The silent beginnings.

Oh, for quiet words have a taste of silence, ears sore over the loud groaning of air conditioners pre-dating the latest digital advances. But for a new one like you, you must feel welcomed. There is, after all, no greater comfort over being welcome in a place you're a stranger to. Introductions and so and so, for the first moment you spoke in front.

That we know your name now, that maybe this year something is waiting for you. Tilting your head over the board, you stare, squinting your eyes as so your blurry vision feeds on... Do you stare at it and think? Think hard to compensate for the rest you cannot clearly see. Tis but a joke, entertainment at its finest watching you look up and write all at the same time.

Dexterous hands, that memorize each syllable of a word to write a new sentence. Minimizing effort taken to write such a long paragraph, like a bird in its curiosity drinking from the fountain yet so keen and aware of its surroundings. Yet our lecturer had given us a chance to sit, the floor cold brimming with tensile energy that could usher a word at any moment.

A word, it did, said, and done through the brainstorming process. You sat parallel to us, oh as you spoke to another soul, you unknowingly made a new discovery. Speaking some more, you did, talking about anything from the task at hand to the media of Korean culture. Together you continued to work, greeting me in such a gentle manner.

It was kindness, or so an act of your kindness, splitting focus from the task and speaking loudly to those around. Holding markers as ideas flooded your mind in which we wrote down to assess and provide a visual to such. Your dark brown eyes, full of soul yet dark and mysterious, oh such mysterious thoughts. As if a gray fortitude surrounds you, guarding you, keeping you safe. Yet offering an unnerving sense of pity.

But for a childish mind, it was nothing. Only the controversial feeling of seeing someone different, only the assumptions of what this person has been through... Yet the bell rings, and outside you go, knowing your friends are elsewhere but here.

Even so walking the hallways, seeing those former friends of yours, seeing everyone having someone to be with. Inching closer to them was you, to greet them again. Same actions but a different environment, was the place inviting? Does it compel you to try and get to know it better, to shake its hands firmly and reside in its presence...

The place you saw, filled with trees, brimming with falling leaves, around was seated weathered away but lightly due to time. Exposure to it, felt as if it wasn't anything too far from old. You have a place here now, a place where you can be silent, where the sky doesn't blow its winds in your direction.

Undisturbed, sitting inside a Harry potter infested mind, reaching your hands out to figure out, to feel and reminisce of how this new place can be the replacement of the past…

Do you really enjoy the silence? Questions never asked yet still looking for answers. Waiting on the day you'll really have a place without needing to change, where you can enjoy noise but only from those you long to be with. Selective about the people, the setting. Even if the rain soaks you in your blue jacket, will you look for an umbrella from someone else except yourself? What if those you knew weren't there, would you find a way to cover your head? Or sit in the rain and walk, perhaps run, running for the closest roof. Will you do it all just to make sure that you fester your demons alone, knowing they can't touch anyone if you can't?

Always unnoticed, returning to class after break hours. Passing through people's minds, a ghost who lives, a ghost who seeks comfort in the unknown... But physical, a physical ghost that can touch and feel, emotionally reeking of hope. Keep safe, safekeeping your opinions in a bag to preserve the energy, that change might wipe off clean.

Managing works with ease, oh but you can only listen for now, maybe there are words from other people worth hearing. Whether they had something to say for you, or about you was determined by how you'd take it. Being easy pickings for people who enjoyed disturbing the ones who sit and desire peace, meant to be a victim of jokes.

Perhaps interest, interest from strangers that see past-time in your eyes. Purely run by knowing that someday, it will just be another memory. That you knew how temporary these moments are, annoying as it is, the most you can do is keep silent. Because it never really affected you, because you knew what it was like being a child.

Forgiving that some people cannot find anything better to do than be bothersome.

"You spoke this time!"

Rarely do things get surprising, but your words, like magic, echo. Head turning everyone. like it was lost in the news. Feeling like watching something broadcasted over the fields, at the edge of mountains. It digs, it digs in through people's expectations. That you stay silent, that you prove your ability to manage things alone while grasping the hands of those you knew.

Holding you back was the feeling that always repeats itself, that you can single-handedly become the most opaque, yet disappear like a ghost the next minute. But why was it so jagged, that every time you spoke it turned heads over, yet never lasted? Turn, turn around, and look, we do care.

We wanna know you, but not everyone knows how to tell you that. But you don't know how to find that out and what to do when you finally receive it. That you're not just a familiar face to return to when all is lost. Perhaps the answer was behind you, they spoke over and over again. Hearing the conversations, how did you feel? Potential? Potentially an option?

Prying open your silent demeanor just so you can finally speak about it. Time is passing by, how certain can you be that it's enough for you to just jot down lectures to no avail of building anything? Approaching your direction was a person you'd never thought twice about. But afterward, he was there in front of you.

Saying hello, will you greet him too? This time it's different, no obnoxiously loud grimaces, just a conversation. Heaven sent, it was as if cards of memories just rearrange themselves to reveal hope in the form of a friend. A new friend, from the very environment that welcomed you. Enthralled by the kind aura you have...

It's easy to look up to you, literally and figuratively., that you were a role model for people who desired nothing much but empty silence, but in your eyes it was peace... A while longer, they ask you things, tapping lightly over the wooden chair everyone sat in... Academics, interests, you were getting the recognition that was in plain sight.

