Chapter 10

{Flashback}

"Hey Britt-B?"

Brittany's mum walked into her room early on Saturday morning, stopping dead in her tracks as she saw the familiar sight of Santana asleep in Brittany's bed, the girls tangled up in each other. She smiled sadly. She knew long ago that her daughter's best friend was so much more than just that. She knew very early on, that Brittany was simply completely taken with her best friend, but that for some reason they were not ready to be with each other. She didn't know the intricate details of their relationship, but it was painfully obvious to her last year, that neither of them were going to be able to stand the strain of the limbo their relationship was in. When Brittany had brought home that Artie boy, Susan had tried hard, but she could not stand him. He was…weird. It was no secret to her that her daughter was very popular, and this Arthur kid was just…not. She saw, even though Brittany tried to be happy, that she was often bored. In her opinion, the two of them just did not belong in each other's worlds. He could not keep up with Brittany's strange sense of humour or her insane imagination, so she never expected them to last very long. But then Santana had stopped coming over. Susan didn't see her for nearly two months, and it was one of the hardest two months of her life. She couldn't count the number of times she stood outside Brittany's door listening to her crying, not being able to do anything about it. It was the saddest she had ever seen her eldest daughter, and even though she didn't know what the issue really was, since Brittany insisted on saying everything was fine, she knew it had something to do with Artie.

Santana and Brittany finally making up was, in her opinion, though exactly what everyone needed, the beginning of another difficult period in her life. She could see that Santana wasn't okay, if for no other reason than she spent almost every night in her house. On nights like last night she would leave after dinner, and then sneak back in to Brittany's room. Susan had long since decided to pretend she wasn't aware of what was happening. It pained her though, feeling like Santana didn't trust her, or feel safe enough to tell her what the problem was. Almost three years of watching Santana trying to pretend like she was fine, like she didn't need her parents, and like she wasn't scared of being in that big house all alone, had chipped away at her. She was getting dangerously close to storming into the Lopez house and knocking some sense into Maribel and Stephen. Santana was younger than her own daughter, just having turned 16, yet they treated her like she was in her mid 20s. They acted like giving her limitless credit cards and a driver was the same as taking care of her. Susan just could not stand it. It was no wonder Santana was as defensive as she was. No wonder she hated when she or Pierce would ask about her day, or try and give her a hug. She had of course gotten used to all of these things and more, like them making sure she'd done her homework, or showing up to her cheerleading and glee performances, but that took a lot of work on their part. A lot of persistence and follow through. Yet still, Santana didn't seem to fully trust them. She was still so used to being on her own, that it didn't even occur to her to talk to Susan or Pierce about whatever it was she was running away from in her house.

Susan sighed, slowly closing the door. All of this needed to stop, she just didn't know how.

***

"Hi ASP" Santana said cheerfully as Susan pulled open the front door at 8 am. Susan smiled, reminding herself why she kept up this charade.

"Hi there Santana dear. You're here early." She ushered her in.

"My fault mum" Brittany said, coming down the stairs. "I begged her to come super early."

"You guys have something planned?"

"Not really….just gonna hang out" Brittany took Santana's hand, pulling her back up the stairs.

"Well…okay. Santana do your parents know you're here?"

There it was. The defensiveness, the fear. Susan could see it in the way Santana's smile dropped. In the way she averted her eyes to the ground. The way her body tensed. It made her so sad.

"Uh yeah" lie. "They're at work, but I told them I was coming over yesterday." Susan was always impressed with Santana's lies. There was always just enough truth in them to be completely believable, and most of the time she worded them so that technically she wouldn't be lying. From what Santana just told her, she deduced that she probably told her parents earlier in the week that she was coming over on Friday, yesterday, not that she was sleeping over, which she hadn't even told Susan. She smiled and nodded.

"Okie dokie then. You girls have fun. I'm almost done with breakfast so you can come down then, unless you've already eaten Santana."

"No I haven't, thanks Mrs P" she called from the top of the stairs as Brittany continued dragging her up the stairs. Susan tried not to think about what the rush was as she heard the door slam.

"Of course you haven't. You slept in my house"

"Talking to yourself love?" Pierce asked making his way to her. She shook her head with a laugh.

"Oh you know, they say teenagers make you crazy." They both laughed.

"Was that Santana I saw?" he asked after kissing her good morning. She nodded, walking to the kitchen. "She sleep over again and then pretend to arrive in the morning?"

"Yup"

Pierce shook his head. "That's the…."

"Fifth time this week. Correct."

"What are we going to do?"

Susan looked down at the egg she'd just cracked into the pan and sighed.

