Chapter 13

It felt like time was skipping forward every time she blinked. She was standing in the doorway talking to Jade. Blink. She was upstairs, waking up Kyler and throwing jackets on both boys. Blink. She was in Jade's car on her way to the hospital, barely registering the crying children in the back. Blink. Brittany was running towards them as they walked into the emergency room, taking a now screaming Kyler from her as she tried to wipe her own tears.

"Is he-"

"Alive" Brittany said, nodding. "Thank god. Yes, he's alive. But they won't tell us anything because we're not family."

Santana's jaw was clenching furiously. She looked around, noticing that there were two other people there. Puck's band mates. She frowned.

"Where's Theo?" she hated how her voice sounded. It was strained, and wet, like she had been crying, which she hadn't, but also oddly…empty.

Brittany blinked at her, evidently not expecting that question. "Uh…I'm not sure. Everything was crazy Santana. It was so loud and chaotic, and then the next thing I know I'm being pulled back. I thought it was fans grabbing me or something, but then someone shouted 'gun' and I was pulled back again. I don't know what the hell was happening. Then the gun went off, and people were running all over the place, and then I saw him just…lying…" she choked out a heart breaking sob, making Kyler cry even more hysterically, and Santana bite down on her bottom lip. Hard. Santana nodded slowly, registering that she wasn't feeling anything. She couldn't feel the usual pain that accompanied seeing Brittany cry, she couldn't feel panic over Puck's injury, and she couldn't feel stress over her two extremely exhausted sons, one of whom was crying into her chest, dampening her shirt. She couldn't feel anything. Brittany was looking at her strangely, and it made her aware of the fact that she was still nodding, so she stopped. Instead she turned to the two other men in Puck's band.

"Where's Theo."

One of them…his name always escaped her, looked at her sadly. She couldn't feel any sympathy for him. "At the station. Cops took him in when they found him beating the guy with the gun half to death."

"Should have let him finish" sneered other man said. He always told people to call him blade, cause he could really tear into a guitar, but Santana thought that was an even more stupid nickname than Puckasauruss, so she had taken to calling him dee. She was pretty sure he never really understood why, but then again it was entirely possible he didn't even know who tweedle dee was in the first place. She simply nodded again.

"Babe" Brittany said, her tears still staining her cheeks. Santana turned to her. "How are you doing?"

Santana shrugged.

"I'm going to see if there is anywhere we can put the boys. They're never going to fall asleep in all this madness" she gestured around the emergency room, and Brittany nodded, still watching her apprehensively. "Then I'm going to call Jessie and probably Puck's mum, if I can find her number." She looked absently around the room again, nodded, and then walked off, leaving Brittany, Jade and Puck's two band mates behind.

*****

Twenty minutes later Santana, Brittany and Jessie were all in a small room somewhere in the hospital, with Jesús passed out on a small bed that had been brought in for them, and Kyler in Santana's arms, tired and fussy, but very much awake. Brittany was lying cuddled around Jesús, crying as silently as she could into his back, while Santana paced up and down the length of the small room. Jessie was standing by the door, looking out the small sliver of glass.

As the minutes ticked by into hours, Santana felt her numbness turn to high levels of anxiety. The speed of her pacing increased with her breathing and her hands shook, though that could also have been from holding her nearly 13kg three year old for the better part of four hours. It was only when she felt Brittany's hand on the base of her back that she realised that she was hyperventilating.

"Santana breathe" Brittany said, her voice sounding scared. Santana could hardly register the words. She felt like she was having a heart attack. The weight in her arms was suddenly gone, which seemed to make her body panic even more. She doubled over, gasping for air as tears streamed down her face and fear gripped her muscles.

