Big Boy Bram

"It's the shed my dad built. I'm not supposed to go to it, but I sometimes sneak there."

"Where is the shed?" I asked.

"Behind our house. Haven't you seen it when you've come over, Miss Alex?" he asked, staring up at me. I smiled about him calling me by that name.

"I haven't. How far away is it?"

"Not far. But we can't go there now. Too many of those people with the black mouths."

"That's true Jeffy. I also don't think Bram could go. He's feeling sick," I said.

"He is? What's wrong?"

"He needs a vaccine. Like you got."

Diva came over to Jeffy and sat at his feet. He petted her and she closed her golden eyes in happiness.

"It made me feel better."

"Oh, really?" I asked, glancing at Bram. "Well, what would you say if I told you that Bram is afraid of that needle?" I asked. Jeffy whipped his head around to see Bram. It was as though he had to visually verify. Bram crossed his arms.

"Why are you afraid?" asked Jeffy.

"Uh," he began, then exhaled. "It's complicated. If I take it, I may get sicker."

"Oh, then I don't think you should do it." Jeffy shook his head repeatedly. I glanced at Bram as he pointed and laughed at me, in a teasing manner.

"But Jeffy, were you afraid?"

"I really was."

"What did Bram say to help you to not be scared?"

"He told me to be a big boy. And I said I would be one, just like Bram and my dad!"

"Ah, yes," I said with a smile. Bram paced and shook his head at me. Diva followed him. She began to circle at his feet. Bram sat down on a stool at the island. An uneasy look washed over him. "Help me, Jeffy!" I said and pointed to Bram.

Jeffy and I supported Bram, lifting his shoulders and dragging him until he was on the couch. This time the seizure was much worse.

"Jeffy, I need you to do Bram a favor. Can you get him some juice and bring it to the island? Once he's feeling better, he'll be so happy to have that juice from you but right now, I need you to stay with it. Deal?"

"Deal!"

Diva jumped up on the couch and began to furiously lick Bram. She was so enthusiastic that she scratched him on the face a few times. I tried to make her get off the couch and she listened but incessantly whined while monitoring him.

I held his arms down at first but it wasn't enough. I had to sit on him this time so he wouldn't thrash too much and fall off the couch. His entire body was wracked with convulsions. After a few minutes, when I could see that he was calming down, I told Diva to go to him again. She licked him furiously and he regained consciousness again. But he was exhausted and spacey and it lasted for a while.

***

After he was feeling better, I decided we needed to talk about the vaccine. While Jeffy napped in the spare room, I took Bram into the computer room upstairs. I gestured for him to sit down.

Bram was across from me, one leg outstretched, lifting his black T-shirt to cool off. The air conditioning had been out for several hours which added to his torrential tributaries of sweat.

He pulled his bangs and squeezed out salty droplets. When he flicked his wrist, sweat flew then spattered the futon. I could tell he was losing his strength.

"Where are the injections?" I asked him.

"Don't do this, Alexandra."

"You're getting worse."

"You're going to make me lie to you," he said, tilting his head to me.

"I can't 'make' Bram Darling do anything," I said with a wry laugh.

"True," he said grinning broadly. I could see his teeth again. I giggled but then I noticed how pale and clammy he looked. I had to get back to the more serious matter at hand.

"You're in pretty rough shape. Do you know what's happening to your body?"

"The virus is gradually wrecking my nerves," he said. "It will progress until it has completely taken over my brain and I'll go into a coma. And, well … "

"Bram, I can't--" I stopped myself. I was about to say I can't live without him. Was this because of the moment or did I truly feel this way no matter where we were in time? I felt as though he had infiltrated my heart despite the pain he'd caused, and I'd not known it until faced with the possibility that very soon, I may lose him forever.

"What was it you wanted to say to me?" he asked. I glanced at him. "I never give you a chance to speak."

"It's nothing."

"Please, tell me what you were going to say," he said in a whisper. "I really want to know."

I gazed into his eyes.

"I was just going to say," I paused debating whether this was a good idea to tell him. I took the chance. "That I don't think I can live … without you." I felt raw and bare putting it out there especially since it had only occurred to me mere seconds before. I hadn't had time to sit with this epiphany. I noted his innocent and softened expression.

"That's how you truly feel?"

"Yes," I said. I could see a part of his protective barrier shed before my eyes. Every inch of him was malleable and impressionable.

"Okay, I'll do it," he whispered.

"Good!" I breathed.

"The injections are with my socks. My only pair of black dressy ones."

I rushed to the bureau, opened the top drawer, and found the appropriate pair of socks. I carefully retrieved one of the vaccines, pivoted, then raced back to him.

