Part 8

I thought for a moment while holding the two books in my hands on the day that the things that were twenty-four years away from one another were among the books carefully packed in the drawer of the wooden table in the book room. On the top right corner of the first page of one of the diaries, which was turning dark brown, the original note written in black ink had faded. But, I didn't stop there and cautiously turned the next page.

'I don't have the strength to look at you in so much pain, Enrico. I don't think I have done you wrong enough to give you such a big punishment.. I love you. I really don't know how to explain it, Enrico..

I admit.. I made a mistake.. but I am the one who should suffer the punishment for that mistake. But, you have decided everything unfairly.. Don't punish me that much, Enrico.. I love you.. I can't live without you..'

I read it with difficulty, even matching some of the blurbs. I kept getting lost between those pages.

'I knew Enrico.. I knew you would forgive me. I knew that even today you could not see my tears, my Enrico..

I love you.. I love you today more than yesterday.. More than today, I will love you tomorrow, no doubt..

I can never forget this night, Enrico.. That's how much I will love this night.. I feel that I am alive.. Enrico.. I feel the love that I have never felt through you, Enrico..'

'You know the days go by so fast.. You are getting well.. I am very happy, Enrico.. I know.. you approached me unconsciously.. but.. the love is still the same.

I believe that you have it in your mind..

I will bring back the happiness that was lost in this bungalow, with ease, soon, Enrico.. That is my promise to you..!'

'We have nothing to fear, Enrico.. I have told you before.. remember..? Now you are fine.. in a few days, you will be back to your former state.. I am sure of that..'

'Enrico.. Oh, I can't believe it.. She came into my womb.. God, your angel came so quickly into this womb, Enrico..

You're happy, aren't you? You'll be loved, Enrico. I can't wait for you to come here again, Enrico. How happy you'll be.'

'I can't believe the sparkle in your eyes, Enrico.. Really.

I'm still not sure if it's the same, Enrico.

Instead of the stubborn Mr. Enrico that I know, today I saw your behavior with a delicate heart like a customer.. Do you love her so much..? This is more than me..?

God, I am the luckiest girl in the world.. Enrico, even the slightest doubt that I had in my mind about how you would behave after hearing this news is gone today..'

'After many days, I came out of the bungalow today.. I don't understand what to say, Enrico.. This life with you is amazingly comforting..

Today, even in the presence of God, I asked him to preserve the happiness in our lives.. I strongly feel that I cannot live even for a single moment without this love, Enrico..

But.. my heart tells me that something incomprehensible is happening, Enrico.. I think it is a premonition of great evil..'

Throughout that diary, which was filled with many similar notes, I began to think that there were unknown mysteries in the love of the nameless woman and the young man named Enrico. But, throughout the last few notes, I felt lost in those letters and that she was suffering from some heartache. Although the cause of that heartache was not recorded anywhere, it was so powerful that it was deeply embedded in my subconscious.

Again, I read that diary from the beginning. The pain felt by every letter was making me feel lost somewhere in the world. A greater pain than the first entries in the diary was felt towards the end of the diary.

'Can a woman bear that much pain? '

I ask myself.

No one could say that she was justified in scolding them. If she had to bear all those pains while that womb grew day by day... oh my God..! I will surely die..!

I am still amazed that she was a strong enough woman to endure all those insults. That woman's heart, who has so much love for him, will undoubtedly teach a great lesson to all women living on this earth. The remaining pages of the diary, which had only been recorded a few days into November, were all blank.

"Hmmm…!"

Taking a deep breath, I picked up the other diary.

Even the last glimmer of hope in my heart was crushed by those blank, brown, note-free pages. But when I only saw one page of September in her pearly letters, the light of hope finally appeared in my mind.

'Enrico, I don't know if I've lived or breathed for this long. But I believe.. that all this pain will end soon.. But Enrico, I do not think I have that much time left. Let's be patient.. Whatever comes next, let's bear it all. .'

Her pain was coming out of my eyes. I carefully checked the last page and found that there was not a single letter in that diary.

"Hmm…"

Finally, my love, filled with great sadness, started crying at her name.

I wondered again and again whether the God she believed in had done justice for her as much as the suffering she had gone through had hurt her. I don't know of a way to go back in time to twenty four years ago. But I must know what happened to her, to that little milky Katya, and to Enrico. I must find it. If they are still alive, where is he now.. Where are that little baby and the nameless woman.. I kept thinking.

I carefully put the two diaries in the cupboard and locked them there, I wiped away the tears that came to my eyes for no reason. I left my room and came to the balcony at a moment when I could not tell where the fire was burning in their name.

Sitting on the long wooden chair, I filled my chest and took a deep breath. At a moment when the distant moon was moving in the sky, I began to wonder if the black rain clouds were hiding him in the same way that I was saving him from my eyes. The life I am supposed to save is still a mystery to me. Every hint is pulling me further down the cliff.

But, I should find all this out by tomorrow. Or the regret that I neglected the responsibility that I should fulfill for that life will undoubtedly hurt me for the rest of my life.