Which One Is Me?

April started with cherry blossoms blooming vibrantly in the sun, creating spots of patterns on flat concrete. The classroom in the morning was cold to the eye but warm to the heart. Petals were scattered across the window as Tang-Ji lingered in time with each footstep down the quiet corridor, drifting into the game fantasy that she dreamt of last night.

The name 'Kirizkuuk' sounded very familiar as she stumbled a little in front of the music room. Suddenly, a smooth-sounding melody began seeping through the old classroom door.

Slowly, she approached the cold sliding doors with ease. The melody evoked a sudden sense of joy in her, as it somehow reminded her of an old soundtrack that she had heard thousands of times.

The door calmly creaked open by Tang-Ji as the mellow drifted through the small music room. A boy was sitting on a black stool and gently tapping each note on the grand piano with an infatuated hand gesture.

He pleasantly stroked each key like the tender breeze of a morning spring that came in with all his hues, eliciting a fresh, nostalgic fragrance.

"Senpai—the music you played," Tang-Ji began. "Wasn't it the first soundtrack to be produced, back when V.I.R.M. was just starting to build attention for one of their most successful projects?" She uttered.

"Yes, Dusk Befall; that was the first song that played when they started the project Dusk. After just a few weeks on the radio, I honestly didn't believe anybody would remember that harsh melody."

"Harsh? Just what are you trying to say? You were giving it such a sweet tune."

"The original version of the song had a harsh tone to it. This is supposed to be a thrilling tune that symbolises a great journey, yet it combines low- and high-pitched intensity in unexpected ways. It's almost as if the singer were in a terrible agony when they sang it."

Kazami continued, running a hand through his hair as he glanced at the piano before him. "I believe it all depends on who's expressing the piece; for me, whenever I evoke this piece, it seems like the conflict dwells latent in my heart and wants to come out."

His fingers hovered over the keys, but he didn't press down. Instead, he let them linger, as if afraid to disturb the peace. 

"It's like trying to hold back a river with a sieve—no matter how much you try to contain it, the feelings will find a way to seep through." His voice was steady, but his reflection on the piano's glossy surface showed the faintest crease in his brow.

A draft stirred the sheet music on the stand, causing the notes to tremble slightly.

He exhaled, watching the pages flutter before settling again. 

"It would be less of a burden to repress people's feelings if they were as straightforward to communicate as musical notes." 

Kazami's words drifted into the stillness, but Tang-Ji wasn't listening—at least, not entirely. She watched him, the way his fingers hovered over the keys yet refused to press down, the hesitation in his reflection, the way the sheet music quivered as if mirroring something unspoken.

Suddenly, a flicker of memory stirred—a voice, distant yet familiar, slipping through the cracks of her mind like light through a broken window.

"If you keep lying to yourself, you'll never move forward." The words felt disjointed, like an old recording slightly out of sync, but the weight of them pressed against her chest.

Her fingers curled slightly at her side. "Conflicting what?" Her voice came out sharper than intended.

"Senpai, you are making absolutely no sense." She met his gaze, searching for something even she couldn't name. "If you feel that way, then say it. There's no point in restraining something you so desperately want to express."

"Haha, sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to vent to you with my personal stories; you can just forget that last part."

She began to fluster as her face lit up bright red as she became agitated.

"Senpaiiiiii!" a nagging address to Kazami.

"Quit being so cheeky; whenever I try to ask you a question about anything personal, you constantly try to avoid it." She pouted, her face unruffled. "If you want to tell me something, just say it. Stop speaking in riddles and making me play your guessing game."

The words came out like a cloud of dandelion fluff, light but aimless, and her stomach churned as she replayed them in her head. 'What was that? Did I really just call him cheeky? And—Senpai with such a tone? What even compelled me to speak in that manner?'

"As I said, I'm sorry, and could you drop the senpai? You can call me Kazami."

Her blue eyes widened, the colour deepening as if someone had poured ink into a clear pond. "Are you… sure?"

"You can drop the honorifics too." He replied, his grin as casual as sunlight filtering through broken blinds from behind.

"Then... Kazami..." she murmured, the name felt unfamiliar on her tongue, like a song lyric she wasn't sure she had sung right. She hesitated, then added, "You can call me Tang-Ji."

