Scared

There was no way out of this other than an abortion. Kimberly was certain of this.

There was no way she could have a child, not at this point in her life where she was finally grasping and achieving the things she wanted, and most certainly not the child of a man she knew next to nothing about. She wasn't even sure if his name was real.

The mere thought of having the baby made her heart skip a number of beats, and chills shoot up her spine and had her trembling on the inside. 

"I can't. I can't have it. I can't keep it." She sputtered with a shake of her head. "This is not for me, Carol. I want an abortion."

Carol shot up an eyebrow. She was taken aback with disbelief. It was an expected line of decision for Kimberly, but it wasn't one she expected her to take so suddenly. Not without allocating some proper thought to it.

"You just can't make up your mind, now. You should think about it."

"There is nothing to think about. I don't want this. I can't keep it." And that was final.

Carol studied her. The tremor evident in her voice and the panic in her eyes were signs that her decision was coming from a place of fear. And she understood that.

"But, Kim, you haven't even considered keeping it. Why don't you consider it? You might just be able to handle being a mother and a career woman." Carol tried to dissuade her. As a matter of fact, she was certain she'd be able to joggle both roles perfectly, but Kimberly just didn't know it yet.

"There's nothing easy about raising a child."

"I know, but I also know you're scared."

"I'm not scared." Kimberly sharply refuted. "I just can't do it."

"But I think you can." Caroline insisted. "Actually, I think you're going to handle it well. You just have to believe it."

"Carol stop it. You can't convince me otherwise," she said, and then sighed when Carol took her hand in hers.

"You're going to be a good mother, Kim. You don't know it yet, but I'm certain you will do a great job both in parenting and career-wise. Don't give in to the fear. Don't let it rob you of something you might regret in the future."

Kimberly wondered what future she could have with her being a single mother.

She has never associated herself with regret, because for the life of her, she could never subject herself to that sad feeling of guilt and shame over a mistake that could have been avoided. And for that, she has never strayed from the straight and narrow, never made a decision without deliberate thoughtfulness and care. She has always walked in the definite lines of the plans she has made for her future, and that future didn't have a baby in it.

At least not in the next five years. Or even ten.

"I can't just give up everything for this. This is too risky." She understood life was risky, but a baby at this point of her life was too much of a risk.

"You won't be giving up everything…."

"You don't know that, Carol! You've never been pregnant and you don't have a child, so you don't know how it is going to impact my life. You were raised by two loving parents and I was raised by just my mom and I know how hard it is. I'm not going to change my mind, Carol. I want—" she gasped at the sudden sharp pain that cut through her lower abdomen. "I want an abortion." She finished with a wince.

"Are you okay?" Carol asked with a furrow of concern.

Kimberly gently rubbed on her stomach. "Just the usual pain I've been having for some time now, but I think it's been more frequent these past weeks." She hissed as the pain cut through her again.

"You are still having that pain? I thought it stopped already when you didn't come to the hospital as I requested," Carol said with a slight frown. 

"I've been busy with work and I didn't want to keep complaining about it so you wouldn't ask me to come over," Kimberly explained. 

"Now that you are here I think we should do an ultrasound." Carol suggested and Kimberly raised a brow. 

"What ultrasound?"

Kimberly sighed. "I don't think that will be necessary. I just need to get the baby out of me. That's my utmost priority right now."

Of course, it was. Carol tried not roll her eyes. She couldn't understand how Kimberly could say that so easily. She understood it was her decision to make, but if only she could give a little more thought to it. 

"Even if you're going to get the baby out, we still need to make sure you're in good shape. So, lie down and raise your shirt so I can examine you, and you can describe the pain you just felt now," Carol ordered as she rose so that Kimberly could lie flat on the chaise lounge.

"It's right there," Kimberly said as Carol examines her abdomen by pressing her fingers around to find the spot where she was feeling the pain.

"It's sharp and painful than it was before. A few times I couldn't bend over or stand up too quickly." Kimberly explained as she recalled the few episodes she has had in the past weeks.

"And I suppose it got worse since the last couple of weeks?"

"Yes. How did you know?" She nodded. "What is it?" Kimberly cautiously asked when Carol's face contorted with a frown.

"Let's do an ultrasound. This pain has persisted for too long. It's been almost a year if I'm not mistaken."

"I know. I did some online findings—"

"Google isn't a hospital." Carol interjected. "It's very stupid of someone as logical as you to continuously look up your symptoms online and solely depend on information that might not be reliable. Maybe it's not too serious, or maybe it might just be worse than you're letting yourself think. Whichever way, I advise we do some test since you're here now." She adviced her.