Art of Lying !

Failure never teaches you, it's the desire of success even after failure, as it was prior to failure teach you. What I was to be taught, it's a secret only to god and I found myself incompetent for unveiling that secret. Different failure has one thing in common, 'Lack of Hard Work'. But was there any good reason behind these failures? This was the only thinking that brought a drop in the drought.

Failure always makes life vexatious; one can't bear to be in that state for a long time. It was now my turn to find an easier way to survive in this practical world. I goggled out some of the colleges for graduation. The constructive beauty, the canteens, distance from my home town were my precedence, and, I was sure that I has selected the right criteria. I was always taught; it completely depends on you how you study. Atmosphere doesn't matters neither how you are taught.

Parents were in mode of worry and disappointment, not because of my failures, but due to the observation of my works that lacked the desire to succeed. Parents are never wrong about their child. I am a kind, whose mind sometimes says, don't effort for success, and see how many loves, let's be bad, and see how many tries to correct, let's break the faith, and see how many still trusts. These all thoughts look like a foolish statement, but it was what my mind required as a shock observer. I never restricted these thoughts because I desired to live with self-respect even if it is elusive. Many lack the dare to accept this fact and always terms themselves right in every case. Accepting the failures and mistakes never takes you to the dawn it will always lift you up from where you are and the current time.

It was a calm evening and I decided to fill up the online forms of few colleges. I got up from my bed and crept to the kitchen, where my mother was still busy in soaping up utensils to its lost lustre.

''I need some money'' I muffled, in an attempt of restricting any sort of disturbance to father's nap, who had a night duty today.
''For what?'' mother stared at me and asked in a sharp and frustrated voice, guessing it as one of my unnecessary expenses for habit of eating oily and junked mashala patties, which was made so beautifully in a shop nearby my house, that I would have liked to eat it with all the meals of the day. The shop name was 'khaja pija leja'. In days of intermediate, it was a daily routine, going to that shop after coming from school as the shop was at right angle to the spot where my school bus would stop. The attracting power of those patties was such that it always pulled me strongly to itself before moving towards home.
''It's not for that," I said, after understanding what she is actually thinking.
''Then for what?'' she said softly, judging my trueness from the piqued voice for being misunderstood.

'I have looked out some of colleges and going to register for the admission.' I said calmly.
'Ok, wait for few minutes.' She replied. 'Please also bring out documents required for it, I said as I got it in mind while walking away from her.

I got busy in checking the likes that I got for my new post, which was about some social issue. I had no work other than thinking a lot about any issue and sharing its conclusion on my facebook timeline. Without understanding the fact that some friends were getting annoyed by this, till a few said, ''keep your thoughts to yourself, don't force us to read by tagging.''

Her work was completed and as I saw her I again reminded her for money. She slowly opened the doors of Almirah and handed me a 500 rupees note. I didn't remember when I saw her that much disappointed while doing so. A hope was always visible on her face whenever she gave money to me before that instant. With that observation I went to my room, which was actually a worship room with a bed to sleep. I liked to be there, my mentality always provoked that being near to the picture and idols of god means more blessings of him. Probably god wanted me to be there because it knew that failure would leave me alone, with rarely anyone interested in knowing which tuition I had joined. There was at least god in from of idols to whom I could express all the worries which tensed my mind.

Over the years I had made a very good relation with god, talks between us were often interesting and mesmerising. In childhood I was taught to ask for intelligence from god and I owned it in way which can leave anyone wondering at one stage of life. God was not at all rude neither I had acrophobia. Hard work in a sufficient and organised way was the thing that I lacked. I used to be kindest person of the world while pleading for forgiveness and promising no repetition of it. This kindness occurred several times on different issues, but probably god had already decided to give a fare amount of chances for correcting myself.

I always observed that if you just desire to be gentle, Almighty would make all their efforts for keeping you away from evils, with a hope that you would never move towards that unholy path again. "Doing mistakes is the nature of human, no one is perfect or too great from birth, everyone does mistake but it's the time taken for realization that makes people differentiable from each other. Thinking of my failures, I thought whether I am taking too much time for accepting my part and correcting it."

