Messaging My Bro

"We all fuck up. I know I have," I wrote and meant it. Then, he abruptly messaged the entire room announcing he was leaving. He sent me the same message directly.

"Gotta go. See you later."

Instantly, I felt let down. I wanted to continue making this connection with him, but I'd have to be patient. I figured that I should probably stay on for at least a few more minutes so as not to leave each time Bram did.

Then, someone wrote to the room, "Anyone here lost a parent to this shit storm?"

"Yes," I wrote.

"Maybe we can talk sometime." The person's name was Ct_1976. I had sent the message impulsively. I wanted to get off, but that could be hurtful. Still, I had to take care of myself.

"Sure. I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but I've got to go grab some dinner," I wrote. They sent me a thumbs up symbol. Then, I logged off.

I could hear Bram getting up. I turned the laptop off then put it on the charging dock. I wished that he would tell me these things when I was Alex. I guess the only way to get him to talk is to do so as another "bro."

***

Before we went to bed, I was in the upstairs bathroom for a while looking in the mirror. I laughed under my breath at my reflection thinking about me supposedly being, "smoking hot." I never expected Bram to think that.

I left the bathroom and then slowly slid into bed beside him. He was lying on his side, his face in his hand, scrolling on his phone. I watched as his thick black bangs fell into his face. He moved them away occasionally.

When he glanced at me, I promptly averted my eyes and pulled my long chestnut-toned hair into a ponytail. After that, I took out my phone and began to read. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him sneaking glances at me. I wondered if his conversations with Reed_B were making him think differently about me.

I held the phone firmly in my hands to appear engrossed, but I knew I was behaving strangely.

"What are you doing?" he asked me.

"N-Nothing," I said and stood up. I rushed into the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. My black tank top was askew, my hair was in a side ponytail, and my gray shorts were on backwards.

I sighed and dropped my head onto my forearms, my tiny shorts now stretched, barely covering me. Unexpectedly, I heard footsteps. There was no way he was coming to me, right? Then there was a light knock.

"Uh, yeah?"

"You're spending a lot of time in there tonight." I heard him laugh under his breath. "The sushi made you sick, didn't it?"

"No, it isn't that. God, you're so ... gross sometimes. Mind your business!"

I glanced at the small crack in the bathroom door and noticed him staring at my legs and ass. I stood up, turning to face him. He quickly bent down to retrieve something from the floor, pretending that had been the cause for his lingering. Then, he walked off.

I couldn't help but feel mixed emotions about this interaction. There wasn't much I felt good about in this relationship, but if he liked looking at me, that was a plus. At least I knew I wasn't alone in my attraction.

***

The next day, it was cloudy and a little cooler than it had been lately. Before Bram left in the morning, I put on sneakers and got into workout clothes: a sports bra, black T-shirt, green running shorts, and socks I could pull up on my calves. I left home and jogged for a while until I made it to the big laboratory, again. That was where Bram was stationed but I wasn't privy to what he did there.

I stared at the building, catching my breath, wondering what was inside. Whatever he worked on was important enough to require extra security clearance. I bent down and pulled my socks up higher along my shins.

When I stood up, I could see several soldiers coming in and out of the dark green building. A few were chatting excitedly with animated hand movements. I tried eavesdropping as they passed by. One said something about, "Nimble."

The soldier listening about Nimble suddenly elbowed the other and then pointed at me. The sun still wasn't completely up, and the clouds were making it even darker. Perhaps they hadn't recognized me. But that may be impossible to avoid.

It was impossible because everyone knew Bram, despite him not being top-level in military rank. He was noticeable anywhere he went whether it was due to his smart-ass ways or his exceptional ability to naturally gain muscle. Or perhaps it was his love of biology. Not many expected him to be smart, including me.

When I got back to the house, I could see Sledge talking with Bram outside. It was obvious he wanted the conversation to end. Whether that was due to the current circumstances or something else, I couldn't tell. As I walked by, I waved to them both.

