Jae young didn't know how the words that were coming out of his mouth were making her feel like there was an utter pain spiraling through her chest and pouring from her eyes.
As his nose pressed against her forehead, he closed his eyes while taking a deep sigh. Jang mi skipped a few breaths and with that an audible gasp left her lips.
"You're distracting me, you're disturbing me. I don't like the feelings I'm growing. These are not meant for me to feel." He said, his voice too soft,eyes closed and feeling your warmth. "I'm not someone who can reciprocate any of this, don't think of me as a good person, I'm not one. I'm the worst"
Jang mi raised her eyes to look at him making him open his eyes. Her gaze met with his. His dark, deep eyes intently staring into hers that were turning bloodshot, flowing with tears. There were many reasons for jang mi to cry,many things to say but the silence between both of them at that time was the only good thing.
He stopped pouring those words from his mouth that were hurting her deeply and there was only intense staring.
He had nothing left to say or maybe he didn't want to say anything anymore. He had seen her crying a lot but at that time, knowing that she was crying because of him made him feel like he could only give her tears.
Despite the desperation of having her close to him,he still have her the chance to run away from him so she could live away from his demonic gaze. He was of the thought, he could hurt her several times knowingly or unknowingly.
"I...break off the deal we had. You can escape this marriage."he said making her eyes burn in tears even more."Maybe I'll look for you... I'm not sure. So, hide somewhere I can't find you."He was letting her go and still not letting her go, giving her a hint that he would want her again, maybe.
Letting out a sigh from her trembling lips she finally asked,
"Why would you look for me?" Her wide open doe eyes locked with his drunken gaze.
"I said, maybe." He replied.
"Maybe why? Why at all??!!" Jang mi raised her voice.
"I'll try not to." He said, leaving her with that last sentence, opening the door he went out of the bathroom.
Jang mi sat on the ground, her eyes burning in tears. Mind battling with heart.
**********
Jae young entered his chamber, closing the door he raked his hand through his hair. He was wrong about the anxiety would go once he would tell her everything. Little did he know, he would become more anxious after telling her?
Is she really going to leave? He thought, his breathing was coming too fast, echoing in the chamber. So, what if she leaves? She was just a part of my plan. I gave her the option to escape.
He didn't care about the consequences when he told her everything but now he couldn't stop himself from thinking if she'd really leave.
He walked over to his table, sitting down he pressed his hands on the table, letting out a deep,heavy sigh. He was struggling with his feelings and emotions, having a hard time to understand why he would care if she'd go away from him.
He shut his eyes, pressing his forehead,his elbow on the table. Few moments later, on opening, emotion crossed his eyes.
*********
Jae young was sitting in the same position from 3hours,his mind remained locked with jang mi's thoughts. He grew a fear in his heart for the first time and the fear was, he would be left all alone without jang mi.
The troublesome stress was making him emotional yet angry. He was the person who would feel every emotion later, the anger at first.
Sighing an exasperated sigh,nhe decided to check up on jang mi when he headed towards the door. Once outside, he rushed to both their shared bedroom.
On opening the door, his gaze investigated the whole room in some seconds, realising jang mi wasn't there. He became more restless. He deeply sighed, his whole chest heaving and was silent for a while but recalling he himself told her to run away, he felt helpless.
As he glanced at her bed, his pupils dilated seeing a letter there. He quickly walked over to her bed and grabbed the letter in his hands.
Inside the letter, it was written:
"I never said you were a good person but I believe you have a good side. You just don't show it to others due to the hatred you have in your heart. You say that you are the worst. Maybe you are, I don't disagree. You say you're vicious, I will not disagree with that with because you know yourself better than anyone.
But from the past 3 months, the person I've seen in you is not the one who can be called worst or vicious."
Jae Young's breathing became shallow and ragged reading. The letter shaked in his hands as he continued reading.
"You may be a remorseless person to others but for me you came into my life as a saviour. I don't care what you wanted from me nor do I care about the fact that you married me for benefits. I just care about how you came in my life when I was at the edge of collapsing. You saved my life, gave me hope, made me confident and offered me a hand when I was almost drowning.
How can I think of you as the worst? I don't care about anything, I just think you need love. And if you need that, I am ready to give it to you."