It was fifteen past four; I put on my attire, navy blue jeans and maroon T-shirt, kept my black wallet having a sign of puma in my front pocket of jeans. I put on my shoes and went downstairs to come out of building. I had been in city for two weeks and it was the first time that I came out of my home in daylight. It was all different feeling, before it only the late evening darkness had witnessed me on roads of the city.

Every time I came out of home there was a fear that anyone known might meet on the way and could ask, 'Hey, what are you doing these days?' I didn't like myself answering anything with unclear voice so I always preferred darkness for going outside of home. After being so cautious still few would encounter and the liar inside me had to take over the trueness. Once someone said that in my childhood I lied a lot, obviously the number of mistakes by my type always counted high and accepting every mistake in-front all was not a good idea at all.

I remember once I missed my school bus in 4th standard, I feared scolding of my mother and I decided to spend few hours roaming in streets of city. The first day I did this, it gave me immense pleasure. From next day onwards I intentionally missed the bus and used to roam in streets or sat in some nook place in the gardens that I found in the way. I would come back home after 3 hrs and would tell my mom that tests are going on, so they had left us early from school. The freedom to roam was matter of great excitement for me, observing colour of every building, playing with pebble in path by kicking them sometimes freely and sometimes to hit another pebble was of huge interest.

The last event of the day would be at a shop in the street straight to my bus stop where an old and thoughtless man was waiting for any customer to come. Watching his hopelessness, I moved towards his shop and asked price of all the things he had there and finally mined out 1 rupees coin from my shirt's pocket. 'Give me that yellow toffee' I said while pointing towards box of mango bite kept left to him. Toffee was an occasional thing in my life then, not due to financial reason but due to strictness, and I was very happy getting the one whose taste suited my tongue. My parents always wanted us to keep away from any kind of luxury even if it is as small as chocolate. They had a clear thinking that if you get the things you want very easily than you would not understand its importance. Not understanding the value of those things which give you happiness could be a lesson missing from the book of life.

Whenever I needed anything compulsory, being capable my parents would first refuse it and then suddenly gave it to me. You don't learn anything without practicing and they always kept exercising me the morals that I must pursue. Now from that day whenever I got money, I would go to the same shop and asked rate of everything and bought that 1 rupee chocolate.

Those days among our friends a game was very popular, one had to show a dot on palm on a fixed time decided by winner of the game on each instant. On each defeat one had to give one toffee to the winner. I had lost it ten time and they demanded chocolate from me when we met in evening for playing cricket beside my house. I had a ten rupees note and we went to shop of same old man whom I had annoyed by asking the rate of all the chocolate and biscuits. There was no one in the shop when I looked around, I saw that old man peeing on the boundary wall of railway's property. On that wall one could clearly see in big writings, 'Only dogs pee here.' I was puzzled, whether he didn't know reading or he was trying to erase those words on wall. He was a familiar face to me, so we both exchanged smile with each other.

I asked for a coffee bite worth ten rupees, it contained 10 pieces of small toffees. My friends were very happy, as it was all their and I had to do noting with those chocolates. One of our friends whose home was just near the shop invited us to visit his home. We had moved just twenty steps from the shop when I memorised that I had forgotten to pay for the chocolates and probably the shopkeeper didn't notice. I felt amused, I had saved ten rupees and I could do something else with that. While returning from friend's home I choose another street to reach my home to avoid the probability that shopkeeper might remember about the payment and could ask it from me while returning.

I guzzled five pieces of Idli from that money next morning. It had been five days since I had not gone to school, I decided to cease bunking in a fear that more days of it may lead to omission of my name from attendance register. That day my mother had given me fifty rupees for buying note book so I decided first to buy some chocolates from it. I advanced to shop of grey beard person; today there were four of five people already standing to buy something. I handed fifty rupees note to the shopkeeper and demanded him to give the same coffee bite that I had bought yesterday. He kept the money in his drawer and got busy with other customers.

