Chapter 2: Joel X Jerry

Joel paced uncomfortably in front of the classically styled roadside diner where Cassidy had told him to wait. As usual, he was thirty minutes early, and as usual, Joel's furtive manner was making passers by uncomfortable, to the point that he had to walk around the block a few times just to avoid their suspicious stares.

Fortunately this allowed Joel an excuse to repeatedly check up on his bike, in the little parking area specifically designated for bikes. This was pointless, naturally, as the bike watchwoman was already keeping track of everything in the bike parking lot. She would notice if anyone inside was spending any longer than absolutely necessary to unchain their precious machine, and she had a shotgun handy if anyone dared to try. Joel realized Jerry had just arrived when he saw the watchwoman eyeing the dark-skinned man suspiciously. Of course, the bike watchwoman had also eyed Joel suspiciously, but because he looked like a rat. Not because his skin color was, by Iowa standards, unusual.

Jerry, by design, stood out in a crowd even setting aside his skin pigment. On this occasion in particular, Jerry had dressed provocatively yet bookishly, with overly colorful clothing calling to mind cowboy movies of a hundred years prior- though Jerry was not taking on the role of the cowboy. Jerry's actual face was largely largely unrecognizable due to the heavy makeup. Joel realized it was him, not even due to pigment, but rather Jerry's unique sense of personal flair.

Similarly, though Jerry had not seen Joel in over a decade, he quickly identified the nervous man through his peculiar personal tics and sudden awkward movements which had not changed with age. They were an odd couple, with Jerry's round glasses, lightly flamboyant clothing, and simple ponytail contrasting harshly with Joel's wrinkled suit, which he had slept in overnight and not bothered to change. That's how worried he was about being late.

It was only when Jerry got off his bike, locked it, and started to approach that it really sunk in to Joel that he was finally meeting Jerry Shankar again, all these years later. Jerry was older and more mellow to be sure, but at heart he was still the same mean, hateful man Joel had known all throughout college.

"It's good to see you," said Joel, gritting his teeth, offering his hand for a simple handshake.

"It's good to see you, too," said Jerry, smiling, arms wide open for a hug. Joel retracted his hand and reluctantly accepted the hug before pushing off, with some reluctant hesitation.

"Let's walk and talk," said Joel.

In spite of the suggestion Joel just stared ahead in stony silence as they walked. He dared not even try to look at the expression on Jerry's face, only opening his mouth again when they finally sat down inside.

"I didn't know this was a meat restaurant," said Joel. "I thought you didn't eat meat."

"Oh," said Jerry, opening up the menu, "I didn't use to. But that was a very different time you know. Back before the Great Blackout. You know the conditions they kept livestock in. It made me sick to my stomach even thinking about it."

"But," Jerry continued, putting down the menu, and wistfully looking out the window. There was a nice view out into the endless winter landscape, made possible by an empty lot sandwiched between buildings "You know, I've actually seen the places where they butcher these animals now. Do you remember those little books they had when we were children, about the little farms, and the farmers with hats and overalls, and how it always looked like they were this happy little family?"

"No," said Joel, quietly motioning to the waitress. He wordlessly ordered eggs benedict and coffee by just pointing to the stained menu. Jerry did likewise, though he did manage to flash a smile at the waitress. She smiled in turn.

"Well incredible though it may seem," said Jerry, now looking directly at Joel. "That's pretty much how all the meat is actually produced now. Fuel costs too much for it to be practical to move large amounts long distances. Anything much bigger than a small farm is too much of a security risk for robbery. The Hunter's Guild brings in so much venison that cow meat is really a boutique product when it comes to protein needs. It's only really appropriate for a special occasion, such as this."

As Jerry completed his mildly grandiloquent hand gesture, their coffee arrived. Jerry smiled at the waitress again, and raised his cup to Joel, who continued to sit quietly and staring. They started to drink.

"But anyway," said Jerry, "my point is, that I've seen these farms and I honestly believe that the animals there live better lives than people these days. Sure, they have one bad day right at the end, but at least it's fast. Imagine being one of those poor bastards in Chicago, slowly freezing and starving to death in the street over a week."

"I want to hear about these protein needs," said Joel. "What are those?"

Joel motioned to Jerry's calf muscles. Everyone had to have reasonably strong calf muscles now, what with the centrality biking had taken in everyday life. But Jerry's were particularly robust. He'd look like a toned athlete if his costume wasn't specifically designed to ward off such unwanted first impressions.

"Oh yes," said Jerry. "But didn't Cassidy tell you?"

"She wanted me to hear it from you."