The moment the words left her lips, she cringed inwardly. 'What am I saying? I sound like a character in one of those cheesy romance dramas. I don't even talk like this. Why am I letting him unravel me so easily?'

Kazami grinned as he childishly propelled off the black stool and steadily approached Tang-Ji.

Beaming near enough to her so that it appeared from behind that their faces were virtually glued together. "Come on, what's wrong, Tang-Ji? Don't lose those expressions on me now."

Her instinct kicked in as she gently pushed him back, her fingers brushing against his shirt like a bird nudging an intruder out of its nest. Kazami smiled at her, completely oblivious to the soft blush blooming at the tips of her ears, hidden behind a curtain of hair.

The colour was delicate, like the first pink petal of a lotus unfurling at dawn, as though her earlobes had borrowed the shy grace of the flower.

'Why?' Tang-Ji thought to herself.

'Although we've only just met, I feel as if I've known him forever. I don't know how, but I was able to strike up a conversation with him despite my inability to communicate with anybody else.' She reasoned internally before her mind slowly sank into the ground.

'Sometimes I wonder. Who am I? It feels like I've lost so much more than just my memories. Which one is the real me? Is it me currently or me in the past? It's like I'm walking a tightrope, unsure which way I'll fall.

'I've always been able to hear a voice constantly tugging at the back of my mind, as if it yearns to take over my vessel.' She thought to herself while staring down at the classroom floorboard. 

Slowly backing away from Tang-Ji, Kazami stretched out his arm to the back, opening the sliding door.

"What are you waiting for? That ghost on the ground's looking really scary there," he tried to poke fun at her. "We've got a club meeting!" He told her enthusiastically.

—------------—------------—------------—------------—------------—------------—------------—------------—------------------------—------------—------------—------------—------------—------------—------------—------------—------------

The clock across the still room filled with computers finally strikes five, leaving the club room packed with misfits.

With a sudden, loud thud coming from the door, the atmosphere shifted towards Kazami, who gradually opened the door.

"Oi! Do you have any idea how loud you are? Keep it down; otherwise, we'll get another complaint from the literature club next to us." Kazami raged at the students.

As she carefully stepped through the front door behind Kazami, Tang-Ji felt a cold sweat dripping from her chin as she shuddered. A place packed with so many people was nerve-wracking for someone with little to no experience communicating face-to-face.

A shrinking feeling spread over her skin as her field of vision began to darken, only being able to make out vague silhouettes.

Her body felt heavy as if something were gripping her arms and legs, like a shadow hidden out of view clutching her to loosen Tang-Ji's grip. She felt anxiety pour over her head with a growing sinking feeling, consuming her as she began to imagine herself drowning in a sea of focused glares.

However, a gentle hand stretched out from her field of vision, gently placing itself on her delicate hand. Her vision brightened as Kazami softly tugged her into the packed club room. With all eyes on her, Kazami clapped in front of her face and prepared to introduce herself to the other club members.

Kazami cleared his throat. "Hey, guys! Say hello to our new member, a second-year student in 2A, Tang-Ji."

Kazami paused to allow for applause and continued, "She is now officially joining our club, so treat her as you would any other member. Why don't you introduce yourself as well?"

"U-um hi? My name is Tang-Ji Shizukesa, and I'm into books and movies. Oh! I've also been getting into online games recently too." She fumbled over her words and could feel that her face was hot.

After her timid introduction, she was bombarded with questions like "hey, that's an interesting name; you're from overseas, right?", and "wow, your skin is so pretty; what products do you use?" All of which were quite overwhelming for a quiet and meek person such as herself.

Soon she found herself swamped by the other members' questions and swiftly retreated behind Kazami to compose herself.

Kazami let out a soft sigh. "Guys, chill out. Give the girl some space." The curious students backed down, clearly disappointed.

"Anyway, Tang-Ji, take a seat, please; I've got an important announcement to make to everyone here."

He continued, "The Kiryuuin Academy E-sport club has been invited to participate in the upcoming 'Dusk Protocol' tournament. The deadline for registration is next Monday. We've been told to pick out four of our best members to participate and take home the grand prize."

The club room rallied in unison with an abnormal amount of exhilaration. Everyone knew that this event would mean they would get to try out the newest gaming device.

The SSD allows a user to transfer their consciousness into any game they desire. This innovative technology is still in the beta phase, only allowing experienced testers to access it.

