The Fourth Wall

"Why did you come here at this hour, again?" Leilani sighs at Nevan's ever so handsome demeanor in front of her door.

"Because I wanted to?" Nevan shrugs with a smile.

Leilani rolls her eyes in reply, "You're not my bestie for life anymore." "Ah, bestie for LIFE you said? Huh, once something is established for a

lifetime, it cannot actually end, can it?" he doesn't let that smug smile slip

as he casually step in her apartment and closes the door with his foot, all the way steading his stare on her face.

"Seriously now! Did Nevan the heartthrob have a brain injury or something?"

"Leila, you got it all wrong."

"Yeah, definitely a head injury. Let me call the ER..." "I'm serious." He crosses his arms over his chest.

"You see Nevan, I'm such a major fuckup to begin with...and on top of that you witnessed the whole thing when I strangled the hell out of my monster father. I would never blame you for leaving me..."

"Leila, hear me out..."

"No, Nevan. Seriously, if you feel bad for me now, it's totally fine. I understand, you never saw me as anything more than a friend and trust me, you've been more than just a good friend to me. You didn't leave me right after that horrible incident..."

"Leila..."

"No, no you don't owe me any explanation. I completely..."

Nevan steps forward, "Leila, enough! Let me say my part." he snaps.

Leilani stops with an inaudible gasp. "Thank you. Now, listen to me."

"I'm listening." her eyes are fixed on his pissed off face. She's never seen him this riled up before.

"You remember when you were admitted...into..." "Rehab?"

"Yeah, I told you I'd visit you everyday?"

"You weren't even there. What are you talking about?" "Leila, I was literally there when you refused to talk to me." "No, that didn't happen."

"That did happen..."

"No, Nevan. What're you even talking about? You cannot say just anything only because I have this crazy issue to back up your claim."

Nevan falls silent for a moment, "I'd never lie only to embarrass you, Leila. You know that more than I do."

Leilani stares at him and lets out a sharp exhale, "I'm sorry, Nevan. I didn't mean to hurt you but I cannot remember seeing you there that day... I just can't."

"What do you remember about that day?"

"Wait, wait...I never really remembered anything from the time I was admitted to the rehab. All I remember is a day, when I was painting by the

lake with a bunch of people I never saw in my life. And then, the next seven months followed in a boringly same routine...but I don't remember the first day. I always thought I was there all alone and my mind just chose not to hold onto those awful memories..."

"I was there, Leila. Your sister... Glinda was there."

"Glinda? Really?" Leilani's voice starts to trail off.

"Yeah, you didn't want to talk to either of us... Glinda left after a while but I stayed there till night. Thought you'd change your mind once...well, you did and you came to talk to me." His eyes sparkle a little as his lips give a wry smile, "but you said, you never wanted to see my face ever again. I asked you why but you never gave any answer...and then, after 5 years, I

saw you in Landon's office joining as a new teacher."

Leilani sits on the armrest unable to keep standing. Her symptoms have been more frequent and out of control than she thought... She'd've rather died than shoving Nevan away like that if she was in her right mind. She doesn't remember a thing about that day and she's beating herself up for not being good enough for Nevan...and blaming Nevan for leaving her like that.

"Glin...did she want to see me after that?"

"Yeah, but you know...she had the accident before she could go meet you again."

Leilani starts sobbing, "You see, I killed my father, I shunned my best friend and I didn't even say a proper goodbye to my sister before she died. I'm a fucking monster. Nevan, you're really better off without me."

Nevan scoots to her side, "Leila, back then I thought it was your choice but now I know, you were not even yourself when you...anyway, it's not your fault. None of whatever happened is your fault and no, I'm not better off without you."

"That means I've had the episodes more frequently than I thought which means... Nev, which means I might be Raya's killer." panic oozes out through her sobs.

