Submission
There comes a point when you just know. My chest should've hurt the next day, but it didn't. I had lost the most important person in my life, yet, an odd sense, like a cloud floating over a meadow, filled the vacancy. (That and the beating drum in my head due to an extreme lack of sleep. I've been living off of Tylenol, ibuprofen, and antidepressants. Nothing helps.)
I went to three graduation ceremonies that year, where I learned everyone's last names. Austin Hopper-Hooper graduated from Wildwood High School. Stuart Phear graduated from Nuke's School for Boys. Valerie Blythe, Brooke Eada, Joey Henderson, Leah Parks, Alexander Khalpesh, and Julia White graduated from Delcoph High School. Dr. White's therapy program would continue with me, Kimberly Galinksi, and Willie Zhang as its returning members. Kim had started outreach to increase membership.
Graduation plans? Austin was going halfway across the country on his pre-college road trip tomorrow. He says he wants to go to film school—I didn't know he owned a camera. Stuart was still Stuart, but now he was going to be a Stuart in college. Julia, Alexander, and Brooke were looking at dorm rooms. Joey and Leah, having graduated with honors and perfect ACT scores, were going to Yale together. I'd be left with the two kids I ignored all year: Kim and Willie.
Never before had a semester felt so much like a decade.
"Alright, we'll pick you up tonight," Austin said, "Be ready."
"What time?" I asked.
Stuart snorted, "Listen for the horn. We'll try not to sound like an amber alert or anything."
Before I could react further, he and Stuart marched off towards the car.
We'd agreed to have one last get together tonight before Austin leaves. The last thing I wanted to do was get out of the house and have a good time, but I surrendered for Austin's sake. The kid was going to be so lost without his quiet friend to vent to.
At least, that's what he'd said to guilt me into it.
I knew I was going to miss him. Heck, I was even going to miss the whiny psychopath named Stuart. Double heck, I would miss half the kids that gave me dirty looks when I'd sneak through the halls every day.
Time slipped from my head as it had been a lot lately. When I opened my eyes from a blink, I found a pink head next to mine. No. I don't want to do this.
Not yet.
"This…kind of sucks," Valerie said. "I finally find a decent guy and now I've gotta leave you."
I felt myself smile. "You know where to find me."
"It was quite the fling," she laughed. "I mean, we went so wild. With, like, two real dates, one hand holding session, and therapy? It's amazing we made it out with our souls." (I used italics for the "and" here because I couldn't figure out her tone on that particular word.)
I leaned against the bench. How did I get here again? I glanced to my left to find Valerie's gigantic RV.
Wait, was she leaving…now?
That's right, she was going on a road trip too, off to California to revolutionize the fashion industry.
My chest sunk. Our relationship was a distraction from the bigger picture, but I liked this girl. She had gone out of her way to make me comfortable whenever we were together. No one has ever done that. Not to mention, she gave me my first date, first school dance, and first real non-therapy-related friend.
It's no wonder I hate hellos. They only lead to goodbyes. And goodbyes suck.
When I looked at her again, her eye makeup had smudged. It was never messed up unintentionally. "I mean where else am I supposed to find a guy who's nice enough to pretend to care about what I say and actually has an appreciation for fashion but is actually straight and stuff and…dang it, Ben. We were supposed to be a fling and now you've got me all emotionally attached you jerk."
She shoved my shoulder with her palms.
I felt myself laugh. Well…chuckle. "Sorry."
Her lips sparkled (with the actual sparkles on her lip gloss).
"Friends?"
She extended that manicured hand towards me.
"Yeah…I'd…" I paused when my brain did a little pulse. "I'd like that."
My arm reached towards her. The moment our hands touched she yanked me into a strangle. A hug. That's right. It's a way to express positive emotions. She's not trying to kill me—always a bonus.
Valerie pulled away. "Keep in touch, okay?"
"Okay."
Her phone beeped. "Um…I've gotta go. Goodbye, Ben."
She turned towards her car, however, before she stormed off out of my life like everyone else, she folded me in her arms again. This time I returned the gesture.
My limbs froze when something brushed against my cheek.
Valerie sprinted for the car. "BYE!" She poked her head out the window as the RV horn bleeped the Kentucky Derby. The gas petal motored. Then she was gone.
Julia and Valerie.
Gone.
When I turned around, Ed was behind the wheel.
✎✎✎
Ben,
You have written a fantastic essay. However, in every paper is a beginning, middle, and end. What do you conclude with your findings? Why is this important? How will you think and act differently?
If you can send me a satisfying conclusion over email, you will receive full credit for this assignment and an "A" for the semester.
~Mr. Randall
The library computer dimmed; I'd been staring at it so long. A conclusion? People traded things they weren't supposed to at my fountain, and now they didn't. But…those pictures, Wildwood students just like Austin. That Sherlock Holmes man. The graffiti. What was the point of learning any of this? Nothing had changed, we just pretended it did.
I opened my email.
Subject: Fountain Paper Conclusion
Mr. Randall,
The past doesn't matter so much if the future's not any different.
~Ben
Ed drove me home from the library. My family must've decided it was a special occasion, because there was a meal laid out with the china plates on the dining room table. The entire kitchen smelled like Thanksgiving without the turkey.
"Mom?"
"Hey honey! Don't forget to wash up."
I rounded the corner and found the elaborate setup. A pair of lips pecked against my forehead.
"What's all this?" I asked.
Dad appeared at Mom's side. "Well, we know that Valerie left today and figured it was as good a time as any to break out the fancy dinner plates."
I plopped another Tylenol in my mouth. "You…cooked?"
Mom weaved her fingers in my hair. (She made a special note to touch my head whenever she saw that haircut.) "Yes, and there's a good chance we'll be ordering pizza tonight, because I doubt anything I try to cook is edible."
My head pulsed, but I laughed. "Sounds like a plan."
The night was perfect. We talked, we ate, and the food was decent. Dad talked about work, and I listened. Turns out a lot happened. With my story going off the radar, they were able to get back on track with the campaign. Peterson may hate orphans, but he loves rich autistic kids in therapy.
Mom badgered me about my hair, kept asking if I was going to grow it back.
"If people stop caring, I'll do whatever you want," I said.
Everyone laughed at that.
It was—okay, I used the word "perfect" already—but that's what it was. Yeah, I'm a nobody. Yeah, I've got no real direction my life is heading in. But I've got people who care about me, and I care about them too.
Maybe, for people like me, that's what life was. And, like my current standings with Julia, it would have to be enough.
Ring. Ring. Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock…
"Austin," I muttered.
Mom raised her brow. "They're here already? You haven't been home an hour, yet."
I wiped my mouth with my rose-designed napkin. If Austin seriously thought I was going to leave right now, when my family finally decided to be a family, he was sadly mistaken. He could just sit his butt in the car with Stuart and Willie and wait for me.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Persistent little booger, isn't he?" Dad laughed.
My ears rang. "He's…excited."
"Go on, get out of here. We'll be seeing plenty of you this summer."
I felt myself smile.
My jacket felt odd against my skin. With a polar bear breath, I took in the blurry surroundings: family portrait, family at table, a home I wouldn't mind returning to. I jumped down to the door and jerked it open. My breaths terminated. Time stopped as my eyes came into focus.
"Kyle?"