"I don't know. We've spent two years just watching, trying to be there for her, give her the safe environment she needs, but…."

"We have to talk to her. Or them. I don't know, but we have to talk to somebody. Right?"

"What do we tell her?" Susan asked, putting the egg on a plate. "Hey sugar, we've noticed you sneak into our house five out of seven nights a week, and we just wanted to know….why is that? Do you need us to talk to your parents, or grandmoth-"

"No don't!"

Pierce and Susan whipped around, seeing a wide eyed Brittany in the doorway.

"Britt"

"Dad, you can't say that"

"Your mother wasn't really-"

"You can't say anything. She won't….she'll freak out and then…." Brittany was fighting tears. "And then she won't want to come over, and that can't happen again. I can't…you can't…"

"Brittany calm down. Breathe" Susan walked to her, rubbing her back soothingly. "Just breathe." Brittany took a deep breath.

"Your mum and I weren't really going to talk to her parents or grandmother. We just..."

"Honey we're worried about her. We want her to trust us."

"She does" Brittany insisted. "Why do you think she comes here? She feels safe here. She likes how it feels to be here and have parents."

Susan's heart squeezed at the sadness of that statement. She wasn't even sure if Brittany knew what she'd just said.

"Okay…we want her to talk to us then" Piece said. "To tell us what's going on."

"She talks to me. I know what's going on."

Pierce sighed. "A grown up Britt-B"

"If there was anything serious I'd make her tell. But there isn't. She just…her house is empty dad. That's all. Even when her parents are there, her house is empty. So she prefers to be here."

"Are her parents there now?"

Brittany shifted nervously, looking around the kitchen, then sighed, shaking her head.

"How long have they been gone?" Susan asked cautiously.

"They haven't been there for two weeks."

Pierce swore, standing up. Susan shook her head. "That poor child" she said.

"Please…please don't talk to her" Brittany begged. "Please mum."

Susan stared at her daughter. "Fine. But Brittany, I trust you to tell us if things got serious."

"Promise! Thank you!"

"Britt?" Santana called down the stairs.

"Coming S"

"Can you bring me a soda too?"

"Sure" Brittany turned back to her parents.

"When you go back up, tell her I want her to stay here." Pierce said.

"Dad."

"I'm serious Brittany. Tell her I've missed her, and I want to watch some football with her, but the games are on late so I want her to stay. I never got to watch football with that Artie kid"

Brittany laughed. "You never even spoke to that Artie kid dad."

"Well….such a shame…and now he's gone." They all laughed. "He is gone right?"

"Yeah….we broke up a couple months ago."

"That's g…I mean…I'm sorry honey" Susan said. Brittany laughed.

"You'll find someone better honey-B" Pierce said. Brittany smiled, unconsciously looking back to the stairs. Susan and Pierce shared a knowing smile.

"So you're not going to talk to her right?" Brittany confirmed, getting two sodas from the fridge.

Her parents looked at each other. "No. We won't." Susan finally said.

"Okay. Thank you. I promise she's okay."

"Don't spoil your appetite with those!" Susan called as Brittany left the room.

As they heard Brittany running up the stairs, Pierce turned to Susan shaking his head.

"She is most definitely, not okay."

Susan pressed her lips together, nodding sadly.

"She will be. We'll make sure she will be."

{End of flashback}

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Santana and Brittany took two weeks of to be at home with Jesus while he recovered from is surgery. Dr. Riley had told them that it would take between 1 and three weeks, and that if he was still feeling pain, got a fever, or the stiches looked red and puffy they should bring him back to the hospital. Thankfully, none of that had happened. Jesus was back to running around the house as usual, jumping off everything he could climb. The only thing they had made sure to put a stop to was his wrestling with and tackling Kyler, because that was too rough and could result in him getting seriously hurt.

Now that he was better, Brittany had had the idea to have a little barbeque at their house before they went back to work. Like a party for Jesus' recovery, but with only Puck and Quinn.

On the morning of the barbeque, Santana, Brittany and Quinn went to buy everything they would need, leaving Puck at home with the twins.

"What did you just say to me?" Santana snapped, loud enough for Brittany to hear from several feet away.

"Here comes the yelling." Quinn whispered in her ear. Brittany smiled, turning to fully watch Santana.

"I bet you he cries." She giggled, as the man took a step back from Santana.

"Aren't you supposed to be trying to calm her down?"

"Why?"

"Because she's being rude"

"He's racist." She shrugged. "Plus, if she doesn't get it out every couple of weeks it builds up, and then some poor unsuspecting soul gets hit with that full blast" Quinn laughed. "Trust me, it's better off this way."

