Chapter 18

"You've been avoiding me all day you know."

"For good reasons."

"Is that so? If they were good reasons then you 

should tell me right?"

"It's better for you to steer clear of girls like me."

"What?"

"I-"

"No, don't talk."

Haku seemed shook, taken aback by what Tomori said. His normally dead eyes widened in shock. His usual poker face was broken. His indifferent attitude disappeared.

Despite not having done much together in a while, it's not like they fell out or anything. They texted, they talked, they ate lunch together, to Haku, nothing seemed wrong.

What happened? Did he do something else wrong? He didn't do anything out of line did he? He–

"Haku-kun. I'm…not as good of a person as you think."

"H-Huh?"

The awkward silence was broken by a broken girl.

"I don't deserve your kindness…"

"Being unkind to you was never an option."

"Why…?"

"Why what? Do you doubt my kindness?"

"No…It's just that you're kind to the wrong person."

"So you doubt my choices then."

"…"

"Why?"

"Why are you so indifferent to others but act so kind to me? What did I ever do to help you? It's not like we are close right? I'm just another girl you randomly met on a train, so why?"

"I can be selfish right? I am kind to you because I want to, so why are you rejecting it?"

"Then why not be kind to Ueno-san? Or Kurosawa-san?"

"Because they aren't you."

"That should be a good thing. I am not a good person."

"Stop with that, please. Don't be so harsh on yourself."

"You're in no possition to say that."

After another awkward silence, Haku seemed flustered. He couldn't bear the thought of another friend leaving him, one that cherished, one that he was indebted to, and the only one he trusted his secret to.

"What would it take for you to stay?"

He was desperate, even she could tell. His widened eyes were moving irrationally, his fingers fidgetting. The sheer thought of her stop being his friend was crushing him. 

'What if she decided to spread rumours? What if she leaks the photo? Everyone will know. But can I stop her? There's a limit to selfishness right? Is it too far? Would she do things like that in the first place…"

His thought became irrational, was she still a friend? Should he pay for her silence? Is she a bad person like she said? He didn't know anymore.

'But I like talking to her, even if it's just briefly. And she seemed to enjoy doing the same. Was it all a lie? Will she tell everyone? Does she hate me?'

His brain couldn't keep up with his thoughts. Was this a panic attack? He wasnt sure either. But he uttered the strongest thought that came to mind, along with the strongest emotion that he felt at that moment.

"Please don't leave me."

"I-…"

The once stoic, indifferent Haku was now sobbing in front of Tomori. The person she had always admired, loved, even if it was through magazines and stalking, was now breaking down at the thought of her leaving him, even though what they had was barely a friendship in her eyes.

'He was…just like me back then…"

The memories once again flooded her mind. Memories of her crying in front of her parent's room, helplessly, desperately trying to find answers to her own questions. The him Tomori was seeing right now was just like her back then, though there was a difference.

For the first time, she managed to sympathize with him, to feel what he was experiencing. She knows what it feels like to hate oneself, to doubt everything around her.

Then it was up to her, to help him where she was left all alone, to hear him out on while she kept it all a secret.

"I- I'm sorry for making you go through this…"

"I— please… don't…"

He couldn't even string together a sentence. What he wanted to say, what he was remembering, what he was thinking, it all blended into one massive abomination.

She realized what she had done to Haku, and the guilt was catching up to her. Tomori, too, felt like breaking down. But she didn't. In a sudden stroke of mental clarity, she made up her mind.

'Even if he hates me, even if he's wasting his kindness on someone like me, he doesn't deserve this.'

She wanted to help him once again, this time not out of admiration, curiosity, pity or a desperate attempt at love. She could feel the pain he felt, and he didn't deserve it.

Tomori caused him this pain, so now she has to make up for it.

"C-Can you kneel on the ground for a bit?"

He contemplated for a bit. His thoughts rushing through his brain. 

What was she planning? He couldn't figure out. Is she going to humiliate him now that he has lost his composure? Is she gonna hit him like they did?

Nonetheless, he still kneeled. Not because she trusted her, not because he didn't care what happened next, but purely because his entire body gave out. He was powerless and helpless, reduced to a sobbing mess.

What happened next wasn't a slap like he expected, nor was it any form of violence. She hugged him into her chest, her head now sitting on his.

"I'm sorry, for making you go through all this…"

"…"

Haku remained silent, but he didn't shy away from Tomori. They remained like that, for what seemed to be a millenia.