Chapter four: The Weight of Emptiness

Lucas Carter's POV.

There's so much more to this emptiness than you all know. You see things in the light, but that's not the whole truth. Because beneath that surface, it's just me.

A big part of me is missing, and everything else keeps moving forward. I have no clue if the next step I take will break me or if I'll stay stuck. It feels like I'm hanging on by a thread, desperately reaching out for something to hold onto.

"What we did was hypnosis," Doctor Solomon said, as we sat back in our seats. "We changed how you interpret things and how you react to them. It helps reduce the stress hormones that mess with your memory." He told me to rest my mind as much as possible and just hold on.

I looked away and let out a frustrated glare. It was one of those facepalm moments, you know?

The worst part is, no matter what I do, I keep failing. Today was just another one of those days. How much longer until it's all over? Do I have to crash my car and bang my head on the steering wheel again?

I just want it to end. I want everything to stop.

"But why did he freak out? It wasn't the first time," my brother probed, making Doctor Solomon uneasy and squirming in his seat.

"To be honest, it could be a sign of disruptive disorders, where you can't control your emotions and behaviors, and it leads to harming yourself or others. It's usually caused by past trauma or bad experiences," the doctor finally admitted, leaving me in shock. I couldn't wrap my head around it. How do I keep going through this? It's like there's a fire inside me that keeps growing, but it doesn't give any light. It just burns, and I'm scared it'll turn everything to ashes eventually.

Even though I can't remember anything, I forced myself to acknowledge my condition. I have to be careful. It's hard, but I'm willing to try. I just want it to be over.

"What really happened out there, Brother? Do you remember anything?" My brother asked while driving, but my mind was somewhere else. I had to look away from the passing buildings.

"I was hearing a voice," I replied, feeling like a fish out of water. He glanced at me for a moment.

"Do you know whose voice it was?"

"It felt familiar," I answered, and he just nodded.

Something felt off between us. I don't know if it was me or him. He didn't say anything, but I could tell he was exhausted. It hurt that I couldn't do anything about it.

After that, we drove in silence. The atmosphere turned sour. Maybe he didn't know what to say, or maybe he was disappointed and didn't have the right words. I played along.

"Lucas."

Life feels unreal, you know? It's hard to tell what's real and what's not.

In my mind, I saw a boy, probably around middle childhood. I'm not really a fan of kids, but this one was different. He was cute.

Then a woman walked in, and the boy quickly put away his phone.

"Mom," he said, trying to force a smile. I could see the sadness in her eyes as she approached and sat down, looking into his eyes.

"You're spying on your father again," she said, her voice choked up. The boy slowly looked away, his smile fading. "Forget about him, Lucas. I'm here. Aren't I enough?"

"N-No, Mom. It's not like that," he denied, his eyes losing their spark as he looked down. "I was just wondering if he ever thinks about us."

The woman let out a long sigh, her hand disappearing into her bag. I couldn't move, not even my fingers.

"Here, take this," she said, handing him a locket. He took it, and inside was a picture.

I furrowed my eyebrows, feeling something prickling under my skin. I didn't know where I was, as if I didn't belong in that scene, like I was watching a movie.

"What is this, Mom?"

Her eyes welled up with tears, quickly wiped away.

"It hurts... but I know that someday you'll search for your father," she cried. I could hear the pain in her voice. "And when that day comes... promise me you'll always keep me in your heart."

Slowly, I opened my eyes.

I could smell the air conditioning and see the sunlight shining through the curtains. The birds were chirping, and the curtains swayed gently.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes, and realized my face was wet. I looked around the room, trying to remember what happened. But for a moment, I thought I could escape it. I remembered how my brother didn't speak to me when we got home, how he went straight to his room without even looking at me. It was hard to fall asleep with that on my mind.

I threw off the blanket and was about to get up when I saw the locket on the bedside table.

Little did I know that day was going to be a nightmare.

I picked it up, slowly opening it. As I saw the picture inside, something stirred within me. A woman and a boy were in the photo. The woman had beautiful eyes, long black hair, and a sweet smile.

At first, I didn't want to read too much into it, but suddenly everything clicked.

I couldn't afford to be wrong. It was them.

Am I the boy?

Was it all just a dream, or did I catch a glimpse of my lost memories?

I stared at the woman in the picture, feeling a heaviness in my chest. I didn't recognize her, but I knew her face. I didn't understand what was happening, but I needed answers desperately.

I got up quickly and left the room. My mind was racing, consumed by thoughts. My hunch was right; they were hiding something from me.

"Lucas, you're awake."