"First of all, let me educate your misogynistic, ignorant, white privileged, heteronormative ass." They heard Santana shouting. Two or three people had stopped shopping to watch the scene, while others watched as they walked past, like one does a horrific car wreck.

"She's about to break into Spanish" Brittany said quietly, looking around for a place to sit. "Do you think I could move some of the stuff in the cart around and sit in there?"

Quinn laughed, shaking her head. Brittany bent over to push their shopping aside. Quinn's hand shot out and pulled her back up, her eyes wide.

"No Britt. Are you serious?"

"We'll be here a while once she gets into-"

"And also! A person can speak more than one language and still be American. How stupid do you have to be to think that speaking anything but English makes you a foreigner?."

"Spanish" Brittany finished. Quinn sighed.

"Please Britt…just go calm her down. I don't want to be here all day, or have to bail her out of jail. You have kids, who are currently with Noah Puckerman. Think of the children!" she cried

Brittany raised an eyebrow. "Alright, fine. But if she explodes on you in a few days don't come crying to me."

She walked up to Santana slowly, pretending to be a stranger. The man looked at her like she was coming to save him.

"What exactly is the issue?" she asked, not specifying who she was talking to. The man turned to her.

"This crazy Spanish b-"

"Don't finish that sentence, and I'm not even Spanish" Santana warned.

"You have an issue with her speaking Spanish?" Brittany asked, ignoring Santana.

"Only lazy immigrants like her speak that language, am I right?" he laughed, looking at Brittany expectantly.

"No." she said, allowing her anger to bubble to the surface. As calm as she wanted to be, he was insulting her wife on so many levels, for no other reason than the language she spoke and the colour of her skin, and she could not let that go. "I do not know what you mean. You're lucky I don't condone violence, otherwise I would have shoved your head up your ass."

Santana let out a laugh, her demeanour changing. The man looked shocked, looking at her with wide eyes. Then he frowned, more from confusion than anger.

"You speak Spanish?"

"Like she said, people can speak more than one language and still be American, but even if they aren't, I advise you to stop spewing your ignorant and hateful words, before you find yourself faced with someone who doesn't have a wife unwilling to let her go to prison for permanently shutting you up."

The man paled, his eyes widening further as Brittany took Santana's hand, kissing it as she walked away.

"I had that B" Santana whined as they reached Quinn.

"I know baby," Brittany smiled, kissing Santana's temple. "Not today though okay?"

Santana huffed, exaggerating a pout, but allowed herself to be pulled along as Quinn pushed the cart. "Fine, but they better be giving us our groceries for free, or I'm asking for the manager."

"Well, well, well" Quinn said, turning to her with a smirk. "Look who's turned in to a Karen"

"Fuck off Fabray." Santana snapped, her previous anger returning. "You think you're such a smart ass but you've never had to listen to someone talking down at you, calling you all kinds of names and assuming they know shit about who you are because of your skin. So why don't you just take your fucking insensitive attitude and get the hell out of my face. When you had a baby, it was a shame. 'Oh look what happened to the intelligent white girl with so much promise'. You wrote about it for your college essay and they saw it as a statement of character that you were able to overcome that adversity. Adversity HA! If I got pregnant at 16 do you know what people would have said? 'It was only a matter of time' or 'yeah, that's typical for people like them'. You have no idea what I have to go through, and you have no idea how much I have to brush off. I am faced with this type of shit all the time, and I sure as hell am not in the mood to take shit from you about how I choose to deal with it."

Quinn stood frozen, the cart continuing to roll forward as she stared at Santana completely lost for words. Santana had turned to face her, her face was red and her eyes slightly watering as she pointed one finger threateningly at Quinn. Brittany stood a few feet in front of them both, hands in her pockets and lips pinched tightly together, shaking her head. There was a ringing silence following Santana's outburst, before Brittany finally moved towards them taking Santana's hand. Santana pulled it back violently before realising that it was Brittany and softening. She sighed heavily.

"Whatever just…don't even bother coming back to my house, we're not having the barbeque anymore." With that, she turned around and walked out of the store, yelling 'fuck you' to the clerk who was sitting just outside the automatic doors. Quinn had tears in her eyes as she turned to Brittany.

"I don't…I didn't mean…" she trailed off not even knowing what to say.

Brittany shrugged. "I warned you….and everything she just said is true." She shrugged again saying, "I'll see you later" and followed Santana out of the store. When she reached the car, she saw Santana in the driver's seat, arms over the steering wheel and head resting on it. Brittany sighed, and opened the door.

"I'm driving B" Santana muttered, not lifting her head.