Had the ghost finally faded away? In order to inhabit a physical form, maybe an umbrella was gifted for you this time. And when the rain comes, you will no longer need to worry, possibly you already had your own. Excess, because it wasn't a nuisance for you. Alas, it was over, the days you needed to wait had quickly turned to past-time stories.

From the history of where you are right now, to sharing where you were, to offers and actions. In laughter and comfort, they were now within arm's reach... You no longer need to strain just to reach out over the hands that offer you help. That writing from up to below had the sensation of daydreaming what it must be like, head never being empty of scenarios.

All but things you kept secret. "HI", as I poked you through the gap between the two wooden hedges on the chair. Underneath terrible circumstances was a child who was too loud to keep in such a place. From one corner to the chair behind you. You look back at pure innocence and well, how can I not find interest in such a charming person?

Through your glasses, the gleam was still visible., while foggy and a sign of degradation, it struck me... We always saw each other as strangers after all, but maybe now we can continue our conversations cut off by the abrupt deadlines. Oh how I did end up liking you, that it felt surreal getting to talk to you. Drawn to the silent presence, the mannerisms you'd do. Attractive as it was, I couldn't find myself treating you like that.

I admired, only admired, the very admiration that fueled wanting to know what you had going for you. You were still distant from almost everyone, the few things you shared in common were unknown, but it seeps out. Slowly, the very noise that always passed through you, had become part of you.

The voices of your classmates, bounced around, reaching your ears as you spoke again. Uncommon, sure, but words, words nonetheless. It was the very noise that kept you from losing a year to silence, the very ambiance that keeps all eyes wide open, the very silence that lets the tired sleep. Sleep, as you'd duck down your head over the desk to see nothing but darkness, yet it kept you sane.

That silence kept you sane, and the noise kept you human. How can I forget that day? I let the child in me roam free. going to you, with malicious intent. I yanked your lunchbox from your tight grasp, extending your wrist towards it. But your hands let it go anyways.

"Take a look, it's mine now!" was it really you? Oh, so the same silent person was but a child hiding inside.. giggly and enjoyable.

"Come after me if you can!" breathless, and gasping for air yet still in pursuit of that lunchbox. Running and chasing after a stranger who stayed with her.

All this time, the person sitting down at the same place no matter what time of day it was, could run. As if the world had turned upside-down and all reality was lost, simply the sounds of an acoustic guitar playing. Leaning into the peace of mind many people yearn for, yet in a setting where children play. Where the school became the playground, and you were one of the many players.

How could someone be so so secluded, yet so fun, so condescending? As if you were the two sides of a coin, and no matter where it landed, it will always flip on its own here and there. But you weren't alone, alongside you was the very troublemaker you accidentally found along the way...

To which ghosts prove much scarier when they can transcend the human realm. And ever since then, it stood changed. To maintain how it was with the same boy who approached you to say hi, the same woman who sat behind you the whole year, by the same child who always wanted to know you. Like a snap, and it's true.

Revolutionary, shifting all the circumstances on a daily basis. The same harvestman of silence had become nothing more than a constant, in a classroom of dramatic errors, grammatical errors, and redundant terrors.

Shaping what you can call the very home of your imagination., as it is suspended above you like a filament of clouds. Staring above it in awe and wondering what it feels like to stand there and lay down. Walls constantly tumbling, and the mood keeps you dancing inside your head. Like seeing the window drawn in the sun feeling more and more warm sitting beside the windows.

You really were, quite the lucky girl, but mischievous yet tumbling up the stairs as you found it so hard having to weigh in the things you always carried to school. The moment you'd act as if you were like us, trying to match that childish energy of that heaven-sent boy like it was nothing.

Dazed by the surprising turn of events, you grew closer, bearing open arms to people. A reminder to see it, that what if you don't believe it? To hear that laugh was a blessing knowing you found happiness somewhere far from what you're used to… At the expense of knowing things will be different from then on, the peace won't remain as much as it used to.

Were you finally willing to pay full price? Unintentionally seeking the moments that you never thought you'd want. That all your silent desires were still hidden, but you knew about them anyway. But you knew that your interest will soon be public, that now you walk down the pouring rain in a group. No longer one umbrella in the open square.

From having a sense of never being seen, merely a speck in the corner of everyone's eyes. Was someone outgoing enough to share laughter after laughter aloud and maybe unproud yet happy? That it finally mattered.

A day came, it was full of empty subjects. Where there's not much to do anymore, where interactions became frequent. looking in your direction, the boy asked a question. To which you righteously answered the very things he wanted to know. A game that has been circulating itself around has become more prevalent in recent weeks.

That you'd hear more about it often to the point it would draw you closer, pulling the strings behind it all was the environment. You gave in anyway, losing the taste of silence and consuming away at the idea of playing games with your classmates. As if letting go of the leash that kept you tied down to what you wanted to show, that there was a cut-off. The limits have been lifted, making way for more possibilities.

Do these outcomes not look familiar? Do they not remind you of how the outcomes looked back when you were at home.? Tectonic, oh absolutely tectonic, becoming a plate, subducting with your peers to dive down to deeper connections.

But only at first, it will be hard to breathe, where only at first hardship rears its head trying to make way for everyone that wants something from you. Think, think about it, there's no Polaroid to capture sentimental moments.

There's only memory and memories, and will you ever fall for it? To finally trust yourself falling behind, back first into our catch? Such a foolish act but you were happy so why must you think twice?

How come now is the time that things get better when the year is ending and the opportunities begin to slip and vanish over the horizon? How come the circumstances turn around when the world begins to turn its back on the sun and tomorrow becomes the last day?