Brittany placed a once again crying Kyler on the bed next to his brother, adrenaline coursing through her as she watched Santana spiral out of control right in front of her. She had no idea what to do or say, not even knowing what was happening or why. All she knew was that she was already so scared and worked up about Puck, who was still in surgery, the gun shot had transported her temporarily back to the bathroom stall in McKinley high school and this just seemed too much for her to take. She was crying so hard now, that she could feel her stomach constrict with every powerful sob. Without really thinking, she pulled off her shirt, and then forced Santana out of hers. With their torsos exposed, she pulled Santana into her, falling to the ground as Santana's legs gave way. Laying on the floor, Brittany held Santana as tight as she could, squeezing even tighter when she felt like she couldn't possibly hold her any tighter. For a few minutes she thought it hadn't worked, but then Santana's breathing slowed down, so that she was taking long deep breaths, and her cries of panic quieted completely. Brittany didn't let go.

"Brittany" Santana whispered in a hoarse voice. Brittany hummed, loosening her grip enough for Santana to talk properly. "If Puck dies…if he dies…what are we going to do? What am I supposed to do if Puck dies Brittany?"

Brittany hushed into her ear, shaking her head. "He's not going to die. The doctors are working on him, and they're really good, and we got here fast so….he's going to be okay."

"He's been in my life since kindergarten Brittany. He's-"

"Shh"

"I can't lose…he-"

"Shh" Brittany tightened her embrace, not wanting Santana to work herself up again. "He's going to be okay."

Santana tried to speak, but all that came out was a loud sob as she once again descended into tears. She passed out not long after that, and Jessie helped Brittany lay her in the bed next to Jesús while she picked up Kyler who was still fighting sleep.

Brittany's head was pounding and her eyes aching from the amount of crying she had done that night. Looking at a fitfully sleeping Santana, she knew she needed to get some air if she was going to be able to be what Santana needed. The room they were in was making her feel claustrophobic, like the magnitude of all of their emotions was taking up more space than it had to offer, and she was slowly suffocating. Gently, she bent down and kissed Santana's head five times, letting her lips rest on her skin for a few seconds.

"I love you" she whispered, then she walked out.

****

Brittany had only ever spent this much time in a hospital one other time, if you didn't count the time she herself was in a coma. Three years and eleven months ago in Brazil, on the day her sons were born. She had been crying a lot that day too. Had seen more blood than she'd ever thought possible pooling around a dying person that day too, but after all that, she'd had her life completely turned around in a way she had never imagined, and she was eternally grateful. More love had entered her life after that day, but after this day, either her wife's best friend would be dead, or he would live and they would always remember the date as the time he almost died.

It amazed her how little people seemed to care who she was or where she was going. She roamed hall after hall, walking through doors that said 'restricted' or 'authorised personal only' and no one seemed to even notice. Once she had seen everything that floor had to offer, she entered an elevator and pressed a random button, not even looking to see which one it was. As she exited the elevator, she effectively zoned out, lost in the memories of the night spent roaming that little Brazilian hospital with a tiny barely two month old Kyler, trying to get him to fall asleep, just like she was right now. She lost herself in the memory, reminiscing on how small Kyler had been then, how scared she had been that the court wouldn't give the twins to her, how she had spent so many hours in that hospital just staring at their faces, memorizing every single thing about them. Kyler took in a deep breath and let it out heavily, and Brittany paused, looking down at him. She hadn't noticed that he had fallen asleep. Looking up and taking in her surroundings for the first time, she had to laugh. Of course she would end up here.

She shook her head in amusement and walked right up to the large glass window through which she could see at least ten new born babies, all swaddled tightly and fast asleep, except one.

"Hi" a short Asian nurse with blonde hair said, ducking her head to find Brittany's eyes. Brittany jumped slightly, realising she had been staring at the very tiny infant who was wide awake and staring at the lights on the ceiling.

"Hi" she whispered back, lifting Kyler higher up on her chest. The nurse looked down at the sleeping toddler and smiled.

"Are you okay?" the nurse asked kindly, looking slightly worried. Brittany realised she must still look like a complete wreck. She had no idea how much time had passed since Santana's melt-down, but she hadn't cleaned herself up at all, so she assumed she didn't look her best.

"Oh…yeah, it's just been a really…..long and crazy night." The nurse nodded. "My wife's sleeping, and walking around helps this little guy get to sleep. Plus I just needed some air." The nurse smiled widely at her, nodding like she had just understood something.