When all had left he put a packet of coffee bite on the front counter. I was waiting for my forty rupees to be returned but he was unmoved, instead he said, 'It costs ten rupees, had you forgotten to bring money?' I was shocked and replied, 'I had already paid for it, watch in your drawer.' He opened his drawer and said, 'I have all these notes before you came, your fifty rupees note is not here.' I again tried to convince him that I had paid for the chocolate but he remained stoic. I had no other option than returning the chocolate back and move empty handed from there.

First thought from this incident in mind was that, probably shopkeeper had not forgotten his ten rupees which I didn't paid just a day ago and secondly that he might have forgotten about the money as there were lot of other people buying products from him. Whatever might be the reason, I had realised that if you do wrong you cannot skip its fate; sooner or later you have to pay for your works. My mother used to say, 'whenever you get money fallen from someone's wallet, don't use it for own need give it to any bagger or needy person.' But what I did yesterday was very far from those words.

After this incident I went to a street behind the railway station before roaming for hiding, to avoid a chance of meeting another schoolmate who might have missed school bus.

I was absorbed in some thought of one from many in this world. Suddenly bell of a bicycle rang and a heavy sound disturbed me from behind, 'What are you doing here?'My whole body was sized with fear for a moment. I looked back in a hurry; he was elder brother of Miku. He also lived in railway colony, my father was at decent post in railway so everyone knew him and due to him I was known to ever one. With confidence I replied, 'I had missed my bus.' On this he suggested me to go home and queried, for what I am waiting here. The liar inside me emanated and I replied, 'One of my friends goes to school from this route, I am waiting for him. If he had not gone before I arrived here then I would go to school with him. Without any more questions he agreed with my point and went away by his bicycle.

I was still in the state of fear. What if he ever discussed it to my parents? I have to again open boxes of my lies for saving myself. I didn't want to take risk, a couple of more coincidences and my lies could have been exposed. I desired to reach home as soon I could and tell my mother that today I had missed the bus. So that the entire incident might seem real, in case someone discuss it with her. The apprehension of it had charged up my legs. I reached the door of my railway quarter and knocked the door. Mom opened the door and in a screeching sound she asked, 'What happened, even after going on right time how did you left you bus?' In very abrasive voice I replied, 'Bus might have came earlier.' She threw an angry stern look at me and then continued; 'Now how would you give your test?'

Now I had an intense feeling that today I will see the stake soon. Previous evening when my mother noticed me studying she had asked about the remaining tests and I had told her that today there is a test too. While in hurry of reaching home I was not prepared for this scene, she is mother, she never forgets anything about her child whether it is necessary or unnecessary.

Hearing that bus might have come earlier her half of anger had transferred on bus driver but still I had no escaping. I had decided to come home after encountering with Miku's brother because my father was still in duty and no one could drop me to school even if they wanted. But that day my mother seemed too much determined for sending me school, after all it was question of marks.

She went out on the road near my house along with me for finding any Rikshaw. Soon she got one and asked him to stop. I had seen him many times in our colony; he knew most of the servicemen living there. My mother told him name of my school and handed me money for paying him. My heartbeats were faster than ever, the fear of what would happen next had brought every scene of last seven days in-front of my eyes and those all were proclaiming the kind of mistake I had done.

'What will I answer to teachers for being absent?' My mind questioned as I sat on Rikshaw. The most difficult moment was in-front of my eyes, to manage that situation lots of ideas were coming in mind but the apprehension of getting exposed was increasing my anxiety every second. There was no choice I had to go with that Rikshaw wala, any more explanation or excuse could have surely put me in circle of doubt in my mother's mind.

No other person could realize why one should not lie than the person finding himself in a situation in which I was caught. For one lie you never know how many are coming behind for sake of it. The Rikshaw started moving on what I call result of air conditions instead of ceiling fans in every home, who were involved in managing its construction. The motions of its wheels were describing life, which is all about ups and down.

Whenever I saw a Rikshaw wala I described him as man having heart with uncountable secrets of struggle and sufferings, just for meal of two times for him and his family. How enough it is for him only he can know?

In my view if completion of basic necessity is not enough than nothing is enough. I mean if your desires didn't get satiated on completion of basic needs you would be habitual of having desires. But question here is what should be the criteria of basic needs; definitely education and health couldn't be omitted.

