CHAPTER TWELVE: LOVE AND LOSS

Upon entering her home, the moist soil of Cain ruined Lilith's veil. It had been long hours into the night in search of her treasure. She placed the crown of thorns on a binding spell she drew in her library to ensure its safety from lurking demons.

As she placed the crown down, Damien walked in, looking stressed from worry. He rested on the bookshelf while she spoke, "I came back unharmed…Hecate and Vesta sure did me a solid!" she joked, walking into her room to freshen up. She could read the concern on his face, but chose to ignore it.

Damien worried about how calm she appeared, despite walking into a death trap. "You could have died!" he lamented in a mumble. Lilith smirked, resting her hand on the door before shutting it. "But I didn't."

She didn't want to worry Damien, so she kept the danger to herself, despite subconsciously growing attached to him. In need of a cold bath, she ran the shower, adding roses and jasmine oil. She entered the bathroom, enjoying the scent of the water as she washed herself, knowing her departure was near.

************************************************************************************

Time was ticking, and it numbered shortly her days on earth . She had but a few months left, which proved difficult for Damien to accept. Twice a week, he would drop a letter on her doorstep in hopes that she would read it. Every moment felt like a ticking bomb for him, because he didn't know when her days were numbered.

Lilith tried to stay far away from him, reassuring herself that it would hurt less when she left, but that wasn't the case.

In time, she developed an affection for this human, whom she never accepted. With each letter he left, he put a hold on her heart. Reading his words brought her a sense of comfort that she couldn't explain. He was like a pestering bee attracted to the sweet nectar of her heart.

His poetry gave her peace beyond doubt, seeming to be her only reason for being on earth. One night he gave up sending letters, frustrated that he never got a response. He wanted to let go of the one his heart yearned for as she proved forever difficult to reach.

For weeks he sent no letter, which proved to catch her attention. Lilith sat on her bed, reading the letters spread around her bed that he had sent weeks before. Her heart grew heavy as she read through. She began to ponder on Damien's feelings. How hurt reality punctured his heart as his words sank through her mind...

"They say all is fair in love and war,

but this isn't...

It crushed my imperfect love in a span of days.

Losing what my heart yearns for the most…

How can I try when I'm always bound to fail?

How can I feel when my heart is taken from me?

Pushing my emotions aside makes it hurt no less.

It drives my mind wild at the thought of losing you.

The day might come when it hurts no more.

I must let go, which I know not how..

I fall apart knowing it is all over.

I must let go of the sharp knife piercing through my heart.

But I hold on, afraid our memories will fade away with time...

If the time has come, I might as well bid farewell to my heart.

Yet a lingering hope haunts my thoughts.

What hurts the most…?

a hope that never comes to life.

a desperation that cringes at my chest.

Waiting for what's lost

What's gone... to fill my empty space?

Coming to terms with reality hurts beyond words.

But leaving the past is necessary for my lonely soul.

Accepting the unknown

"Moving on with my bleeding wounds..."

Her eyes fixated on the papers as she sighed. A sense of shallowness overwhelmed her heart; a burden lingering on her mind. Active 1: She felt a sense of fascination with the thought of being with him and wanted to tell him his absence would be felt; that his love was noticed. But she knew it would stir up his emotions, proving that she had indeed fallen for him.

Lilith walked around her porch, touching the flowers, as her mind flashed with memories of Damien walking through the gates. She cringed at the thought of letting go, yet refusing to accept that her body yearned for him. She walked out the gates, desperate for a change of thoughts to a noisy bar. Loud noises distracting her from her current state. Lilith tapped on the bar table, signaling to the bartender for another glass of whiskey. Within seconds, she gulped down every drop of alcohol resting in the glass.

The burden of questions inside her felt heavier than the burning sensation down her throat. She sat there glaring at the room; people swung up from the intoxication of alcohol, trying to impress anyone who seemed to pay attention.

She thought how miserable it was that humans desperately sought attention when, in fact, no one truly cared. The need for approval was evident in the pretentious facade people put on to appear happy when in fact they were wallowed inside with meaningless insecurities, she could smell it.

They had shorter years on earth, yet out of foolishness, they long for the unreachable, seeking the things they shouldn't. Selling their souls for the most bizarre request, only to lose in the end.

She gulped another shot of whiskey, trying to take her mind off Damien, but it wasn't working. Feeling out of control, she raged in anger, flinging the tender glass away. It landed with a high frequency, splitting into pieces on the bare floor. She stormed out of the bar with her hands held up in her flowing hair.

She was angry at herself. The emotions she was experiencing were not hers. She was cold-hearted with no weakness, but now this changed everything. "This isn't me..it never will be," she screamed as she walked down the streets, perplexed at how much she had changed in only a few months.

Feeling her heart literally rip from her chest, she screamed. The splash of broken glass and the smell of burned rubber nauseated her as she walked past the streetlights of Los Angeles.

The torture, unbearable beyond words, was lost in the confusion—an illusion that soon fizzled away as she flared up in anger. Her delicate eyes beheld a hot steam of bright fire as the gardens caught fire.

Reminiscing about how it came to this; the daughter of hell experiencing the lowly fate of human weakness. Time seemed to be against her, turning a tragic reality towards her. She staggered stiffly, walking towards her apartment. Gently squeezing the doorknob, pushing the door open. She pulled off her black jacket, drenched in rain, and reached for a cigarette.

Tucking her hair strands at the back of her ears, as they seemed to be an obstruction. Lilith sighed heavily and pulled off the hair band, holding her hair tight in place, giving them a chance to fall back swiftly.

She walked gracefully to the bathroom with a cigarette in one hand and the other resting beside her curved hips. A stare into the bathtub ignited the heater, releasing warm water for a nice soap bath.

Lilith stood upright, her perfectly curved breasts the size of a fresh melon. Her hourglass shape, complementing her finesse structure. A bit of fresh roses into the tub, adding a scented aroma to the solemn atmosphere.

She lighted candles surrounded the edges of the tub like she desired, placing her in a trance between life and her subconscious. A hopeless romantic. The traces of smoke from the lighted cigarettes danced slowly upward, filling the air with a mixture of moist, aromatic scent.

Lilith swayed her head gently backward while she closed her eyes, wanting to shut out the noise in her head. She wanted nothing more than for this nightmare to be over. The reality she had come to know was a lot different from what she had expected. She wanted an escape from this earth and hell—a safe space in her mind.

She stared at the ceiling, trying to distract her thoughts from him. She had slowly started to become vulnerable, and she hated that feeling. The feeling of losing control over one's mind. That was the least of her agenda, and she was hell-bent on finding a way out. Emotions felt like fresh waves to her—a wave she was determined to resist. She drowned herself in the waters, blocking out the noise. Her body, laying in transit between the present world and another.

It got a little better. At least she felt so. Soon, solemn words whispered slowly in her mind, creating a mild diversion from her present state...

"It doesn't feel like enough."

It is not okay to feel such

pitiful pain and blandness...

I'm wondering if it would feel any different.

If I hadn't felt this

Mind games and tricks played right here in my head

It's a whole new revelation I never thought to experience in this meaningless moment...

Now fill my mind with thoughts that are so soothing.

Drifting my subconscious from this illicit fate...

The cigarettes are driving me into a different realm of silence.

Whatever it takes to take this piercing pain away

"Soothing my mind…with nothing but ecstasy..."