Chapter 37

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was that I was not on my bed. It felt way bigger than what I was used to, there was so much space around it felt quite lonely to be honest.

It was better than my actual bed though. That bed had been so small, I was always afraid I would fall off in the middle of the night.

The second thing I noticed was that the sheet I was using was also not mine. It wasn't because of the touch, but because it had a musky smell that I liked yet made me nauseous at the same time. It even made my head ache a bit. Or the headache might be a product of my bleeding days.

And, talking about my bleeding days, my memory was jogged down thanks to that piercing pain, the whole uncomfortable feeling, and the need to just lay down and do nothing.

I remembered I had my first period of bleeding days not so long ago. I also remembered that the presence of my bleeding days was the reason why I was on my way to another city: since I had already become a fertile woman, then I had the obligation to marry.

I could not remember who I was going to marry, if I was happy with the decision. But, with what I could gather from all the pieces of memories I had, that young woman who kept apologizing before attacking me replaced me in the marriage.

I was not sure if I needed to feel grateful or not towards this woman. Maybe I could lean towards grateful as I was able to get away from that older woman who kept nagging about my 'inappropriate behavior'. I was sure that old woman was the one who married me off.

I had my doubts if the woman was my Mother or not though. A Mother could not be so cruel towards her child, right?

Which took me to beg the question of my Father: did he not care about me? What was his stance in all the marriage thing? Did he support me or not? It pained me to think my Father was like my Mother – if that was really my Mother – so I stopped thinking about it.

I once again focused on myself and noticed I was not feeling as uncomfortable as I thought I would be. I did feel a dull pain on my lower abdomen. But, apart from the extreme fatigue and my mild nausea, there was nothing else.

As I was trying to sit up on the bed, I instantly froze when I felt the blood coming out.

Helplessness invaded me to realize I could not stop or control the flow. The barest move made my body expel blood as if it was water. It was so uncomfortable!

Though, there was a moment I was more surprised than anything. It was when I felt something in between my legs. I reached down, and, not only I found a warm clothe placed on my lower abdomen, there also seemed to be bandages wrapped around my private area holding a pad.

If my memory did not fail me, the last thing I did before marvelously fainting was throw up all over the loo. So, there was only one option as to why I was on this bed and using a pad…

The door opened, halting my descent to utter disbelief as Felix came in carrying a bowl with something steaming inside.

"You're awake! How're you feelin'?" The teen quickly put the bowl aside and moved towards the bed.

Thanks to my new unlocked memory, I was aware how messy bleeding days could be, so I could imagine how worried Felix and the others must have been. I slowly finished sitting up, mindful of the flow of blood down there, and confirmed that I was actually on the brothers' bed.

"I am fine… or as fine as I can be." There was no way I could deceive them after what they all must have seen, so it was best to tell the truth. It would not be the last time they would have to witness me in that situation after all. If I were to stay, then everyone in this family would suffer together with me.

Felix nodded and passed me the bowl he brought.

Inside, there was a maroon-colored soup with a few potatoes swimming around. As I moved the spoon, I noticed there were also some small, reddish peas. I looked up at Felix who nervously presented his dish.

"It's beans soup. Lucas was told it was good for… well, to nourish the body when there's blood loss."

I nodded and tasted the soup. It was savory, but not too heavy. The beans were surprisingly soft, but the potatoes were too soft. They crumbled as soon as I touched them. It seemed Felix had left them too long in the soup.

"It is good." I told him to not discourage his cooking. It seemed it was the first time he made it.

My stomach was grateful for the food. More so because it was warm food. However, it still resented the quantity as I could only drink half of the bowl before totally upsetting it. I did not want to throw up Felix's hard labor.

Felix accepted the bowl back and instantly flushed, fidgeting where he sat. "I… I also have to… have to…" He hemmed and hawed, not able to speak out coherently.

"You have to...?" I prompted him with a lazy smile. Now that my stomach was content, my body was asking me for more rest.

"Havetochangethepad." He quickly said before loudly exhaling in relief at being able to speak up his words. The problem was that I could neither hear nor understand what he said.

"I am sorry, Felix, I did not quite catch your words." I apologetically smiled.

The teen's face contorted again. But, it seemed he finally had the courage to say the words louder and slower for me to understand. "I have to change the pad." He still furiously blushed though.

My smile and all the sleepiness quickly vanished after hearing him. Pads had to be changed after quite some time… How long had it been? How many pads had he changed? How much had I slept? Dang it! It was no time to be lazing around! I had work to do! Money to earn!

"No. I will change it. Give them to me. Also, pass me the embroidery tools, I cannot continue sleeping. More like, what time is it? I am not even halfway done with..."

"Calm down!" Joseph's sharp voice sounded from the door, stopping my tirade.

It was the first time any of the brothers yelled at me. Ethan just silently projected his anger, but Joseph really reprimanded me. If it had been before, I would have lashed out at him. But, since I was on my bleeding days, I just stared at him while tears rolled down my cheeks.

Needless to say, it flustered the two brothers. "Oh shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. Forgive me! You can do whatever you want, ok? Just don't cry."

I laughed at the pathetic scene Joseph presented. "No, I just… I am not sad or anything." I explained, brushing away my tears.

I accepted Joseph was a bit scary when angry, but seeing him swiftly change from scary to groveling asking for forgiveness was just too funny. But, more importantly, thanks to him, I did calm down.

"I will not move around if that is what you are worried about, I can perfectly work from here, on the bed. Though I still want to change the pad myself."

The two brothers looked at each other and shrugged. I could not understand their exchange, but they did as I said. Once they gave me the bag with pads and the embroidery box, they left the house.

After undoing the bandages, I took off the loaded pad and quickly put the new one, tying the bandages again. I did not have a special underwear for the pads, so I could only make do with the bandages.

Thankfully, they did their job and held the pad in place.

Looking at the used pad, I wondered what to do with it. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and Felix's voice came from the other side. "I'll wash the used pad, Belle. Put it here."

The door opened and he reached his hand that held yet another bowl but this one with steaming water. I hesitated a bit before shyly putting the pad in the water.

Any thoughts of wanting to wash them myself vanished like that; I just had to pretend it was not actually Felix touching my used pads and I would be at peace with the matter.

I returned to the bed, pulling the box near me, leaning on the wall by the bed and started embroidering after getting myself comfortable with my legs covered.

However, I was only able to embroider two handkerchiefs before sleep claimed me again.