"Who is this woman, Dad? Is she my mother?" I stumbled, showing him the locket I found in my room.

Ever since I woke up, everything had become more complicated. Sometimes I think it would've been easier if I hadn't survived the accident.

My question seemed to shake him. He started sweating, looking nervous.

"Answer me, Dad. Don't shut me out. I'm your son! I'm tired of carrying this weight every single day!" I grumbled, feeling the anger bubbling inside me, struggling to keep it in check.

"L-Lucas..." He couldn't keep up, his heart pounding in his chest. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. I didn't know why I felt this way, why my brain couldn't process it but my body could. "I-I'm sorry."

"What do I need to know?" I muttered, on the verge of exploding, holding back the overwhelming emotions.

"Yes, she's your mother."

My eyes widened.

Tears streamed down my face.

"Eliza? Is she Eliza?" I cried, not remembering anything about my mother but feeling her presence.

Is the voice I keep hearing hers?

No matter how much my mind tries to forget her, she's always in my heart. I'll never forget her.

"Listen, Lucas," Dad said, stepping closer to me. "She's not Eliza." His words hit me like a ton of bricks. It didn't make sense. My brother had told me that Eliza was our mother, found dead on the day of my accident, and now everything was turned upside down.

"What?" I stammered, feeling numb. I stood frozen in place, unsure of what to believe. "W-What do you mean? Are you saying that Liam and I have different mothers? I... I don't understand."

"Yes," he blurted out, catching me off guard. I was speechless, unable to move or comprehend. "You're my son from Allyna."

My mouth hung open in shock. I felt a mix of emotions, but mostly, I was upset. Why did they feel the need to hide this from me? They knew how important it was to me. Out of all people, they should have known.

"Where is she then? If she's not Eliza, she should still be alive, right? So where is she?" I demanded, my voice trembling with a mixture of anger and desperation.

Dad lowered his head, avoiding my gaze.

My cheeks flushed with anger.

"She had a heart attack when you were young. She's been gone for a long time," he finally confessed.

A wrenching pain twisted in my chest. My heart felt like it could stop at any moment, and my entire body felt weak.

"Lucas~"

That voice... I couldn't contain my emotions any longer. I ran out of there, needing to escape. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't stay there.

"Lucas!" Dad called after me, but I ran as fast as I could, not wanting to hear anything else.

My feet carried me wherever they pleased. I let my overwhelming emotions take control.

Mom, even though I can't remember anything about you, I promise I'll always keep you in my heart. You've always been here.

"Forget about her, Lucas. I'm here. Aren't I enough?"

"Promise me you'll always keep me in your heart."

Tears flowed endlessly down my face.

I ran, everything around me turning black and white. Thoughts swirled in my mind. I couldn't fully understand them, but I knew one thing: I wanted my mother back. I wanted to see her, but how? She was gone. I didn't know how to handle it.

Suddenly, I found myself standing in front of a small house. I couldn't explain why, but something inside me told me to go there.

I entered the passcode on the door, unsure of how I knew it. I stepped inside and began to see things.

"I'm home, Mom!"

A young boy ran happily into his mother's arms, embracing her tightly.

"Did you do well in school?"

"Yes, Mom! My teacher gave me five stars. She said I did great!"

A smile tugged at my lips.

"I made your favorite foods."

"Yay! Thank you, Mom!"

They sat together at the dining table, radiating joy.

My vision blurred as tears welled up in my eyes. I sat on the couch, trying to collect myself.

"Lucas? Let's go outside. I'll buy you ice cream."

"Okay, Mom! Let's go!"

I gripped my hair, memories flooding back. The puzzle pieces were slowly falling into place.

"Mom, why doesn't Dad come to see us? Doesn't he love us?"

She sighed, gently stroking my head...

"It's not like that, but it's just not the right time, Lucas."

My hands and jaw trembled, tears continued to flow.

"YOU WHORE!" A woman suddenly barged into the house.

"E-Eliza... let me explain... I-"

She attacked my mother. I tried to intervene, but she pushed me aside like a ragdoll.

"STOP IT, STOP!" I cried out, my voice filled with desperation. But no matter how loudly I screamed, she wouldn't listen.

I was helpless, standing there, crying my heart out.

Moments later, my mother collapsed on the floor, leaving the other woman to flee.

I rushed to my mother's side.

"M-Mom... Mom? What's happening to you?"

The woman ran out of the house.

"Mom... Mom! HELP! HELP!" I screamed. She clutched her chest, and I didn't know what to do.

"HELP!"

I closed my eyes, my fists clenched tight.

They lied to me.