"It can definitely take its toll yeah….well congratulations" Brittany frowned, confused, but the lady didn't notice. "He's so adorable"

"Thank you" Brittany whispered, looking down at Kyler lovingly. "They really are"

"They?"

"Oh…yeah I have twins"

"Woow….nice big family huh" the nurse laughed. Brittany smiled, still feeling like she was missing something. She hadn't felt this way in years, and she was shocked to find out she had forgotten how to handle it. She turned back to the NICU, wishing Santana was there, but was quickly distracted at the sight of the still awake baby boy, who seemed to have freed himself from his blanket. She smiled.

"He's a cute one too" she commented. The nurse turned to see who she was pointing at, and a smiled sadly.

"Yeah. He's one of the sweetest ones we've ever had. Been here two days and already he's won everyone's hearts."

"Aww" Brittany said, chuckling. "I bet. How come he's in here?"

"He was brought in with jaundice, so we're treating him for that, but….." The nurse trailed off.

"What?" Brittany prompted, her curiosity intensifying. The lady sighed sadly.

"I shouldn't be telling you this, but since he doesn't have parents I guess it's fine." Brittany could barely register that information before the nurse continued talking. "His mother was a drug addict. Heroine and cocaine. So he's going through withdrawal."

"What?" Brittany whisper shouted, her heart suddenly feeling heavy. She looked back at the tiny baby, and felt tears welling up in her already swollen eyes. "Is he going to be okay?"

"He should be…but we won't know until he grows up. There could be long term developmental issues." Brittany clicked her tongue, angry at the baby's parents and at the universe. The nurse nodded in agreement. "Yeah. He's so sweet and innocent…but he was paying for his mother's mistakes long before he was even born. We just took him out of ICU earlier today." She shook her head.

"This isn't fair." Brittany said, looking down at Kyler, unable to stop herself from comparing the two boys. That could have been him. He could have been lying alone in a NICU with a hard road ahead of him, suffering because of the evilness of a world he hadn't even asked to be brought into. If she and Santana hadn't basically stumbled across their dying mother, Jesús and Kyler could have been in a far worse situation than this little boy, but they had. They had found them, fought for them, and were now trying to make sure that they had the best of everything life had to offer. As she stared into the bright green eyes of the baby who she could tell was about to cry, she knew she was doomed.

"How old is he?" she asked quietly.

The nurse turned to her, noticing the change in Brittany's voice.

"Three days old, we think."

Brittany nodded.

"What's your name?" the nurse smiled crookedly at her. "I want to know who to ask for when I come back."

"Jen. My name's Jen hun."

"Brittany." They shook hands. "I'm glad I met you Jen. I think you may have just changed my life."

***

Santana woke up with a start, her arms instinctively tightening around Jesús.

"You okay?" Jessie asked.

Santana looked up to see Jessie looking at her. She nodded.

"Yeah. Just…Forgot where I was for a moment."

"That's good." Jessie said quietly.

"Or worse." Santana sat up, turning to rest her back against the wall. "I had to remember that Puck's…" She trailed off, unable to say it. She didn't know what Puck was right now. He could be dead for all she knew. Brittany had said there was a lot of blood, and they'd watched enough Grey's anatomy to know that a gunshot to the abdomen was bad. She didn't know how long it had taken an ambulance to get to Puck. How long he'd been lying on the ground, bleeding to death.

"Mind if I ask you something?"

Santana blinked, Jessie's voice taking her out of her thoughts.

"Sure" she sighed, looking down at Jesús and smoothing his hair back off his face.

"You, Brittany and Quinn make sense. I've known you all for a long time, and I see you guys together and it makes sense."

"Okay?" Santana looked at Jessie.

"But Noah…I don't know. I guess I've always wondered why you guys put up with him."

Santana smiled. Just a small smile, and looked back down at Jesús.

"Noah is…" She chuckled. "We weren't really friends for most of our childhood. He, Quinn and I were in the same kindergarten and we didn't get along. He's always been this really annoying boy. You know the one that breaks all your crayons and fills your shoes with sand."