"Really," said Jerry, dryly. "That's not like her. Anyway, yes, that's my job now. I'm a tour guide, taking foreign visitors to all the most magnificent sites in Des Moines and beyond. So even more than your regular working stiff, I really pretty heavily on my bike."

"So I take it then," said Joel, "that you've given up your hobby of serial murder."

At this exact moment the waitress had come back with their food. Steaks and eggs for Jerry, Joel observed. Though Jerry flashed the same bright smile as before, she did not return it, and shuffled off nervously back to where she was.

"Well," said Jerry, taking his utensils in hand and giving off a fake grimace, "clearly we can't discuss details of that here if you're going to insist on being so unsociable. But I'm a little tired of talking about myself. Why don't we talk about you Joel?"

"I haven't done much with my life really," said Joel, starting to eat as well.

"Joel, look, I'm not stupid," said Jerry, slowly and carefully to avoid talking while food was in his mouth. "I read the newspaper. I know you're the chief sanitation engineer in the city and that you're the main reason we aren't up to our ankles in shit."

"Sanitation engineering isn't as hard as everyone makes it sound," said Joel, biting his lip at the obvious absurdity of the statement.

"Oh will you stop it," said Jerry, clearly annoyed. "What I really don't get is how you can live here, in the same city as me and Cassidy for several years now and never tried to seek either of us out."

"You could have tried to find me since I'm so famous," replied Joel curtly.

"Now you know as well as I do that this isn't how it works," said Jerry. "I'm a tour guide. Of course I have a reason to see the Oracle every so often, since she's the one the foreigners want to meet. But what reason would either of us have to see a sanitation engineer? You could have contrived any dumb errand to see her at the Botanical Garden anytime."

"I'm a man of science," said Joel, "and all this Oracle talk is just crazy superstition."

Jerry put down his utensils. He smiled at Joel, then smiled at the waitress. This was a different one than before, and so she smiled back as she refilled their coffee.

"You're very good at this," said Jerry, very thoughtfully, very deliberately. "The very subtle way you provoke people. I kind of want jump over this table right now, and just start strangling you. I know your gimmick. I can see what you're doing and yet somehow, you can still provoke that reaction. It's brilliant, honestly. Is this how you got all those hicks out in the sticks to go along with your wacky big city sanitation plans? Do you just reverse psychology them into doing the actual intelligent thing, because they think they're spiting you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Joel, finishing off the last of his food.

"Maybe we should get down to business," Jerry said.

"I'm really enjoying this small talk though."

"Right, right, sure," said Jerry. "We think something's going to happen in Chicago soon. We've got a plan to meddle with it, but you're way more important to it than either of us."

"Did you know I was coming back?" said Joel. "Awfully suspicious of you to have a plan just ready and waiting for me."

Jerry took a deep breath. He deliberately polished off the rest of his food and pushed his plate to the side. He carefully wiped everything off his face, then wiped his glasses, and set them down on the tabletop. Jerry then made a point of looking at Joel straight in the eyes.

"I know you might find this difficult to believe, Joel, but you're not just our collaborator. You're our friend. You always have been. Sure, we're able to cause some chaos, just the two of us on our own. But the scope has always been limited. Ever since we realized you were here, Joel, we've fantasized about you coming back. We always have. Every month or so we come up with some convoluted scheme that could only possibly work if you were here because we're always just hoping, just hoping, that this will be the month you come back to us. When I'm on those long boring bike rides to wherever in the state, that's what I think about Joel. I think about everything that's going on in the world and just asking myself, how could we make this work even better if only Joel were here?"

Joel observed, to his great surprise, some evidence of mild watering in Jerry's eyes. Joel had never seen Jerry get emotional like this, at least not in this specific way.

"Why did you come back Joel?" asked Jerry, retreating back a bit and rubbing his eye. "Why now of all times?"

"I'd rather not say," said Joel, pursing his lips.

"Well, then, I have to respect that friend," said Jerry, standing up, readying money to pay for the bill. Joel realized that he wasn't kidding about steak being a boutique food. The diner may have looked rustic but it was really very expensive.

"You should go see Cassidy now," said Jerry. "I need to go meet a client."

"I'm still not so sure about this," said Joel, standing up.

"Good, good, wonderful, wonderful," said Jerry. "I'm glad you're back."

Without prompting Jerry gave Joel another warm hug. For that instant, that all too brief instant, Joel was conflicted. Was he really doing the right thing? Or was this just another horrible mistake? But then this had always been the true riddle of his dealings with Jerry Shankar. Joel remained eternally conflicted about how to interpret Jerry's sincerity alongside his evil.