He slightly grabs her arms and looks straight into her eyes, "I saw you getting really angry with that girl that evening but I didn't...well, I didn't see the still look that was there back in the hospital or...at the rehab. Leila, I

know it's so easy to feel guilty and whatnot if you have such a traumatic past, but trust me, I feel like there's more to what happened to Raya."

"How can you be so sure?" she restlessly moves her fingers through her almost messy hair. Nevan always liked it about her, she doesn't care much about what she looks like. And it's enough to set his heartbeat in an irregular rhythm.

"Okay, so let's consider the fact here, if...I'm saying IF you did something to Raya, won't you think someone might've seen it? Cause on those two occasions, I saw you skipping through time, you seemed pretty

quiet and distant but you never did anything proactive. What I mean to say is, if you killed her, there's no chance you'd do that with a coldblooded and organized plan so that nobody catches you. Anyone would notice what was happening and given the fact that you completely go blank over those moments, you wouldn't understand how to save yourself from the mess."

"There are a lot of weakly defined hypotheses in your grand hypothesis, Nev. I'm not so sure if my episodes, I mean that other personality or whatever..." Leilani winces, "...has changed over the years. What if that killer Leilani knows how to save her ass after killing someone?"

"You're over thinking it, Leila." Nevan cannot let go of that possibility either but he needs to keep a level head now.

"I really hope you're right."

Nevan smiles in reply, "Of course, I'm right."

Dang it! How can a person grow more and more handsome by the day, Leilani unconsciously grins at him.

"I'm sorry Alvis turned out to be a pedophiliac jerk."

Leilani lets out a laughter, "It's fine. His life, his choice." "Do you really like him?"

"I thought I did but...maybe not so much. At least not too much to kill someone over it." she scoffs.

"Ah come on! Forget that part for now but no seriously, do you?" "Why do you care?" her lips give off a ghost of a smile.

"Nah, just wondering."

"You see, I really thought I did. I used to have stupid butterflies whenever I saw him. His smile...that smile could recharge my happiness battery in no time..."

"Well, that's not that special, if you ask me." Nevan mutters.

Leilani chortles, "That's because I believe you're a heterosexual...and you don't see what the girls or gay dudes would.." she smiles after seeing his exasperated expression.

"So...everyone kinda thought I truly liked him but maybe it was just a crush..."

"It was?"

"Uh-huh."

"Cool..."

"What's so cool about it?"

"Huh? Nothing." Nevan scratches the back of his neck. "Okay."

"How's your novel coming along?"

Leilani's eyebrows shoot up at his question, "How do you know about my novel?"

"Let's just say, I overheard your giddy conversations with Alvis." "Huh? You eavesdropped?"

"I wouldn't call it that."

"Oh, sure. Yeah, it's going alright I suppose! Well, tell me what happened to your crush on Oriana?" she gives a smug grin.

"Wh-what! Ah, that! Well, to be honest, it was a crush at first but mostly I'd want to make you jealous."

"Wait a minute! Make ME jealous? Of what?"

"That, I'm interested in someone else...okay forget it. That was a stupid thing to think about."

Leilani laughs, "I have a confession as well." "Don't tell me you gave your heart to Landon!"

She smacks his arm lightly making him smile, "Come on!" "Ok, what is it?"

"I thought I was writing my protagonist after Alvis...but it turned out it was you on my mind throughout the character building process. So, the main character is unfortunately not as attractive as I wanted him to be."

He smiles brightly, "I'll take that as the biggest compliment ever." "Your choice." she smirks, "It's getting late, you should go home."

"Why? Are you scared of me making some move on you at this hour?" he flirtatiously bites his lip.

"No, seriously! You gotta go." Leilani cannot help but feel flustered a bit. "Alright, see you at work...and I think we need to dig deeper into Raya's

life."

"But Landon wouldn't let me do anything with the investigation." "Who's telling him?" smiling, he pulls her in a hug.

"It feels good to get my best friend back...and I'm so sorry I pushed you away that day." she whispers.

"Shh...not your fault."