Jessie laughed, nodding.

"Yeah, that was Puck. And he was like that till…" Santana looked up. "Well he's still like that."

"Funny" Jessie laughed. "So that's what I'm saying. Why do you guys stay friends with him?"

"There's something about people that have known you a long time. A lot of people couldn't stand him in high school, but I was used to it. Whatever he did wasn't particularly annoying or like…unforgivable. I expected it of him. Plus, I wasn't exactly the most liked person in high school either. And Puck was one of the few who just…accepted me."

"Cause he was used to you."

"Yeah" Santana nodded. She looked down sadly, feeling tears brim in her eyes.

"We weren't best friends in high school. Or when I was in New York, but my friendship with Puck is…and Quinn too" she added. "It's…I get to be as me as I can be. Bitchy, selfish, hurtful and I know it won't be a friendship ender. The three of us are messy and complicated. We take a while to see things the right way, we can be pretty self-centered and shitty friends…but…" Santana shook her head, sniffed, and took a deep breath, refusing to cry. "We've always been in each others lives. Whether it's as friends or not, Puck's always been there. I can't imagine going the rest of my life without being able to tell him to shut up."

There was a pause, as Jessie processed her joke. Their smiles started small and then grew until they burst out laughing.

Jesús shifted, lifting his head like he was about to wake up. Quieting quickly, Santana lifted him into her lap, rocking slowly and kissing his head. He went still seconds later.

"He'll be okay." Jessie said, when Jesús was completely back to sleep.

Santana nodded, keeping her lips pressed against Jesús' head.

"Wait." She pulled her head back. "Has anyone called Quinn?"

*****

Brittany slowed her steps as she reached the door she knew Santana and Jesús were behind. She had forgotten why she was in the hospital in the first place. Just like with the twins, standing in front of that glass window, staring at the helpless little human being for the first time had been like walking through a time machine. She had been taken to a different place, where all that existed was hope and promise and love. Looking at the white door with the number 3002 next to it was like being dunked in ice. It was like being roughly awoken from a dream.

Puck had been shot. He could be dead, and she wouldn't know because she'd left without her phone. Santana could be a mess, panicking and hyperventilating, or passed out, or dead from a stress heart attack.

Successfully working herself up, she hurriedly pushed open the door, almost crashing into Jessie. She let out a relieved sigh. Santana was sitting up on the bed, her back up against the wall and Jesús in her arms.

"You're back" Santana whispered. Brittany nodded.

"Jessie, do you think we could leave the boys here with you for a few minutes?"

Jessie nodded immediately. Santana frowned, but didn't question her. She was both too tired and too curious. She gently placed Jesús back on the bed, then got off so that Brittany could put Kyler down next to him.

"Thanks, we'll be back soon. Call us if anything happens with Puck" Brittany said, taking Santana's hand and leading her out of the room.

They were silent as Brittany made her way to the elevator, and as they got in. When she'd pushed the button, she turned to face Santana.

Santana was patiently waiting for Brittany to explain herself. She still looked sad, her eyes red and puffy and her face flushed, but her eyes had softened from the hard piercing look they had when she had first arrived at the hospital. There was a ghost of a smile on her face, and it comforted Brittany enough to speak. The elevator opened and they walked out.

"I know this is going to sound completely crazy, but hear me out okay?"

Santana raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "I knew you were crazy when I married you. What is it?"

"I think I just found our third son."

***

Santana stopped dead in her tracks, gaping at Brittany.

"I know" Brittany said quickly. "Just-"

"Puck could be dying right now" Santana said seriously, feeling anger rise in her.

"I know Santana." Brittany said, "But if you-"

"We have twins. Three year old TWINS"

"Just look at him okay? Just come with me, and see him."

Santana pulled her hand out of Brittany's grasp, shook her head and turned back to the direction of the elevator. Brittany ran in front of her, putting both hands on Santana's shoulders.

"Listen to me."