As the noisy crowd died down into groups of chitter-chatter, Kazami guided Tang-Ji to the back of the club room, where he began to map out the stadium of the tournament on a long, stretched-out holographic whiteboard.

The screen flickered to life as the blue light hovered over the room's window, displaying a magnificent amount of detail in each layer of the building. Alongside the details of which materials in each block structure were calibrated to the maximum extent, it was simple enough to understand even for those who are less knowledgeable.

"Look, people, I'm only going through this once, so pay attention. This place is huge enough to almost fit two baseball stadiums, and not to mention the layout is like a maze."

As he continued to explain the layout of the building, a strange voice came from the back of the member's bodies.

"Hey Kaz, you sprinkled some major news on our team. How will you explain the technique of brain control to our little fledgelings?

"Enough with the architecture; the real question is if they can conjure a Leere in the brain control phase." A deep voice, in a controlled manner, forcibly drew the attention of the room.

Tang-Ji's gaze shifted to the boy standing tall among the crowd, his thin frame cutting a sharp line through the mass of misfits. She watched as he pushed his glasses up, each step deliberate, like he had nothing to prove and nothing to hide.

He ambled to the front of the room, his face still shadowed by the harsh lighting. As he stepped forward, the shadows receded, unveiling pale, glassy skin that appeared untouched by anything harsh or unkind.

She noticed his hair—mercury-red, like something out of a painting—falling messily over his face, making his sneer look effortlessly cruel. It struck her how confidently he held himself, how he seemed to belong in a way she never quite felt.

Here he was, unblemished and certain, with a presence that commanded attention. She felt a small twist of envy in her chest, an ache for the easy way he held himself, surrounded by people who saw him without judgement.

Standing besides the holographic board, Tang-Ji straightened, her gaze drifting away from the overwhelming presence before her. She felt his intense stare and took in his towering figure, casting a shadow over her. Just as the tension thickened, a sudden, bright smile broke across his face.

Ji-Soon cleared his throat, then swept a hand through his hair with an exaggerated flourish, as if he were about to take center stage. "How rude of me—" he began, voice rich with theatrical flair, "to not introduce myself properly."

He placed a hand over his chest, tilting his chin up slightly. "I am Kang Ji-Soon, of class 3C." His eyes flicked across the room, as if ensuring all attention was on him.

"Student council member and esteemed member of the E-sports club—" He made a show of dusting off his blazer sleeve, lips curling into a confident smirk. "Surely, you've all heard of me?"

A few unimpressed stares.

A cough from the back of the room.

Someone muttered, "Is this guy... good?"

Ji-Soon, unfazed, spread his arms wide, as if expecting applause. "Nice to meet you." He punctuated it with a wink, leaning slightly forward as if to gauge their reactions.

Without letting any moments pass for Tang-Ji to reply to his unique greeting, Ji-Soon swiftly rotated his body, facing Kazami while pointing towards a large box on the shelf of the room. A large initial was ingrained onto the metal box, V.T., which stood for VIRM Tech.

"Why don't we test it right now?" Ji-Soon suggested. "Whoever can successfully conjure a Leere with the protocol type will be on the team to compete in the tournament. Let's see how many strong-willed individuals are here; remember, in that world, desires are your strongest weapon."

The silent crowd remained baffled for a few instants until one of the students impulsively spoke. "What's a Leere?" Asked by one of the members with a perplexed look.

"My apologies, guys; I should have given a clearer explanation to this whole thing." Ji-Soon rubbed his head to try to come up with a suitable explanation.

He stood there for a while, trying his best to think of an easy explanation. Kazami came from the back, and he placed his hand on Ji-Soon's shoulder. "Stop overcomplicating things and let me do the explaining, you wise fool."

"For those who are unfamiliar with the term 'Leere,' let's keep it simple. Leere translates to void in German; it is a type of unique weapon that everyone possesses in-game that reflects their personality and desires. Think of it like an extension of yourself," he vaguely explained.

"That's all you guys need to know for now; you will get a better understanding once you're in the virtual world."

"Kang is right; the tournament is next week. Everyone, step up and link yourselves with the device I've placed on the chair. You all will be conscious during this state, so please avoid crashing into things; I don't want to clean up after you guys again." He spoke with subtle displeasure while rolling his eyes back.