But by this idea the world we see now was impossible because basic need was never an aeroplane neither the fastest ever way of communicating each other, all these are results of human desire.

All these thoughts strapped away from my mind and again only the ideas of saving me from being exposed seized the mind. With the decrease in distance of my school my fear was increasing. For a student it is most wired idea to miss the school for a weak, and on return arriving one hour late from the actual timing. You couldn't be celebrated in school in this way at least; punishment was eagerly waiting on the gates of school. This panic was far greater than that for the monster, I used to imagine while even going to washroom in late night, which made me sweat till I came back to room and lock it.

But there was a difference, that monster was never going to come but this monster would definitely stuck if I reached there. Probably the school management would ask my patents to come next day and what would happen when they will arrive here, I even didn't want to think of that situation.

I didn't want to go school, but how? I couldn't say Rikshaw wala to drive me back home, this would work. While thinking all this I saw street on my left in the way and an idea knocked my mind. I requested the Rikshaw wala to stop. He pulled the breaks and looked back to me and asked, 'What happened babu?' 'One of my teachers lives in that street, I am not sure whether I have missed my school bus or there is leave in School today. In last class sir has said that test might be postponed and we are going to arrange a function in which in only students participating in it has to arrive. There is a possibility that change in timing has been announced and I have not noticed it. Let me confirm before we move further towards the school.' I ran down that street till there was no more paths for going forward in which I had became expert in few days. When it seemed I had spent enough duration in the street, I came back and showing the sign of happiness on face I said, 'Yes, I was right School is from 10:00 and only students participating in the function had to go to School. It is just a two hour program and no studies would be there. The Rikshaw wala was convinced. He said, 'It's good that you confirmed it in half way otherwise you have travelled a long distance without any fate.' He seemed happy as now he would get fare for returning too, but the happiest person there was me. The Rikshaw wala removed sweat from his head with help of a towel and turned his Rikshaw back towards my home. It took 10 minutes to reach my home. I jumped out from Rikshaw, knocked the door and saw mom opening the door this time with more complicated expression.

'What happened now?' she asked with broaden eyes; She was very frustrated watching me again on door without going to school. 'In the way, I met a teacher, who asked me the reason of being late. When I told him the entire scenario, he told me about the change in timing and about the function that's going to happen, so I decided to come back.' I replied. My mother's eyes now shifted to the Rikshaw wala who was hearing all this intently, 'How much we need to pay?' mom asked. The Rikshaw wala demanded twice the full fare of going to school. 'I have taken him nearly to the school and then returned back, so I will take full amount' he gave the reason. I was shocked and happy too, because Rikshaw wala knew what I am doing and expected that I would never tell my mother from where we had returned. This statement of him also relieved me from mother's further doubt. My mother was no mood of giving that money she argued for a while but lastly she had to pay.

The Rikshaw wala went away and I came inside the home. I was very happy that probably I had escaped from the repercussion of work I had been doing for a week.
Before I exceed number of chances god had decided for me, I made the most silent resolution of attending every class from that day onwards.

Later in that day when I was thinking about the incidents happened today, I concluded that poverty makes you obligated but it will teach you humanity or not, no one can say. If the Rikshaw wala had honesty in his mind, he would have never asked for the money more than he deserved. If honesty would have been synonyms of poverty every street food seller would have maintained cleanliness in the place where he cooks and utensil should have been washed very carefully, realising that lack of this might affect the health of people who eats there. But question here is had you seen anyone talking great with no bread in stomach, it's easier to say beautiful words when your stomach is full otherwise bread is the first priority.

When my mom after completing her works sat beside me with newspaper in her hands, she asked, 'to which date test is being postpones.' 'It will be on Saturday' I answered. 'Everything happens for good, now you have more time for preparation,' she said in hopeful voice. I was too knowledge less to understand her pure feelings towards my improvement and betterment. Internally I was enjoying my escape from the self-made situation.

The day went easily, on evening fear rises a bit again, thinking about how my father would react to this story. But he had no other option because we didn't own any phone till that day, the case of cross checking had no probability of happening. It was year 2006 and whenever we required talking with relatives, we went to S.D.T booth, which was matter of great excitement for me. For incoming call we provided them the number of nearest phone bearer in our colony.