"No Britt, get out of my way. I'm sure he's very cute and adorable and all of that, but I really don't have time for this."

She tried to walk past Brittany, but Brittany tightened her grip and held her in place. Santana sighed heavily, scrunching her eyes shut in her effort to keep in her anger. Of all the nights to fight with Brittany, this was not it.

"Santana I'm calling tenth grade cheer camp."

Santana opened her eyes, her entire demeanor softening as she stared into Brittany's deep ocean blue eyes.

In the summer before their tenth grade, Coach Sue had informed the team that she had done some research, and found out that children get fat and lazy during the summer. She was therefore forcing all who wished to remain on the team to attend a six week cheerleading camp. In the third week, Santana had kissed Brittany for the first time. The conversation that followed had been slightly uncomfortable and filled with more lies than either of them could count, but had birthed the law that Brittany was now invoking. In trying to save face after making Brittany cry, Santana had promised her that they would always be best friends, no matter what either of them did or said. They would always be each other's most important people, and if either of them ever forgot it, say they were extremely mad about something and on the verge of ending their friendship, the other could call 'tenth grade cheer camp' and they would remember their promise to each other. They would always be together. At the time, neither girl knew the extent to which that statement would be proved right, but it gave them both a sense of security in a time when things seemed too scary and confusing. Santana had never used it, but Brittany had. After she had refused to break up with Artie and Santana had stopped talking to her, Brittany had gone over to her house, snuck into her bedroom window and announced that she was calling tenth grade cheer camp. Santana had stared at her for what felt like an hour, before standing up and giving her a hug. Nothing was talked about after that, no arguments or tears, they simply let it go and moved on.

Now, Santana had almost the exact same face she had on that day. Shocked and deep in thought. Brittany waited patiently. Finally, Santana sighed, retaking Brittany's hand.

"Alright, lead the way then."

Brittany smiled, retracing the route she had absentmindedly taken the first time, until she stopped in front of the window. She was surprised to see that the baby was still awake, though no longer crying. Letting go of Santana's hand, she leaned back against the wall and crossed her arms, her smile growing wider as she turned away from the boy to face her wife.

Santana raised her eyebrows. "Well…which one is he?"

Brittany shrugged. "If you can't tell, then we'll just leave." Santana sighed, cocking her head.

"Really?"

"Yes. Turn around and look."

Santana clenched her jaw, deciding to just humour Brittany so that she could get back to the chaos that her life was currently in. She turned around and looked at each baby one by one. There was a black girl in the bottom left corner, wrapped in a soft pink blanket and fast asleep. She had a small tuft of black curly hair in the top of her head. She was cute. Santana looked on, skipping over all of the pink blankets, since she knew the baby Brittany wanted her to identify was a boy. In the third row, there was a baby in a green blanket. It was plain and looked slightly worn out, so that told Santana it was the hospital's. All the other babies had cute little blankets with animals or drawings or that just looked extra soft. She noticed also, that he was awake. She chuckled, having the momentary though that it was just like her son to be so energized well past midnight. She and Brittany seemed to be destined not to be allowed to sleep for the rest of their lives. Then, she wondered to herself why she had thought that. This wasn't her son. He was just a baby. An adorable baby she'd admit; He was tiny, much tinier than Jesús or Kyler had been when they were born, with a completely bald head that for some reason she longed to kiss, and very pink cheeks that starkly contrasted his pale complexion. Yes, he was one of the cutest babies she had ever seen, but he wasn't hers. He was someone else's. Just as she was about to move on to another baby, he turned his head and she got a clear look into his eyes. Santana took a step closer, feeling like her heart had just stopped. They were a light green. A beautiful and perfect shade of light green.

Brittany stood up as she watched Santana walk as close to the window she could get without smashing her face up against it, a warm triumphant smile playing at her lips. She'd seen him, Brittany knew she must have. She knew she would. There was no way she couldn't. He was their son. He was theirs. She placed her hand on Santana's back, turning to look at the small infant as well. Santana didn't even bother pointing out which baby she was looking at. She knew she was right, simply because there was no way she could be wrong.