"No you aren't" Brittany said quietly. For a long moment Santana didn't respond. Brittany knew she was trying to decide if she wanted to fight with her, ignore her, or break down crying, so she kept quiet and let her think. After what felt like an hour, Santana lifted herself up and jumped into the passenger seat. Brittany smiled a tiny smile. Santana had come so far, and moments like these really highlighted that. Five years ago, she would have fought Brittany, getting seriously upset about driving to the point where they would argue well into the night about it, before Santana finally conceded that she wasn't actually angry about not driving, would cry, and then talk to Brittany about how what happened at the store made her feel. Eight years ago Santana would have continued to yell at the store clerk, screaming profanities in both English and Spanish, and making a huge scene until either Brittany physically dragged her away, or security was called. In high school Santana would have punched the guy.

Brittany paused as she was about to turn on the car. Where was she going? She couldn't take Santana home like this. Their kids were there. Santana was a literal master at hiding her emotions, so as soon as they walked through the door, her mami face would come on so that she didn't scare her kids with her temper. Brittany didn't want her to have to bottle all of this anger up. Then there was Puck. He would definitely notice her mood, even if their kids didn't and he'd have many questions about where Quinn was. Finally deciding, she turned on the car and pulled out the parking lot. Twenty minutes into the drive, neither woman had said a word. They had sat in silence, since even the radio was off, Santana facing her window and Brittany stealing occasional glances at her.

"Where are we going?" Santana asked in what was practically a whisper. Brittany nearly jumped, not having expected her to talk at all.

"The park."

Santana nodded, leaning her head against the glass. A few seconds later, she reached over and took Brittany's hand off the steering wheel, holding it in one of hers and rubbing it with her thumb. Brittany felt a rush of warmth at the gesture.

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When they arrived and the car was parked, she turned her body completely to face Santana.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked.

Santana sighed. "I'm sorry I freaked-"

"No don't apologise for that."

"You get it though, right? Like…I just can't…sometimes it just gets too much and I can't take it. And Quinn…"

"I get it Santana" Brittany said as Santana trailed off. "I mean I don't really get it, because I can't….but I get it. She didn't mean it, but she shouldn't have been joking about something like that. And that guy was completely out of line. You are allowed to react however you want to that okay?"

Santana nodded. "I'm sorry if I offended you though"

Brittany laughed, though it was humourless. Santana raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious?"

"What?"

"Stop apologising."

"I know I'm just…I said some stuff about white privilege and-"

"I'm white" Brittany finished. She took Santana's other hand in hers. "Santana, we don't talk about it like…ever, but I'm white and you're Hispanic. Your experience of the world, as much as I hate it with every fibre of my being and wish that it was different, is not the same as mine. The world is…" Brittany let out a breath, trying not to get angry. "The world right now isn't fair. There are horrible people out there that treat you badly because….because they have some idea about who you are. I hate that that's what you have to go through, I hate that that's what our sons are going to go through, and I hate that I can't do anything about it." Santana nodded, looking down at their hands. "But as much as the things that happen to you affect me too…as much as it hurts me, I can never understand what it's really like, because I will never go through it. I'm a rich, blonde, beautiful woman with blue eyes…white privilege is a given for me, and I recognise that. You pointing that out, can never and should never offend anyone, least of all me."

Santana slowly looked up, smiling slightly. "A beautiful woman huh? A little cocky?"

Brittany shrugged. "I'm just keeping it real"

Santana laughed, a few tears falling from her eyes. She wiped them away quickly, not letting go of Brittany's hand. "God…only you could make me laugh right now."

Brittany smiled, but looked down. "Sorry…I didn't meant to joke."

"Hey, it's okay. I'm glad. I needed to. I don't really want to be crying about this."

"Are you sure? It could help?"

"No it won't." Santana said seriously, and Brittany knew not to fight with her on it. They were silent for a few minutes as Santana placed Brittany's hand against her mouth and sighed. She closed her eyes. "It feels wrong, that I have to deal with racism, homophobia and sexism." Brittany nodded in agreement. "I just…how many things about me could people possibly hate? I'm going to hell because I'm gay, I'm illegal ,lazy or a drug addict because I'm Hispanic, and I'm weak because I'm a woman. Like shit. God really fucked up with me huh?"

Brittany tilted her head, shaking it. "You know none of those things are true though."

"Yeah I know that" Santana said loudly. "But what good does it do for me to know that when the rest of the world doesn't?"

"Yeah…" Brittany didn't really know what to say. It made her sick to think about all the hate in the world, and the fact that nothing was being done about it.

"Sorry B…"

"If you apologise one more time I'm gonna slap you Santana."