Bram smiled at me with tears in his eyes.

"I don't know why you give me these chances. All that I do know is if I take that enhancement, I will probably kill you. I'll turn Noir."

"I know you're good. And we need to have strength if we want to make it out of this." Bram glanced down at the needle again. "We're going to die if we stay, anyway."

"Alright," he said. "Once I do this, there's something else you should know. It will be incredibly painful for me. Keep me here but don't leave until it's over. Shortly after that, we'll know my mettle."

"Okay. I'll try, but you're very strong. I don't know if I can force you to stay."

"Bolt lock it," he said. "And one other thing: Promise you'll kill me as soon as I'm Noir."

"If that happens, you have my word."

After walking to the door, I closed and locked it. The click seemed ominous. There was no escape until this was over. This was it.

Before joining him, I opened the computer desk drawer. I retrieved the nine-millimeter Glock-19 I had trained with. I picked up the magazine, and loaded it, but didn't chamber a round. I returned to the futon with it.

Setting my piece aside, I turned to him with conviction. With the needle in hand, I removed the protective cap with my mouth. He pulled his T-shirt sleeve up exposing his left deltoid. After staring at me contemplatively for one more second, he nodded.

Bringing the needle to his skin, I promptly popped it in. Carefully, I injected the vaccine into his muscle, watching the plunger descend. Then I pulled it out and sat beside him.

I was staring into his green irises, my own eyes filling with tears. I watched as he sat upright against the wall and peered up at the ceiling.

"Can you feel it yet?" I asked him. He sucked in a breath and then nodded. I watched as several nerves in his face, arms, and chest began to twitch. "Does it hurt?"

"Yes," he whispered, but he was trying to take the pain. He held his hands against his face and moaned, then screamed in lamenting tones. The tears that had been teetering at the edges of my lids spilled down onto my cheeks.

It was excruciating to watch him go through that agony. I had no idea how long it was going to last. Would he be in such anguish that he'd want to end it? Swiftly, I picked up the Glock for no other reason than to keep it out of his reach.

At once he stood and tried barreling toward the door. I could hear Diva barking downstairs then her running up the stairs. Poor Jeffy. He won't know what's happening.

I dashed to him grabbing his shoulders and spinning him around. He was off balance, making it easier for me to steer him in the other direction. I led him back to the middle of the room. As Bram paced, he pulled on his hair, his pupils dilated, his skin covered in goosebumps.

I came over to him and told him to list the military alphabet for me. I could tell it was difficult for him and there was a problem with recall due to the pain, but it helped. After that, I had him show me what all the framed items were in the room. One was the U.S. flag that he'd gotten overseas. It was slightly tattered, but it possessed beauty in that it was worn and lived with. It had soul and sweat upon it. Perhaps even a life.

There were other framed pictures of him that he had when he was finished with boot camp, marching, coming back home. I asked him to describe what was going on in each picture. There were seventeen. It took time which distracted him by design.

I wasn't sure how long it had been when he dropped to his knees and started to crawl to the futon. I helped him navigate and then he laid down. Once he was on his back, he slept.

It was only a few minutes later that his eyes flew open. I studied him as he gradually sat up, staring at me. Part of me was on the edge of the futon ready to spring up and defend myself while the other half of me wanted to stay and witness each change he was going through.

I looked into his eyes as he kept on me. He appeared to be glaring at first, his brows arched upward in apparent anger. I was trembling uncontrollably. If I was going to die, I hoped it would be quick.

I inched backward in fear, suddenly afraid that everything he thought was going to happen would come fruition, after all. Maybe he was more bad than good. Could I have been wrong? If it did happen that way, I was going to keep my promise and kill him.

After standing up, I walked toward the other end of the room to give us some distance in case things got too hairy. As I traversed, I heard him suddenly get up and follow me. Alarmed, I abruptly turned around. We were eye to eye now searching one another's faces. I backed up until I was against the far wall where the framed flag was hung.

I braced myself, scrunching my eyes shut as he reached up to me. I felt him grab my face in both hands holding me firmly in his palms. Waiting for some kind of blow or impact, I remained still with my eyes shut … but it never came. Cautiously, I opened one eye and then the other.

He was softened as he gazed at me. Then he closed the gap between us and pressed his lips to mine. I yelped in alarm. I was heaving in panic, but he stepped backward to give me space. My mouth dropped open with surprise as I tried to catch my breath.

"What--" I began but he wouldn't let me finish my sentence before he was pressing his lips against mine again. I couldn't help but smile in surprise at him as I kissed him back. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Is it really you, Bram?" I asked.