Chapter 8: A Club That Would Have Me as a Member

“How come I’m not having the same reaction to you that I had to Jonathan?”

“An excellent question,” the man says, his smile never wavering. “I wonder if you would indulge me and try to figure out why that is.” He gestures to the chairs in front of the desk. There isn’t a chair behind it.

“Well, my working theory is that our inner wolves didn’t get along because we were both alphas. But he said that sometimes a young alpha will join another pack for a while until she learns enough to have her own pack.” I start moving toward the chairs, in particular the more comfortable lookin one that was probably behind the desk earlier.

“That is true,” he says. “Sometimes a pack will have more than one alpha, and there will be a structure of sub packs. But this does not explain your wolf’s reaction to mine. Or the lack of reaction.”

It’s not a complete lack of reaction. Like, I know this guy is a werewolf. I can feel that much. But my wolf isn’t getting all defensive and growly around him for some reason. “So was the other guy just pushing his alpha-ness at me hoping I’d bow down, and you’re not?”

“A fair guess,” he says. “But incorrect. You don’t want to join his pack because you are an alpha. You cannot join mine for the same reason.”

“I can’t join your pack because I’m an alpha?” He nods. “How does that work?”

“A pack can have any number of alphas,” the man says. “Including zero.”

I settle into the chair. It’s softer than it looks. I let myself get comfortable, which is weird. I’m distracted, I can tell. But it doesn’t seem to bother me. “But if there are no alphas, then any alpha can come along and–“

He nods. “Yes, that is exactly the problem. My pack has no alpha, and so no alpha can join it.”

“That doesn’t seem sustainable.”

He shrugs. “It may not be. Not forever. But until things change, the pack is mine, and I am not allowing any alphas. You get too aggressive. You have difficulty seeing the shades of gray in the world.” He chuckles. “Which is ironic, since most of the world is in shades of gray when we are wolves.”

“So, being an alpha doesn’t automatically make you a leader.”

“It does not automatically make you a GOOD leader,” he says. “But many alphas believe that it does give them the right to leadership. What do you think of that, Emily Constance? Do you think that because you are an alpha, you deserve to be in charge?”

That’s a weighted question if ever I heard one. Deserve? What does that mean? “I know that someone else being alpha doesn’t mean I’m going to submit to their whims.”

“That’s good. And they do tend to think that. But do you think people should submit to yours? Should you be allowed to do whatever you please, because you know what is right? Is that how things are?”

“No one knows the best way forward,” I say.

“That is the wisest thing I’ve heard all day,” he says. “From anyone.”

“Thanks, I think.”

“Do you think the right way forward is to continue blindly following our old traditions?”

I shake my head. “I think that’s wrong on the face of it,” I say. “You can’t just assume everything is going to go back to normal. Normal is gone.”

“The world changes ever on,” he says. “So maybe my pack will remain as it has been for longer than any of us expected.”

“But not with me in it.”

He tilts his head to the side. “Did you want to be in my pack now? Have you gotten a sudden urge for submission?”

I shake my head. I don’t even submit in the bedroom. “No, I don’t think so.”

“I did not expect you had.” He smiles again. “Do you think that it would be best for you to form your own pack?”

“I don’t know. Are those the only options? Join one or make one?”

He shakes his head like he’s impressed with me. “You astound me, Emily Constance,” he says. “It has taken other alphas literally a hundred years to ask that same question. Your kind tends to be very black-and-white in your thinking. It’s an understandable bias; situations are easiest with clear and direct decisions. But here you are, already looking for shades of gray. It gives me hope.”

“Hope for me?”

“Hope for the future.” He shifts his pose a bit, and it occurs to me that he is technically looking down at me. But unlike with Jonathan, it doesn’t feel like he’s doing that. I don’t feel talked down to. I don’t feel like he’s playing some kind of posturing game with me. I feel weirdly calm. It’s strange and confusing.

“As for your question, yes. There are other options. Primary among these is to be a lone wolf. Which is a lonely position, and somewhat anathema to our inner wolf’s desires. But it also serves a very important role. A lone wolf is the only one who can be unbiased in certain matters.”

“But you said it’s not something we tend to enjoy?”

“It’s a very nomadic existence. It calls to some people. But you would never be a part of a pack, and hence never be beholden to one. But you would also never have the community of one, the protection of one, or the bond that comes with one. You would probably also have quite a bit of difficulty finding a mate.”

“I’m not looking to have kids,” I say.

He shrugs. “Maybe not now. But you could, in theory, live a very long time. You may change your mind someday.”

“Is there another option besides lone wolf, joining a pack, or starting a pack?”

“You could take one,” he says. “Join it and usurp the leader.” Then he sighs. “But no, other than that, there are no other choices. While not quite a binary, you must either join a pack or not join one.”

“So if I don’t want to be alone, I need to be in a pack.”

“Yours or someone else’s,” he said. “Not mine.”