Santana chuckled. "I just mean…I know it isn't your fault. Usually I can ignore it, I don't know what happened today."

"You shouldn't have to ignore it." Brittany said quietly.

"No I shouldn't, but I do. Otherwise I bring that anger and hatred into our lives, into our home to our boys….and I don't want that. I want them to be innocent and believe in magic and the good in people for as long as possible. Like you."

Brittany smiled. "They will, because we'll protect them."

Santana nodded sadly, looking down again. "We'll do our best, but it doesn't even matter how well we try to protect them."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was 11 my cousin Eric, who was 17 at the time, took me and his girlfriend's sister to the park. His girlfriend's sister was 10. I hated the park back then. I mean there was nothing to do there but look at ducks and burn in the sun, but he was trying to impress his girlfriend so he told her he usually took me there on the weekend, so if her sister wanted to come along he wouldn't mind." Brittany nodded for her to continue, rubbing her knuckles. "Anyway, like I said I hated the park, so as soon as we got there, I told Amy, that was the other girl's name, I told her I knew this really fun place to play hide and seek, and when she went to hide I left her there and went to the ice cream shop."

Brittany wanted to laugh, but she had a feeling from the sad tone in Santana's eyes and the look on her face that it wasn't appropriate.

"I came back an hour later feeling so proud of myself….and saw my cousin lying face down in the dirt, his hands in the air and three cops surrounding him, pointing guns at him."

"What?" Brittany couldn't help her shock. Her hands stopped their movements.

"Yeah" Santana said, wiping another tear and letting out a wet chuckle that held no real laughter. "Apparently Amy couldn't remember the way back, and some people had found her crying alone. She told them she was lost and wanted to go home, so they called the cops. They arrived just as my cousin came running towards her. Of course he'd been looking for us the entire time as well, probably so glad to see her, and they ordered him to lay on the floor. He was arrested for kidnapping and paedophilia that day."

"What?" Brittany asked again. Her eyes were the widest they had ever been, and tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. Santana nodded slowly, like she couldn't believe it either. "What happened?"

"I was so scared, I hid in the bushes until they were gone, and then I called my mum and told her everything. She came and picked me up, dropped me at my abuela's and then went to the police station. Eric was lucky she was a lawyer, cause he used his call to try and get a hold of his girlfriend so she could come and clear everything up, but her dad picked up instead and told him he deserved what he got for trying to molest his daughter."

"Oh my god"

"I thought I'd never see my cousin again Britt. The rest of that day my abuela was so angry, all she would talk about was racist pigs and how it was so sad that this was how we were going to lose Eric. I cried myself to sleep that night, because somehow I thought it was my fault."

"No…it wasn't" Brittany said quickly.

Santana locked eyes with her. "I know B. You know how I know that?" Brittany shook her head. "When my mum got the charges dropped-"

"How?" Brittany interrupted. Santana almost smiled. "Sorry."

"The prosecutor was her friend. She called her and got her to listen to Amy, me and the girlfriend, and he advised his client to drop the charges."

"Wow"

"Yeah. He was let out of jail while I was at my abuela's, and after she got the call, she turned to me and said, 'Santanita, in this life, when you're like us, it doesn't matter what you do or what you say, unless you know someone white and powerful, the world will find a way to see you in chains."

Tears fell from Brittany's eyes as she pulled Santana into her lap, hugging her as tightly as she could. Nothing was said for half an hour, both women lost in thought. Finally Santana pulled back.

"I don't want that to be the world my kids grow up in Britt."

"It will get better"

"You don't know that"

"No…but I have to hope it. Otherwise…what's the alternative? We have two Latino boys, that's not going to change, so…I have to believe that the world will. I have to believe that we're doing better than our parents, and that our kids will do better than us."

Santana nodded, placing her head on Brittany's shoulder and sighing.

"I'm glad I have you in this world Britt. I'd be a total dark cloud without you."

"You'll always have me Santana. I'm not going anywhere" she kissed the side of Santana's head and let her lips rest there for a while. "I will do my best to protect you too baby…you know that right?" she whispered into her hair.

"I know B."

"I love you" Santana smiled and lifted her head. "What?"

"Are you going to make me apologise to Quinn?"

Brittany laughed, kissing Santana deeply, sucking one lip into her mouth and only pulling back when she felt Santana's tongue on hers.

"No way."

"Great! Then I love you too Brittany Susan." Brittany laughed again, resting her head against Santana's.

"Good. Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah. I miss my babies" Santana jumped back over the center console and into her seat. "Can you text Noah that it's cancelled?"

"Anything you want Santana."