts of my own mansion, eating whatever I want…for free? Besides, movie theaters don't sell chocolate chip waffles. That's a deal-breaker.

But a girl gets what a girl wants. If this is what Valerie wants, this is what she gets. I couldn't imagine what would happen if I ever refused her. The world would stop spinning.

Someone tapped my shoulder. "You want anything for Val?"

Not me.

Wait, what?

I looked up. We were in front of another counter: popped kernels and candy-crap. Without a second's hesitation, other than the one I just described to you, I shook my head. I did not want Valerie with sugar running through her veins.

Julia's boyfriend picked up a box of cookie-dough bites. I cringed.

It was so tempting to lie to him right now. But that new personality formed from all of those therapy sessions and "Julia White talks" about personal belief systems had sucked the fun right out of me.

Alexander looked at my face. "What?"

No turning back now.

I sighed. "You shouldn't get those."

"Uh, why not?"

I think he was wondering out loud or something, an activity which I've done many times. But I answered him anyway, "She finds uncooked cookies…sad."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I don't think so."

"Your funeral."

"What are you talking about?"

I didn't want to be talking to this person. And he didn't want to be here with me. Yet here we were.

"Julia likes chocolate chip cookies," I said.

"Yes, and?"

"She's always bringing them to therapy. Her dad can't cook, so that means her mom did all the cooking. She probably learned how to make cookies from her mom, but then her mom left her. Cookie dough makes her think about the fact that her mom isn't there to make those cookies anymore."

His eyes got wide. After a brief scan of the box, he sighed and shoved it back on the shelf.

"Well…what would you recommend, then?"

I closed my eyes. "Licorice. The kind you pull apart. She likes the rainbow ones."

The guy considered me. At least I think that's what he was doing, because those eyes of his that Julia found so dark and mysterious scanned me. It reminded me of Kyle back when I used to watch him attempt to make sense out of his math homework. Well, any homework.

Alexander snatched a packet and stuck it on the countertop. He reached for another colorful bag.

"Val likes to make bows out of the Starburst packets." He threw the bag of candy at my chest. "You're welcome."

"I didn't say thank you."

He smiled. "How do you figure out all this stuff about Julia and still manage to be the most socially awkward guy I've ever met?"

I shrugged. "Mysteries of science. How come her boyfriend doesn't know a thing about her?"

Honestly, I thought his perfect little head was going to pop like one of Austin's zits. He gave me the popcorn and kept walking. His shoulders sagged. "I think I could climb Mount Everest ten times over for her and she wouldn't even begin to open up to me the way she does for you. And I don't know what it is, but...I'd kill for that. I really would."

Something that had been tormenting my thoughts, pushing me out of sleep last night, crept up my throat. I shoved it down and blurted, "I'm pretty sure you've won her over in a way I never will."

My head pounded.

We were in the watch-the-movie part of the theater now. He rested his hands behind his head. "Yeah, I guess. I just wish I knew what the girl is thinking when she looks at you. It's like...like she'd jump in front of a bus before she'd ever let anything happen to you. Same way you look at her, if I'm being honest. You're throwing out your l-word proclamations to claim my girl."

"Oh." I felt my fingers twitch inside my palms. "Yeah, um...sorry about that."

What are you doing? Stop being nice! This guy is the devil. A big, mean, devil who wants to use Julia to make himself feel good about himself and enhance his ever-growing sphere of influence on teenage girls.

I flicked Tiny Person back into his cage. It left my head rattling.

Alexander shook his head. "Nah, I get it. Can't help how you feel, I guess."

I curled in the side of my lip and nodded.

"Um…" He fidgeted with his thumbs. "So…you told her you loved her, right?"

Talk about a punch in the gut.

"Yeah."

Sweat trickled down his forehead. "Well...you...when did you know? H-how did you know?"

My chest sunk down to my toes.

Alexander caught his breath. "Sorry, man, I shouldn't have-"

"No," I said, "It's cool. I guess…"

My thoughts trickled through my messed-up past, grabbing every tiny detail to mash into a big picture.

This girl had saved my life. At the time, I hated her for it. I'd lived a life worth nothing just as I'd wanted all along. And she'd went and ruined it all the moment she took that knife out of my hand. It was after that though, getting to see her every day as she dragged me to therapy, hearing her stories, learning her favorite color and stupid stuff like that…When she wasn't trying to be friendly; she just was? That's when I found myself happiest.

Something I'd never thought possible.

And she was responsible.

"I didn't mean to say it that way. But there...were two things." I don't know why I answered him. He leaned over, eyes wide. He really wants to know this crap. "First, I realized that my life was better with her in it."

"The second?"

"I guess, that…I'd be willing to do anything to make her happy. Even… step aside. If it came down to it."

Woah.

Still working on that last part.

Silence lingered like the plague. As many authors would say, he opened his mouth a lifetime later and laughed with an awkward twist, "Deep stuff."

Yeah.

"Yeah."

"But…" he swallowed. "How were you sure?"

My face had to look like a bomb victim. What was he asking me for? More importantly, why was I answering? Maybe I was hoping he'd turn around and punch me, stop handling it all so maturely, so I'd have a real reason to hate him besides his existence.

Whatever my motives, I spoke yet again. "I know what it feels like to lie. When I told her, out loud…I knew I was telling the truth."

He nodded. He looked like a founding father writing the Constitution. I don't think I've ever seen a person think so hard without saying a word. You know, since I don't look in the mirror too often.

I don't know why I said what I did next. I had to know, and the only way to solve it was communication.

"Do you?" I asked.

"Do I what?"

"Love her. Do you love her?"

Alexander messed up his hair with his fist. His lip sucked inside his mouth like a vacuum cleaner.

"Hey guys, sorry about that."

Julia and Valerie were back. I should've wanted to know what the alley argument was about, but my brain was too jumbled to care. My eyes hardened when Julia fell back into her seat and Alex lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder.

I felt bleach in my ribcage.

Pinkie took her seat, her eyes firecrackers at the red starbursts. From across the seats, I heard Julia exclaim, "Rainbow licorice? Alex, how did you know?"

My lips spread across my face as the lights dimmed and the monitor grew brighter.