The device was hooked up to a large computer with multiple cables stemming out from the back, attaching itself to the plate at the back of the headgear. The brain-computer interface device has three widely curved metal rods that cling to the surface of the user's head to send electromagnetic signals to alter your vision and sensation.

A few minutes have gone by, revealing the seething members bundling up into lines, waiting for their turn to link with the device, only to find out moments later that no one was able to conjure a Leere using the brain control techniques.

Tang-Ji stood up among the rowdies who had exhausted all their effort to be on the team and stretched out her thin arm to grab onto the heavy device. She began to untuck her shirt from her black wavy skirt, along with pulling out her red bowtie, to melt her tension away.

As she shrugged off the hefty cables connected to the device, she set down the headpiece on her head, securing the safety sequence with the metal claws gripping against her hair.

She could feel the uncomfortable pressure of the hardware bracing against the back of her neck. With a slight adjustment, a clicking noise was heard by Tang-Ji, and her vision began to fade away. A sea of green digital text engulfed her sight as she plummeted into the abyss.

Where she stood, a vast, contorted space stretched out from Tang-Ji's scope. She spun her head around for a split second before turning her face all the way to be driven headlong into a large floating object.

She flinched a little before realising, to her surprise, that the permeable entity flew right through her digital body. With the atonement of the scenery came a touch on her left shoulder.

"Tang-Ji, you can hear me, right?" His voice was slightly muffled. 

"Yeah," she nervously replied.

"The device has altered your sight and your touch sense; since it hasn't completely dilated all five of your senses, this is only considered a half dive. Now listen..." He paused. "Hold out your hand, and try to picture yourself grabbing onto something."

"A Leere can be conjured if you focus your mind on what you want, like your feelings, for example. The interface will be able to pick up your emotions, and it will take shape in your palm."

Tang-Ji began squinting her eyes before extending out her left hand to eye level. Her surroundings undertook reconstructions as the vastness of the digital space initiated a flickering motion on the surface where she stood. The wall alongside it began a vibrating sequence that almost seems identical to that of an ocean wave.

Behind her, the dilated walls began to collapse into each other as they created a sinking effect both horizontally and vertically; it was almost like the place was a giant spatial vortex.

She stood in stillness, disregarding her environment, as small particles rapidly emerged above her tiny palm. A glint sparked out along with a multitude of numerical values continuously materialising itself over her tiny hand, an item launched into appearance as it can be vaguely seen through the classroom monitor that the device was connected to.

The bright ray visually impaired her for a moment before settling down into the mellow glow of a sunset.

The environment began to retract itself as the virtual world transformed back into ordinaries. Tang-Ji gaped open her eyes as the object she held twilight gently embraced her sight. This witness bounced around her head, first in disbelief, then in shock, and finally in amazement.

"A scissor; I can see a scissor in my hand," she said shockingly.

Kazami widened his eyes as the students behind him cheered loudly from the back before being met with a murderous glare from Kazami, signalling them to keep the volume down.

"Scissors, huh?" Ji-Soon muttered, lingering by the classroom door, his eyes gleaming with intrigue. He tapped a finger against his chin before taking a slow step back.

"How very interesting…" His voice carried a hint of amusement. "This object you just conjured—it's a reflection of your thoughts in this moment. I can't wait to see what Leere you'll summon when you're hooked up to the SSD."

He turned slightly, one hand slipping into his pocket.

"Just remember… the device used for Dusk Protocol doesn't just tap into your brain—it links to your entire body." His gaze flickered toward Kazami who was unreadable. "It'll draw from everything—your traits, your instincts, your desires—all embedded deep in your heart."

Ji-Soon let out a quiet chuckle, stepping fully into the hallway. "Good luck finding the last participant, Kaz." His voice echoed faintly as he strolled away, his presence fading like a lingering afterthought.

Kazami's fingers tightened just slightly around the headset as Ji-Soon's words lingered in his mind. 'Your traits, your instincts, your desires…' He exhaled through his nose, forcing himself to shake off the thought.

"Alright," he said, his tone firm but calm. "Club's meeting is over; dismiss people," he said assertively as he gently lifted the headset off Tang-Ji's head.

She gave him a fatigued expression before tying her hair back into a high ponytail.

"Sorry to force such a heavy device on you; I'll send you the message of the chosen date for the tournament later. For now, go home and rest up," Kazami smiled warmly before escorting her out of the club room.