"I want to give all my love to you "
His gaze slowly drifted from the letter to nothing in particular. His heart beated rapidly and eyes screaming many emotions simultaneously.
Then why did you run away? He thought as he thrust the letter into his hands. Anger was too quick to take over all his emotions everytime he was feeling uneasy.
"I want to give all my love to you"
Those last words in the letter played and echoed in his head as he started looking for jang mi anxiously in the house thinking why would she run away if she wanted to give him all his love?
He was breathing rapidly, one after another breath in seconds.
He headed outside the palace under the lit moon and bright lights hanging outside on the trees that were in the mansion's area. He was too preoccupied in his thoughts when his gaze caught something and he stopped immediately. The frown in his face disappeared immediately.
Meanwhile,
Jang mi was outside the palace unlocking the birds cage. An adorable smile stuck on her lips seeing those two beautiful and colourful birds in front of her. She carried them in her hands and caressed their silky smooth feathers.
"Try flying"
She said guessing they were caged for too long which is why they couldn't fly.
Placing one of those birds on her hands she lifted a little high above her head in the air so if the bird couldn't fly at least it wouldn't get hurt.
She carefully gave a push to that bird. It tried to fly from the distance to her hands untill on the ground. Seeing his wings opening wide in the air, a wide smile crossed her lips.
The bird started walking with rapid steps and them again spread his wings as he flew over to the wall. It made jang mi giggle with happiness. It was so beautiful with it's long rainbow coloured feathers and tail spread across it's thin body.
She did the same with the other bird and it was very quick. It didn't wait for the push and flew over to it's partner. A smile of joy and satisfaction lit up to her eager face.
She breathed a sigh of relief and satisfaction with a wide smile flashing her face. Her gaze shifted to those alluring creatures when she felt someone walking towards it.
As she moved her gaze, a thick hand gripped on the nape of her neck pulling her closer to him. He waved his sword in the air and pointed onto her neck. There was an audible gasp then her gaze met with his dark yet luminous eyes that were staring sharply into her soul, his hot breaths hitting her face.
The frown didn't leave her face seeing him pointing the sword on her neck.
"Are you trying to scare me!?" Jae young finally spoke. His voice catching in shallow breaths, the anger was the only emotion that was mostly highlighted on his eyes and face but there was a hint of concern and emotions that he couldn't hide.
Jang mi wasn't surprised to see him worrying about her leaving. She had already observed that he wouldn't want her to go away from him.
"No. I just came outside for a fresh air as I couldn't sleep." Her soft, velvety voice reached to his ears and his anger faltered a little but was still visible.
Jang mi gazed up at the sword that was shining bright, too close to her skin but far from hurting her then she gazed back at him.
"Are you going to kill me?" she asked, staring eight at his face which was heating in anger. It was wholly just fear that made him so angry.
"No." his voice came out thin. "I can never do that." it sounded like a low pitched whisper."I thought, you'd leave" he struggled with what he was saying. He was so afraid that he had to do that.
"Jae young" jang mi's voice softened by the way she said his name. How it always sounded so beautiful from her lips, none has ever called his name with so much love and softness.
"You will not always get things on the point of your sword"
"You don't always have to do tha" she added.
"This is what I've learned and known." he said.
""You have a wrong conception about this. I will never stay with you because I'm afraid of getting killed by you"
"I will stay with you because I want to." she said one by one.
"Are you sure about this and the things you've written in that letter?" he asked just to be sure and calm his mind down.
"I meant every single word I've written in that letter" Jang mi answered,trying to study his eyes that seemed like an open book at that time. She was seeing something different in those eyes.
"Are you sure about you want to give me all your love?"
"Yes, I am."
"What if I can't reciprocate? I'm selfish."
"Aren't we all ? Selfish ?"
"I'm ruthless."
Jang mi frowned now. She was kinda pissed.
"Why are you saying all these? You really want me to run away from you?"
"You can't run away now. You already gave me your word. I have your letter in written."
That made her chuckle.
"Now that you're so confident that I won't run away, why don't you move your sword away from me?"
Jae Young's gaze lowered. The sword was still there, his grip on the handle became tighter.
Jang mi touched his hand that was holding the sword and tried to fit her hand in his. He loosened the grip from the sword to help her get succeeded in what she was trying to do. The sword fell from his hands and her fingers interlocked with his.