In the evening, I was busy in catching the ball behind the wickets when the elder brother of my friend who had seen me in street behind the bus stoppage. He was standing on his quarter's door, watching me he chuckled and said in sarcastic way, 'Why you roam in streets instead of going school?' I was appalled, previously I thought he was convinced with my answer, but probably he had seen me more than once while roaming in school time. Her sister who was standing beside him opposed her brother's statement and assisted me by saying, 'He is good boy, he goes to school by bus, and he might have missed the bus.'

Now there was no reason left that can inveigle me to absent the school for even one more day. A question was still in my mind, I had said about postponing of test to my mother and it would again raise her eyebrows when I would not return to home on time at which I usually came, excusing the tests. When I reconsidered all the thought, I summoned up that it was my last test and I could vindicate my mother's doubt by any statement.

I couldn't haul the weight of lies anymore, I wanted to acquit me from all these as soon as possible. On Monday morning I packed all my stuff and reached to the bus stop, but even after my all effort I had missed the bus, this time in an actual way. This incident riled me up, probably nature had decided to square up for my depraved works. This left me crippling, my shoulders and face both were down, despite all this I concerted all my energy to quickly move from there to abstain any meet with some known for another two hours. I reiterated all the proceeding of previous day but this time with despaired mind.

I wanted to end all this with robust determination but I was forced to do it again. I came back home as usual routine on previous 5 days. The day went past without any cacophony. Nature is not that vengeful, I concluded.

Finally on Monday I got myself ready fifteen minutes before the timing of bus arrival, and boarded on the bus without any delay. I found a seat and moved there with bowed eyes. Making an eye contact with anyone was a huge task for me. I sat on my seat as started looking out of the window to avoid any question about missing the school for a week. But I failed in doing so and my friend seating behind me asked, 'where you were for so long?' I tried evading his question and said, 'How are you brother? I missed you a lot.' He asked again, 'have you been in your home town?'

I was in no mood of lying anymore, I knew its consequences. But as a reaction of his words, without thinking anything I said, 'yes.' I wanted to know how much syllabus had been completed in those days; he quickly brought out his text copy and started flipping the pages, it was arduous to cover this much of syllabus with the running one. This problem seemed much bigger than explaining the reason of being absent to the teachers. Every Monday teachers checked all the notebooks and those without completion of it were punished, this Monday I could give excuse of being absent, but next time there was no escaping. It was very difficult covering up the syllabus.

As the bus came closer to school my apprehensions started dominating me, I wanted to evade questions from my friends, but it had actually given me chance of practicing lie. I required a huge confidence to fake something in-front of teachers and when I realised this, I stated telling everyone why I was absent to for making it normal for me when I would say these words to my teachers.
My class teacher taught us science, I had twice scored full marks in exam. As I told my well practised story, she believed it easily.

A month later exam was conducted and as a result my deviations I secured marks in twenties out of fifty. In my school every child was given report card for getting it signed by their parents. Should I sign it by myself? One such thought came in my mind. But it would have been crime, so I started thinking other ways of getting that report card signed.

Finally I had an idea and I deformed every 2 as 4 and put it in-front of my parents. In every exam before this, I was scoring above 40 so parents barely doubted that report card.

One wrong work and how many will follow you never know. Considering a mistake as very minor one and thinking that it will never affect you would lead you to major mistakes. Those days my mother's father was with us, one evening me and my maternal grandfather went out for visiting a pond which was full fish and called Fish Breeding Pond.

I brought a small packet of food grains for feeding fishes, while feeding them I didn't notice when I came down to the last stair which was connected to the pond. That stair was very slippery; I loosed my balance and fell into the pond. I started crying for help and tried to swim by flipping hands in water, each time I flipped my hands I caught fig fishes in my hand.

I was frightened but when my maternal grandfather saw me sinking in the pond, he jumped into the pond and rescued me out of there. He quickly took me out of the temple which was built on the entry of pond. He called an auto rikshaw and took me to home.

When I settled down, I considered it as punishment of nature for manipulating marks.
From that time I have improved a lot but whenever I was asked about my study, I had no option other than lying.