Sledge flashed her welcoming smile. Then in a split second her expression changed to seriousness as she turned back to Bram.

"I'm not joking. It needs to stop. I'm your commanding officer and you cannot continue to behave this way. We are a brotherhood, not a junior high school. Start acting like it."

"Yes, sir!" Bram replied to Sledge.

"Good day, sergeant."

Sledge adjusted her hat, so it was on her head perfectly and walked toward the direction of the PX. I spied on Bram to see where he was going. I could only see out the window a little ways but it looked like he took a left. The lab.

That reminded me about that soldier who had been ranting about injections. I wondered if Bram had heard. He must know the ins and outs of that place. Maybe I'd pluck up the courage to ask him.

When I walked inside, I saw a note from him on the kitchen island.

"Alexandra--

Don't meet me for lunch. Have something at home. I'll be at the lab.

--Bram"

A normal couple would have a few hearts, some smiley faces, or at least a nickname. But not us. It was just plain, Bram and Alexandra. Even when I told him to call me Alex, he never did, except to others apparently.

I was relieved that I didn't need to go down to the cafeteria and field whatever mood he was in. I decided to go buy some ribs. I could cook them for hours and then we'd have them for dinner as a nice end to the day. Maybe he'd be happy with that.

After I got home, I put the ribs to slow cook. Then, I turned on the computer to see if Bram was online. I sat at the laptop for a little while, but he didn't show up in MChat. He must be busy at the lab.

I was just about to log off when Ct_1976 got on and sent me a message.

"Bad day today, man. You free?"

If Ct_1976 needed me, this time I couldn't turn away.

"Yeah, I'm free. What's up?"

For a while, Ct_1976 and I messaged. It was mostly commiserating about how hard it was to go on with life after experiencing loss of a loved one. We chatted for so long, before I knew it, I could hear Bram coming down our cement sidewalk.

I told Ct_1976 that I had to go, and we said our goodbyes. I logged off and shut the computer down. I walked to the door and opened it for him with a smile. He stepped in, putting his keys away, without reacting.

"I cooked us ribs so we can have that in a couple more hours," I said, waving at the island. It was where we normally ate. It wasn't useful having a huge table for only two people and the island was more convenient.

I thought he'd respond but instead, he glanced around, inspecting everything. I scanned the room and noticed I had left a glass in the sink. I dashed over and washed it. If today was extra stressful, he'd be nastier.

I speedily dried it and then put it away. I waited for his chiding, but it didn't come. He pulled his sunglasses off and rubbed his face. I could tell he was drained.

"Are you wiped out from work?" I asked, concerned. He scowled at me.

"What does it fucking look like?" he asked. Outside, I heard someone clear their throat exaggeratedly. I glanced out the open windows just over the kitchen sink. I could see Sledge passing by on her way back home.

That talk she had with him earlier must have been about me. I wasn't sure at the time, but this proved it. I wondered if it would backfire, though. If he didn't find ways to express his anger, even if it meant being terrible to me, I was afraid of what might happen.

He didn't say a word and walked up the stairs to the computer room.

Instead of going back online, I focused on getting our supper together. Once it was ready, I called up for Bram, but he didn't answer. As I climbed the stairs, I was thankful that the carpet muffled the sound of my feet. I tiptoed behind him.

He was staring at the screen, his right hand in his thick hair, staring at MChat. Then, he dropped his head down on his forearms in apparent exhaustion. I sneakily walked back down the stairs and then called to him again. He mumbled something and then I heard him get up.

I had already piled things on the plate for him and opened his beer when he joined me at the island. I secretly monitored him in between bites. Whenever he would glance down, I tried to get a read on him. When he drank the entire beer, I took it and brought him another one.

"Thanks," he said. He must really be tired. His gratitude seemed to come from a place of helplessness. The word sounded as strange to me as he probably felt saying it, but it was a start. I wanted to tell him how good that made me feel, but I kept quiet.

Instead, I asked, "Bram, is there some kind of injection soldiers are getting at the lab?"